daniel satire 07222020

Hejola report for 07312013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello once again I am bill diaz, Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Two get arrested outside dance hall,

 Five honor over saving several chickens,

 And finally the barrio vato goes to college.

 Just yesterday morning a few vato’s who managed to get their g.e.d. during the summer were accepted at our local community college as freshmen. But the sad part of this whole trip was how expensive it is to go to college now a days. Since both vato’s live below the poverty level they were able to get some free aid but were concern con tantos loans they have to borrow in order to pay for this ordeal. We will keep track on this vatos and their adventure in college.

 Now for other news, five men and women were honor late last night at our barrio community cruz rojo center on their brave efforts on saving a bunch of chickens on the express way from getting run over. Si, says el constable cadena que estos folks were on the express trying to round up estos pollos and nearly got run over. At that time they were arrested for being on the express way but charges were later dropped. Good job raza.

 And finally, it started as a contest for the best polka dancing couple and ended up as a free for all outside the dance hall when a few contestants bumped into each other during the contestants. El constable is not sure how or why but it seems que looked like when one many a dance turn con su partner que it knocked down several of the other dancers. Chinga and than chit hit the fan. The arrested dancers and a few on lookers were arrested.

Ok raza there you have it for today, counting down towards the end of the year. oh yea.

DANIEL SATIRE 07202020

Hejola afternoon report for 12162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am david Polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

It’s a miracle in the hood.

Crack head busted con su pet pig.

Two commadres arrested for fighting in public.

And now some darn good news.

You know our creator is going on vacation tomorrow we might not have access to a place to do our hejola report till Jan. 4 . So if you don’t hear from us don’t think the worse about us, just call us at 361 558 2263, and hope we answer. Have a great holidays, and if santa gave you all too much here is my address so we can make good to others; 623 west elle, #2, Kingsville, Texas. 78363. Every year we try to make things happy for so few that this year we can’t even make us happy. Bye

 

La commadre tancha y la commadre Nancy Garcia were both arrested at the corner of wells and Third Street yesterday afternoon when one of las commadre claimed que la commadre loved to gossip and people believe her. I don’t mind says one of las commadre que la commadre likes to gossip pero not about me and I confronted her about it. La commadre slapped la commadre a few times until la commadre got out of the car and started to fight la commadre. It took several folks to separate them two, and they held both women until el constable cadena came an arrested both of them for believing what they heard through the grapevine even if they have  no evidence to the contrary. El constable tells us que gossip most of the time is more powerful than truth.

It just seemed odd que esta loco was riding his bike without any tires late last night says el constable Cadena ,pero what was more odd es que he had his pet pig riding in back of the bike sitting inside a kids bike carrier. Once the constable tried to stop esta loco to ask him how much for the pig ,the loco took off on his bike, of course not being able to out run the the constable squad car, esta loco finally fell down and gave up two blocks down the street. Once the constable came up to him, the crack head told the constable que he threw his shit away. The constable went back and picked up the stuff and arrested the crack head, oh by the way how much for the pig, the constable asked.

Ok happy days are here again, it was going to be a sad day next week when the parents of la Chica named Blanca due to the fact que the parents didn’t have the funds to send her to some cheerleading camp, but this morning we were informed que a miracle on Third street had happened. You see they found around 15 chickens and 10 turkeys stuck or trapped inside their backyard. After a few hours of waiting to see who claims them no one showed up. Now the proud parents are having chicken plates and turkey legs and turkey plates for sale this weekend to see if they can pay that entry fee to the camp. My god that is a miracle, god bless America.

Ok raza have a great day

daniel satirre for 07162020

Hejola report for 07162020

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio dr. accepting food stamps.

Yesterday afternoon el dr. Bob O. the only dr. in the hood has send an email to all the barrio members that if you don’t have cash he is willing to take some of your food stamps in form of food and steaks, just let him know when you plan on coming in.

Crowd attack barrio demonstrator;

Yesterday afternoon only one person showed up to a rally supporting el barrio leader Tomas Trumpas was, attacked by a bunch of chickens and cats and dogs for protesting that allows farm animals and pets to vote on election day. The protestor told que them chickens and cats and dogs came out of nowhere and was dragged onto the street where another bunch came out and continued their attack. The constable is looking for a bunch of chickens, dogs and cats for questioning.

And finally barrio home fire alert alarms met goals;

The pasted weekend the volunteer fire fighters held their put some money in my boot were very successful in raising money to buy every home a barrio fire alarm. It claims that with the $7. It raised should be enough to provide at least 7 fire alarms to 7 homes. You know barrio instant popcorn is getting money expensive. Instant popcorn is being used a fire alarm at your home; if you can smell it you need to get out your home, now for some reason you hear it popping time might be running out.

Ok raza have a great day.

daniel satire for 07152020

Hejola report for 07152020

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio  headline news:

ESTA VATO LOCO is declared winner regardless.

Good news and very little bad news.

And finally, a list of non authorized sancho clause permits.

The barrio has agreed to print out a list of authorized person to act and dress up like sancho clause this coming holiday. You might recall that the last few years several men and women have been ripping people off acting like santa clause in the hood. We need to make sure our holidays are a happy and merry one’s, so the constable is asking for your help in locating those unauthorized sancho clause. A small reward is being offered.

This past week el barrio got a handful of so darn good news. It seems that the city and county leaders have decided to lift the ban on yard sales, garage sales, front yard sales, front room sales, on line sales and back yard sales and reduce the fees between now and Christmas. One of the city leaders told this reporter que barrio residents need that extra cash flow for Christmas and thanksgiving. Now the bad news, the city will place a ban again on allowing farm animals to roam the hood without a health and owner collar.  We need to make sure que we don’t let cows, horses, and donkeys take over our streets.

Yesterday afternoon el barrio election commission decided to make sure all the I’s were dotted and all the t’s were crossed when they declared ESTA VATO LOCO the next barrio elected representative. Russell rufus Redneck the declared loser was not very happy with the announcement made at that meeting. How can you people be so blind and not notice what went wrong with this election and your decision to declare this man a winner, stated Mr. Redneck. Just for the record at least seven people on the election commission were blind.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day and have you layaway your Christmas stuff.?

07082020

Cchwnn: Paris del helles daily for 04142010.
(Bonjour de nouveau je suis Francisco Delgado Gaulle avec aujourd'hui Paris Del Helles Daily. Le défaut de la reproduction sonore ont des choses être ici folles. Il y a eu des grèves des émeutes y et qui sait quoi encore. Oui le raza ceci avait maintenant continué pendant des jours et nous avions observé des fenêtres à notre septième bureau de plancher ici à Paris. Le tourisme a souffert un peu étant donné le que ce des rioters s'étaient concentrés sur d'autres parties de

ville. L'odeur du gaz lacrymogène et l'odeur de la fumée est très distincte dans le ciel. Ainsi avec toute la ceci nous vous rappelons maintenant Kingsville, le Texas notre poteau de commande et diaz de facture, êtes-vous des types là ?)
Hello once again I am Francisco Delgado Gaulle with today Paris Del Helles Daily.
Wow has things being here crazy. There have been riots y strikes and who knows what else. Yes raza this has been going on for days now and we have been watching from the windows at our seventh floor office here in Paris. Tourism has suffered a bit due to the fact que these rioters have been concentrating on other parts of the city. The smell of tear gas and the smell of smoke are very distinct in the air. So with all of this we now take you back to Kingsville, Texas our command post and bill Diaz, are you guys there?
Hejola report for 04142010.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza como estan. Man oh man does our creator like to start shit. Anyhow here is our award winning barrio headline news:
Standoff at Wells Street, goes into one week,
Barrio getting ready for this weekend clown fest 2006.
And after Easter consumer warning handed out by volunteer firefighters.
Los vatos locos volunteer firefighters would like to inform barrio members on not to consume too much left over candy from this past Easter. Si raza there has been many of you out there have being real good during lent and now that lent is over don’t blow it. That don’t mean que once lent is over que you can go crazy y back to your evil ways. Things here at the firehouse have been real quiet and we hope to keep that way. And we also want to remind all the kids in the hood que we thank you for doing a great job on that BARRIO RECYCLE CAN HUNT, a huge success.
In other news the whole hood is bracing its self for this weekend’s BARRIO CLOWN FEST, to be held this Saturday and Sunday at the Westinghouse barrio mall. The constable has hired a few extra patrolmen to help us keep this fest under control. This year’s fest will include several clown unions and a bunch of clown associations and a few independent clowns are expected to attend this year’s clown fest. The clown fest had been cancelled for the last two years due to the fights and riots this clowns cause every time they gather. We are hoping que this year’s clown fest we clowns can come to some agreement on getting all this clowns unionized.
And finally let’s go to Lewis mojo Lewis cons a follow-up on that stand off on Wells Street.
wha da dilly yo? ah be lewis mojo lewis here wiff dis here update. well da city leaders gots decided ta give da residents o' 500 block o' south wells street uh week from yesterday ta move all they sheeit from da ocuppied city street dey gots takened over da last tweny years. at dat tyme da city will take legal action against dis here tweny five residents an' two little chiquaquqw. dis here folks who in da last week gots helded city workers back from cleaning dat abandon street. well da residents gots helded dis here workers at bay con sticks an' roxors an' uh water holes. we's will keep ya informed on any new things dat might be happening here. ah be lewis mojo lewis. in the hood.
Ok thanks Lewis mojo Lewis and we will wait to see what happens con that stand off on Wells Street. I am bill Diaz from our command post have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 07072020

Hejola report for 07072009
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Como estan again I am bill diaz and we are back from that short long ass vacation que we spend too little too much. But we are back in full swing and now let’s get to that award winning headline news:
Barrio man fakes heart attack and arrested.
Several arrested after barrio Ex, deliver drugs.
And finally, barrio elder gets stuck under her wheelchair.
La senora maria ruiz somehow fell down and brought her wheelchair down with her, when she reached over to get her pill bottle, managed to tip over her wheel chair and fell on top of her. After several days of not answering her phone, her relatives came over to see if she was alright and found her pinned down. El constable tells us que she will be alright. No charges will be filed against the wheel chair.
First of all, seemed que two vatos didn’t realize que you could get into lots of trouble by shipping drugs via barrioEX delivery service. Well known for its great barrio services, it seemed que barrio EX made a small mistake and delivered the 100 pounds of weed to the wrong address. Once el constable was called in, he and his barrio forces 666 posed as barrioEX employess intended to deliver the stuff, they arrested two vatos who’s names are being withheld..
It seems que el compadre hector cantu just don’t know when to stop his bull shit. It seems que el compadre was arrested at the Westinghouse barrio mall for faking his 33nd heart attack in ten days. In doing this he has avoid paying a shit load off restaurant bills and taxi fares. El constable cadena was going to let him go at his last attack but it seemed que los vatos loco volunteer firefighters recognized him from his last faked heart attack. El compadre is facing some serious charges.
Well raza its good to be back and we are counting down towards tejano roots. It could be our year.

barrio 06222020

Hejola report for 06232011./06222020

Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Everything green is ok, even your teeth.
New barrio web site for older citizens shut down in two minutes.
Barrio cemetery stops taking pets.
We told you it would be a matter of time when the folks realized que its not cool to be buried next to your owner if you where its best friend, a pet. The city and county commissioners voted on a joint effort to stop the practices of burying pet’s next to its owners inside the county and city limits. The order was passed yesterday and will not allow animal remains to be buried together anymore. A small group of pet owners and love ones protested such an order and might just decide to recall those elected officials that don’t have a heart for its man’s best friend.
Yesterday a new barrio internet service was going to open its site but was shut down within minutes from its grand opening. The reason could be several but the main one was que it was a service for adults over the age of 90 and must submit naked pictures in order to be able to purchase the services and be a member. The council for older vato’s president told this reporter que it’s ridiculous to have our older members of the hood exposing them in order to buy this services and who in the world would one to see our seniors naked. Charges will not be filed.
Yesterday a barrio scientist was named outstanding vato for 2011, for designing and developing a green teeth dye that will keep your teeth stay green color forever. El Hijo Sue, 56, a barrio ged and college graduate was honor for this great discovery. I am honor for this award and moved that my product will help those folks with yellow teeth move forward with their life’s knowing que they can make this world more greener than ever. The new dye will be available in the year 2058. Let’s hope if you are still alive, still have teeth to dye? Pesse hejolia.
Ok raza, just keep it tejano.