hejola report for03312016

Hejola report for 03312016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am bill Diaz con our special break up date con Maria la vandia.

Si bill it’s been awhile but I am back, Maria la vandia, just back from way out west and visited with some friends there but that’s another story. But for today, our barrio spring back headlines news:

Three barrio men busted for making out con a mesquite tree.

Two barrio spring breakers mistaking constable car for taxicab.

Tres are arrested for stealing a barbecue grill.

And now some darn good news.

Well our creator almost retired yesterday but after thinking about he’s back.

Yes, can you believe this three vatos were drunk and had run out of money on their way to the south padre island, and stopped in the hood to see what they could cook up. Well they sure did, while scoping out the hood estos ways saw el barbecue grill de Paul’s barbecue cooking its traditional chicken. They decided to steal the pit. So one of the vatos jumped out of the car and rolled the stolen pit about ten feet when the chain that secured the pit, stretched as far as it could go, ring an alarm hooked up to the pit. Before they knew it, there were eight men and two women checking out the noise when these people surrounded the three men, while el constable got there to arrest them.

Two drunks seemed to have drunk a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable Cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

The reason el constable had come over to hi-ho motel in the first place was someone had reported that three barrio men were making out con a mesquite tree. When the constable got there he parked his car right in front of the bar and managed only to arrest two of the reported sex perverts. Its real sad says the constable que group men can’t tell the differences between real women and a tree. The two men were arrested and taken to the cop shop across the tracks and might have to visit the local lalaland for observation.

So Raza, as you can see, spring break can make you do thing que tomorrow you won’t remember, because you won’t! I am Maria la vandia con my report.

hejola afternoon report for 03292016

Hejola afternoon report for 03292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Johnnie el quemon con today’s award winning headline news:

Barrio residents arrested with county wide raids.

Raza don’t want a woman president, chinga.

Two men and ten dogs, 5 cats, and 18 chickens not allowed to vote early?

And now some good darn news.

Barrio lotto owns have agreed in theory to re-start the barrio 8 ball lotto again as soon as they determine how much should the lotto be? The last time the 250 lotto winner had to divide the $5.00 it was offering among the 250 winner. Dang.

We all know that in the hood everybody votes, ok now that we know this why did el compadre Ramon Garcia not allowed to vote along con sue friend, ten dogs, 5 cats, and his 18 chickens? The poll director Leo Green told us que there is a limit to how many folks in home can vote and Mr. Garcia was way over the limit. Mr. Garcia thinking about suing someone about this. He hasn’t decided who to start off with?

When we started 2016, we felt que we had accomplished a chit load of things that weren’t issues anymore. Now it turns out que many Raza both men and women don’t want a woman president. Que chingas wrong with this? How can us the most educated minority in the hood talk this way, WAY! HAVE we not learned what your mother told you when you were a young man or women growing up? Don’t cry like a little baby, only gringritos cry , you are Raza, move ahead and step up and don’t be so darn foolish……listen to the only one that we listened too, dear mother. Ok, she also made some mistakes like talking to other men and spending the rent money on bingo and drank a lot but that didn’t give us the right question her advice. Grow up and be a man and let la commadre be in charge. If we don’t agree run her ass of in 4 years…

Yesterday all of the persons living at the end of third and wells were rounded up and taken to jail with a countless number of charges ranging from violent to men, women and children, domestic violence and homicide to pet, cousins, and farm animals, and cheating husband and wife’s, passing out bad checks, misusing drugs, stealing from your parents, and friends and throwing eggs and water balloons at older folks, and so on. So for some reason you don’t see me or any of my staff for a while we might have gotten picked up or waiting to get picked up. OJO…

Ok raza keep your eyes and ears open for those insurgents?

hejola report for03292016

Hejola special Easter report for 03292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La Lesbian con our special Easter report for 03292013.

Recycle Easter hunt huge success.

Gay Tejano bar ready for Easter and after Easter.

And finally some darn good Easter news.

We all have good days and some better days, but this year we will try to make it a happy Easter to all our followers and we are hoping que Jack the Giant Rabbits come by this year and brought you what you wanted for Easter. Now with that in mind how much should a person really spend on Easter? Since its just one of many reasons to spend that hard earned money, you tell me?

Late last night Arnold Moore Perez the owner of the newly open Tejano gay bar announced que anyone dress like a fairy, bunny, and even a playboy bunny, and a playgirl bunny would drink for free for about ten minutes after that all drinks will be half prices. In addition anyone dress like a Tejano bunny would drink free, and that meant even if they weren’t Tejano want to be.

And finally, this year’s el barrio community center had its annual Recycle Easter Can Hunt was a great success, says el barrio person in charge of the center. We have over 150 children under the age 20 and had over 300 persons older than 21 showed up for this year’s hunt. We don’t have the name of this year’s winner on who collected the most cans but I am sure there were chingos.

Ok raza have a great Tejano gay day and for those gringitos refusing to admit que they want to be Tejano and not mexican, stay drunk and stay home and don’t say nothing for awhile.

hejola report for 03282016.

Hejola report for 03282016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again raza I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio Easter brings in higher crime rate.

Breakdown of arrest for Easter.

Two tons of fun bar bans barrio man dress as a playboy bunny.

And some darn good news.

Besides all this issues I am sure many had a great Easter with family and friends and there is nothing wrong with that.

You see there is nothing wrong in dressing up at home and so on, but to go out in public dress in that homemade playboy bunny outfit without underwear is really not call for. That was the case con La Girl a barrio gay man must have been drunk or stone when he decided to go out in that homemade playboy outfit. Charges will be filed but at the moment he is being taken to lala land across the tracks for observation.

 He is a breakdown of the arrests for this past Easter:

-Three men and two chickens were arrested at the Chicano park for fighting after an Easter Hunt gone wrong.                                                                                                                                                                                             --La Comadre Laura Ann Munoz and her two sisters and ten cats were rounded up after a report that they had stolen all the Easter Eggs for the local church.                                                                                                                  -Four men and two horse and a few sheep were reportedly arrested after they tried to steal a lot recycle cans that were schedule to be used at this past Sunday recycle Easter Hunt. It seems that they had been there earlier and had come back for another load of cans. What gave then in was that they were using an old wagon to haul those cans away.          Oh the animals will also be fined.                                                       --El compadre Junior Junior Lopez was arrested along with his three daughter after they started a freaking fight at the corner of third and wells after they were accused of stealing several stuff rabbits that were for sale by those street venders. It seemed that Junior didn’t like the comments made about them and when el constable got there and searched their car it was true.                            

El constable just finished his public address at the barrio adult center telling barrio officials that this Easter brought in year. Easter is a time where all family gathers and share the love for Christ. But this year it brought more than just plan love but a ton of arrested. He said that compared to last year where  only arrested  around 5 to 6 persons and some pets, but this year he had over 50 phone complaints and arrested more than 25 persons and that included some pet, so love was not in the air and if it was it was behind bars.

Ok raza have a great week

barrio stock market for 03252016

barrio stock market report for 03232012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Tx. Now back from vacation here is Urbano Yosabatodo. Como estan todos mi amigos. Hejolia did we get emails from at least one person asking to what happen to our report last week. Well raza like everything else, I was on vacation. I took a few days off and went to the lower valley de tejas. But now I am back and ready for some action Jackson. So now con el barrio stock market report:

Las tortillas: Las tortillas remained stable this past few weeks. It seems que more and more raza are making their own tortillas now a days. Leaving that raza tortilla smell in your whole  home. Which we feel is alright, that’s if you are raza. For some reason or another everybody wants a clean smelling home, hejolia well it’s going to be hard, that’s if you making your own tortillas. Tortillas ended the week at $1.10 a dozen.

Los taquitos:  well folks we were surprise this morning when we ate at la commadres grill. It seems que we didn’t have to pay for our meal this morning due to que la commadre wanted us to mention her name on our report. Well raza we do encourage every single one of you that can read and understand this report que your local barrio restaurant owners need your business. So stop eating at those major chain restaurants and bring your business closer to home. Taquitos going at $1.45 each and in some cases two for one in larger cities.

Los tamales: los tamales took a drop on price this week. Since the weather is warming up a bit, many barrio consumers find it hard to eat those tamales on very warm days. Now is the time to buy and freeze says Manuel Gonzales a tamale broker. Los tamales going at $5.00 a dozen, buy raza, buy.

Las empanadas: for many las empanadas comes in at least three favors, but our sources say que there might be a very very very very small change que the price will go down this week sometime. Barrio consumer groups tell us que they have being asking around and since we do report on las empanadas many dealers are willing to lower the price just for us to get off their case. Las empanadas at stable at .89 cent each with no sign of them going down.

Baracoa de caveza: los city commissioners for both sides of the tracks voted yesterday to study the possibilities off banning the selling of beef heads within the city limits. It’s just too much to monitor now with that mad cow disease going around said city commissioner Ernest roughneck. “Them boys need to use some other part of that cow for their barbeque.” says Mr. roughneck. A private group called let me put the finger on you will do the study. The results should be done in ten years. La Baracoa was still at $5.50 a lb.

Cheap beer: barrio store owners pulled a fast one this past weekend in which the majority agreed to raise the price on cheap beer but the quality of the beer, remains the same, ended the week at $2.99 a six pack. Barrio consumers are being made aware of this increase. One beer drinker said que now the beer is going up, what could be next?

Barrio want  ads:

Item #524126: youth clothing for sale all sizes.

Item #85623: women underwear for sale, all sizes.

Barrio realtors report:

Back yard properties are for sale.  Make offer.

Ok raza there we have it and have a great tejano day

hejola report for 03242016

Hejola report  for 03242016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Characters arrested; Superman, Easter Bunny, Speedy Gonzales and Sancho Clause.

Easter Bunny no show causes a small riot.

Barrio man runs into street light pole naked.

Dang what is wrong con el compadre?

And finally some darn good news.

El barrio has done its very best to meet its expectations con this year’s Easter recycle can hunt. We thanks all you people that litter tin cans and those that donated some for making this year’s hunt possible this coming Sunday, Que Viva.

After been released for lala land from across the track and instructed not to be drinking el compadre well known for not following instructions was right back to where he was at before he got put into that lalaland, drinking and walking around naked. So when the constable finally spotted he, el compadre made a run for it and at one point turned to see how far he had left el constable on this chased ran right into a telephone pole he didn’t see coming. He was knocked out and for some reason got a fullest extent of you know what as possible, that’s when someone called Los vato’s loco volunteer firefighter for help. Once they got there they all refused to help do to the erection he had. Dang.

Late last night around 3 a.m. el constable Cadena was called on a 918 call that something weird was going on at the corner of third and wells. When the constable got there it seemed that this group of people had blocked the street to watch a footrace between Supermen vs. Easter Bunny vs. Speedy Gonzales vs. Sancho Clause. The race would have been the length of two blocks and winner take all. But the end result was all three hero’s got arrested and taking to local lalala land for observation, oh by the way Sancho Clause was released with no charges due to the fact he had already been to local lalala land for observation several weeks ago.

Well as children and parents lined up to take pictures con this year’s Easter Bunny took an unexpected turn when the sponsors of this event tried to explain to the families que el Easter Bunny was not going to make it due to his sled got bogged down somewhere along the way and told them that there weren’t going to be no refunds on the cost of the picture. But the sponsors tried to trick them by have the only thing they could come up with was have Sancho Clause show up instead.  That is when the crowd started throwing Easter eggs and candy at the sponsors who had to call the cops. Several folks were arrested that included little kids and their pets. Charges will be filed, oh by the way Sancho got a bit lucky he was able to gather a chit load of candy to eat and eggs, oh yea.

Ok raza there you have and have a great day.

hejola report for 03232016.

 

Hejola report for 3/23/2016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello my friends I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio man arrested dressed like the Lone Range.

Reward for a dog name Lassie.

Ten barrio members missing after spring break.

And now some darn good news.

At the end of each day I tell myself I only got a few more days before retirement.

Today we were told that ten barrio members all from the nursery home “heaven” were reported missing after they took a bus ride to the beach for its 10 hour spring break. The leader of this group, old man in the shoe said that he wasn’t sure if this old goats were really missing or just didn’t come back on the bus after watching a lot of half-naked women there. But all and all relatives for these folks have been informed and a large group of three persons have volunteered to go back to the beach on the same bus ride to look for them. If you are at the beach and see a bunch of old folks that don’t seem to fit in, just give us a call. No reward is being offered but a free meal will be given at the nursing home for any information.

I am sure somewhere down the road you had heard about a dog name Lassie, will we here in the hood we have our own version of Lassie. Chihuahua named Lassie was stolen late last night and the owner Mr. Bobby McGee is offering a reward for its return. So if you see this Chihuahua, going by the name of Lassie please give us a call at 361 558 2263.

Yesterday afternoon el constable Cadena had to chase and following a man known as the Lone Ranger after he spotted him riding his cow Silver. After the two block chase, the Lone Ranger was arrested for riding his cow without a permit and on the wrong side of the road. Charges have been filed and Silver will be staying con el constable while the lone ranger does his 24 days in jail.

Ok Raza have a great day.