hejola report for 10212019

Hejola report for 10212019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio constable deputy calls 918;

It seems that Arron Pile Ramirez was on patrol and must have been a bit bored, that while parked at the Westinghouse barrio mall parking lot slipped his handcuffs on, and then realized que he had left the keys at home. He was forced to call el constable Cadena to free him from his restraints, we were told que this was not the first time he had handcuffed himself. El constable will make sure que his deputy will leave them in the patrol car trunk so he wouldn’t be tempted to put them on again.

Henry the locksmith;

It seemed that Henry drew a crowd in front of his shop last night after he locked himself out of his shop. Fortunately, he had a toolbox with him, and he was able to legally break back into the shop.

Barrio saddle theft caught;

During the summer of 2019, someone robbed 65-year-old Adolf Zapata his bicycle saddle. He was so angered by the theft, he told police, that he decided to become a serial thief himself -- until he was caught on surveillance video on late Saturday evening and later arrested. Constable searching his home said they found 109 bicycle seats. "I started stealing out of revenge," Zapata told police, “I wanted others to know the feeling."

Awesome!

It was W.C. Fields who said, "Never work with animals or children." El barrio leader Thomas Trumpas was reminded of that warning on Oct. 14 as he visited with city and county leaders last week. In order to impress them he brought along a few cats and dogs to give away to this new friendship and as everyone admired the new pets during the ceremonial exchange of gifts, the pets chose that moment to take aim on the county waxed floor and they all took a big butt chit, shall we say, leave its mark. The constable was forced to bring back his shit-ass gifts back to the hood, once was asked to leave the meeting .

Police Report

Nanna Longoria, 44, was this morning and charged that she bit off her ex-partner's finger and then bragged about it on barrio book, posting a video of the severed finger. Her victim told the barrio constable that on Oct. 20, he had been trying to ward her off as she attacked him with a brick when she took a bite from his right middle finger. Nanna’s mother found the finger after police had taken her into custody, but it was too late to reattach it, and she is being charged with first-degree assault and disorderly conduct, and something to do with finger licking good.

Ok raza let’s just be nice.