hejola report for 01132015

Hejola report for 01132015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Repo’s up and payments down.
Two Tons of Fun remodeled....
And finally some darn good news.
El barrio leaders have told us que residents need to stop calling their office concerning the Pot Holes and that their complaint should not be about pot hoe’s that walk the streets. Those complaints should be address to el constable Cadena’s office. Now that is some good news.
The only Tejano gay barrio in the nation Two Tons of Fun have informed us que it is under new management and planning to repaint the inside of the bar and will try to remove the old paint and bring it up to par. La Vidie the new administrator told us que he/she hopes the bar will be ready for its first Drag show coming this Valentine’s day.
There just seems not to be enough money, never the less expecting more money in 2015. Adan’s Repo has informed us that 2015 has not been a good year for lots of barrio residents. He told us that the number of cars, TV’s, air conditioners, washers and dryers, iron boards, curling irons, shake boards, bicycles, lap tops, desktop computers, cell phones, furniture, lawn mowers, weed eaters, tillers, and some sex toys have all be recovered due to the lack of payments. He also mention that if we come by you all better answer the door or else. He plans on giving everyone a fair share of time to catch up con su payments. So if you have a loan con esta company you better step up.
Ok raza if you have not hugged a Tejano today. Please do.

hejola report for 01122015

Hejola report for 01122015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,Texas. Hello partner, I am Country Pancho with your barrio headline news:
Cowboys fans can’t believe it.
New hope and new ideas....
And now some darn good news.
Well we all knew it was just a matter of time that the city decided not to patch pot holes but instead have decided not to do anything about at all. Look one of the barrio leaders told us que many used to live in el rancho and were used to having dirty roads! Why not now? Huh that makes sense!
The same folks that promised you tamales in a can and tortillas in can had told us que there back and will be in stock at the local barrio stores. Mr. Ernesto Games told us que his group is so excited that they plan on making lots of money from this new .
After a disappointing game yesterday some Cowboys fans took it on their own to terrorize the hood for a few hours and into the evening said El constable. He told us que the number of complaints was so high que it didn’t really matter, the boy’z lost and that’s the way it is.
Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 01092015

Barrio stock market report for 01092015.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Como estan I am urbano yosabatodo con esta new stimulus barrio stock market report. Doesn’t It seems que the new trend is just plain stimulus? Yea that’s the ticket. Everywhere we go its stimulus this and stimulus that. Our society has taken the word stimulus and applied to almost everything possible. Shoot, even those sex enhancement pins have a little stimulus to them. But for now, let’s just try to stimuluate the economic and leave our sex life out of it.

 

Now for that award winning report:

 

In the world of buying and selling barrio stock is nothing new to many of us, switching to a new market doesn't mean that they are doing the research that we do. So we don’t expect you to change or change any of your barrio stock market habits. Just hang with us. Ok.

 

 

 

Los tamales, if there is any way to beat el tamale market for this coming xmas season we insist that you buy now. Most tamale brokers are selling their stock at a real low rate this month but preparing to launch an interest on price before you know it. If you can, scoop up as much as you measurably can, all this will guarantee a whole lot of tamales for this xmas season. Oh by the way the tamale guy never came back. Los tamales ended the week at $5.50 a dozen a dollar down from last week.

 

 

 

Las tortillas: With the increase of wheat and gain this market has suffered a bit this month. Since the start of this quarter las tortillas have gotten much better. In terms of not too many found stuck together like several year ago. Who says nobody reads our barrio stock market. The tortilla war of 2005 really made a difference with this market. Las tortillas ended the week at $1.55 a pack.

 

Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each and coffee is extra. But we found a place here in Kingsville got them going for 2 taquitos for $1.75.

 

la barbacoa de cabezas remained stable, ended the week at $6.50 a lb.

 

 

Barrio want ads:

 

Item 0321545:  used women and men underwear lots of sizes from 12 to 18 in the women’s section and sizes from 36 to 48 waists for the men section. All sales are final.

 

Item 030548: used car tires for sell. All sizes only flat on the bottom.

 

Items 035698: Easter chickens, turkeys and rabbits for sale, different colors and size. Some chickens are chicks from last year that weren’t  sold . now full grown but still some color in them.

 

 

 

Items 038574:  jose lopez t shirts “ put me in jail if I fail” call or write about price and design. Pplease note que this not the joe lopez you think it is, its another vato con that same name, and in jail . Pesse hejola..

 

 

 

Now for the barrio realtor report:

 

El primo Mendez tells us que the city is getting ready to knock down a bunch of houses with cracks in them, the owners tell us que they would like to know if anyone is interested in pick up the remains of this houses for free. Let us know no charge but there is a transportation tax in our hood.

 

 

 

Ok raza have a great weekend and make sure to go shopping at our malls. 

hejola report for 01052015

Hejola report for 01052015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello happy new year raza and well back and broke and handsome, one would say what’s the big deal? Now for our award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio warned not to chop public park tress for fire wood.
Larger amount of complaints this pasted new year’s eve than ever....
And finally some darn good news.
We are hoping like ever year que you don’t make a new year’s resolution, well at least for new year’s. we both know que there aint no way we are going to keep it, but we do have hope and that’s for Easter, you see Easter is only for 40 days. You got a better chances of making it.
Again el constable cadena has issued a public statement to the affect that this past New Year’s Eve and day the number of arrests, complaints, assaults, robbed, drug busted, dwi, pi, had an increase of 800 percent. The constable cadena say que one of the main factors was que los cowboys are winning.
El constable Cadena is warning barrio residents that they cannot go into a public park and chop down them trees for firewood. You see 65 percent of the barrio residents have fireplaces that require firewood. But that don’t mean you can go and chop any old tree you see. The constable also warned us that if he finds out that you are chopping down them park trees you are in heap of trouble.
Ok raza have a great Tejano year.

hejola report for 01062015

Hejola report for 01062015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,Texas, hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio big disappointments for 2014.
The biggest crimes for 2014 not recorded....
And now so darn good news.
The next few days are very important, so pay attention.
Here is a list of crimes that weren’t reported by our barrio news: El constable Cadena and his barrio task force 666 responded and arrested Mrs. Sammy Diaz, 42, who by the way spend 62 hours in jail after committing the crime of whacking her husband with a barrio play mate magazine while he was using the bath room.. huh. Martin Diaz, age 48, pleaded guilty at the justice of the peace courtroom for possession of 0.0009 grams of marijuana valued at about $.15 cents worthy, and was sentenced to 7 years’ probation, dang. And finally Nancy Garica, age 52, better known in the hood for Homer( why I don’t know) was arrested and sentenced two year probation for being caught twice in the same day caught stealing “tester” packages of aftershave at a barrio Go and Stop store. The value of the tester was $.02 cents each, totaling to $.20 cents.
We all know that things just don’t go our way all the time and in most case never does. In 2014 it was no different from previous years. Here are a few example. 1. Pedro Juan Saenz was so frustrated at the being of 2014 when he moved from San Anto to our barrio to marry La Commadre Elsa Gamez, age 54, who he met on the internet. He was arrested for assaulting la commadre after he realized that this woman was not like she was on the internet. 2. Now even worse was el compadre Pete Gomez, leaped to his feet at the closing of the wedding, when he was shocked at his first glimpse of his new bride with her veil pulled back. He was very disappointed that this woman was not what he imagined. He got a divorce right after the wedding.
Ok raza always pay attention and drive careful around school zones, and senior citizens homes.

barrio music award winners for 2014

Barrio music award winners for 2014.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am David Duran with 2014 Barrio music award winners selected by you the barrio members. Please note that the names that were submitted do not reflect real conjunto or persons names. This is satire and not real. Now here are the winner:
1.The most ugliest band members for 2014? El conjunto La familia Santiago de Laredo.
...

2. The most ugliest male singer for 2014?
Ramon Ortega del conjunto Ortega ( feyo).
3. The most ugliest female singer for 2014?
Olga Ortega dle conjunto Ortega ( mass feya que feyo)
4. The worries live performing band for 2014? Luis Vasquez live solo at el patio in Palito Blanco,Texas.
5. The worries cd cover for 2014? El conjunto La familia Santiago de Laredo.
( my god a picture of cantus on their heads).
6.The most overrated band for 2014? Lil Maria y las Hermana Chong de Nuevo Laredo.
7.The best song of the year for 2014? “ven a mi, mi pequeno” by Olga Ortega dle conjunto Ortega
Ven a mí mi pequeño
8.The worries no show band for 2014? Maria y las Hermana Chong de Nuevo Laredo. Didn’t show for at least 50 percent of her schedule for 2014.
Ok raza I want to thank all the 10 people that submitted names. Again raza this can only happen if you make it happen.

hejola report for 01072015

 

Hejola report for 01072015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio singles network connections for 2015.

Sales increase on wedding rings and returns.

And finally some darn good news.

It didn’t come as a surprise when the barrio leaders announced that they were planning on leaving this year’s Christmas decorations up for at least another two months. You know there are reasons behind all this. First, el constable has told us que since the Christmas lights have been up all year the crime rate has gone down. But on the other side is that these decorations are from 1959 and are a little worn out. But all and all as long as the hood is in good spirit, who cares.

El ojo barrio private eye and justice of the peace has informed us que there was an increase of marry license this past year of 2014, but the divorces rate was much higher que before. The only complaint we have gotten he says is that the companies that sell those rings are having a high volume of returns, which makes those sales persons commissions much lower since the ring was bought back.

 

El senor Ben Diaz has announced que starting in 2016 the only single connection in the hood will be operating here soon. He told us que it worked out great in the rural areas and he says there is no reason why it wouldn’t work here in the hood. “Barrio single network connections” is a bit different from other connections he says. The unique thing about our service is you can pick your mate base on weight, heavy man coming soon.

Ok raza don’t make a new year’s resolution, wait till Easter.