hejola report for 07092015

Hejola report for 07092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio roundup 30 illegals.

Ten chickens make a run for it.

And now for some darn good news.

Yesterday we did mention that the hood was preparing for this coming sept 16 fest that will include a ton of folks. Literally, two tons of fun bar, the only Tejano gay bar in the hood will have its Tejano bashing again this year. It’s an event where barrio members will be allowed to dress up as they like and walk around the corner of third and wells for several hours without getting arrested. So if you are hiding behind that closet, open the door and let it all hang out. Tejano bashing coming this sept. 16, oh yea.

Ten prize chickens were reported missing and believe to be in the hood somewhere hiding and the owner wants them back. El senor Martin Rubio told us que someone in the hood opened the chicken pen gate during the night and allowed his prize winning chickens out and not sure where they went. He is so worried that he might not have enough of those chickens around to compete in next week chicken chit contest.

Yesterday afternoon after a long wait, barrio law enforcement, El constable Cadena decided to take the law into his own hands and rounded up at least 30 illegals that he found wondering the streets. He told us que he was tired of see them dogs and cats that folks from the other side of the tracks drop them off here on our side of town. If you are missing a pet and not sure if it’s legal please come by the constable office to claim it.

Ok raza make sure you carry all your paper work and it’s in order or else.

hejola afternoon report for 07082015

Hejola afternoon report for 07082015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza how are we doing this afternoon, I am Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Vato’s loco volunteer firefighters get big surprise.

Stolen stuff found and returned if you can claim it.

And now let’s go to our remote live coverage con la prima y el primo for some darn good news.
El prim: buen thank you
La prim: me too,
Ok so tell us what we got going here at this week garage sale?
El prim: it’s really not a garage sale, es que we have lots of stuff que we find, and we buy and we trade and people gives us and if I see things in the street or in mid of the side walk I might just take it, basically I love dumpsters, So you can see que we have chingos de things.
La prim; we just want to let you know que we also have tamales for sale and a little deer meat y fresh llama meat, but don’t tell too many people porque I think they are looking for that poor little llama que got run over in the street que we found y…… con a bullet wound to the head, so we brought it home to see if we could bring it back to life.
Well la prima don’t worry. Anyhow thanks to both of you for sponsoring our remote broadcast the rest of the week except tomorrow, we will be live here at la prima y el primo garage during the week sales. Come one and come all, the only deals we lose dese el primo are the ones he don’t know about.. see you raza, and like jv says stay tejano.

In other news,all twenty members of different families came by our office to see if they could claim what had been recovered by the constable this past week. Yes says constable cadena, it was very exceed to see how many people came to claim stuff that wasn’t even theirs. But at the end almost everything was taken with or without a claim ticket. We just wanted to get rid of all this stuff says constable cadena. Now if you have had something stolen within the last three weeks here in our hood and didn’t claim it yesterday, we did take pictures of the stuff and a list of whom took what. Now if you can show proof that that stuff belongs to you, we will go to those that claimed it was their without a recite and bring it back to our office and hold it here for you to pick up.

In other news our vato’s loco volunteer firefighters got several things going this week. First of all someone donated a total of ten new buckets for them to use. You see our vato’s don’t have a fire truck, but what they do have is that 1978 ford whatever painted cherry red and has volunteers painted on the side. The whole idea of them being firefighters was that they would arrive first and make an effort to take control of a fire before the real guys showed up from across the tracks. In many reported cases los vato’s have not be able to sustain any fire never less turn one off. There is one insist where they did managed to turn off a fire that was at a big home here in the hood. And somehow the dog house got on fire and the managed to control that one within hours.
Second, the vato locos volunteer firefighters are looking for mass locos to join their unit here in the hood. Application can be send to us at our email. What kind of qualification do you need, just do some kind of drugs both legal and you know... Please list the type of drugs you do so we can hood you up with a partner here at the station. So if you are able and willing to tackle this job just call that’s all.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 07082015

Hejola report for 07082015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio members mad at barrio leaders.

Health barrio department cutting down on illegal things.

And now some darn good news.

The barrio community college has agreed to give free tuition and fees to the first 100 barrio residents wanting that GED. THE only catch is that you have to be at least 65 years or older.

We were informed that many barrio members are practicing things without a license. Look many still think only because when you were a child you might have owned several pets and so on, but that don’t make you an expert on how to care for them. One example is the family Gomez who own over 2000 fish and own a home business selling them. But the real problem is do they have the right permit to be selling them? And by the way how can you sell them without having a clue about them? Now the problem is how does the barrio leaders know about my business? Well the answer is very simple, you have a website, dud….  Another example of practicing without a license is reading cards and hands. Come on it only makes sense that you need to have some kind of background or some kind of training in this field, not just because your parents took you to some lady in hood and cured you with a broom or some holy water when you were a child doesn’t makes you an professional .. dang…
More details will be posted by the end of 2033.

Yesterday at a barrio community center meeting, barrio leaders told barrio members that a large fine will be issued if folks don’t start picking up their trash and cut their lawns within the next 30 days. It ok to let your grass grow but darn not ten foot tall, and by the way don’t depend on that farm animal you bought to make things any better. In addition, leaders also pointed out that if you did buy a farm animal or rented one, you need to make sure you have that farm animal in the city permit or else.

Well as you can see it’s just another day in the hood. Have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 07072015

Hejola report for 07072015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

4 of July police report.

After a few hours of nonstop action el constable was able to put together a list of things that had him real busy this past weekend.

12:30am el constable was asked to drive to the counter of third and wells where thing just didn’t seem right. When el constable got there he was surprised when 20 senior citizens attacked him with roman candles. After the battle was over at least 7 of them were arrested. The other made a get a way on either their wheel chairs, or motorized chairs. Charges are pending for the 7 seniors.

2:45am el constable was asked to drive to the counter of third and wells again when folks her screaming, once el constable got he was again was attacked by at least 20 senior citizens using bottle rockets, and roman candles. This time el constable was able to round up at least 5 of the seniors. He wasn’t sure how the rest got away, charges will be filed against this old folks.

4:45am el constable was asked to drive to the counter of third and wells again when someone reported a gang of folks hanging out. This time el constable told himself that he wasn’t going to be fooled or attack so he decided to ride his bicycle and try to surprise them. To his surprise he was attacked by a gang of young people clashing with some older persons that seems to be a battle zone of bottle rockets and roman candles. But this time, el constable brought his own bottle rockets and roman candles. After the battle he was able to round up a few persons of different ages and some suffering from being out passed their bedtime. No charges will be filed but he did say he felt better after nailing a few of them with his roman candles.

Well there you have and have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 07032015

Hejolar report for 07032015.

 Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza bill diaz is on vacation, I am Johnnie el quemon.  Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio taco stands a health care confrontation.

Three ways to stay out of trouble seminar, this coming weekend.

 And finally no more rooms for rent.

 

El hotel SALAinas, owned and operated by la familia Sala, have finally agreed to shut down that old hotel they have owned and operated since the beginning of time. The hotel salainas has been located at the corner of third and Wautoma Street and a favor hotel for quickies, and the only place in town, one could rent a room for less than five minutes. After long hours of discussion and debating their status with the local law enforcement agencies they agreed to shut this hell hole down. No comments were made by the hotel owners. But the good news was que they were willing to move the hotel to a new location.

 

The director el barrio community center will hold a three day seminar to discuss one of many ways to stay out of trouble. El senior Mario Diaz a well known person who loves trouble has agreed to present his award winning presentation. He was given an award from some dentition center after he serviced more than 20 months locked up. His discussion is on how to avoid Johnnie law and be a better person.

 

Yesterday afternoon, the barrio leaders decided to extent the law that allows taco vendors tricycle permits.  This provision had met some confrontation con los owners de restaurants and taco stands. The main concern from these folks felt que such a permit would take business away from them. And many of the restaurant owners and taco stands didn’t want to get into that type of services: like moving around all over town vending tacos.  Furthermore they felt que there would be no way to regulate a health permit or monitor how clean. The barrio leaders will review this matter at their next meeting schedule for 2033.

 

 

 

Ok raza getting ready for a long weekend and have a great 4 of july. Hey, have you hugged a real Tejano?

hejola report for 07022015

 

Hejola report for 07022015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again raza how are we doing? And now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio hero arrested.

Juan Gomez arrested for false police report.

La commadre Nelda Martinez shoots herself con her bar holster.

And now some darn good news.

Yesterday it was announced that all barrio members wanting a GED can come on buy and get one at the mall this coming Saturday for $400. So if you ever thought of going to college or something like that but needed that GED come on down.

La commadre Nelda Martinez was given a bra holster for her new gun on her birthday, but yesterday shot herself in the chest when she tried to show it off to la commadre at the bingo house. Charges will be filed against her and her new bra.

Juan Gomez was convicted yesterday afternoon for filing a false police report in March 2015, where he claimed that el constable Cadena had beaten him up at the mall parking lot and sexual abused him. Gomez face evidenced a beating, but him obviously unaware of the surveillance camera, which revealed that, over a four-minute period, Gomez had punched himself in the face over 25 times to create the constable attack. Esta vato!

Yesterday el senor Pablo T. Gonzales was arrested after he tried to rob the only barrio bank. His failure was due to the fact that some of the tellers recognized him from an award ceremonies a few years ago when he prevented a bank robbery across the tracks and was awarded a barrio civilian medal for heroism.

Ok raza have a great and keep it Tejano

hejola report for 07012015

 

Hejola report for  07012015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again como estan? And now for our barrio award winning headline news:

Leave the lights on, no one is home.

Young program bans adults.

 And finally some dare good news.

Now that this gay thing came around again, it seems that more and more barrio men and some women are coming out of the closet then staying in it. This conclusion was determined but our own gay person Veronica la lesbian, who by the way spends the majority of her time at bars. Si says Veronica look barrio raza have never said anything about women dancing together for as far back as we can remember. Heck even on the internet you see more and more men dancing together, so the real question is, who cares?

After several hours of discussion about how to handle poor sport parents, the Barrio Young program director determine que they were going to ban all adults from the ages of 23 to 99 from attending any off the summer programs being offered. They will be allowed to sit at the park parking lot to wait for their children. The program director told us que they were very tired of them poor sport parents trying to live their youth life again through their children.

That was the case yesterday when two barrio residents found it easy to break into la family Cortez, who they though were on vacation. But their big surprise was that they never left for vacation but had loaned their two cars to relatives for the weekend. So when the two fools broken in they were surprised to meet up with Cortez seven pit bulls, and eighteen cats, that had been trained to go into an attack mode. But the time the Cortez walked downstairs the two barrio residents were found standing on top of the kitchen table with a broom stick fighting off them pets. Charges will be filed.

Ok there you have raza, have a great Tejano day and don’t forget to watch out for children this summer.