hejola afternoon report for 06112015

Hejola afternoon report 06112015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s barrio afternoon headline news:

Bingo house recalling all the past winners from 2014 to the present.

Barrio education suffers serious wounds.

And barrio dog trainer “here boy” ends his career early.

 

Before his arrest this past few days,“here Boy” Munoz, the only barrio dog trainer, show casted his new book on training barrio dogs. The name of the book is “Helping Dogs help themselves”, was to be released in a few days. But for now the book signing date is pending on his release from jail. Now here is the reason why he was arrested yesterday evening el constable stopped a 1978, 2 door ford whatever and found at least 27 dogs inside the vehicle. The owner and driver of the car was the only barrio dog trainer “here boy” Munoz, and was arrested for driving with too many dogs. El constable told us que they weren’t sure how he was able to driving when he barely fit in the car. But after further investigation and questioning some of the dogs, it turned out that half of the dogs had been reported missing. One of the dogs told this reporter “ bark bark barkkekssl”. All the dogs were arrested and some were later released to their proper owners, the other were let loose and allowed to wonder into the darken streets. “Here Boy” was fined and was taken to the local lalal land clinic for observation that evening.

Now that the state and city and county officials are all involved have determined que they are going to contact all the bingo winners for the past two years that won with the free space where actually not winners due to the fact that the free space always had a ping pong ball that had not been called. Too many people took it for granted and were paid for that win. The list of winners is being put together for collections. And here we thought that a free space was free!

In other news, Jimmy smithwick, a barrio educator, having return from the war with a paperweight he found there. Mr smithwick was hospitalized at the st. paul’s medical center here at the Westinghouse barrio mall with severe burns and shrapnel wounds, and lost part of his left hand, right side of his face, ten front teeth and right side ear, when he try to smash a cockroach with a his newly found paperweight on his desk. The some called paperweight was a 40 mm artillery shell, unknown to mr smithwick, was still alive. Mr smithwick was also charged with the endangerment of his students. Oh by the way mr smithwick was rushed to a real hospital after the folks at the st pauls medical center couldn’t do not for him here.

Ok raza have won any bingo lately? Well they are looking for you.

hejola report for 06112015.

Hejola report for 06112015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again  I am Jonathon Barrio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

A new cell phone company comes into services.

New barrio “Jesus loves Tejanos too” t- shirts on sale.

And finally a real cheap idea about nothing.

It seems que since there isn’t enough money going around que la familia Martinez decided to create a nice little gift pack to give out next holiday. The gift pack is called “nothing inside pack’. Si you read it right its nothing. It’s a new tread, Mr. Martinez told this reporter, it’s about time que we did something con nothing, so I decided to create this little box that contains nothing inside. It’s so much easier this way, he went on.  The brain will send a message to itself, asking you what could be in this box labeled nothing inside. Chinga.

“Le cell phone” a new imported cell phone sold by again the only cell phone services in hood, Pancho tele services. Mr. Pancho the owner of this cell phone tells us que these new cells phone can almost do anything except wash your car. It has at least 2000 functions and a customer can even take a shower and still use it. So if you can hear me now, I am in the shower, that person at the other end is probably using “le cell phone”.

El barrio only t-shirt and printing company on this side of the tracks announced today que their new t-shirt “Jesus loves Tejanos too” will go on sell on line this week. El japon Jimenez the Korean owner of the company tells us que he wanted all those self-appointed Tejano leaders que Jesus was on our side and still is, even though the Houston livestock show didn’t have real Tejano acts. Pesse hejola.

Ok raza there you  have, all of this for nothing. Only in America!

hejola afternoon report for 06102015

 

Hejola after noon report for 06102015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio prepare for the worse.

Snow cone mobile truck arrested for selling weed.

And now some darn good news.

Barrio leader ESTA VATO LOCO, told this reporter que he has raised enough money to run for a higher office than the one he holds now. In addition he told us que he was real excited about this new higher office he is seeking, and he would continue to do his thing at the lower office he holds until he gets elected to a much higher situation.  Esa loco.

Jolly Vato snow cones on the move, a newly snow cone company was shut down for a few hours until all the law dogs could go over all the stuff inside that van they drive around town selling ice cold stuff. Well believe it or not they weren’t just sell cold stuff but selling lots of other stuff without a permit. Some of the stuff found inside was weed, and much more stuff we can’t say on here. But we do know que that some of the stuff was taken away for review. Charges will be filed for selling some of the stuff with no permit and other stuff.

The announcement from la familia Gomez that had outline plans to hold their annual family reunion in our county, meaning our side of the tracks got about 25 barrio residents picketing their home asking them to move the reunion to the other side of the tracks. The last time these folks met we had three days of parting, dancing, yelling, drinking and who knows what else made all the folks in their block a bit nervous. El constable cadena finally showed and asked the crowd to leave or else. But before disbanding the crowd, they were allowed to chat their slogan one more time for the record. “Not here, not today, go over there and do your things, not here, not today, go over there and do your thing”. No one was arrested but it took about three hours for all the folks leave.

Ok raza if you don’t know, how in the world I am supposed to know.

hejola report for 06102015

 

 Hejola report for 06102015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Johnnie el Quemon con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Chicken farm owners hire armed guards.

Barrio music award winner Lil Red and Her four Mariachi dudes cause a small riot.

And now some more or less good news for those wanting to see Freak Shows now banned.

Barrio leaders today signed a new city rule that would ban any type of show that was not normal or better known as freak show. The reason was of course the death of Johnny the train puller Yuma accident. This new law will be in affect 2025, which brings us up to that ugly accident. El barrio Johnny the train puller Yuma suffered a terrible accident when he was demonstration on how he could pull a 20 ton railroad car with is teeth. It seems that many did not realize que Mr. Yuma had a metal rod with a hook attached to his mouth, drilled through the back of his mouth onto a steel plate found outside the back of his head. Somehow the railroad car mover while Mr. Yuma was trying to adjust his mouth onto the metal hook inside his mouth. Well the pressure of a 20 ton railroad car jerked the whole jaw, teeth, rod, hook, the plate behind his head along con his spinal cord out of his body, killing him right on the spot. Members of the audience tried to put his spinal cord back in him but died while they tried.

Gloria Guerra mall manager, every time we bring Lil Red and her four Mariachi dude there is always trouble that follows. It seems that at least 20 person got arrested while she was driving into the mall area. El constable and his barrio task force 666 sealed off the whole mall area until lil red left after her one hour performances last night. The mall is closed for now due to some damages done by her fans. More details as they arrive.

It was announced that the new owner of Los Pollos del barrio has hired armed men to guard their farm and armed escorts to make sure that all them chickens get to where they are headed to. In several years you might recall que many of the former chicken owned trucks had been hit by terrorist, and have allowed many of its prize chickens to make a getaway. Mr. Pollo tells us que every guard will be armed with two arms.

Ok raza have a great Tejano chicken day.

Hejola afternoon report for 06092015.

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am bill diaz con today’s award winning headline news:

 

Barrio man arrested for stealing.

Barrio hog farm found dead.

And finally, barrio woman arrested with a traffic sign embedded in her skull.

 

Chinga want to talk about some bad luck, last night el constable had to pulled over la senoria Maria Gonzales after she was seen driving erratically. Once she was stopped they noticed que a traffic sign was embedded in her skull after colliding with it a few blocks down the road.  The victim seemed to be intoxicated and was arrested and taken to St.pauls barrio medical center. Charges will be file for stealing a road sign, dwi, pi, ged and esl/abe.

 

El constable reported to us this past weekend que el senor Marcos Garcia a barrio hog farmer remains were found Saturday morning on his property. The report said que base on the condition of his body that his hogs had gotten to him before he got to them. You see them hogs must have figured out que it was that time of the month when Mr. Garcia slaughters a few then hogs for his home made bacon burgers.  Charges will be filed against all ten hogs.

 

Last night Abel Gonzales a local bartender called el constable to report que someone had stolen his credit card from his car a few hours ago. Then called the constable back a few hours later to report que he was holding the person that had stolen his credit card at the bar. It seems que the robber was trying to use it at the bar he worked in.

 

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 06092015

Hejola report for 06092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello raza I am General Fideo Vermicelli con today award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio elections debate breaks into a fist fight.

Gringo Moore promise more barrio jobs if elected.

And finally voter registration on the raise

The county tax assessor told us que there was a 10 percent increase of registered vote this year compared to the 50 percent increase last year at the same time. The only differences is that last year’s 90 percent of the applications were not acceptable due to the fact que the majority of the 90 percent of the voter cards had people names of persons that had died about 30 years ago. Huh no further investigation was done on this matter. El constable told us que it was not unusual to have died people vote once an in awhile.

Yesterday Gringo Moore, running for city leadership, representing our county decided to take a chance and stopped by el barrio cruz roja community center to give his beef on what he planned on doing for us if he won. But after a few meeting promising chit to the 10 persons present, who by the way were there waiting for a free meal were honored to listen to this man talk. But Gringo didn’t finish his speech due to all the yelling and screaming in the next room where the Gomez brothers were debating for that barrio tax assertor job. Gringo told the group que they need to make sure they go out and vote this coming elections.

But all the excitement was when los tres brother’s Gomez, all running for barrio tax assertor. John, John Boy, and Little Johnnie Gomez got into a fist fight when asked who was the smartest of all three hommies. Once the constable got there the fight was under control and all three were sitting behind a table and were debating on who started the fight. Once the constable listened to the debate going on, he decided to all three mules asses were in the wrong were arrested. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way based on the 3 people present at the debate declared Little Johnnie the winner of the fight not the debate.
Ok raza keep it tejano.

Ok raza if you vote make sure you vote.

hejola afternoon report for 06082015

Hejola afternoon report for 06082015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas, hello again an I am Johnnie el Quemon con this afternoon headline news:

Barrio youth program, parents want their money back.

Three arrested for steal and stealing.

And finally some darn good news.

Barrio resident that do not have air conditioner are asked to come by the old Ice House and the owners have agreed to sell you a very cheap block of ice to keep you cold this summer. But there is only a small catch, you have to purchase a one and one time only Ice Block to keep the ice from melting and keep your home cool for hours. The cost of that one time and one time only ice box cost $359 Dollars. Payment plan are now accepted.

How many can a person get arrested in one short day, you ask? Well that is the case of la familia Ben Torres where all the Ben’s were arrested twice in less than one hour. It seemed that the first arrest was done around 4 in the morning and once they were released they went right back to what they were doing when they first got arrested. No details were given by them boys are in lot of trouble. Big Ben, Little Ben and Ben over, will be locked up for a while says el constable.

It seemed that the barrio youth center had a list of summer programs out lined for this summer somehow got cancelled and no refunds. A group of parents picketed the center all day today asking lots of questions but no one was there to answer them. In addition it seems that the center closed overnight and not a trace could be seen inside of the abandon center. But a small note was posted on the front door reading “ see you later suckers”, charges are pending once they can find the director and its staff.

Ok race what a great deal in keeping cool.