hejola report for 09222015

 

Hejola report for 09222015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello Raza how about them cowboys! I am David Polar Bear Duran con our award winning barrio headline news:

How not to pick up drunken chicks after 1:00 am.
Barrio cat woman beats up several city and county employees.                                                                   Barrio vato loco’s volunteer firefighters arrested with Marijuana plants.

How many times have we tried not to pick up any chicks at bars especially after the 1:30 a.m. well this is the case con Mike Chavarava. It seems que esta vato took la senorita Julia Childes Moreno home with him after he met her at the bar this past Saturday night at around 1:30 a.m. He didn’t realize que Julia is one of those drunks que likes to talk about the pass regardless if you were involved or not when she gets pretty wasted. Well this was the case que esta chick drank a few more beers at mikes home and felt que she was being taken advantage of her back in September of 2004. By her recalling that awful night lead her to fighting and screaming at esta poor vato mike. Well when the cops showed up con el constable Cadena, they realized que it was Julia causing some chit over here at mikes home. No charges were filed against anyone but did ask Julia if she wanted a ride home.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky butt alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon los vatos locos volunteers firefighters were the first to arrive at a burning home on third and wells here on our side of the tracks. Once the real fire fighters from across the tracks got there they suspected that something was up because los vatos locos volunteer fire fighters were acting kind of nervous and were seen ferrying buckets of water to the fire themselves. Los locos were hoping que los neighbors wouldn’t call the real firefighters. Once el constable Cadena got there and the fire was turned off he found several marijuana plants growing in the basement of the home and inside los vatos 1978 red ford whatever trunk. No one from the home was arrested but three vatos locos were and taken in for questioning.
Ok Raza there you have it for today’s hejola report and Raza keep Tejano.

barrio stock markter for 09182015

 

 

 

 

Barrio stock market for 09182015.

 

Ccwhnn.

 

Kingsville, TX. Once again mi Raza como estan, I am urbano yosabatodo. Well I am more than sure que you heard del todo pedo going on here at our hood and the mall. But that is another story that we will address this weekend. But for now let’s talk about investments.

 

 

Again, Urbano yosabatodo, if the rest of you barrio investors don't mind, I would just like to address the powerful barrio members in the financial world for a few seconds. I know you're busy in counting all that money, and I don't mean to take up too much of your valuable barrio time, but some mother and a few commadres have just one small request. You see, I am here and you are there, but they want you to know if we can expand our trading report to twice a week. Well the answer is no freaking way.

 

 Now With the growing democratization of our barrio stock market, many of you barrio traders are clamoring for longer sessions.

Meanwhile, several other companies in the hood have tried to creating their own private stock exchanges that will allow this barrio trading their stocks 24 hours a day. As more and more barrio folks get wired to our barrio market, the demand for 24-hour trading is getting harder to ignore, unless you are doing drugs. With everyone from your grandmother, to your friends and even your paperboy involved in our barrio stock market it has become our most likely investment.

 

Los tamales:

The problem facing los tamales is que we having heard from our old tamale guy and are not too happy con the new guy. One of the major problems facing monetary barrio tamale makers is not our stock market but our stock market instability- in which may you barrio tamale makers are managing to take this task on making your own instead of focusing on financial stability and getting ready for the holidays. Los tamales ended the week at $5.75 a dozen, up a bit from last week.

 

Las tortillas:

The declining increase of Raza not making their own has increase the risk premium on all homemade tortillas or better known as the private credit sector. The difference in the two is that on is regulated by the government and the other is a creditworthy private market, with no government intervention. The real economy damage here will happen this coming winter if we don’t regulate the homemakers and the declining in the number of tortillas they are making. If we do not limit the amount of tortillas one makes at home it could squeeze higher prices of tortillas to its non maker tortillas, mostly likely to damage the "real" barrio economy. Furthermore.

 The world flour trade has dropped 25 percent in just the past six years as the global market dynamics have changed.  Our barrio does not see any expanding milling facilities and are relaying on more imported flour from new, private, quality-conscious mills from other counties. We feel que lots of small tortilla companies in the hood tend to buy small amount of flour and avoid the monolithic, government buyers that preferred large quantities for deferred shipment.  Las tortillas ended the week at an all high price of $1.25 a package.

Las empanadas :

The empanada convention did demonstrate que el barrio consumer, yes those locos that protested and caused all the riots and damage at our closed Westinghouse barrio mall, will stand up for their rights for more filled empanadas. The local barrio community gardens group will continue its efforts to provide those local empanada makers the vegetables and fruit need to make them things. Las empanadas ended the week at $ .59 cent each.

 

La barbacoa de cavesa:

Well it was made official today and will be announced sometime next week que the first batch of llama meat will be in our local barrio stores within two months. All the llamas farmers are real happy and are gearing up for this new beef market in the hood (a foot note please, la llama is primarily used in the Andes and in Peru as a pack animal or for meat. The word "jerky" that we use today to refer to beef jerky, is one of the few words in our language originating from the Quechua language. "Ch'arki" is the name of the llama meat which was salted and sun-dried. The taste is somewhere between beef and lamb, though closer to beef. Many describe it as a lighter sweeter beef).

La barbacoa de cavesa ended the week at $5.50 lb.

Cheap beer: well if things couldn’t get worse. El barrio has been hit up again con that home made stuff and has lots of raza in a buzz. It’s just a matter of time, cheap beer ended the week at $4.65 a six pack.

Barrio want ads:

 

Item 54682: two used women’s g- strings for sale. Not sure what size but look pretty big.

Item 65321: ten pounds of oregano for sale, looks like weed but not. Make offer. Please be warned que you could get stopped by the cops.

Item 548201: Easter chickens and ducks for sale. Still have a bit of color on them, make offer for all the stock.

Item 85694: used women clothing. Some kinky stuff but looks like all bras. Make offer.

 

Barrio realtors report. We just found out que the corner of third and Wells Street is for sale. Make offer.

 

Well there you have it and have a great day.

hejola report for 09172015.

Hejola report for 09172015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello, raza what’s going I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning headline news:

Barrio cat woman sadden by large amount of taquchas.

Barrio man body found buried.

Barrio burglar injured while on the prowl.

And now so darn good news.

Well its official our creator has failed to pay bills and now facing a long line of collectors trying to recover what he used up front. The real problem is who is going to get what and depending who get there first. Dang man, pay your bills. Oh by the way our creator believes que by them folks coming over will help him get his home cleaned once they take most of the junk.

We all know that ever hood has a cat woman somewhere in the hood. Well here in our hood our middle age Anglo woman was alarmed yesterday evening when she went out to feed her tribe of cats (18) and noticed a few new ones. It was dark and was not wearing her glasses, So she started to feed what looked like small baby cats, but instead she was feeding a group of baby taquchas. Once her friend from across the street asked her what she was doing, she didn’t realize que they were baby taquchas, she made a run for her front porch and got her shot gun and took several shots at them things. After the dust settle she killed at least three taquchas, but injuired 8 cats, two dogs and a few windows were blown out from her home. No charges will be filed.

El compadre Henry Flores, was arrested late last night after he had broken into an apartment building under construction. The report states que after el compadre Flores had ran shack the first floor and had loaded his van with chingos de goodies, he decided to check out the second floor. But instead of calling it a night he entered the second floor and accidentally fell out a window resulting in a broken back, hip and arm. He was found in the morning by some construction workers and was rushed to st. paul’s medical center. Charges will be filed.

 

 In other news, Yesterday afternoon la commadre Juanita Saenz was arrested for trying to hide her boyfriend’s body in her back yard after he collapsed in bed. El constable is not really sure what happened but is investigating this crime.  But all indications, the constable stated, pointed that they were having ruff sex. Now the real question is who called the constable and charges are pending.

Ok raza and for all you FOX NEWS lover, dang …

hejola report for 09162015

Hejola report for 09162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s awarding barrio headline news for this great day.

Increase off blonde hair vato’ in the hood for sept 16 fest.

Swimming pool missing,

Barrio lotto winning number announced.

And finally so odd good news.

We have been watching muchos de la raza men have being coloring their hair Blonde, wow que onda. I guess many might be coming out of the cabinet.

The barrio 8-ball lotto has informed us que the winning number this week is: 7898759865486578565845355957661236547896.If you have any of this number in your driver licenses you might be a winner. Just contact us at our webpage for your $50.00 non valuable gift. cchwnn@netscape.net

In other news a local vato who keeps track of things like the other group of folks named let me put the finger on you group have reported to us que a large amount of vatos have colored or dye their hair blond. What seems to be a new trend in the hood says la commadre Maria Garza who happens to own a beauty shop in the Westinghouse barrio mall. Si estos vatos want to be blonde for this Sept 16,hejola.

And finally yesterday sometime during the day a backyard swimming pool was stolen from 528 west Richard, and it seemed que those robbers couldn’t remove the pool pump so they stole the one next door to the pool. So now the constable cadena is seeking your help in solving this problem. If anyone has knowledge of a small back yard pool color royal blue with a white color water pump please call us.

Ok raza thanks again and have a great Sept 16, and remember don’t drink and drive just drive and drink the county needs the money.

chicano manifesto houston livestock show 2016

Chicano manifesto, Houston livestock show 2016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am General Fideo Vermcille con our 2016 Chicano Manifesto; Houston Livestock show 2016. The last few years we have had different Tejanos, chicanos, or even Latinos have emerged from the issue that has caused us to unite in some way or another. Not all the new leaders have followed thought with their efforts of making that livestock show more Tejano than Latino. And of course there could be lots of reasons why, but we have one reason, “self-imposed” for the betterment of one and not the other.

It’s so easy to post one’s concern regarding this matter and do expect to get over 1000 persons to agree but that’s it! That’s it is all we get, now we know where we stand and now we know que this 2016 is the same thing again. Who will emerge as the leader of this old but not a new movement, will it be a Tejano, a Chicano , a Latino, or just the same folks that got it going several years or decades ago, is the understatement of 2015.

What have we learned? I ask? Well a lot, I know for sure that there will be those that will step up and help us gather more movement about this ordeal and will remind us que la raza is always going to follow that route regardless if it’s an issue anymore. But let us not be despaired.

The more we try the less it seemed that many will follow this trend, so Raza get your drug store cowboy hat on and those garage sale cowboy boots on and declare with all your’ might que the Houston Livestock show isn’t Tejano.  And then stay tune for someone else to declare it in 2017.2018.2019 etc…. we don’t stand alone but we do stand tall and understand que it only takes a few to get the headline for that year. This year,2016, could it be you or you or him or her…. The drama continues …

But you will agree what do we know were just make believe.

hejola report for 09152015

Hejola report for 09152015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello Raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news.

Vato steal bicycle and almost dies con bee stings.

La prima Belinda Ramon sues local health center.

Family feud kills several family members.

And finally some darn good news.

Yes it is true, and so what?

According to constable Cadena report, he tells us que two barrio families that have been feuding for at ten years created a big ass ruckus late last night. It seems que la family Martinez killed la family Munoz’s cat, so when el senor found out he went over and shot la family Martinez prize winning pit bull. So when Mr. Martinez found out he went over and shot Mr. Munoz and his oldest daughter. By the time el constable got there, several shots were fired at his barrio security force 666 and wounding four of el constable staff. Furthermore before he could shoot el constable Cadena, he manager to shoot el senor Martinez in the head several times, fatally wounding Mr. Martinez. Charges are still pending due to the fact que no witnesses were alive to point out who fired the first shot.

For one major reason, Belinda Ramon will not be going back to St. Paul’s medical health for treatment her epileptic seizures she gets once in a while. The report we got was that she was complaining que the medication she got at the center was having chingos de side effects which she was getting more often than before. Furthermore, she felt que she had turn herself into a lesbian and felt more like el compadre Manuel the man next door, who by the way stands in front of his door watching chicks go by. The law suit is pending.

It seems que Ricky Smittwich not knowing the barrio very well, stole a bicycle at the corner of wells and third street from la familia Martinez who by the way have chingos de killer bees in their backyard, well it seem que when Ricky got on the stolen bicycle he took a short cut getaway and drove the bike right into the Martinez killer bee’s beehives. By the time they called 918, and los vato locos volunteer firefighters got there, they found him barely breathing, el constable tells us que he had been stung more than over 1000. Loco number one tells us que he was lucky que he was still alive. No charges will be filed.

Ok Raza have a great day.

hejola report for 09142015

Hejola report for 09142015.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio  headline news:

ESTA VATO LOCO is declared winner regardless.

Good news and very little bad news.

And finally, a list of non authorized sancho clause permits.

The barrio has agreed to print out a list of authorized person to act and dress up like  sancho clause this coming holiday. You might recall that the last few years several men and women have been ripping people off acting like santa clause in the hood. We need to make sure our holidays are a happy and merry one’s, so the constable is asking for your help in locating those unauthorized sancho clause. A small reward is being offered.

This past week el barrio got a handful of so darn good news. It seems that the city and county leaders have decided to lift the ban on yard sales, garage sales, front yard sales, front room sales, on line sales and back yard sales and reduce the fees between now and Christmas. One of the city leaders told this reporter que barrio residents need that extra cash flow for Christmas and thanksgiving. Now the bad news, the city will place a ban again on allowing farm animals to roam the hood without a health and owner collar.  We need to make sure que we don’t let cows, horses, and donkeys take over our streets.

Yesterday afternoon el barrio election commission decided to make sure all the I’s were dotted and all the t’s were crossed when they declared ESTA VATO LOCO the next barrio elected representative. Russell rufus Redneck the declared loser was not very happy with the announcement made at that meeting. How can you people be so blind and not notice what went wrong with this election and your decision to declare this man a winner, stated Mr. Redneck. Just for the record at least seven people on the election commission were blind.

 

Ok raza have a great Tejano day and have you layaway your Christmas stuff?