hejola report for 02152018

Hejola report for 02152018.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello raza and how was your day to fall in love? Anyhow I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre arrested for striping. 

 la commadre finds a stranger in her bed. 

It seems que the valentine’s day dance held last night was too much for el compadre Martin Chapa. El senor chapa was arrested after he tried to fled the scene where he found himself sleeping con la comadre from across the street. Somehow or someway he managed to cuddled up to la comadre in her bed. And when la commadre woke up and startled el compadre he tried to make a run for it. El constable cadena told this reporter que it is not possibility that this incident could be related to others , whereas in the last two years such incidents have been occurring that included sexual assaults. El compadre will be charged. 

Vato in the hood arrested three times in one week.

El senor Panchito Blanco was arrested three times in one day last we heard. He first was charged for a motor vehicle violation, which was his car didn’t have a front windshield and than he was charged with driving without a driver license and furthermore, he had attached two different driver plates one in front of his car was from Texas and than one in the back was from California. And the one that broke the camel’s back, was he had forgery of registry documents and driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle. He was toll away to the county jail.

La commadre arrested for striping. 

It seems that a 52 year old barrio woman who stripped in front of her chidren in a drunk attempt to avoid a shoplifting arrest is going to jail says el constable cadena. Si, Maria Gacia will be locked up for a few days based on her plea agreement. She will also be expected to do at least 100 hours of community work. Ms. Garcia was charged with stealing some candy and a pack of gum from the store. It seems the store owner called el constable and told them what Maria had done, so they went over to her home where she began screaming at the constable. During all this, she then stripped to her underwear and told el constable que she dare him to arrest her because she was naked. Oh well.

Well folks there you have it I am bill diaz

hejola report for 02122018

Hejola report for 02122018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am alcardio samudio, bill is on vacation. Wow the first of the month is not even  here and we are already broke. Will we ever have enough money to pay monthly bills? Now for our barrio headline news:

Barrio man arrested after making car payment.

Two more arrested for holding up barrio ice cream man.

And finally barrio man tries to kill himself.

El constable was summon to the resident of Palito Gomez, age 58, when he told his family que he didn’t have enough money to pay this month bills. So Palito did the only thing he could come with and that was tried to kill himself by hanging himself in the back room. The only problem was the water hoes he used was made out of plastic and since he weighed about 300 lbs, it stretched so much that he was standing up within seconds. At that moment his family discovered him past out on the floor con major plastic neck rope burns, that required 918 services. He was taken to the lalala farm across the tracks for observations.

If things could not be worse for la familia Cantu, when for the fifth time this month their barrio ice cream truck was held up by two unknown vatos. The driver tells us que the guys that held him up again were wearing wrestlers masks. El constable is looking any information pertaining to this incident. A large snow cone is being offered for any information.

And finally, El senor Martin Charles was arrested yesterday on charges of arm robbery and left the scene of a robbery. El senor Charles thought he was pretty cute when he made his payment on his car and came right back wearing a wrestlers mask pero con the same clothes. It didn’t take the constable long to find him down the street. Charges will be filed.

hejola report for 02082018

Hejiloa report for 02082018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio 55 Chevy headed to the moon;

17 barrio members’ sign up con barrio airways to take a ride on the new projected 55 Chevy headed to the moon. It was announced last night that these persons will be trained and retrained to be able to make it to the moon while the can hold their breath and more. Did you how much it cost to take them there and back... a bunch says one of the persons that is organizing the trip? We will keep you updated on the progress.

Barrio airline questioned about space trip;

Yesterday afternoon a few real cops came by at the corner of third and wells and spoke with the person in charge of the  temporary booth placed there recruiting persons to the moon. The cops were worried that this could have been some scam due the fact that those interested were required to make a payment of $17,000 up front in order to process their application. More details later.

And finally moon walk stolen:

Sometime during the night someone or somebody went an stolen a bunch of moon walks equipment from a rental store across the tracks. Al Peoples Pal owner of the place told us que he was more than sure que it could have been those persons in charge of the moon trip. Look I overhead them talking the other day outside the store on how to steal one of this so they could practice their moon walk, once they get there. The constable is checking it out.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 02022018

Hejola report for 02022018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx hello raza como estan, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio home interior busted.

How to keep your mother in law in check author arrested.

And finally some good news.

Ten little monkeys were rescued yesterday from 32 dogs and 15 cats that were chasing them in the hood. El constable and about 20 brave volunteers were able to catch the majority of them monkeys and were able to fight off some of the homeless dogs. The city  and barrio leaders will discuss this matter at the next city meeting schedule for March 2033.

La commadre Nancy Alaniz was arrested yesterday afternoon when she was displaying her brand new book named “ How to keep your mother in law in check”. One of the ways as explained in her book was to slap the chit of your mother in law next time she got out of hand. Well that didn’t go very well with certain mother in laws that confronted Nancy at the mall. In one case Nancy actually slapped a so call mother in law to demonstrate que it don’t take long for your in- law to snap and keep her in check. Charges will be filed against her.

 And finally,Yesterday el senor Henry Gomez was arrested as he acted out his own home interior program and had nothing to do with the real so call company. Gomez had been giving his barrio home interior displays in home that folks believe que he was on the up and up. But reality skunk in real quick when those families that had hosted his program were robbed when he went to their family bathroom. He managed to roam around folk home taking whatever he could hind in his pants. Charges will be filed against esta vato.

Ok raza be cool and stay warm.

westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 02012018

westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 02012018.

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 02012018.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am Gloria Guerra mall manager con this week’s mall news. This year we are glad to report que we did not get one shop lifter here at the mall, reducing to almost nothing this pasted year, now con that report here is our general Fideo Vermicelli.
Si Gloria we are glad to report que we did not get one shoplifter arrested nor caught this past year and we are very proud. But on the bad note, some of the stuff that was taken was really not worth the time to be chasing folks for. Now back to Gloria.
Gee general do we know how to fight crime or what? Now with some other mall news, now for some unusually news and display, let’s go con Veronica la lesbian.
Si Gloria this weekend we have a giant treat for all men and women. We will have on display the world second largest condom here. Si it will be on display on the second floor of our mall and only adults will be able to see what a real man is all about and what women die for. Ok now back to Gloria.
Ok, a giant condom,huh. Anyhow folks and finally, let’s go con maria la vandia con here report of the week.
Si Gloria this weekend we have twenty couples plan on getting married here at the mall , so if you are into cake and free cookies come on down around 600pm Saturday for the wedding and the reception we will hold for them . ok now back to Gloria.

Ok folks there we have it for today’s mall news letter.

hejola report for 01302018.

Hejola report for 01302018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am General Fideo Vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Crack makes a big come back:

It seems that regardless of what sex you are and how small your clothing fits you there will always be a crack showing. Barrio educated person told us today que more and more cracks are been seen by all ages and it’s disgusting that many of our children have to see grown men and women cracks in public!

 

Fight between men and women increase for the month of December 2017;

Barrio study showed that an 85 % increase occurred during December where family members fight the most. The study showed it wasn’t sure what it could have been the reason but every indication show money problem was the major factor and alcohol was the second reason. But we all know that!

And finally barrio prepare for 2018:

Yesterday the barrio welcome wagon approved its budget for 2018, by increasing it by $12 more than last year. We are very excited about this huge increase in our fiscal budget. The budget for this year totals $12 plus $12 more is a sign that Trumps tax cuts are helping the hood. Yea, right!

Ok Raza don’t spend that stimulus check in one place!

barrio stimulus check for 2018.

Barrio Stimulus Check for 2018
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am General Fideo Vermicelli with some dam good news for the hood. We just got word from our barrio founding fathers and a few mothers that the barrio lotto 2018 will be giving out 2018 Barrio Stimulus Checks for those families that might be eligible. The only major problem is how much money is there to give away?
Now with that information is Johnnie el quemo!
Si thank you Fideo, well the major problem is that el barrio lotto was able to generate about $2000, this past year and the barrio lotto folks decided to give the left over funds, of course after administrative cost. So here is the breakdown on how much will be available for those that might be eligible?
Total funds : $2000.00.
Administrative cost 20%= $400.
Cost to print forms =$100.
Cost for el primo to deliver forms=$200.
Cost to let people know = $300.
Total cost for stimulus check program=$1000.

In addition there will be a tax charge of 38% from the $1000. That will be available to give away. That equals to $380. Now ,leaving a grant total of $620.00, to be awarded.
Then of course, there the issue of local tax and state tax, and federal tax, and barrio tax, which come to a total of $358. Leaving available $ 272 for our barrio stimulus check for the year. After that a small lotto fee of $200 will also be add on. Alright that leaves you a grand total of $72.
So as you can see Fideo, its lots of money for a few folks. So don’t lose hope and be sure and be looking for that check.