barrio stock market report for 03232018

Barrio stock market report for 03232018.
Cchwnn. 
Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am urbano yosabatodo con this week’s barrio stock market report. Things cost so much que we don’t even watch t.v. anymore. Now lets get to that award winning stock market report

>Los taquitos up from last week, ended the week at $1.45 each coffee is extra.

>Los tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive up on that steady pass this week, ended the week at $6.00 a dozen. 

>Las tortillas, remain pretty stable for now but predicted to go up on price, tortillas $1.50 a pack of twelve. Think corn tortillas?

< la barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at bit higher, $8.00 a lb. llama barbeque at $2.50 lbs. it’s the solution.

Las empanadas are on a roll now , and their prices are sky high, las empanadas took an increase ending the week at $.69 each. Pesse hejola.

And that cheap beer, as a matter of fact went down a bit to a low time low last week but took that hike this week up to of $4.95 a six pack.

Barrio want ads:
#893543: old electric chair, SOLD.

#89767: children toys and some clothing for sale by the pound. SOLD.

#98076: adult toys and a bunch big girl’s kinky clothing, sold by the pound. 

#23546: bicycles for sale. Some are missing parts other you decide.

#98763; still looking for move in maid, will provide French outfit and has to some work around the house wearing it. PLEASE make appointment.

#7658: old tejano records, some 45,78, and a bunch 331/3 lp. Make offer.

Barrio realtors:
That lot on the corner of 8th and wells street is still for sale but has changed address to the corner of 3th and wells street, just get on wells and keep driving on it till it ends there take a left and go three block and turn left, until you hit wells again and then turn right and keep going about 7 blocks and the turn left and you might see it from there, if not turn around and go back 6 blocks and turn right and head west but if you don’t know which way is west, than head south. 

Ok raza there you have it for today, keep it Tejano

hejola report for 03222018

Hejola report for 03222018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello I am Jonathon barrio, bill Diaz took the week off, and now for today’s headline news:

Out of control vato crashes into barrio family home con su bicycle.

El primo gets busted across the track con su personal problems.

And finally Augustine Lacrosse wins lawsuit.

Last week we learned que convicted trash and toilet paper guy Augustine Lacrosse was awarded $5,000, lawsuit against the other side of the city jail officials. Its seems que Mr. lacrosse, who is serving time for toilet papering the city and county courthouse and the whole 700 block of west Richard, fell out of the back of a van transporting prisoners to a work side somewhere in the county, breaking bones in his face and knocking out his only tooth he had left. Mr. Lacrosse told us que he was real happy and couldn’t wait to get out and fix his teeth con the money he got and some lettuce.

Yesterday afternoon el primo david Ruiz a convicted male prostitute, was finally picked up by eastside police on several arrest warrants for indecent exposure against him/her in our side of the tracks as a male. And another warrants for el primo him/her in the other side of the tracks as a female. El primo was asked what was wrong with him, and he told us que nothing, only that he had been smoking lettuce.

 And finally, this morning it was reported que el chuco Morales drove his bicycle of out of control crashing into la familia Cava’s bedroom. There were no serious injuries but the bicycle was total and the damage was less than $10.00. No charges will be filed against el chuco but the constable tells us que etsa vato will be walking for a while. Oh by the way some lettuce was found on him.

Well raza there you have it for todays hejola headline news. I am Jonathon barrios, and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 03202018

Hejola special Easter report for 03212018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La Lesbian con our special Easter report for 03212018..

Recycle Easter hunt huge success.

Gay Tejano bar ready for Easter.

And finally some darn good Easter news.

We all have good days and some better days, but this year we will try to make it a happy Easter to all our followers and we are hoping que Jack the Giant Rabbits come by this year and brings you what you want for Easter. Now with that in mind how much should a person really spend on Easter? Since its just one of many reasons to spend that hard earned money, you tell me.

Late last night Arnold Moore Perez the owner of the newly open Tejano gay bar announced que anyone dress like a fairy, bunny, and even a playboy bunny, and a playgirl bunny would drink for free for about ten minutes after that all drinks will be half prices. In addition anyone dress like a Tejano bunny would drink free, and that meant even if they weren’t Tejano want to be.

And finally, This year’s el barrio community center had its annual Recycle Easter Can Hunt was a great success, says el barrio person in charge of the center. We have over 150 children under the age 20 and had over 300 persons older than 21 showed up for this year’s hunt. We don’t have the name of this year’s winner on who collected the most cans but I am sure there were chingos.

Ok raza have a great Tejano gay day and for those gringitos refusing to admit que they want to be Tejano and not mexican, stay drunk and stay home and don’t say nothing for awhile.

hejola report for 03202018/

Hejolia report for 03202018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.  Hello raza como estan, I el general fideo vermicelli, Bill is on assignment, but are you ready for our award winning barrio headline news:

Ten chickens and five turkeys terrorize birthday party.

 Having live chickens and turkeys at an adult birthday party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of them  that afternoon.  No injuries to the real folks. 

Three women arrested at spring break barrio party for throwing a box of tampons at security guard. 
And finally la comadre me puso el dedo, says Frankie Luz.

El  barrio security force 666, arrested three barrio women at this past weekend spring fling held at el chicano park. It seems que Nora, Norma, y Noelia Martinez got a bit too wasted and we asked to leave the park, as they were leaving the park one of the drunk women threw an unopened box of tampons at one of the barrio security force 666 members, as they drove out of the park. All three women were arrested for P.I., DWI, FEAS, and TRYING TO HARM A PEACE OFFICERS. CHARGES WILL filled.

barrio officers find weed;

It seems que one of el compadres commadres called the cops on him, thinking she hear someone breaking into his home, who lives next door to her. Once el ojo barrio security force 666 answer the call, they promptly went over to el compadres home and found the back door open. Once inside the security force found  chingos de marijuana growing in backyard and inside of his home. No charges have been filed yet but depending on how good the weed is, or worth, or something.

There you have it and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 03122018

Hejola report fo 03122018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning headlines; todays words is “Yellow brick road”.

Barrio leader loves Wiz of Oz!

It must have been some relapse by our barrio leader when he told a room full of 5 persons that he loves watching the Wiz of Oz at least ten times a week. In doing so he wants to match that by painting the main dang here in the hood Yellow with the words paint on saying “follow the yellow brick road”. The barrio treasure told us it would cost at least several thousands of dollars in doing that, in which the barrio was already in the red for 2019! Tomas Trumps told the group it makes me feel better in making the hood yellow and happy. (Please note that the hood is already happy due to the fact that the city hasn’t removed the 1958 Christmas decorations up to now and are turned on all year round!

Ten small persons file law suit against barrio leader for calling those names (munchkins)?

Yesterday a group of short persons filed a law suit against our barrio leader Tomas Trumpas for calling them a bunch of low life Munchkins while speaking at a rally against the new law that just passed requiring all public toilets to be shorter so as short persons can have their feet on the ground while in bathroom stalls. Trumps repeatedly referred to them short persons as Munchkins and told them that if these munchkins want to go to the john… stay home? Look they should watch the movie The Wiz of Oz, and while they followed the yellow brick road did you notice that not one person ever went to the bathroom in that movie and I wonder why now?

And finally barrio resident prepare for barrio war!

I told you so says la commadre Maria Gomez after she was told that this spring break and Easter would bring those unwanted barrio relatives back into the hood. El constable told us que in the past few years he has had to hire a ton of extra security to make sure chit don’t hit the fan when those unwanted relatives start drinking and partying. The last few years at least 100 relatives have been arrested from different families that bring out the pass and have caused lots of damage to the hood and personal properties. Trumpas was heard saying he hopes that the yellow brick road will be painted before than so the hood can be happy again. (Please note that the hood is already happy due to the fact that the city hasn’t removed the 1958 Christmas decorations up to now and are turned on all year round!

Ok raza stay warm and happy!

barrio stock market report for 03092018

Barrio stock market special edition: “el future de la barbaco de cabeza 2018”.

03142013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Once again I am urbano yosabatodo. I am here today covering this very important seminar being held here at the Westinghouse barrio mall second level, and at the cona Lozano cash and carry sport complex convention center. “el future de la barbaco de cabeza 2018” convention is being held and we have over 200 barrio people that have something to do con the production of barbacoa.  Assisting me today is my new assistant my younger brother Franciso Pancho yosabatodo.

Si urbano thank you for hiring me brother and I won’t let you down. Well raza we have a great turn out today on this very important barrio issue : la barbaco de cabeza. It seems que todo esto started con the esta farmer named mr rubio y su idea de raising llama in the hood to replace beef. That is what this seminar is all about today.

The organizer of this convention is mr. j.p. weeks owner of weeks cattle and sheep inc. located on the edge of eastside and Westside. So one could say que mr. weeks farm is on both sides of the tracks. Mr. weeks is the largest provider of beef here in the hood and has the biggest dinner in town specializing en barbacoa de cabeza. The number of folks attendance was great and it included from small taco stand owners to large restaurants that rely on mr weeks beer.

Some of the issues that were dealt with are the following:

A.   mad cow disease: el dr. chon chingo chon specializing in gringo dieases told the audience que esta cosa de mad cow was a gringo thing and wouldn’t effect la raza due to the fact que muchos over cook the meat anyhow. In addition he said que there was no proof que esta mad cow was no where never our hood.  Neverless in town.

B.   The increase of sales and production : Manuel Gonzales a tamale broker spoke on the potential la barbacoa market still had in the hood. He also pointed out que many tamale makers were using more beer than deer meat now a days, making beef the number one meat in the hood, he told us que not even pork could compare its sales to beef.

C.   Livestock and slaughter house in the hood : el senior henry Garcia owner of the largest slaughter house in the hood names Garica’s slaughter house told us que the number of livestock that is produce is higher than even. He pointed out to us que his company has done its very best to make sure que none of his cattle has made contact con esa pincha cow dieases.  In being able to protect the rest of the herd, he has hired several gringos that can spot a mad cow.

D.   The future of beef in the hood: el senor H.P. morgan soliz told the large crowd que it made no differences if the llama meat was to come into the hood it wont effect the price nor the percentage of beef being sold now in the hood.

E.    Increase of barrio taco stands: Pete Cruz Mata president of el barrio welcome wagon told the crowd que in the last two years a total of 35 percentage of the taco stands had closed their down. For what reason, he pointed out que poor management skill and lack of training in keep good sales records. This could really hurt a business.

F.   Protection of livestock in the hood : el ojo barrio private eye gave his new security concept on how one can protect their livestock. Base on el constable report for the fiscal 2016/2017, it shows que 110 folks had being arrested for stealing or trespassing onto barrio farmland. And that about 25 head of cattle had being stolen or missing in this same period compared to the number of llamas that had been either shot or poisoned . so as you can see says el ojo barrio private eye que it is very important that every single barrio farmer to hire or establish their own guards. In addtion he offered a 20 percent discount on his next classes on how to be a barrio private eye y your own security.

So at the end of the day several goals were established and hope to implement this plan within the next three years. Copy of their plan will not be made public until this group decides when and how much will it cost. I am fransico yosabatodo and now back to my older brother urbano.

Thanks frank, well there you have it folks, the future of la barbacoa de cabeza is really on your hands. I am urbano. Remember if you can’t eat it don’t buy it..

hejola report for 03012018

Hejola report for 03012018.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio increase of elder’s having sex.

 

Naked man report seen in barrio alley, during the mid-night hours.

 

And finally some good news.

 

We always like to report the good news about the hood, today we  would like to announce the engagement of the daughter de la familia Garica, Mary Lou Garcia, age 66 is going to marry el senor Walter M. Mendoza, age 32, a barrio insurance agent. The family Garcia are so glad que Mary lou finally found someone that is willing to share her life with, Or the rest of her life with, the marriage is schedule to take place sometime in 2033.

 

El constable is asking for your help, in busting or finding out who is that naked man that has been seen running around in barrio alleys. We heard and we have seen pictures but have been unable to catch this dude. If you have any information or news about this person, please contact our office, oh a small reward is been offered.

 

 

 

And finally, Yesterday a barrio study done by who knows who, reported que barrio seniors, age averaging from 65 to 89 years of age are on an increase of having sex in public. El constable told us que 2013 has started out with a big bang compared to 2012. Last year we only had about 10 such cases now we have around 325 cases and we are not even in the first quarter of the year. El constable will meet with local senior citizen organizations to discuss this matter.

 

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.