hejola report for 11302016

Hejola report for 11302106.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, Texas, hello I am Bill Diaz with the number one barrio news network, which I am very proud to be member of this team. Now for our award winning barrio news:

 Constable ends riot at t-ball game.

 Pansasos and pandemonium at the tee ball game.

 And some real good news.

 Now that the tamale season is just around the corner, lots of animal advocates ar...e a bit worried along with the barrio animal control que lots of pets have been showing up missing on that Barrio Woof Woof missing pets on our barrio face book. The constable has instructed his staff and los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters to keep an eye open for anything or anyone that don’t look normal.

 Today el constable gave out the names and address of those folks who started a riot and were arrested at a tee ball game. The constable pointed out that this type of action and parents acting like little kids just don’t cut it. We have arrest warrants out for some of these parents, and believe me I am going to bust them.

 And finally, Base on the report it all started when an unknown man verbally insulted and accused a kid of wearing stolen tee ball gear. Juana Chavez mother of child along with her muffin top confronted the suspect and the lonja grabbing began, pushing and punches were exchanged among the parents until constable cadena had to arrest several of the parents, three tee baller’s and several cats and dogs were all haul to jail. Charges are pending. Oh by the way, Juana and her lonjas are okay. Suspect still at large says el constable.Ok folks thanks again and hope to hear from me real soon, I am Mmmaria Malone, good day.

Oh by the way how about them cowboys!!!

hejola report for 11232016

Hejola report for 11232017

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:

Senior citizen basketball final score was close.

More riots are expected this weekend.

And finally so darn good news.

Since gas prices are lower and our great president really has not do with we encourage all of you don’t drink and drive because john law will lock your silly butt up.  And for those that can’t afford a turkey, buy a chicken that will do, just burned it a bit to give it that dark look. Have a great one and peace and love my friend.

As we all know que this weekend will bring in lots of relatives que we either don’t like or really care foror voted for el senor Trumpas, pero como it’s a holiday I think we can survive. That’s the warning que el constable cadena has given everyone in the hood “look don’t be starting chit con los primos ok no butts or if’s, if we find out that someone is starting chit you all going to jail”!

And finally Yesterday a very low profile championship winter league basketball game was held at the only barrio senior citizens center. The game was between Los Viejitos de la calle vs. Los vatos mas Viejitos del barrio. Please note that the age group for this game was 80 years and over. The final score after one hour of well let’s say walking back and forth was Los Viejitos del barrio  scored 7 points vs. the actually winner Los vatos mas Viejitos scored 9 points. The team Capitan Angel Flores age 91 say “chinga it was hell of a game”.  The loser Capitan Luis Gaytan age 87 say it was kind of an unfair game for us, due to the fact que they had more 90 year olds than we did. You know he said que experiences count while you on that court.

 

 

Ok raza don’t forget we love, we care, and send money but if you cant which we know you can , peace and love my friends!

hejolia report for 11222016.

Hejolia report for 11222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello world how are we today, I am Jonathon Barrio with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Thomas Trumpas makes a run for it.

Constable cadena investigation dog chasing incident.

 And now some dam good barrio news.

Well we all knew this was coming and it finally got here. The barrio leaders have informed us que the number of Sancho clause permit will be very limited this year due to the election of el senor Trumpas. The barrio leaders are asking you that if you are one of those persons that like to dress up as santa clause you better have a Sancho clause permit or you going to lose that outfit.

Yesterday for some odd reason Trumpas our newly elected barrio representative was seen running for his life after a few dogs recognized him from a campaign poster. As soon as he made it to his car he decide to take the law into his own hands an began chasing them dogs in his car. No word on how many dogs he ran over, Yet!

El constable Cadena was asked to investigate when it was reported that at least 17 dogs and some small cats and  a few taquchas were seen killed or ran over  down on the corner of third and wells street. The report filed by el constable stated that somehow or someone ran over this poor little animals and the barrio residents wanted justice for this crime, if you know anything about this matter please contact el constable.

Ok raza have a great day and tomorrow will come.

hejola report for 11182016

Hejola report for 11182016.

Cchwnn

Kingsville,texas. hello again I am David polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio women spending money trying to look like Ivanka Trumpas.

El senor Trumpas elected barrio representative.

Beer joints spring up in the hood after elections base on promises made!

It seems that ten new beer joints have just opened up in the hood after the general election held a few weeks ago. One of the new owners told us que he is very excited about opening a bar on this side of the tracks! We asked him why over here and he told us que now that all gay bars are going to be closed down base on what the new elected barrio representative Trumpas promised to shut down any queer bars and gay barrios and Tejanos bars where the majority of them folks hang out. The new owner told us que they expect to get their customers.

After the counting of writing in ballots a new face will be present at our next barrio leadership meeting a new man with a new plan will; named Thomas Trumpas was all of a sudden named the winner of this year’s election. One of his main goals he told us was to make sure he brought new jobs and guarantee que he can do that. As of now he has managed to get ten new persons jobs already, oh by the way the ten new jobs and the persons hired were all family members, oh yea only in America!

Yesterday el DR. Letmefixyouup, a well know Plastic Surgery, recently released from prison for trying to make women look like Olge Brisky back in the 1970’s has told us que he is back in business and is overwhelm with the number of chicana’s trying to look or come close to looking like Ivanka Trumpas. He told us que it doesn’t cost very much but there are several things you might want to consider if you do plan on making that move que have to be at least six foot tall and weigh less than 300 pounds. Oh by the way he does take food stamps and appointment must be made for that one day operation, dang.

Ok raza have a fun weekend and make sure you lock that door.

hejola report for 11172016

Hejola report for 11172016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again raza I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio delivery agent fired for stealing.

Henry the gardener arrested.

And now so darn good news.

We got some many complaints about the pot hoe’s in the hood story, that the creator has announced que if we hurt anyone feelings we are sorry and for all those pot hoe’s, good luck.

El senor Henry Gomez a known gardener and award winner was arrested yesterday at the corner of third and wells street. He was pulled over when his 1974 ford whatever ford looking suspicious. It turned out that the back seat was loaded with potted plants, in fact, potted pot plants. The backseat was so crowded that the leaves and branches of some plants were sticking out of the car’s windows. The constable took him in and kept the plants for evidence.

El senor Mark Martinez was fired and charged with stealing a package from the only barrio delivery agent. It seems that Martinez inadvertently came upon one package that he thought was drugs. So he took it on his own to go and trade it for a pound cat food. It turned out that it wasn’t drugs but the remains of a man who was cremated.

Ok raza save your penny’s Christmas is just around the corner, and layaway aint too far.

hejola report 11162016. tina v. gonzales (102013)

Hejola report for 11162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am David Duran, have you ever noticed how time flies when you have money vs. when you don’t have money it moves really really slow? But for now here is our award winning barrio headline news:

A follow up story about a barrio hero Tina V. Gonzales.

And how did Tina V. get into this mess?

Where do we start when you have persons loving their pets so much que they are willing to go to jail for them.. well that is the case con Tina V. Gonzales. It all started like this:

It started sometime in October 2013;

Details about Tina V .

Part1.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky ass alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

Part2.

As you might remember that we reported que la commadre had over 250 cats in her backyard and fought off all five animal control workers, well this morning they came back with a new strategy. They decided since they couldn’t roundup la commadre’s cat in her back yard, they decided to wait outside her yard and waited for them cats to wonder off her property. At this time the city has reported que over 50 cats have already been arrested and waiting for more arrests. We will keep you informed on this matter.

Part 3.

This morning 5 barrio animal control unit workers went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales again with a new plan. This time la commadre T was not very happy with the idea that they capture some 50 of her cats outside her perimeter, had her own plan. The report says when the barrio animal control unit arrived this morning around 5 a.m. and noticed at least 50 more of them cats outsider the demilitarized zone that la commadre had marked in her back yard. Well at least three of the animal control unit workers tried to chase down some of them cats found them self well within the DMZ zone. Where all of

a sudden la commadre appeared from a hidden bunker she had built for such an occasion behind the three animal control workers, managed to capture all the workers by knocking them down with a 10 foot 2x4 and taking them into her second fenced area next to her home. The other two workers made a run for it in an effort not to get caught but managed to contact the constable Cadena. No word on the status of this sage and standoff.

Part 4.

The constable in charge of this drama being held at this moment told us que he was very glad to see that the three hostage were doing great and seem to be in good health. He also stated that la commadre had bar b q some food for the three men and bought some beer also. All and all the situation seems to be reaching an end soon, and hoping que la commadre T will release the workers with no one getting hurt  soon.

Part 5. Community support for Tina V.

Today at least 35 people have gather at the corner of third and wells protesting the way the barrio animal control unit has handled the cat situation here. It seems that many of the protestors are telling us que there is really no need to be bringing in the local law dogs from across the streets and their swat team to end this terrible siege, in which the constable is considering if la commadre Tina doesn’t release the three hostage she captured a few hours ago.

Part 6. Special agent’s side step barrio constable and raid cat owner home.

It look like the constable had everything under control with the sage on the corner of third and wells, where la commadre Tina V. Gonzales had taken three animal control unit workers hostages.

Until 1 Am this morning, a handful of state and local police swat team raided the home of la commadre, and recued all three animal control workers. No report on how they did it or the status of la commadre Tina V. Gonzales. More details later.

Some details have been provided and told us que  mall sources tell us that la Commadre Tina V. Gonzales had been accepted to the health center here in the mall under heavy security. We do have word now that la commadre had been taser several times by the police force when she tried to wrestle down several of the swat team from across the tracks. During all this la commadre was reported of suffering a cardiac arrest and was rushed here to get treated immediately after the so call brawl. More details later.

The swag continues ……

 Well there you have it and lets pray for Tina.

We will continue the swag tomorrow! Please note this happen in Oct 2013.

hejola report 11142016.

Hejola report for 11142016.

 Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville, Texas. Como estan, I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news.

 Now for our award winning headline news:

 Barrio justice of the peace removed from barrio park bench,

 Barrio resident takes matters into his own hands for his pain,

 And finally, a barrio member busted for marijuana says it was a hate crime.

Yesterday afternoon an appeals court from across the tracks temporary admonished our side of the track justice of the peace Honorary Judge Christina Ocha Morgan, age 36, for her behavior last month, when she left a jury deliberating a case for seven hours, where charges were pending on Ernesto Morales murder charges. But instead, she left the court in order to attend a bingo game at our local k.c.. hall. The complaint filed also states que she refused to leave the bingo house when notified that the jury had reached a verdict. Her actions cost the county at least a few hundred dollars when the jury was forced to return the next day.

In other news, it was reported to us by el constable cadena que Jovel Munoz age 45, was treated at our St. Pauls Medical center last week after shooting himself in his right knee. When asked why he did it, he replied que he had to do something to end the pain on that same knee he had injured five years ago.

And finally, Brother Pete Cruz a special courier transporter was arrested and thrown in jail for the result of being caught con 250 pounds of marijuana in a regular traffic stop done by our own constable cadena. According to el constable report, cruz told el constable que he was a courier for religious monastery and was transporting religious instruments, in which uses marijuana as a sacrament. Mr. cruz is pending a court date.

 

 Well raza, have a great Tejano day.