hejola report for 02142017

Hejolia report for 02142017.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio ministry increases in the hood.
Laundromat’s clerk disarms thief....
Dang what’s next?
And now some darn good news.
Does a man really have to tell a woman he loves her if he just met her? And does a man really have to tell a woman he wants the helper but with very little money? Oh by the way today is the most violent day of the year, Now our news;
It seems that what goes around comes around, that was the case in two separate accidents. First of all Luis Moreno was driving a stolen barrio pizza deliver car who was trying to flee el constable Cadena near the corner of third and wells, but accidentally crashed head-on into another stolen vehicle driven by Maria Gaza. Seconds later, both Luis and Maria were both fatally hit by another car driven by Henry Lomas as the both made a run to escape the crash scene. Now here is where the story gets kind of odd, the man driving the car that hit both Luis and Maria was a 76 year old man, Henry Lomas that was so mad that he had to stop and see who he ran over suddenly hit one of the wrecked cars. His anger made him grab a knife and stabbed a tire on one of the wrecked cars with such forces that he wound up slashing the main artery in his leg. He was taken to St. Paul’s medical center for treatment. Charges are pending.

My god how many ministries are needed in the hood? As many as we can say el vato now a minister for one of many ministries ‘La Vida Loca con Dios” has decided to come to our side of the tracks to heal all the bad hombres over here, and buy doing this the first action will be to run off all the druggies and dealers. That is where the problems start said Vato, I know I was one of them but god has changed my life and I want to do the same to many of my bro’s and sister’s.
Late Sunday night Mingo Luna tried to rob a 24 hour laundromat somewhere down wells and Third Street. But didn’t realize que the laundromat’s overnight clerk, Nieoma from Wyoming was a two degree black belt, simply took Mingo’s gun away in a flash and shot him three times. No charges will be filed but Mingo was hospitalized in serious condition.
Ok raza be careful and drive safe.

hejola report for 02132017

Hejola report for 02132017.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Johnnie el Quemon con todays award winning barrio headline news;
Mac the rooster found dead.
Mall mail man shot....
Damaging insects invade the hood.
And finally some darn good news.
Well as you might already know that as baseball and softball seasons has started we would like to remind parents, relatives, and coaches that our children learn from our actions either on the field or outside the park, that we should always tell ourselves it just for kids to have fun and get to meet new friends an learn. And not a place to go an make an ass-h… out of yourself.
El barrio constable Cadena told us que since it hasn’t rain in a few months the increase of dangerous insects have been bought into the hood from across the tracks from dry wood used for heating over here. He told us que now that Tomas Trumpas has imposed a rule about thing coming from over there to over here, hasn’t help in the spreading of the insects but we are hoping que in the long run this banning will help all of us.
Henry Garcia had been delivering mail at the mall now for about 10 years and nothing serious had ever happen to him, now there were cases where he might had gotten the wrong address, lost a few packages, and almost run over but this Saturday was a bit different. He got shot by a 6 years old using a water gun right at his good left eye. He managed to escape the slaughter by using his carrier bag to protest himself from the onslaught, and made a run for it. At one point Henry couldn’t find a place to hide from this kid, so he decided to take matters into his own, by tricking the kid by acting like he was dead! Once the kid approached he managed to tackle the 6 year old until Constable came and arrested the kid. Charges will be filed for sure.
The last few weeks “Mac” el barrio famous rooster was found shot in the head late Saturday night. The constable tells us que they still don’t have a clue of who did it or why, well we have an idea of why, You see this rooster has or had a bad habit of crowing around 5 am for the last 5 years, and lots of residents had complain about but there wasn’t anything barrio animal control could do about it.
Ok raza have a great day

hejola report for 02102017

Hejola report for 02102017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Tx. Now our educational specialist Maria La Bandia, si my friend we are on the right direction in educational our poor little kids. And in doing so our new barrio what’s him name Tomas Trumpas made  breaking moves never seen or will be seen again. But for now here is our award winning barrio headline news:

Oh! Susanna appointed to barrio school board director.

Home school application increase after the Oh! Susanna appointment.

Ten new Private and charter schools plan on opening real soon.

Barrio School prepares to raid home grown schools.

El constable cadena was just issued an order from our new leader ( please note it was an order of fries to go) barrio leader Tomas that if he heard or saw kids not going to school all the parents relatives will be arrested include them cats. There is no reason why our children can’t go to school regardless If you agree with them a—hoes over there.

 Ten new private and charter schools have announced that they plan on opening a heck of a lot of them school here in the hood. Senior Watts told us today; it seems that no one wants to see a person that has no experiences leading a group that has less experience run our educational system and that is why we here and you there will do that services and better!

Never before had barrio member thought about keeping them kids at home or even teaching what they need to know about the future! One barrio member who submitted an application said we now have a perfect valid educational option. Great! And not an Oh! Susanna!

How bad can it get when a woman who has no education, not even a ged, or esl or whatever appointed and in charge of barrio education system, what was he thinking ask  a barrio member who’s name we won’t mention (Ben) told this reporter at the press hearing this morning after hearing Trumpas new appointee. Those were the comments made after we found out that Oh! Susanna would be in charge now. Dang we are in big trouble in little barrio..

Ok raza get those playing cards ready Freddie!

hejola report for 02092017

Hejola report for 02092017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio members insist on leaving Christmas lights on.

Ten arrested in drug round up.

And finally, negative comments made about our hejola report.

In the last few days we have received so much hate mail que we are wondering if it’s the same person that wanted us off the internet. Huh. Like we said before we are not going to stop writing regardless of our childish writing skill but plan to increase our reporting in the Kingsville area. Thanks .

El constable has not released the names of the ten barrio residents’ names that got busted this pasted weekend. Our sources say it could be a bunch of persons that have really nothing to do. The list will be posted on our website says el constable.

Yesterday a rally of about ten persons demonstrated in front of our barrio community center showing support for keeping the 1957 Christmas light decorations up for the rest of the year and not a few weeks as proposed by our new barrio leader Tomas Trumpas. The barrio commission was deciding whether to take them down before or after Easter. This sends a message to the barrio leaders’ que we want those lights up all year round regardless who is going to pay for the light bill. This issue will be discussed at the next city commission next month and not on 2033 as Trumpas was recommending

Well there you have it for today, haters have a great day.

And special shout out to a V. Ruiz.

hejola report for 02082017

 

Hejola report for 02082017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Veronica la lesbian

Trumpas plan to pay for barrio wall by selling used panties!

Barrio leader aid says tamale war never happen?

And la commadre Porn channels gets cancelled.

For an odd reason the most popular porn channel “ la commadre” was shut down for no real reason, and we tried to contact la commadre but no one answer the phone. The most popular show in the hood featured many of the well- known commadres that love to take their cloth off in public and do nasty things will no longer be on line due the new measures barrio new leader Tomas Trumpas! He told us during his campaign that if elected the first thing to go what “las Commadres”. Well he did!

Yesterday Debbie Guzman, the newly ex stripper spoke person for el Tomas Trumpas told us que we shouldn’t start believe everything you read, especially that cow chit story  about the Tamale War of 1998, it never happen and it impossible that no major network talked about, never the less the result of that story! (Editor’s note it did happen and we are proud covering that story back than). The story was about a barrio gringo member Ruffs Russel Redneck wanted to ban folks from making tamales at home for the reason he got food poisoning from tamales that were label wrong; beef were label chicken and chicken label beans and beans were label beef and masa was label pork and pork was label corn. Since Ruff can’t eat pork due to his health controls eat a dozen and nearly died from them.  Of course we all know that measure was never passed.

It was noted to today at our daily barrio briefing by our new barrio leader Tomas Trumpas introduced his new idea on how to make money in order to pay for that wall to keep cats out of the hood by installing Vending machines in every street corner along Third and Wells Street. The machines would be selling used panties donated by his family members, “what else could I and my family do to suppose our cause”. The vending machine idea won’t be looked at till the next barrio leaders meeting schedule for some time in 2033.

Ok raza there you have it.

hejola report for 02072017

Hejola report for 02072017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again back from a few days’ vacation, now for our award winning;

Barrio new leader wants to build a wall.

Trumpas drives himself into the poor house.

Large protest prepared for 2033.

A group of very unhappy residents have agreed to protest some of the ideas and things that Trumpas has done within a few weeks but have schedule a protest sometime in 2033. They are hoping que by that time Trumpas has either died or not re-elected by them.

Trumpas told a small group of reporters that he should have never run for office that doesn’t allow him to work on his business. He told them that this was the biggest mistake he has made in several years by running and winning. It’s driving me crazy and I am losing money as we speak. His recycle companies have made him a very happy camper. I think someone famous once said” americans are the only folks that drive themselves into the poor house!

Just a few hours ago Tomas Trumpas announced that he will continue to look for funds to build that wall along Westside rail tracks that divide the town. We need that wall to make sure that we don’t get any more stray cats on our side. My god how many cats does a person have to own before it’s just to many!  Plus the damage they do to our back yards, alleys and that awful cat chit smell! Trumpas plan to pay for that wall with funds he hopes to generate from selling recycle cans, bottles and anything and everything that is resalable.

Lock your door they are coming to take us away!

hejola report for 02022017

Hejola report for 02022017.

 Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hi, Bill Diaz here con our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio main drag shut down after awards were announced riots.

Hot shorts on a comeback.

And finally income reminder.

Yesterday the senior citizen center reminded barrio members that are still filing their income tax for 2016 that the center still have several seniors not claimed this year were waiting just for you. Come on by and pick a senior and file.

Yesterday at the 17th annual barrio model show the return of hot shorts for big women made a big splash this year. It seems they thought of putting a swimming pool in the middle of the walkway would look cool. Well it did look cool that’s if you looked hot!! And that is what happen con la commadre Maria Zamora, was modeling a pair of hot pink shorts, with tall blue and white go go boots, with a large black belt with a giant buckle, tripped on the rug and fell into the small pool. It took los vato loco volunteer firefighters several minutes to get la commadre out of the small pool. La commadre was not injuried but those hot shorts got wet and started to reduce in size. A large curtain was torn down to cover la commadre who looked as she was wearing a barrio tong. No charges will be filed.

Yesterday evening a small riot was started after several gay tejanos made up of aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, primos, primas, and a few characters were asked to leave the TWO TONS OF FUN TAVERN, a barrio gay bar after their singer didn’t win the main award. Some started throwing bottles and cupcakes at the giant 12 inch TV at the bar. That is when Big Joe mama, bar owner, asked them to leave the place. So the furious crowd packed their things and took their complaint outside the bar and blocked the main drag for several hours until the program had ended. No arrested were made but something or someone dress like a movie start was hauled off.

Ok got to go raza.