hejola report for 0926209. the saga continues.

Hejola report for 09262019.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Constable raids Tina V. Gonzales and not looking good;

It look like the constable had everything under control with the sage on the corner of third and wells, where la commadre Tina V. Gonzales had taken three animal control unit workers hostages.  Until 1 Am this morning, a handful of state and local police swat team raided the home of la commadre, and recued all three animal control workers. No report on how they did it or the status of la commadre Gonzales. More details later.

Barrio health center St. Paul’s Medical health center sources tell us that la Commadre Tina V. Gonzales had been accepted to the health center here in the mall under heavy security. We do have word now that la commadre had been Taser several times by the police force when she tried to wrestle down several of the swat team from across the tracks. During all this la commadre was reported of suffering a cardiac arrest and with several other major injuries was rushed here to get treated immediately after the so call brawl. More details as they happen.

The local law dogs have warned the hundreds of folks now helping the barrio welcome wagon in keeping the local animal control workers from removing any more of la commadres 300 and so cats from her property. The number of folks that have made a human chain has increased and now are surrounding the whole home. The cops have already warned them this morning that if they continue with this nonsense that many of them were going to get arrested for blocking public roads, sidewalks and alleys. And furthermore the law dogs said that they were going to get those cats regardless how many are protesting. The group was denied a parade permit for the corner of third and wells, but the group will not be discourage and continue with their effort to protect la commadre loving cats from the outrages animal control workers. 

We just got word que lo commadre Tina V. has either escaped or moved to another location by law enforcement officers. After the word was out que the la commadre Tina v. had escaped or mysterious disappeared from the health center,  persons concerning about her welfare increased to about a thousand or some folks have gone to the mall area and are trying to stop the insurgence of law dogs from finding la commadre. We here feel that the local authorizes had taken this situation way out of hand and are really striving lots of trouble in the hood for them says one of the leaders wanting justice for tina. And we hope that were every she is hiding or being secretly held is doing well.

The reported que la commadre had been taken to the Westinghouse barrio medical center after she had been taser and suffered a cardiac arrest, now mall officials tell us que la commadre had escaped or even better mysterious disappeared from the center earlier this morning by a group of 20 men and women cat lovers. The whole mall area is being surrounded by at least 350 police from different counties and cities searching for tina and the group that helped her escape. The group just overwhelm the 2 police officers who were watching her there at the health center says the mall manager.

Ok that’s it for now and let’s pray for tina and the 50 cats that have already been arrested. Well there you have it and lets pray for Tina and have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 09252019

Hejola report for 09302015. 06252016

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas, hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Increase of kidnaps barrio pets.

Several barrio members arrested at school protest.

And now some sad news.

El primo Carlos told us que he no longer could work for a system that has been created by workers that don’t follow the rules of the land and by that note he also told us que he was sad that things were going to get worse than better. Thanks primo for all the good years of working there.

It seems that when persons can’t answer certain questions and get the right answer it’s going to piss some folks off. Well that was the case at our local community college when the administrators realize que many of its workers didn’t give a dam about anything never the less its students concerns and issues. Now that more than 35 folks have picketed their office things are getting done but the problem is that the same folks that caused these problems are still there and promise to do things their way.

El constable Cadena told us que there has been a 50 percent increase of barrio pets being either lost, or stolen, but the rare thing about this whole matter is que someone or some people have been calling the owners of these little pets about paying a ransom for their return. El constable is a bit confused about this matter but is investigating the matter.

Ok raza have a great day and stay strong.

hejola report for 09232019

Hejola report for 09232019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio Paralympic World participant comes home a loser;

 Juan Bueno, age 54, lost ever event at this pasted weekend Barrio Paralympic games here at our own Westinghouse barrio mall area. He was more upset with the fact that he lost his left prosthetic leg somewhere at the Two Tons of Fun (only Tejano gay bar in the state). The awards were presented there but it seems that Juan got too messed up and lost track of his leg.

New barrio sex gel;

La hija de sue Mary was awarded an award this weekend in creating a new personal lubricants gel for your sexual pleasures. She was so happy to get this sexy award que she could share her formula with any one or any body!

 New barrio voting booths installed;

Barrio leaders voted on installing voting booths at some bars expect Two Tons of Fun, which I am sure will lead to some kind of lawsuit. The voting booths will be located in non-serving rooms, say el Ojo barrio private; the entrances will be separated from the bar. The reason is that barrio bars are popular community gathering points, and will assure a large turn out this year.

Religion doesn’t work that way;

La Irma Molina was fired as a receptionist at the St. Paul’s medical center last month because she to remove her lip ring at work, which she said was integral to her religion, the Church of Tattoos y Orta Cosas. Molina insisted that her several piercings are spiritual, giving her control over her body, and she declined to accept an alternate job at St. Paul’s medical center, away from public contact.

Barrio Alter boy arrested;

 Joseph Benavides is in jail this morning, the result of being caught with 33 pounds of marijuana in a traffic stop, but according to the constable report, he informed the arresting officer that hassling him would be a "hate crime" because he was a special courier transporting religious instruments between member monasteries of the Church of Tattoos y Orta Cosas, which uses marijuana as a sacrament.

Ok holy holy god bless you and god bless you.

hejola report for09192019

hejola report for 09192019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas.

Hello again raza it seems that things are way out of control con this cat situation;

 Let’s us start with the easy part of all this;

Fifty cats arrested outside Tina V. aka barrio cat women compound.

As you might remember that we reported que la commadre Tina V. had over 250 cats in her backyard and fought off all five animal control workers, well this afternoon, they came back with a new strategy. They decided since they couldn’t roundup la commadre’s cat in her back yard, they decided to wait outside her yard and waited for them cats to wonder off her property. At this time the city has reported que over 50 cats have already been arrested and waiting for more arrests. We will keep you informed on this matter.

Barrio animal control had new plan for Tina V. and her cats, but spoiled.

Constable Cadena takes control of situation where three hostages are being held.

Barrio members show support for Tina V and her religious rights to love cats.

And finally some more or less good news.

Yesterday la commadre Tina V demonstrated que we still live in a country where we can raise cats and dogs and love them as much as we want with the love of god. So now it is our right to stand up to these laws that don’t allow us to own more than 100 cats at a time (yea right, thank god it’s just a make believe story). As long as Tina V holds her ground we here and you there will stand up for her and her cats.

This morning 5 barrio animal control unit workers went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales again with a new plan. This time la commadre T was not very happy with the idea that they capture some 50 of her cats outside her perimeter, so she had her own plan for them. The report says when the barrio animal control unit arrived this morning around 5 a.m. and noticed at least 50 more of them cats outsider the demilitarized zone that la commadre had marked in her back yard. Well at least three of the animal control unit workers tried to chase down some of them cats found them self well within the DMZ zone.

Where all of a sudden la commadre appeared from a hidden underground bunker she had built for such an occasion behind the three animal control workers, where she managed to capture all three workers by knocking them down with a 10 foot 2x4 and took them into her second fenced area next to her home. The other two workers made a run for it in an effort not to get caught but managed to contact the constable Cadena. No word on the status of this sage and standoff.

The constable has taken charge of this drama being held at this moment, told us que he was very glad to see that the three hostage were doing great and seem to be in good health. He also stated that la commadre had bar b q some food for the three men and bought some beer also. All and all the situation seems to be reaching an end soon, and hoping que la commadre T will release the workers with no one getting real hurt. Please note that el constable was able to communicate with Tina using flag signals.

And finally at least 35 people have gather at the corner of third and wells protesting the way the barrio animal control unit has handled the cat situation here. It seems that many of the protestors are telling us que there is really no need to bring in the local law dogs from across the tracks and their swat team to end this terrible siege, in which the constable is considering if la commadre Tina doesn’t release the three hostage she captured within a few days.

Ok raza we will keep you informed on this matter and keep it Tejano.

Posted by daniel at 7:14 AM No comments:  

hejola report for 09182019

Hejola report for 09222015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello Raza how about them cowboys! I am David Polar Bear Duran con our award winning barrio headline news:

How not to pick up drunken chicks after 1:00 am.
Barrio cat woman beats up several city and county employees.                                                                   Barrio vato loco’s volunteer firefighters arrested with Marijuana plants.

How many times have we tried not to pick up any chicks at bars especially after the 1:30 a.m. well this is the case con Mike Chavarava. It seems que esta vato took la senorita Julia Childes Moreno home with him after he met her at the bar this past Saturday night at around 1:30 a.m. He didn’t realize que Julia is one of those drunks que likes to talk about the pass regardless if you were involved or not when she gets pretty wasted. Well this was the case que esta chick drank a few more beers at mikes home and felt que she was being taken advantage of her back in September of 2004. By her recalling that awful night lead her to fighting and screaming at esta poor vato mike. Well when the cops showed up con el constable Cadena, they realized que it was Julia causing some chit over here at mikes home. No charges were filed against anyone but did ask Julia if she wanted a ride home.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky butt alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon los vatos locos volunteers firefighters were the first to arrive at a burning home on third and wells here on our side of the tracks. Once the real fire fighters from across the tracks got there they suspected that something was up because los vatos locos volunteer fire fighters were acting kind of nervous and were seen ferrying buckets of water to the fire themselves. Los locos were hoping que los neighbors wouldn’t call the real firefighters. Once el constable Cadena got there and the fire was turned off he found several marijuana plants growing in the basement of the home and inside los vatos 1978 red ford whatever trunk. No one from the home was arrested but three vatos locos were and taken in for questioning.
Ok Raza there you have it for today’s hejola report and Raza keep Tejano.

hejola report for 09172019

Hejola report for 09172019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again  I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

How old is too old:

Carlos Domingo, 87, and his girlfriend Brianna Sanchez, 86, are too old to have sex ("adults," according barrio state law) but apparently too young to exchange nude photos. Carlos, was charged with five counts of "sexual exploitation" -- for receiving "sexts" from Brianna and having nude photos of himself on his phone (i.e., "exploiting" himself). Brianna accepted a lesser sentence and is serving a tedious, restrictive probation; she had also been charged with self-exploiting. After much criticism for threatening felony charges and sex-offender registration, prosecutors offered Carlos a similar tedious, restrictive probation sometime this September. Both are residents of el barrio casa for the old prevents.

What’s the matter with you?

Martin Solis, 42, on the lam since last week, while wanted for armed robbery at the other side of the tracks, was arrested in this pasted when the constable spotted a man matching his description -- notably, his one-of-a-kind tattoo of a machete just below his left eye.

Even in the hood, the barrio courthouse forces visitors to walk through a metal detector after leaving pocket contents (wallets, keys, etc.) in bins. Esta Way, 34, faced several charges from a courthouse visit last week because, among the items he had to remove from his pocket were a drug scale and a razor blade. After a short chase of ten blocks (and a Tasering), he was arrested.

El compadre is not well;

According to a divorce petition filed by Carman Munoz, her estranged husband Johnny B. Good Moreno drove her to post-traumatic stress disorder with his "lifestyle." According to the petition, Moreno sometimes wore a chastity belt to work and, during sex, wore diapers and "a horse tail" (with an anal plug) and "gallop(ed)" around their home, used a litter box, had his wife "walk" him on a leash, dressed like a "sissy maid" named "Mary," and wanted to be fed and diapered like a baby. Said Munoz's lawyer, it was "a bedroom nightmare."

Volunteers needed:

Yesterday barrio district attorney Maria La Bandia, announced that she was seeking volunteers for a forensic test to help his case against Don Lunas, 42, who is scheduled to stand trial for the death of his wife. The volunteers must be female, about 5 feet 5inches tall and 240 pounds, and will have to stick their heads into a toilet bowl and flush. Lunas, is charged with drowning his wife in a commode, but his version (which the prosecutor believes improbable) is that his wife committed suicide by flushing herself. But by the end of this trail we ultimately sure he will pleaded guilty to reckless homicide, say the DA.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 09162019.

Hejola report for 09162019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill diaz. Please note que somewhere in this report it was a bad weekend for a barrio minister! Now our award winning barrio headline news;

Evil spirits not caught!

La Prima Sophia Pena fell and broke her arm when street Barrio street preacher Oscar De Jesus pushed the evil spirits from her forehead, and no one caught her when she swooned backward; she settled with the church for $8.

Barrio preacher beat up!

Barrio street preacher Oscar De Jesus who was scheduled to sing at his wife’s uncle funeral was beaten by parishioners and physically tossed from his uptown church after he screamed from the pulpit that the deceased was a “drunkard” and a “fornicator” and was now “burning in hell” and that the parishioners would be right behind him. De Jesus defended his outburst by claiming that the “hold Ghost” had ordered him to tell the truth!

You’re fired!

El compadre Mario Martinez, was told to bring a friend with him at a special hearing to reflect his future with a certain company regardless good or bad! So el compadre Martinez brought a barrio clown to the meeting was told que his short long term career con that company had come to an end, once the meeting ended el compadre and el clown gave out balloons too all the butt wipes.

Miranda rights:

 And even though Carlos Gomez, 49, fully confessed to el constable that he had killed a man, but el Ojo barrio Private just of the peace set him free because officers forgot to read him his Miranda rights.

The end of the road;

And according to the constable que "An elderly man who lived on the corner of third and wells suffered a heart attack while engaged in sexual intercourse and died this pasted weekend". The elderly man was 95 years old. Oh by the way the two elderly women ages 82, and 73 will not be charged.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 09122019

Hejola  report for 09122019.

Ccchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again I am Bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

I wont do that if I didn’t;

Los vato loco’s firefighters had to break a car window, against the owner's wishes, to rescue her 42 year old son, whom she had accidentally locked inside along with the key. The kid had been sweltering for more than 20 minutes when Ole Susan Garza, 62 (who was later charged with reckless endangerment), implored firefighters to let her go home and get a spare key so they wouldn't have to damage her 1978 Ford whatever. (For grow children on an 88-degree day, 20 minutes inside is dangerous, according to one of the loca’sfirefighters.)

Primo don’t need rehab just his butt kick:

El primo Glenn A. Wallace Reyes, 21,( one of the few gringio looking vato) upon being sentenced 99 days in barrio jail as a habitual criminal (after rejecting a plea bargain that would have meant a 15 days sentence): "There's things I choose to do, like, if I go in a store and choose to take a Snickers bar, if you catch me, you catch me. If not, I'm going to go home and eat it up and go on about my business, dog." And then there is La Commadre Luz, 68, who was indicted for the June jealous-rage fatal shooting her former boyfriend, age 85, at the only barrio  senior citizens' home and who told police upon her arrest, "I did it, and I'd do it again!"

Increase of barrio women in sports;

Now that the barrio has a new putt putt grounds named “ putt  putt your head away” have reported that 85 percent of the new members are females, that play during the midnight hours. The new ground is open 24 hours a day and it seems that these women have not big problems putting away in their home made G-strings..

In another sport that  seems a large number of commadres have been reported on "Rosa Rosa" and the Cholitas del barrio wreslting club , who are female wrestlers who toss each other around the ring, wearing bowler hats, shawls and multilayered skirts, are hoping to be part of a Mexican- style pro wrestling circuit real soon.

Barrio doctors busy this pasted few days;

It seems that being a doctor in the hood can bring in a lot different emergencies. First of all the 911 vato loco’s volunteers along con el barrio doctor were called somewhere beyond third and Wells street to release a barrio crack head that got stuck in a narrow, hollow opening in a tree and couldn’t get it! It took them almost two hours and a few ropes to free that person. In addition to all this the barrio doctor had to use some bolt cutters to remove a large plastic mayonnaise jar from another crack head head!

Ok raza keep your chit together or get your shit kicked!

hejola report for 09112019

Hejolia report for 09112019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again and let us take a few seconds to pray for the ones that lost their lives during the 911 attack……

And now are award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio church members volunteer!

He or she!

Happy face feyo!

Barrio homes on the rise!

Barrio church members volunteer;

Beginning this month, about one dozen people from the hood will be meeting every Sunday morning at 6 a.m. on a mission to scrub down, one by one, the barrio grungiest public rest rooms. "By 7:30," according to this reporter who witnessed an outing in August, the team had left behind a "gleaming public toilet, looking as good as the day it was installed." Explained the hygiene- intense Maria Luna (during the week, a computer programmer), the mission is "for our own good" -- work that leader el compadre god is good, compares to the training that receive to find peace on his on line church. (In fact, to fulfill the group's motto, "Clean thyself by cleaning cubicles," the scouring must be done with bare hands.) A squad supporter spoke of a sad, growing apprehension that the younger generation no longer shares the cultural conviction that rest rooms should always be clean and safe.

He or she?

Colleagues were stunned at the constable office when el constable suddenly appeared at work wearing a little black dress and a red wig and declaring that he had begun hormone therapy and wanted to be called Maria Paz. As co-workers accommodated his wishes (which did not seem so unusual in contemporary professional society), Mari (el constable cadena) began to have second thoughts, and by July had blamed his conversion on "transient global amnesia," brought on by marital difficulties, and had returned to work as El constable Cadena. Apparently the primary lingering effect is that he must still deal with Dawn's hormone-induced breasts. Hey Mr. Chichon!

Happy face, feyo!

Researchers at the University of El Barrio have developed a mirror that makes a person appear happy even when not. A built-in camera tracks facial features in real time, then tweaks the image to turn up the corners of the mouth and to create the beginnings of a smile in the eyes. Of what practical use would such a mirror be? One barrio researcher, believe that happy-face mirrors in retail stores would improve shoppers' dispositions and lead to more sales.

Barrio home sales on the rise!

A home ownership boom at our Westside has led to heavily attended housing fairs, in which builders compete zealously to sell their homes, leading to offbeat schemes to draw attention. Among the latest, according to El Danny Boy home builder, has gone as far as dresses female models in bare-backed evening wear, with sample floor plans and other housing information painted onto their skin, and sends them wandering through the crowds. One home buyer said to hell with this home, how much for the dress!

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 09102019

Hejola report for 09292019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again, I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio private eye granted a handicap parking permit;

It seems que El Ojo barrio private eye 51, who is fully certified by the state to be capable of physical work such as breaking through barriers and crawling in confined spaces, among other physical tasks, was granted a handicapped parking permit by another state office because of a sinus problem.

Family affairs;

An entire 86-member jury pool for a criminal case on this side of the tracks (population 100) yesterday had to be dismissed because, according to prosecutor Juan Davis, too many members of the pool were related to each other.

Esta vato indecent exposure;

El constable Cadena arrested el primito Vela, 34-year-old man this pasted weekend and charged him with indecent exposure along the corner of third and Wells Street. El constable was alerted by two commadres in a car who said they first spotted the man, then drove by at least five times to confirm what they had seen. Oh by the way, el primito is filing charges for sexual harassment on the two commadres.

The following reports are about Barrio leader of local social club arrested;

El primo Angle Barrera was arrested at the eastside of town, for murdering his wife, allegedly because, he said, "She was demanding a great number of things that weren't feasible."

Second barrio leader of local social club arrested also;

Robert Canales admitted at his trial that he killed his business partner last month after the man criticized his ability to paint walls and homes, which Canales takes seriously as "an art form."

 And finally another barrio leader arrested;

It seems that this week was not a very good week for barrio leaders, on the same day, according to constable Cadena, reported que Pablo T. Canales shot four neighbors and himself to death over a feud he had about a 5-foot strip of land that separates their properties.

Oh well , keep up the good work raza!

hejola report for 09032019

Hejola report for 09032019.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Veronica la lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news

I better not;

Maybe his conscience got the better of him. Last week, according to the constable report a man in a wheelchair approached a teller at a First National Barrio bank South Side. The man, thought to be in his 80s, handed the teller a note demanding cash, but then "suddenly abandoned his robbery attempt and exited the bank," a police statement read. Police and FBI agents were on the lookout for the reluctant robber, but there were no photographs or video of him to aid them.

Barrio poker man is back;

Barrio assistant constable Barney Fife Ruiz, stopped along Third and Wells street to see if a car parked on the shoulder needed assistance. Instead, his report, he observed the driver inside with ten mobile phones, neatly arranged in a blue foam square, all playing Barrio poker man Go. Ruiz did not issue a ticket to the driver, but he did warn him to put the phones away and move along, this parking spot was for customers only. [Associated Press, 8/15/201

Barrio Einstein;

Dave Little, 61, set and  determined to get rid of a hornet's nest two stories high under a corner of his family's roof. He first tried spraying the nest with Raid, but when that didn't work, he got creative. As his brother David II, recorded video of the extermination, Dave lit up a Roman candle and pointed the fiery balls at the nest, reported the constable report. The first two or three missed their mark, but when his ammunition connected with the nest, it burst into flames, killing the wasps but setting the attic on fire as well. David rushed up to a nearby window and used a fire extinguisher to put the flames out. "I would say mission accomplished," he said, even though there is now a small hole in the house.

Don’t talk to strangers;

An attempted burglary happen late last night unfolded in an unusual manner. The constable responded to a burglary in progress call to find the alleged thief Kirsten Hernandez, 29, had scuffled with la commadra a 64-year-old woman before making off with pill bottles, debit and credit cards, $150 cash and a fake $1 million lotto ticket. Hernandez had run out of the house with part of her shirt ripped off, which led a passing motorist to ask if she was hurt and needed a ride. Hernandez accepted, climbing into the trunk of the car, according to the police report. The driver later told police he realized something wasn't right but panicked and drove off. Police also said they found iPads stolen from a local Go and Stop store in Hernandez purse. She and an accomplice face multiple charges.

Ok raza have a great day.