holiday special barrio alert report for 10 31 2014

 

Holiday Special Barrio Alert report for  10312014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Now our special guest and correspondent el Constable Cadena, hello mi Raza I want to thank our creator for allowing us to print this very special holiday report that you should take a look at, and now our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio Libro de la Cara’s asking parents not to post children pictures.

Halloween is to night and a new group plans on looking out for you.

And finally so darn mad news.

We were just informed que la familia Carlos Omaha Cortez, have told us que all those persons that bought the home made candy, tamales, and corn on the cob are being recall due to some mix up on the formula and should not be giving them out tonight. If you want a refund please let us know before 10312033.

A group called “Barrio On Alert” will be looking out for all of us during this next few days. They have promised us that if you need an escort or a ride home they will set it up for you and this also goes out to those men and women that plan on getting blasted out of their minds while dress as a Halloween character, it makes no differences what state of mind you are in and find yourself in need of help call us up at 918Barrio.

 

Yesterday barrio leaders and the owners of Libro de la Cara’s barrio on line website all agreed that in the future parents are urged to not post their children picture due to the large volume of child predators and during the holidays. We love our children but we are not going to advertise them on line for everyone to keep note. Again this just a warning during our holidays, let’s keep everyone safe.

Ok raza for all you kinky men and women keep that chit at home.

hejola report for 10292015

Hejolia report for 10292014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello raza how are we doing today, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio man wins law suit con disable toilets.

Warning called off for the rest of the day.

And finally some dam good news.

The hood is reminded que Halloween is just around the corner and remember that the barrio curfew for children under the age of 47 is 2a.m. for everybody else also don’t forget the permit.

Barrio warnings were issued throughout the day warning barrio members que there were two white men dress in black trying to rob and assault anyone and everyone. The whole hood was in a panic stage. My god says one of the barrio residents its worse that drinking cokes. (Editor’s note that there are only two types of persons in the hood either your white or black, In my case I’m a bit beige).

 

Yesterday we got word que the law suit filed by el compadre Daniel Perez had been giving approval and that certain restaurant and public places have to comply within a year. The law suit stated que handicap toilets were too high for handicap never the less regular people. You see he point out that you would have to be at least 6 foot tall in order to sit on handicap toilet and have your feet on the ground. By winning the lawsuit it is going to demand que all toilets sits not too be talker than two feet tall so short people could have contact with solid ground when they used them. All right raza.

Ok remember drive safe and watch out for children.

hejola report for 10282014

Hejola report for 10282014.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Hello Raza I am Fideo vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
No need to explain, their just plain stupid.
Barrio gun control under sieges or something like that....
And now some darn good news.
Vote’s this year will be required to were their id’s on top of their heads if they are planning on vote, the reason the barrio leaders came up with this new rule, was so they can tell the differences between your butt and your face. Dang.
After an hour of debating for this year’s Justice of the peace, Russel rufus redneck point out during his debate con el ojo barrio private the current jp, que why should he sit here and explain ever point I make to stupid people? Well some in the crowd didn’t like his comment so they decided to leave before the event was over. As some made their way out of the room, Russell laid out one more comment, “hey before you guys leave take some tamales with you”! Oh yea we forgot to mention that there was free dinner and drinks for those who attended.
Yesterday a ton named Maria Anderson Molina (325) and Susana Green Munoz (256) and their smaller sister April Jackson Tellez (245) were arrested at the corner of third and wells along con some there ton friends, after they were told que their protest permit was for next weekend and not this weekend. Their protest was that they didn’t want the barrio leaders or anyone telling them when and when not they can carry their guns in public. But the constable pointed out that their permit was for a protest on new barrio ban on Tongs not guns.
Ok raza the moral of today’s news if you can’t read writing when its written than don’t try to read it.

sancho clause a barrio xmas story 2013

Sancho clause a barrio xmas story 2013.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,tx. It was the night before xmas, y sancho clause was drunk like usually. As he tried to round up los little deer, well, tried to start  his john deer riding mow. It was his annual thing, where all the children, well all the adult women he dates in the hood waited for this cold night, well it really was a humid one, but as he managed to climb on his riding mow he moved as fast as he could go, well let’s say he moved as fast as the mower could go.

As he rode down that county road as fast as he could go, el constable cadena was on the lookout for him. There were several reasons why, it seems que at this time ever year, esta pincha sancho clause had the bad habit of drinking and driving.

 

 And then making sure que he went an visited todas las movides que he has or let’s had him and some he done before. Many times before many of los husbands de estas women or las movides would complaint que he was making too much noise and que the songs he was singing weren’t even xmas songs,.

Well this xmas was going to be a little different, you see el sancho clause this year set up a booth at the corner of third and wells and was charging to taking sancho clause pictures with him. Business was real good until xmas eve. It seems que sancho forgot to put on his sancho clause outfit pants on, and instead was not wearing anything but his chonas better known in the hood as his speedos . Several good families and their children stopped to take a holiday picture con esta clause. Pero realized que esta vato was drunk and wearing only his underwear or his famous speedos.

 Several families did call el constable cadena, to come and check esta way out. Sancho clause was arrested and will not be home for xmas again this year.

The moral of this story is que when you are having a good time con either your wife or girlfriend or even la commadre and in some cases el compadre, stay home, and if you drink don’t drive and if you drive don’t drink. Have a safe Christmas. This announcement was paid for by the committee on let me put the finger on you committee.

hejola report for 12162013

Hejolia report for 12162013

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning headline news. Gee counting down towards xmas. Gee all I want is a go go girl. But for now let’s get to our award winning headline news:

Oldest member in the hood gets visit from former first grade teacher.

Constable cadena bust barrio only prostitution ring, dang it.

And reward for stolen “my kid”.

Our creator Daniel, had a cat named my kid, well this weekend my kid was stolen from my home and we are offering a large sum of hugs and lots of you know what for his return. Ever single crack head in the hood has signed up looking for my kid. We just can’t wait to see who took my kid says Daniel the creator. He is very heart broken says a person who didn’t want to give us their name (Bill) “it was a friendly cat that made Daniel’s day, almost every day”. If anyone has seen my kid please contact us here.

In other news, Yesterday afternoon el constable cadena y su barrio task force 666 shut down a prostitution ring which had been in business about two years. Several male and female customers were arrested at the home of la commadre Gloria Sevilla, owner of the home. She told this reporter que she didn’t know que the girls she had rented rooms too, had a small business going on. “gee if I would have known it would have been a different story” says ms. Sevilla. Ms. Sevilla believe the girls when asked about all the visitors they had, they told her que they were students doing either homework or research. And a second home was also busted at or near the corner of third and wells. The owner of the home was not there but el constable and some of his cops waited awhile till the owners showed up. Oh by the way no one was taken in,huh….constable cadena tell us que both of these organizers were facing charges with promoting prostitution. A fourth degree felony.

And finally ,It seems que Don Pedro Ramirez just turned 85 years old was real surprise to see his first grade teacher at the party. Maria Gonzales now 103 years old was very excited to see que Don Pedro grew up a very handsome young man and did something with his life. It’s been more than 70^th years since I had last seen him, and he sure has changed a bit. But I am so glad que he made it out of first grade, says Mrs. Gonzales.

Well there you have it for today, counting towards xmas, con sancho clause.

barrio stock market report for 12132013

Barrio stock market report for 12132013.

Cchwnn,

Kingsville,tx. Hello again and ask we approach the end of this year we seemed to be preparing ourselves for this coming general major election. But before you go and vote make sure you invest on our barrio stock market. Now for that award winning barrio stock market report:                                                       

                                                                

Los tamales > up $5.50 a dozen.

Los taquitos^ stable $1.29 cent each coffee is extra.

Las tortillas > going for the sky up $1.50 a pack. Dang.

Las empanadas> up $.85 cent each.

La barbacoa de cabeza > up $6.50 a lb. llama meat no impact yet.

Cheap beer and wine< down $4.60 a six pack.           

 

 Barrio want ads:

 

Item #. 75846:  used bicycle for sale. Has no tires but a used rim. Make offer.

Item#56841: used women underwear for sale. All size, make offer for lot. Please note super g-stings. I bet size 43, easy.

 

Item #56243; let over easter rabbits and chickens for sale. Some in good health and other you decide. Make offer soon.

Item # 54216: use tires sale, have all size but need a few to get the ones we don’t have . have look around the hood. Do have or some special rim that we found at the corner of wells and third street.

Item #. 75846:  used bicycle for sale. Has no tires but a used rim. Make offer.

Item#56841: used women underwear for sale. All size, make offer for lot. Please note super g-stings. I bet size 43, easy.

Item #56243; let over easter rabbits and chickens for sale. Some in good health and other you decide. Make offer soon.

Item # 54216: use tires sale, have all size but need a few to get the ones we don’t have . have look around the hood. Do have or some special rim that we found at the corner of wells and third street.

Item #56584: used green bay packer shirts and caps for sale. 

Ok raza there you have it for today. You better watch out and you better not cry because sancho clause is coming tonight.

 

Well folks there you have it, have a great tejano day and see you later gator. Go cowboys.

hejola report for 12122013

Hejola report for 12122013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am David Duran with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

trickle-down economics part of everyday in the hood.

Barrio man arrested for fighting con sancho clause at the mall parking lot.

And finally some darn good news.

Yesterday barrio member were informed that the barrio lotto will be running for this christmas holiday. The lotto had been suspended for awhile due to the fact that there were no funds to lotto off. So this week you will be able to purchase your lotto ticket just in time for Christmas. This years lotto winnings might just reach $10.50, good luck raza.

What is the big deal with this trickle-down economics now a days? Did you know that this has always been a part of living in the hood and we can give you several examples. Why is it that in large families all the younger members of that family wear hand me down clothing, trickle-down economics. Why is it that we never throw stuff away, because we might need to have it later, trickle-down economics. Garage sales, front yard sales, back yard sales, moving sales, yard sales, and whatever you want to call them, are considered trickle-down economics. All and all we know what trickle- down economics really means.            

Yesterday el compadre martin chapa Gomez was arrested along con Pedro Morales aka sancho clause after both men got into an intense boxing match at the mall parking lot. Lots of punches were thrown and most of them not landing. But the excitement was enough for someone to call el constable that came over and arrested both strugglers. Charges are pending, after the constable will determine what caused all this action Jackson.

Ok there you have and have a safe day and holidays.