hejola report for 04052019

Hejola report for 04052013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Now here is Bill Diaz. And hello again raza como estan todo? Now for our award winning barrio headline news.

City leaders make decision on our side of the track about Christmas decorations for the summer.

Westinghouse barrio mall looking for new stores,

And finally barrio constable looking for person’s to claim arrested barrio members still locked up from new year’s party bust.

 

But first of all, The city leaders from across the tracks have decided to leave the Christmas decoration all year round at our side of the tracks. This decision came after last week’s meeting. One leader said it’s cheaper to leave them up and instead of taking them down. Another leader said, we aren’t too worried about them decoration over there anyhow.””Them decorations are from the 1978-year anyhow”.

Gloria Guerra the Westinghouse barrio mall,Managers told us que they were looking for a few new stores to open at the mall. So if you are interested in opening a store or something like that, just call 361-558-2263,and ask for Gloria. By the way make sure and read “la voz del Westinghouse barrio newsletter” every Wednesday, on all the updates on special and sales.

And finally el constable cadena tells us que he still has 28 barrio members locked: 12 Hispanics, 9 gringos, 5 African Americans, and the balance he was not really sure what they were! Or where from?  You might remember que these were the folks that we arrested at that New Years Eve party bust on new years eve. El constable tells us que only 3 persons have been claimed since Sunday.

He is real worried que if these folks don’t get claimed soon, he might have to claim them on his income tax this year 2012. He told us que he was lucky que he busted them on the 31st. of December and not on the 1st. of Jan. 2013, (just for the record neither the county nor the city reimburse el constable for providing for detainees, waiting to be released or transferred.) el constable by law is allowed to establish a providers fee per detainee and is allowed by law to set a basic fee per detainee on a daily bases while been locked up.

hejola report for 06262019

Hejola report for 06262019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas

Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio leader new slogan “whip it good”;

Yesterday afternoon at a very large gathering of 5 people, 2 mules, 10 ducks and a few chicken chit chicken were in attendance at Tomas Trumpas re- election rally encouraging everyone and everything in the hood to buy his new slogan items A “Whip” some butt in 2020... Yes he told the very large small group that we are going to whip-ass and turn this country around. At the very end of his presentation the only remaining persons and animals were 2 chickens and donkey.

“Whip” carrying person gets his butt kicked:

After attending a Whip rally some of the attendee felt that they could take it on their own and use it on members of the hood just to realize que it was a very very bad idea! Juanita el Donkey and Manuel el pato walked into a well-known Gay bar and decided to whip up some butt inside the bar but suddenly realized that the boys weren’t going to give in that easy resulting into get their butts kicked. Charges are pending and the constable is asking for the public or anyone to let hinm know about 2 stolen whips that were reported stolen. A small whip-ass reward is being offered.

Trumpas kids reported spit on :

How can anyone or anything do such a disgusting act like spitting on Juna the oldest daughter of barrio leader Trumps. The incident occurred again at the barrio only gay bar “two tons of Fun”. El constable told us que the followers and barrio leader relatives should stop going to bars and cocktail lounges that they know that trouble will be brewing. Charges are pending, but a small clue was forwarded to the constable about some folks were caring a whip!

Ok raza make sure que you whip, whip good!

hijola reprot for 06042019

Hejola report for 06152015.06042019

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Blanca Blancha Blanco con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre “bird woman” arrested for murder.

 Several injured in a ten bicycle pile up.

And finally, birds of a feather flock together.

Yesterday this statement was so true que a group of bird lovers who know la commadre, “bird woman” protested outside the holding cell after she was arrested for murder after more than 1000 dead bird found on her property. The group continuously chanted “ birds of a feather flock together, birds of a feather flock together”. After a few hours of chanting this statement el constable told the group que they were all going to be under arrest if they didn’t chance the chant. So the group regrouped and came up con a new slogan “Men of my age flock together; we are birds of a feather, as the old proverb says.” No charges will be filed against the protested finally left after a few hours.

It sounded like a great idea, so the Westinghouse barrio mall decided to hold its fifth annual bicycle ride through the hood. In the past any type of an event that included some parts of the hood was kind of risky says one of the organizers. But yet we took the chance again, and well what can we say. Somewhere along the route, a small dog chasing a big cat down the street and ran in front of the bicycle pack causing the leader of the pack to sway from hitting the dog or the cat and running into a parking meter that caused him to fall back onto the road where at least 15 bicycle riders ran him over and caused a ten bicycle pile up. Several were injured and charges will be against that little dog and that big cat. Both are plan to be in court sometime in 2033.

 

And finally yesterday around noon el constable y su security force 666 went over to la commadre maria, better known as the bird lady from el barrio and arrested her after the county discover over 100 birds die on her property. After a very careful examination by the county coroner, they discovered que at least 50 % of the birds had die from constipation, 25 % had lock jaw, and 15 percent just die. The main reason was the food the birds were eating. After the cops investigated they determine la commadre had been feeding them birds peanut butter thinking que it would make the more health. Charges will be filled.

Ok raza what every you do, don’t feed the animals.

hejola report for 06032019

Hejola report for 06042012. (062019)

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.  Hello, General Fideo Vermicelli, con today’s award winning barrio headline news, oh by the way Bill Is on assignment.  By for now our award winning headline news:

The creator has decided to print only good news.

Ten chickens and ten ducks make a get away.

And finally, barrio gearing up for 4 of July fest.

Well after last week’s report that let me put the finger on you committee had requested the city to purchase 20,ooo gallons of red, white, and blue paint to remodel the Westside. Well this weekend the city send the committee a letter and very briefly too the committee que they were full of chit and there was no freaking way it was going to spend a half of million dollars for some bullshit idea.

Well it finally happen, chicano park here in the hood, which holds around a few hundred different kind of wild birds, made a run for it when they tried to cross the express way just outside the hood. Most of the birds made it but we are very sad to say que some didn’t. el constable told us que both handful of them birds made it to the other side and a bunch just didn’t. sad day for the chicano park.

Yesterday at a town hall meeting lots of members of the press and barrio were concern que we here and your there should be using other news clippings to make our hood look better. But Bill Diaz who attended the meeting and el chingo here told the concern group, que many news services about el barrio are not using actually things that are happening here in the hood but news about somewhere else. Diaz, told the group que many are just coping and pasting stuff from other website to make them look like barrio news. We here do try real hard in providing real news and not paste and add like others do.

Ok raza remember que your business is our business and my business is none of your business.

barrio stock market report for 05312019

Barrio stock market report for 05312019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Urban yosabatodo con today’ stock market report, but before we go there, our barrio moron Tomas Trumpas as put a tax on anything and everything coming into the hood for eastside, northside, and southside. Since we live on the west side , this pendejo has a lot of explain to do con su pincha ideas. Oh well I feel better and now for our report:

Las empanadas believe it or not took a dip this week. From .89 cent each it dropped to .69 cent each. We believe its just a matter of time they will go back or even higher.

Los tamales have beenp retty stable this past month maintain a price of $7.50 a dozen, but hold on too your pants, we foresee them going to $10.00 at the end of the month.

Los taquitos, well here they have been pretty stable and will stay that way till the end of the year. Barrio restaurants taquitos are at $1.65 each, coffee is extra and watch out for refills.

cheap beer was at $6.99 a six pack. Please note que we never have and never will, unless someone pays us but we don’t mention beer’s names. If you work for a beer company and want our opinion, hey just mail us a check and will be glad to.

And finally have a great weekend, “ if you cant eat it don’t buy it”.

hejola report for 05302019

Hejola report for 05252011.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Vato loco found in sewer hole.
New female police officer on makes first arrest.
And finally vato flies off his car while hold his mattress.
Yesterday afternoon el constable noticed que Benn Perez was riding on top of his car holding on to two mattress, when the constable tried to stop the moving vehicle, the driver took the turn to fast and Benn fell off the top of the car breaking both his legs, two arms, his back, a few ribs and a burse on his head, besides that he will be alright. No charges will be filed. 
Maria shine made history yesterday when she finally had a chance to ticket and arrest the same person in less than ten minutes. It seems que she observed a driver swerving in and out of traffic along el barrio main street. When the man was stopped he allegedly compound the first problem by offering the officer five dollars to get rid of the ticket and then said how about I give you a kiss? He was charged with reckless driving and charged with a felony bribery charges. Oh by the way his moped was toll away. 
You could hear someone yelling for help, but couldn’t really tell where it was coming from says Maria Garza as she explained to this reporter when she discovered a naked man had fallen down a 50 foot sewer hole. When the vato loco’s volunteer fire fighters arrived at the scene of the crime they helped esta loco named Danny Saenz who was naked and seem to be high on some kind of drug. After being care for the volunteer’s determined que he had been smoking PCP, and smoking marijuana and seemed que he had consumed hallucinogenic mushrooms. The volunteers confiscated the drugs found and was taken to St. Paul’s medical center in critical conditions. Charges are pending. Esta vato.
Have a great day.

hejolia report for 05232019

Hejola report for 05312012. 
Cchwnn. 
Kingsville,tx. Hello again, Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news: 

Three arrested con evil weed. 
Barrio big plans for 4 of July turn out small. 
And finally school is out for monkies. 

Yesterday the only school in the nation for pet monkies informed us que school was out for the summer. So if you had or have a monkey registered at that school you need to go by and pick it up or else. That was what the school administrator told us yesterday during a very exclusive interview. Yea. 

Let me put the finger on you committee has layout this year’s barrio 4 of July theme. The theme that was selected is “ keep it American”. The whole committees were excited and are going to paint the whole hood red white and blue with tax payer’s monies. The group hopes to convince the city to dish out 20 thousand gallons of paint for the hood... wow. 

Yesterday evening el constable did his job by arrested three vato’s standing at the corner of third and wells for selling evil weed. This weed or evil weed was just plain lawn grass with a little mint in it and dried out a bit. The constable took a hit from one of the cigarettes they were selling and didn’t get a buzz. He told them three boys que if you going to be selling chit, might as well sell the real thing. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way el constable will keep the 3 thousand cigarettes he took from them three as evidence. 
Ok raza keep it Tejano.