hejola report for 11262014

Hejola report for 11262014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:

Senior citizen basketball final score was close.

More riots are expected this weekend.

And finally so darn good news.

Since gas prices are lower and our great president really has not do with we encourage all of you don’t drink and drive because john law will lock your silly butt up.  And for those that can’t afford a turkey, a chicken will do just burned it a bit to give it that dark look. Have a great one ,and peace and love my friend.

As we all know que this weekend will bring in lots of relatives que we either don’t like or really care for pero como it’s a holiday I think we can survive. That’s the warning que el constable cadena has given everyone in the hood “look don’t be starting chit con los primos ok no butts or ifs, if we find out that someone is starting chit you all going to jail”!

Yesterday a very low profile championship winter league basketball game was held at the only barrio senior citizens center. The game was between Los Viejitos de la calle vs. Los vatos mas Viejitos del barrio. Please note that the age group for this game was 80 years and over. The final score after one hour of well let’s say walking back and forth was Los Viejitos del barrio  scored 7 points vs. the actually winner Los vatos mas Viejitos scored 9 points. The team Capitan Angel Flores age 91 say “chinga it was hell of a game”.  The loser Capitan Luis Gaytan age 87 say it was kind of an unfair game for us, due to the fact que they had more 90 year olds than we did. You know he said que experiences count while you on that court.

Ok raza don’t forget we love, we care, and send money.

hejola report for 11252014

Hejola report for 11252014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio up rise con Empanadas Company.

Two men and ten or more dogs arrested.

And now so darn good news.

It was announced yesterday evening que el constable will be giving free dogs for Christmas. If you are lonely, and sad, it’s time to get over it and go by the constable office and pick a dog for Christmas. It’s coming this Dog Friday, first come first served. The doors open at 1:am Friday.

How many dogs can a person put in a small car, you asked? Well that was what el constable cadena had to deal with when he pulled over el compadre Ramiro Guerra yesterday afternoon at the corner of third and wells. Its seems que once the constable asked Ramiro proof of ownership for the ten or more dogs, responded by saying I found them on the way to the store. He and his cousin Ramiro Guerra III were arrested along con the ten or more dogs for not wearing a collar with a legal tag on them and failure to show proof of ownership for them dogs. Charges will be filed.

The slogan of the day was “more filling than less filling”, as the barrio resident gathered in front of the only empanada making factory. It seems that this people didn’t learn a darn thing back in 2006, when we first approached them con the Empanada war of 2006? You see we don’t mine buy empanadas at a bit expensive price but darn at least having more filling in them. We thought that we had already recommended that to them back than and we sure hoped que they wouldn’t go back to their old tactics. Well that seems to be what this protects is all about, less filling. The owners did not respond to our phone calls before we printed this report.

Ok raza on our way to the big Dallas, if you live there and want some company just let us know and will drop by, oh yea. I am Bill Diaz, your business is our business but my business is none of your business..

hejola report for 11242014

Hejola report for 11242014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio insurance man arrested.

God has faint que ever lawn services use him as a selling point.

And now so darn good news for barrio republicans.

The barrio leader have informed all of us Latinos, mexicano, chicanos, and gringitos que we forgive you voting republican, and if you ever married out of your race you will be alright.

Believe it or not que esta barrio has just announced que the x- minister Ben Blanco who was a man of god has just open a lawn services names “let the lord do his thing on your lawn”. What he promises is that if you hire him to mow your lawn he can also bless it to be greener and mucho mas pretty que before. The only catch is that you have to hire him for a three year contact at a real cheap rate of $150 per mow at 15 moves per year. Please note que you need to make sure you read the fine print on his contract con god.

Yesterday el constable Cadena and barrio force 666 raided el office of “Barrio Let me insure your Butt” and arrested el compadre Mario Bernal for fraud. It seems que el barrio has so much faith in people que Mr. Bernal had almost 250 persons he had as customers. But the only problem was que their insurance policies were not real ones. It seems que esta vato had taken a class in computer and figured out a way to print false policies. I guess what got him in trouble was the prepaid insurance to burial and funeral Life insurances for adults over the age of 82, says el constable.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day and please don’t believe everything you read and hear.

westside warrior news networkd for 03262009

westside warrio news netwokr for 03262009

Westside warrior news network for 03262009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hi folks lewis mojo lewis here with our award winning barrio headline news. Man oh man do we have some good news for you today:
Barrio jail closed down.
Barrio leaders buy old electric chair.
And Topless jobs for jobless folks in the hood.
El compadre martry chapa saw how lots of folks are jobless and are willing to do almost anything for money. Well, since martin chapa is the owner of La Onda record shop, he decided to hire a few new employees, but since the job market is prompting a growing number of men and women in strip clubs, he decided to hired topless cashiers. Si If you think that you can turn things around in my record shop come on down and apply for a topless cashier. Martry tell us que he has flexible schedules and fast cash as tips. So come on down and see if you make that more.

In other news, It seems que barrio leaders from our side of the tracks came up with the idea of purchasing an old electric chair they saw on sale on barrio want ads. The barrio leaders decided to purchase the chair and place it inside the barrio community center and use it as a tourist attraction, alongside the oldest tree in the county. Si says, Eliseo Everett, we have a plan to bring more tourist into the hood, that usually don’t visit this side of the tracks. This chair can bring in lots of bucks.

And finally, a serious notes, It seems que there are many questions of why the barrio jail house was closed down and el constable cadena suspended for a week without pay? After this reporter did some investigating we found out that inside the small brick building across for the barrio community center, some inmates had the run of the place. In some cases the prisoners were having sex with their jailer girlfriends, bringing in recliners, taking drugs and chatting on cell phones supplied by friends and guards according to outside authorities. In some cases the doors to the cells didn’t even lock, but apparently no one tried to escape- perhaps because they had everything they needed inside the jailhouse. Further investigations will be done.
Gee sorry to hear about our constable but we are sure he will be alright.

hejola report for 11202014

 

Hejola report for 11202014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio alert, looking for 30 runaway turkeys!

It’s a miracle say a barrio poor woman.

And now some darn good news.

The whole hood is so happy que many of the barrio resident have experiences some kind of miracles this past few hours, and many are wondering if it a sign of god and things to come in the future.

La commadre Maria Gomez called us up this morning to let us know que a miracle had happen at her back yard. You see la commadre didn’t have enough money to pay for some of her bills this month and was praying for some miracle and it did happen. You see when she went to her back door and looked outside she spotted 15 turkeys and was so excited que now she could cook them and sell turkey plates to make up for the money she needed. Only in America.

 

El constable Cadena has issued a barrio warning que a truck load of Thanksgiving turkeys was vandalized early this morning at the corner of third and wells street. It seems que someone open the gate to the truck and allowed all them turkeys to escape. But the time the dust settled the owner of them turkeys told us que he was still missing around 30 of them and is offering a small turkey leg as a reward. If you see or hear anything that sounds or looks like a turkey let the constable know.

Ok raza if you believe in miracles give us a shout out.

hejola report for 11132014

 

Hejola report for 11132014.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville. Texas. Hello raza I am Jonathon Barrios con todays award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio warning to all Barrio Sancho Clauses permits required for 2014.

Founding fathers and some mothers want their Christmas back.

And finally some darn good news.

Barrio street employees have been working overtime here the last few days trying to replace all the Christmas lights missing from the Christmas decorations that were never taken down. The barrio leaders claim que by leaving the lights on all year makes the hood a safer place to live in.

The barrio community center has announced que there are trying their hardest in making Christmas happen this year for many working people. YOU see people don’t realize que we have chingos of working families that have two incomes but not enough to get those presents for this year. So if you find yourself in this kind of jam, let the center know and we just might surprise you this coming Christmas. Oh please note that there is a small fee to put your name on that list. With no guarantee you will get anything

 

Los barrio leaders announced today que Barrio Sancho Clauses permits will be required if you plan on being Santa Clause this year. The permit would allow anyone and anybody wanting to dress and greet folks looking like Sancho Clauses. In addition anyone dress like Sancho without a permit will be given a ticket. The permit is going at $250 dollars this season and if you violate this new rule you will be fine $2.50 for the first  time and $2.55 the second time and on the third time you will have to bail out that Sancho Clause outfit out of jail at a bond set for $10.00.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day, have you  hug a Tejano today?

hejola report for 11122014

 

 

 

 

Hejola report for 11122014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again raza I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio delivery agent fired for stealing.

Henry the gardener arrested.

And now so darn good news.

We got some many complaints about the pot hoe’s in the hood story, that the creator has announced que if we hurt anyone feelings we are sorry and for all those pot hoe’s, good luck.

El senor Henry Gomez a known gardener and award winner was arrested yesterday at the corner of third and wells street. He was pulled over when his 1974 ford whatever ford looking suspicious. It turned out that the back seat was loaded with potted plants, in fact, potted pot plants. The backseat was so crowded that the leaves and branches of some plants were sticking out of the car’s windows. The constable took him in and kept the plants for evidence.

El senor Mark Martinez was fired and charged with stealing a package from the only barrio delivery agent. It seems that Martinez inadvertently came upon one package that he thought was drugs. So he took it on his own to go and trade it for a pound cat food. It turned out that it wasn’t drugs but the remains of a man who was cremated.

Ok raza save your penny’s Christmas is just around the corner.

hejola report for 11112014

Hejola report for 11112014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio sees increase in crack.

Two men, three women and ten dogs and cats arrested at protest.

And now some darn good news.

We just got word that the barrio go and stop is having a sale on pet food.

A handful of barrio residents decided to take the law under their hands and raided the local barrio dog pound and released 230 dogs and 212 cats, and 30 other animals. The protest came when the barrio animal control decided to roundup all the dogs and cats and any animal they saw wondering around regardless if they had a tag or not. The leader of this group was arrested along con his partner and several other women and were able to re-arrest ten dogs and cats. The barrio animal control is asking for your help in finding some 300 plus animals in the hood. A pound of food will be given to any information leading to any arrests.

Yesterday el constable cadena had a public meeting to inform barrio resident that there had been an increase in the number of cracks seen on the streets. He informed them that the barrio city workers are doing their best in trying to cover them cracks up, look he said its better that pot hoes.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

shot from the past: hejola report for 11092009

hejola reprot from monterey, mex. 11092009

hejola report from Monterey, Mexico, 11092009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Now from our one of many international offices here is Johnnie el quemon.
Hola raza como estan todos de mi raza en tejanas? I am doing great here in Monterey, enjoying the sites and the weather. I am not sure if any of you guys have been here but it is a great town and lots of beer.

 La onda tejana is a big deal here in Monterey and many of the Mexicans here are dying to be tejano.
We are on the early stages of preparing a soccer league for the next couple of weeks and teams schedule will be up on Wednesday, and will be announced from our Westinghouse barrio mall in. Anyhow raza and have a great tejano day, now let’s go back o our command post con Al.

Ok thank you Johnnie el quemon, and I am Alcardio Samudio, y si raza we are accepting names and teams for our winter soccer league, so sign up now. Games start this weekend. And now for our headline news:
Barrio gets 20 free turkeys,

 Two members of let me put the finger on you committee get arrested,

And finally three tortilla companies close down.

Yesterday after noon three tortilla companies announced que they will be closing their doors on their Westside tortilla companies says Ben Blanco de “Blanco soy mi tortillas company”. Si we are moving our company across the tracks and hope to give those other tortilla in a can company more competition over there.What will this do to our barrio unemployment, we are not sure but will do a special on this matter come Friday.

In other news two members of let me put the finger on you committee got arrested for filing false police reports on several barrio members. Sonny boy Jones y Sammy Boy Jones both gringos got picked up by el constable cadena this weekend when esto dos pincha vato called the cops on la familia Gonzales, la familia Martinez, la familia Lopez y and la familia Gomez que they were hiding illegal aliens. It was later discovered que they weren’t illegal at all but legal cousins from el paso. Furthermore, it turned out that this boys were the ones that had the illegals working at the home building some kind of giant fence. Both men were arrested.

And finally an unknown source donated 20 turkeys for this year barrio turkey shoot . Si we are very happy que someone had a good heart to donate this turkeys for our annual turkey shoot to be held at the mall come thanksgiving. So load up your guns and bring down the fence and see you at the the turkey shoot.

Ok raza got to go, and keep it tejano.

hejola report for 11102014

Hejola report for 11102014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello raza I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio older older programs directors announced.

Three arrested are drug bust, and then let go.

And some darn good news.

Barrio leaders have just announced that if you plan on having a thanksgiving holiday dinner, this year you will be allowed to raise at least two turkeys as long as you promise to eat them before the first of December.

El constable Cadena and several of his barrio 666 task force raided la case de la familia Cruz after they saw an illegal transaction happen in front of their home. After a few hours all were let go due to the fact que it wasn’t a drug transaction but trading football cards. No charges will be filed.

 

Yesterday Thomas Gomez announced after he was elected as chairperson and spoken person, and leader spoken person, money in charge spoken person, schedule spoken person, concession stand spoke person, and official games spoken person, que he will let people know what is going to happen next year.

Ok raza keep it cool.

barrio stock market from the past 11092009.

barrio stock market report for 11132009

Barrio stock market report 11132009 booooo.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Como estan big spenders I am Urbano Yosabatodo con this week’s barrio stock market report. Lets start con higher education. Chinga compadre if you y la comandre are planning to send junior y la hija to college well you better start saving for them. I have always wonder si la raza save to send pancho y pancha too college? I am more than sure that at least 99 percent have not.

But don’t worry there is always federal aid and state aid and of course si pancho or pancha are a chip off the old block its possible an academic scholarships and on and on. Wow, now is that heavy or not? But then there is always el tiya y el tiyo y el grandpa y grandma. And if you own your owe rancho them there those few cattle you have been saving for that rainy day.

All and all college education is not getting any cheaper. I am sure that there are lots of reports and studies to tell us on how inflation and our poor accounting skills don’t help in managing that kinda funding to send them to seek a higher education.

Chinga whatever happen to those days que a high school graduate was bad ass and you could still work en el rancho.

Now for that award will barrio stock market:

>Las tortillas were up from last week $1.35 a pack.

< cheap beer up from last week $4.92 a six pack.

>los tamales were up due to all the walking esta vato does which he calls inflation $6.00 a dozen. Buy raza by.


> la barbacoa de cabeza was up from last week $6.50 lb. Easy con la manteca..

>las empanadas were really up this week at $.79 cent each.

^los taquitos were stable this week at $1.50 each coffee is extra.

Ok raza there you have it for todays barrio stock market report, if you can’t eat it don’t buy it.

election update 11062014

Election update 11062014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Fideo Vermcille, was forced to allow the only barrio republican who ran and won give his new vision on what they plan on doing. Now here is the chairperson for “let me put the finger on you committee “ Russell Rufus Redneck, ( please note he is married to la prima Maria Garica Arteaga a great republican ola raza ).

My dearest barrio members, as we approach the end of 2014, and enter the 2015 year we wish to take this new direction and hope it will help all of us  and give us a better world:

1.   Do away with OBAMACARE. And replace with a box of banded aids or replace it with something..

2.   Make sure you all don’t get more social security benefits.

3.   Limit Medicare to those that don’t need it.

4.   Make sure all you minorities and make sure women don’t have much to say about their bodies nor their believes or vote.

5.   Forget the minimum wage, job get a freaking job.

6.    Cut food stamps too all those who names are not English.

7.    Make sure that all private industry don’t allow employees to work fulltime only part time so no benefits.

8.   Better border security, get more citizens with guns and patrol the border looking for ebola.

9.   To hell with new job programs. Just go pick cotton. There is such a lots of it.

10.                     Cut government subsidies to except farmers and gun companies.

And finally I will promise to be that person we elected to represent us, God Bless America.

hejola report for 11062014

Hejola report for 110209.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s barrio headline news, but before we get there, we would like to share our condolences to our creator girlfriend who’s step- father passed away Oct. 30, Mr. Arthur V. Newton, age 84, the little we knew about the man was that he serviced our country in the Navy. Now with headline news:
Barrio man has to spell in front of his dog.
El compadre to face owners of piggy bank he stole.
And finally, a proposed wall for Westside.
It seems que la gente in our side, that’s Westside have proposed to build a wall of some kind to make sure que no one that doesn’t belongs there goes there. Of course some of the residents are not very happy about this nor that. But they all seem to agree que there has to be some freaking way to monitor the folks coming and going. This matter will be review by the city fathers and mothers from east side.
It seems que our pets might be just as smart as we are and that’s the case del compadre y la comadre Javier and maria delapaz. It seems que this two folks can’t say anything in front of their dog due to fact que he went to training school. So now it’s easier just to spell words in front of him. La familia delapaz say que now they have more privacy.
And finally, el compadre Jimenez will face la familia lopez tomorrow. It seem s que el compadre was charged with stealing la familia lopez children piggy bank . what lead police to el compadre Jimenez was the i.o.u. note he left besides the piggy bank. El constable is not sure what other charges will be filed but he does know que the little piggy bank was not damaged.
Well folks as you can see its always happening here in the hood, keep it tejano and see you all Really really soon.

chicano manifesto: democratic Party we are still winners, 2014.

Chicano Manifesto: democratic Party we are still winners, 2014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Daniel Lopez con our Chicano Manifesto; Democratic Party we are still winners (Kleberg county).

As I come from the darkness room in my home to write this manifesto I reminded myself que we won the local election. When I say we, I mean the Democratic Party, Kleberg County. You see it’s a very simple math problem, earlier this year there were primary held for both political parties that in some cases were all Democratic running but under different tickets better known different Parties.

So now when the general elections came about and you look very closely all the names for the major positions were all Democratic at one time. The reason I write this is not to show disrespect for those who won or lost but to point out that I am more than sure the county will survive with whom got elected. Reasons being is than none of the real winner will stand with the national positon their now party off and stand for, but will continue business as usually.

The good thing about our results is that there always is a winner and a loser; in this case we made darn sure that no wing nuts got elected locally and we can trust this new breed of leaders and will Keep Kleberg County on the move for the betterment of our citizens.  

hejola report for 11042014

a shot from the past. we tried to go international>
paris del helles daily 10062009
hejolia report from paris, france : paris del helles daily 10062009.
Cchwnn.
Paris, france: hello once again I am general fideo vermicelle here at our command post in kingsville tx.
Now let us go to paris, france and our correspondent francisco delgado de gaulle.
Hell for the “Paris del helles daily” I am Francisco Delgado de Gaulle correspondent from Paris France.
Now to all my french connection here is our daily headline news:
Bonjour encore de Paris France, je suis francisco de Sr, journaliste de nouvelles. j'ai habité à Paris maintenant pendant presque une année. nous démuni avons fait rapport à beaucoup sur les bases quotidiennes mais avons visité un bon nombre d'emplacements passionnants. nous espérons que si n'importe qui de vous viennent jamais à Paris veuillez venir chez nous. espérez ainsi que tout le monde fait bien et plan pour être à la maison bientôt de Paris France, je suis sr.francisco. now back to fideo in Kingsville tx.
Ok frank and thanks for those nice French words, HUH I think. ok now for our headline news :
Three horse and buggy owners get fine in the hood,
Two commadres get arrested after fight in from of our command post,
And finally country pancho and county Leroy back in town.
Yesterday afternoon our creator Daniel told us que country pancho and county Leroy have signed an agreement to do a musical video for our productions. The song they plan on recording is still pending from which cd they plan to use. They have two cd’s out, “two vatos on the prowl” or two vatos lost in black hills”. After the meeting planned for this weekend we sure hope que them two boys really stick with this project and get this video done.
In other news two commadres were arrested in front of our command post. It seems que one of the commands that has been with a group protesting needed to go to the bathroom. So she just went around the corner of our office and while doing that, the people next door husband somehow got a glimpse of la commadre with her pants down and taking a leak in their back yard .
Now this is where the trouble started. La commadre that lives next door saw el compadre watching that exciting moment que she thought que the other commadre was doing it for him to see her, in which la commadre didn’t realize que el compadre was looking. Well la commadre went and grab la command while she was peeping by the hair and drag here all over the yard, until she la commadre managed to stand up and strap it on con la orta commarde. By the time el constable cadena managed to there, the folks had already broken the fight up and both commadres had to go to the st. pauls medical center for treatment . No charges will be file against neither of them.
And finally, the barrio fathers and mothers are reconsidering on recalling that special law they just passed last week. In which barrio folks can get horse and buggy permits. Well as you might recall que at least 15 permits were issued this week and already three of those horse and buggies have had several accidents in the hood. One of the owners of the horse and buggy told us que the barrio fathers and mothers should not recall this order and give it a changes. The three horse and buggies that were involved in those accidents did not hurt anyone or any of the animals. It was an accident says one of the owners. We don’t have too much details on that yet but are hoping to keep an eye on this matter.
Ok raza got to go and a big shout out to JV VILLANUVEA FROM ALICE TX. AND HAVE A GREAT DAY RAZA AND REMMEVER STAY TEJANO.

hejola report for 11042014

 

 

Hejola relection report day 11/04/2014.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again mi raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s awarding winning barrio headline news:

Barrio election party gets busted.

Free food and drinks at the constable re-election party.

And now for some darn good news.

Again we are reminding barrio parents that our barrio social network will not be allowing barrio families to post any pictures of their children under the age of 42. We just want to make sure that we keep our barrio safe.

El constable cadena was so happy that a ton of folks showed up to his re- election party and provide a safe hood for all this pasted few years and had food and drinks. Many there were so impress with his treats that all agreed they were going to vote for him.

Yesterday, both political parties agreed to put “bring out vote party” together for the barrio and hope to get to meet your candidate. Well we all know that it would be impossible when both parties don’t like each other. You see the few candidates that did show up were already all heated up by some of the false statements they each had be making about each other. At one point during the party el constable had already arrested more than ten people and twelve cats and dogs. The constable had to use some tear gas to break up this gathering and cut the event real short. At the very end some folks complaint that the constable had no rights in taking most of the food and drinks and use them as evidence.

Ok regardless how dumb or smart one is let’s not vote for the same persons that having done a darn thing different since they won the last time.