hejola report for 01082019

Hejola report for 01082019

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am bill diaz con today’s award winning headline news:

 

Barrio man arrested for stealing.

Barrio hog farm found dead.

And finally, barrio woman arrested with a traffic sign embedded in her skull.

Chinga want to talk about some bad luck, last night el constable had to pulled over la senoria Maria Gonzales after she was seen driving erratically. Once she was stopped they noticed que a traffic sign was embedded in her skull after colliding with it a few blocks down the road.  The victim seemed to be intoxicated.

 

El constable reported to us this past weekend que el senor Marcos Garcia a barrio hog farmer remains were found Saturday morning on his property. The report said que base on the condition of his body that his hogs had gotten to him before he got to them. Charges will be filed against all ten hogs.

Last night Abel Gonzales a local bartender called el constable to report que someone had stolen his credit card from his car a few hours ago. Then called the constable back a few hours later to report que he was holding the person that had stolen his credit card at the bar. It seems que the robber was trying to use it at the bar he worked in.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day

westside warrior news network for 01172019

Westside warrior news network for 01072019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. What’s happening folks, I am lewis mojo lewis with this week’s barrio headline news:
Increase of blondes this 2019.

Gain weight or lose your job.

And finally snow cone man busted.

This 2019 will not have its traditional snow cone man drive around the hood selling snow cones and ice cream. It seems that ole man Black Joe Moreno was busted new year’s day con 10 pounds of weed and 17 packs of stolen goods. It seems that los undercover cops from across the hood had their eye on him for some time now says el constable cadena. Ole man Joe was not only delivering snow cones and ice cream but was making a few extra stops con su extra goodies. 

A complaint has been file at the office of our justice of the peace from a woman whose name we will not use (maryra). Her complaints is against Two tons of fun bar ( designed for big women dancers) where she was hired as a dancer but with the conditions of gaining at least 40 to 50 pounds within a two month period. Well within that period she was only able to gain ten pounds and was treated to be fired if she didn’t gain the needed pounds. The complaint will go to court in a few weeks.

 
And finally, sisters and brothers have gone will this new year. It seems que at least 30 men and women have gone blonde headed. Yes you heard it right blonde headed and we are waiting to see in a few months to see who will keep that flashy hair style. Oh by the way we have asked self of those new blondes if its true that blondes have more fun!!!!

Ok raza there you have it for today and remmever, if you aint blonde than why be ask  

hejola report for 12202018

Hejola report for 12202018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. From the darkest side of the room are creator comes with words of wisdom;

As we approach another Christmas and another New Year, there will still be countless of children without Christmas gifts and Christmas food, plus there will be tons of folks still celebrating New Year like many before us and many more to come.

So what is different this year you might ask? Well in many ways it is but by counting the ways would really not matter or even make a difference in our life but it would be one that we all should appreciate like none before. We have god in our heart and family on our minds, in many cases there still be starving children, homeless folks, and of course sadness among many.

By if I learned anything this year is that we can’t solve all the problems of the world, we can’t safe all the people of the world and finally we can’t lose faith in the lord and in our self’s.

But by being a good person and realizing that we might just have it a little better than others should be enough to thank god and love our family and friends. God bless AMERICA  and regardless what tha moron says WE ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD..AMEN.

hejola report on christmas shopping 12182009

Hejola report for 12182018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s coverage of Black Fridays , Green Saturdays, and Brown Sundays on our award winning barrio headline news:

Black Friday hit hard in the hood (toilet paper);

Well as we expected that this day and this day only brought the most ugliness in lots of barrio members. It seems that some folks just can’t pay for stuff at regular prices but wait till those thing are rock bottom cheap. That was the case con barrio toilet paper last Friday that went on sale for 50 rolls for $20. The only problem was that toilet paper that was on sale was at sales price was cheaper at regular price, dang.

Green Saturday giant t.v. empty boxes on sale;

I quess if you really look at it, it doesn’t make sense, does it! Look why in the world would anyone want to buy a giant t.v. box that has nothing in it? Those boxes sold out within 15 minutes. At total of 35 boxes were available that were empty. The cost was $25 a box limited 1 box per family basket Or cart. We asked one person that had 5 boxes in 5 difference shopping carts, it says that per carts, so I need five of them! But why, we asked again, oh just to impress them folks in the hood thinking we got them t.v.’s, he answered! 

And finally Brown Sunday was no different, check this out, there was a sale on women’ lingerie and used sex toys, you read it right; used sex toys and women and men’s lingerie. The sign said one size fits all.

Ok you cheap-ass shopper have a great tim.

hejola report for 12172018

Hejola afternoon report for 12172018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am david Polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

It’s a miracle in the hood.

Crack head busted con su pet pig.

Two commadres arrested for fighting in public.

And now some darn good news.

You know our creator is going on vacation in a few days and  we might not have access to a place to do our hejola report till Jan. 4 . So if you don’t hear from us don’t think the worse about us, just call us at 361 558 2263, and hope we answer. Have a great holidays, and if santa gave you all too much here is my address so we can make good to others; 623 west elle, #2, Kingsville, Texas. 78363. Every year we try to make things happy for so few that this year we can’t even make us happy. Bye

La commadre tancha y la commadre Nancy Garcia were both arrested at the corner of wells and Third Street yesterday afternoon when one of las commadre claimed que la commadre loved to gossip and people believe her. I don’t mind says one of las commadre que la commadre likes to gossip pero not about me and I confronted her about it. La commadre slapped la commadre a few times until la commadre got out of the car and started to fight la commadre. It took several folks to separate them two, and they held both women until el constable cadena came an arrested both of them for believing what they heard through the grapevine even if they have  no evidence to the contrary. El constable tells us que gossip most of the time is more powerful than truth.

It just seemed odd que esta loco was riding his bike without any tires late last night says el constable Cadena ,pero what was more odd es que he had his pet pig riding in back of the bike sitting inside a kids bike carrier. Once the constable tried to stop esta loco to ask him how much for the pig ,the loco took off on his bike, of course not being able to out run the the constable squad car, esta loco finally fell down and gave up two blocks down the street. Once the constable came up to him, the crack head told the constable que he threw his shit away. The constable went back and picked up the stuff and arrested the crack head, oh by the way how much for the pig, the constable asked.

Ok happy days are here again, it was going to be a sad day next week when the parents of la Chica named Blanca due to the fact que the parents didn’t have the funds to send her to some cheerleading camp, but this morning we were informed que a miracle on Third street had happened. You see they found around 15 chickens and 10 turkeys stuck or trapped inside their backyard. After a few hours of waiting to see who claims them no one showed up. Now the proud parents are having chicken plates and turkey legs and turkey plates for sale this weekend to see if they can pay that entry fee to the camp. My god that is a miracle, god bless America.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 12142018

Hejola report for 12152018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio Christmas sales down.

Two arrested for stealing plants.

And now for some honest darn good news.

What happened to our creator, he tells us que God saved him last week. Bless his heart but can we take him serious?AMEN. we sure can , a different man and different view on life.

For some having beautiful plants is just prefect, but for others they just don’t have that green thumb. That is the case con la family Debeefheart, Sonny and Soony were arrested yesterday evening around 6pm when someone spotted a plant that looked like the one that was stolen a few weeks ago at a plant sale being held at the corner of third and wells. After a few folks glazed at some of the plants many noticed que they sure looked like the ones they had and had been stolen. El constable cadena arrested both men. Now if you think any of the plants that are being sold looks like yours, you need to bring proof. But for the  mean time el constable tells us que you can get some darn good deals on plants

Local mechanizes are bit worried now that gas prices are down, reason is that now they have enough gas to go out of town or across the tracks to do their Christmas shopping say Dave Salinas owner of three penny stores. We have noticed a drop on sales and are a bit concern. We just wish the prices of gas go up asap, in order to save Christmas.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day and join our creator, the church of Daniel where all prayers get answered!

hejola report for 10022018

Hejola report for 10022018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello America we love you, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio leader tells women “you doing ok”;

Yesterday barrio leader Trumpas told barrio residents that we must watch over our sons from those nasty women trying to seduce them and accused them later in life, Look, he said men are men and boys are boys but men and boys love women so let’s look out for those that just want to have fun and blame you later.  So if you are a barrio woman and fall into this so call he said that I said and I said this and she said that get a freaking life and get a freaking job, and keep your legs closed. Many of the barrio residents left the press conference way before it was over.

Barrio leaders wants new rules on mary jane that he already turned down:

Yesterday barrio leader Trumps told a group of dogs and cats that he was planning on developing a new program to see how mary jane can be used in different ways. I guess someone must have forgotten that Trumps earlier this year had already turned down a request to use mary jane in many different ways. When asked if he had forgotten or even remember that he had already moved on this matter and decline those new ways to use mary jane? He told yes I think I remember, but do you remember what I said or did he asked? Well if you don’t remember how in the world am I going to remember!

And finally Let me grad you day coming soon;

Barrio leader announced que he was looking for funds to sponsor a “let me grab you day” and a parade to let folks know how he got there in the first place. He said can you imagine a day where you can go a just grab women and men any place and any where without getting in trouble. In doing this we must have the biggest and best parade ever in the hood or in the history of the hood. Oh yea  honey let me grab you and come a vote for me… bend over let me grab you ….dang. the idea still has to be approved by barrio city leaders …

Ok so whatever you do not grab just ask…