hejola afternoon report for 11302015

Hejola afternoon report for 1130215.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello I am Johnnie el quemon con this afternoon hejola report. But first off all have you noticed that middle age women ranging from 33 to 55 have no idea of having fun anymore. Look its ok to take your clothing off in front of your friends and do the thing you do behind doors. We all know you do that and this, so why not show off your skills!  Look regardless if you think I’m too fat or just getting old, you been a big woman for the longest time, what’s the differences now?

Barrio not spared for black Friday fights over limited pig heads.

Tamale man busted for fake tamales.

Community center closes for several hours are a few threats.

This past Friday nite was an unusual one at the barrio community center had agreed to rent out the center to a hate group called “Let me put the finger on you”. The director of the center told us que they had to shut down the center till about 10 p.m. and allowed the group to finish its meeting and dinner planned. The center director told us que we have had several threats called in at the center but in most cases the calls stop around 10 pm all the time. The director told us que most of the calls came from across the city where barrio senior citizens live and hate the noise and traffic. And most of the time all the calls end around that time due to the fact that the center picks up all the cell phone up so old folks can get some rest.

It’s the season to share and eat our favor food and in this case Tamales, well since the real tamale man had stop selling tamales due to his wife passing away someone is always there to take your place. Well el senor Ben J. Lucas was arrested for selling (check this out) tamales with nothing in them but that masa.  Ben told the constable that he didn’t lie about them tamales been made out of Masa alone. But at least ten customers walked over to Ben’s tamale corner and threw them masa made tamales claiming que there were support to be made out of beef and pork. Finally as he tried to make a run for it several of the tamale lovers chased him and caught up to him and trashed him with his masa tamales. By the time el constable could catch up with the mod it was too late to salvage any of the evidence but el constable was able to take a picture of the mess they made at the corner of third and wells. Charges will be filed against chingos de persons include Ben.

Wow when you think things are going well, all hell breaks loose. That was the case at the Barrio meat market where they had announced a one day one special on beer and pig heads. Of course like anything else there are always limited amounts. It seem que la commadre Gloria Benavides and la commadre Brenda Gomez broke out into full size fight when both ladies tried to take the only frozen pig head left on sale. At one point one of las commadres hit the other commadre over the head con a frozen beef head to see if la commadre would let go the pig head to no prevail.  After the dust had settled at least seven folks were arrested over that darn pig head. One of the witness said dang I had never seen anyone some involved in trying to get that last pig head. Charges will filed against all them pig head lovers.  

Ok raza we love and give park avenue.

hejola report for 11302015

Hejola report for 11302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrios stop the hungrier.

Several shots fired at wild turkeys.

Sancho Clause is coming to the hood.

And now some darn good news.

We el constable tell us que this cold weather is real good for those that have bad habits. It seems that when it gets cold lots of the night people (those looking for love) kind of stay home and away from major intersections, plus go to bed early.

This coming weekend the Westinghouse barrio mall will have el Sancho Clause coming in for a smooth landing on his home made barrio plane que esta way made. We are hoping que El Sancho Clause can land that homemade plane at our barrio parking lot without and incidents, Says Gloria Guerra, Mall Manager.

You see for those gun lovers that think someone is going to take their weapons was correct this past weekend when el constable was force to arrest ten barrio members including some residents from across the tracks from discharging their weapons in the hood. More that twelve bullet holes were found at the store at the corner of third and wells when several of the yahoos tried to shoot a wild turkey walking around the hood. Some many shots and no kill was the end results include arresting them gun lovers that pointed out que it wasn’t their fault for some many shots fired. El constable tells us que charges will be filed against all them folks.

Barrio leaders have taken the lead on making sure que no one goes to bed hungry. That was the call made yesterday at a rally for stop the hunger in the hood. One barrio leader reminded folks “look folks can’t live eating cats and dogs all their lives” and not only that your pet could be their last super. That was the slogans yesterday when it was determined que more than 50 percent go to bed hungry ever night.

Have a great day and 25 days for Christmas.

hejola report for 11252015

Hejola report for 11252015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello  raza I am Bill Diaz con our maybe last posting till next Monday depending on our internet server. But for now we here and you there wish you the best of season greetings and if you feel like giving thing to people, here is our address and we will accept anything I mean anything:

623 west elle #1

Kingsviile, texas, 78363, go ahead and make our day. And now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Two hour standoff with an armed turkey ends peaceful.

Crazy barrio person so called leader gets your attention.

And now some darn good news.

Yesterday was not just another day but a certain day. You see if we do not do things on certain days than why have those certain days anyhow? The answer could be in a nutshell of course only if you’re a squirrel, but since many of us are not squirrels, nor nuts, than why have that certain day anyhow, you see what I mean Vern!

Late last night la familia Turkey held their ground at the corner of Wells and Third Street for a few hours until they were convince que there weren’t going to jail in their efforts to stop folks from killing anymore turkeys than they have to. One of the Turkey family members told the law enforcement officers que you didn’t see folks killing rabbits during Easter did you? Or did you see any folks eating fireworks during the Fourth of July did you? Or folks eating their presents for Christmas unless it was one of those aged fruit cakes did you? After they were able to convince some folks the Turkeys were guaranteed their freedom when they dropped their weapons and move their truck out of the way.  As soon as they complied with the agreement all ten Turkeys were surrounded and tackled and arrested. One of the Turkey members told the crowded as they were escorted you see who can you trust?

Barrio leaders are so proud of some barrio residents that many in the hood will be getting some kind of an award at the end of this year. Barrio leaders only have one major problem, who is going to pay for them awards and who is going to pay for the time in preparing them awards? One of the most popular barrio members told the large gathering of 8 people que it was about time that them folks were recognized for the great job they do and by presenting them some kind of an award would make them stronger and would encourage more barrio members to get involved. After a few minutes of preaching that special barrio member was arrested and taken back to the lalaland where he went missing a few hours ago. The bottle neck here was that when a crazy person get can your attention for a few minutes we than realize que we are more crazy than that crazy person. Dang.

I know I aint crazy and I am sure some of you are, but if the shoe fits lets go and if the shoe don’t fit, than there is no reason to think you are crazy! Have a great Tejano day.

hejola afternoon report for 11242015

Hejola afternoon report for 11242015

Cchwnn

Kingsville,Texas. hello raza I am Bill Diaz con this afternoon hejola report.

Pre- thanksgiving party gone wrong.

Topless jobs for jobless folks for the holidays.

Two barrio men arrested for attempted robbery.

And now some darn good news.

Why would anyone be so mean to another person? Ask your mother in law.

It seems que more and more raza are trying to move on up the chart of higher income by attempting more armed robberies. That was the case con Juan y Juan Jr. attempted to rob again Billy’s boys liquor store at the end of third and wells street. When the whole thing was over it seems que juan jr. shot himself on the foot when he dropped the gun after he was surround by law dogs and Juan was stabbed in the right leg by the owner of the store. Both were men were arrested and charges are pending.

El compadre martin chapa saw how lots of folks are jobless and are willing to do almost anything for money for the holidays. Well, since martin champion is the owner of La Onda record shop, he decided to hire a few new employees, but since the job market is prompting a growing number of men and women in strip clubs, he decided to hired topless cashiers. Si If you think that you can turn things around in my record shop come on down and apply for a topless cashier. Champion tells us que he has flexible schedules and fast cash as tips. So come on down and see if you make that extra bucks for the holidays.

Having live chickens and turkeys at a pre-Thanksgiving party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of this that afternoon. No injuries to the real folks.

Ok now listen up if you think by eating all that food at the office and we still haven’t got to Thanksgiving you better take that Christmas outfit back for a larger size.

hejola report for 11242015

 

Hejola report for 11242015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello my amigos I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Cowboy fans riot.

Voters registered increase worries many folks.

New voting bill has been introduced by barrio leaders.

Yesterday barrio leaders introduced a new voting bill that would allow only some many votes per family. He is the proposed voting bill;

1 to 5 members include pets get only 3 votes per household.

6 to 10 members include pets get only 6 votes per household.

11 to 15 members include pets get only 9 votes per household.

16 to 20 more members including pets get only 11 votes per household.

And now some darn good news.

You know I am not known for winning things but lately I been real lucky, first of all I went to the bingo and didn’t win anything but I did win the turkey that was  raffled and second I was surprised the other day by getting chosen to get a free ham Thanksgiving package. Oh yea. That reminds me of my best friend that lost its dog and he placed posters on every corner pole: lost my dog, have only one eye, one ear, broken tail and broken back leg and goes by the name of lucky!

Many of the leaders believe que using this scale and voting system would make barrio elections fairer. The only down fall was que some many of the barrio households have very few people and chingos de pets. One example was la familia Anderson Cooper Munoz, they only have two people but have over 25 cats, dogs and a few farm animals, based on this system the family could vote up to 11 times.

The county tax assessor told us que there was a 10 percent increase of registered vote this year compared to the 50 percent increase last year at the same time. The only differences is that last year’s 90 percent of the applications were not acceptable due to the fact que the majority of the 90 percent of the voter cards  were either people names of persons that had died about 30 years ago or were dogs and cats and some farm animals now are allowed to vote. Huh no further investigation was done on this matter. El constable told us que it was not unusual to have died people vote once and in while nor was it unusual to allow your family pets to vote also.

After the only Tejano gay bar two tons of fun, was shut down yesterday afternoon, the crowd inside decided to take matters on their own by rioting outside the bar. They did this by standing at the corner and in the middle of third and Wells Street. At least ten cowboy fans were arrested, so of them were dress in drag and actual cowboy and cowgirl out fits. All will be charged for disturbing the peace. Editor’s note: The term Gay was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree", "happy", or "bright and showy"; it had also come to acquire some connotations of "immorality" as early as 1637.

Ok raza you think you’re lucky : Uh uh. I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

hejola report for 11232015

 

Hejola afternoon  report for 11232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. here again Maria la Vandia con this afternoon hejola report:

Christmas baskets are down for this season.

Concerns about shut down Third street, our side.

Barrio man arrested for yelling “ the end of the world is coming”.

And now some darn good news.

We just found out that the barrio leaders are willing to pay barrio folks a few bucks for Christmas for information about nothing. So if you have nothing to say drop us a line and we will see if we can send you a few bucks for the holidays.

Before this news breaking headline come to live, the founding fathers from across the track have closed down part of Third Street. It seems que that part of the town is right in the heart of both Hispanic and Black owned tavern and bar section of the Westside hood. Don they realize que by doing that it will force all those bars and taverns to shut down. Look we know it’s a low income district but by them shutting down three blocks down it will dynasty our business says the president of our side of the tracks community chambers of commerce

This years can drive seems to be going kind of slow said, DAREL white, who is  in charge of the center for cans. Oh yea it seems que folks just don’t want to donate stuff anymore to us. It seems que there are several reasons why folks don’t want to donate stuff to that center. Last year there was a report que all the good cans were taken by the center operating staff and left only hominy, clam chowder, can alligator, pig brains and other cans que people can’t use. A community meeting will be held to look in to this matter.

Well el compadre Joe Blow Guzman was right about one thing, his world did come to an end when he was arrested yesterday at the corner of third and wells, while yelling “the end is coming”.  He was rushed to the other side of the tracks and admitted to lala land hospital for a long vacation. One thing to point out is that he had just been released from a state hospital where he played doctor for two years.  Also would like to point out is que he was out on a trial bases, dang I guess he broke the record out only lasted 10 mins.

God bless you and don’t forget to give to the ones that don’t have.

hejola report for 11232015

Hejola report for 11232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello amigos I am Maria La Vandia with some helpful Turkey humor for this year. Well finally our creator brought us out again. Today’s topic will be turkeys. No not the one you married nor the one you are standing next too. But real turkey humor.Our surfing the net these past few days found some very interesting things about our thanksgiving holiday bird. With this in mind I would like to share some stories with you:

First of all  let’s talk about cooking a turkey: now many of us have our own way of cooking that bird so take this helpful hints:

How to cook a Turkey...

 - Go buy a turkey

 - Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD

 - Put turkey in the oven

 - Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

 - Set the degree at 375 ovens

 - Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

 - Turn oven the on at 300 degrees or something

 - Take 4 whisks of drinks

 - Turn the beast over

 - Whiskey another bottle of get go

 - Stick a turkey in the thermometer

 - Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

 - Bake the whiskey for 4 hours or several days

 - Take the oven out of the turkey and put it somewhere

 - Take the oven out of the turkey and remove all the goodies inside

 - pick the turkey off the floor

 - crave the stuff of the turkey

 - Get yourself another shot of something

 - Taste the gravy and pour yourself a glass of turkey

 - say Blessing, pass me another drink and prepare to eat out or at a relative.

And with that we wish you all Raza the greatest of holidays. I am Maria la vandia. Good day.

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter Turkey report for11242015

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter turkey report for 11242009.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello, again I am Gloria Guerra la manager del mall. I have been delegated to pass the season greeting para todos. So in behalf de todos los crazies here at the chicano cable hot wired news network;BILL DIAZ, JONATHON BARRIO, MARIA LA VANDIA, JOHNNIE EL QUEMON, VERNOCIA LA LEBENESS, LA CHINA CANO DE CHINA NUEVO LEON, ALCARDIO SAMUDIO, FRANKIE TUXEDO ZUNGIA, EL GENERAL FIDEO VERMECLLE, SR. FRANCIO DELGADO DEGULLA, EL OJO Y EL OJO JR., LEWIS MOJO LEWIS, DAVID DURAN, AND MYSELF GLORIA GUERRA AND OF COURSE OUR CREATOR DANIEL LOPEZ Y TODOS LOS LOPEZ FAMILY, want to wish every single tejano the warmest thanksgiving and if you drink please don’t drive and stay home and listen to either jay perez new cd or some old SCHOOL stuff. There is no harm in staying home during the holidays. Now lets go to our center stage con Frankie tuxedo zungia con todays hejola report.

Ok Gloria thanks again, I am Frankie tuxedo zungia here at the mall con todays hejola report.

A barrio farm truck turns over and release 50 or more turkeys headed to the our annual turkey shoot.

Our new office is giving free turkeys to the first 10 families,

And finally a few turkeys get run over at barrio bingo center.

Late last night several turkeys got run over by some drunk bingo players as they left the bingo center. El constable cadena was asked to investigate this matter. When the constable got there, at least ten turkeys had been run over already. The constable brought them over. That’s the ten run over turkeys to our office and see if we could save some of them but was too late. All ten of the turkeys die a few hours later.

With this in mind we are giving out ten free semi-clean but die turkeys to the first ten families willing to take them. The turkeys need to be dressed for that thanksgiving dinner you folks are planning. So if you are interested please don’t call just come by. A few did get run over pretty bad but once you wash them and remove the feathers you couldn’t tell they had gotten run over or anything like that for the exception of one that didn’t have a head. But that’s alright anyhow, its still eat able.

And finally el constable cadena is investigating the barrio farm truck that turned over and released them turkeys. The turkeys were headed to our mall for our annual turkey shoot. After several folks, especially el group “Better treatment of turkeys ‘ had been complaining about this unfair treatment of this birds several had said que them turkeys weren’t going to make it to the mall.

It is very possible que esta group “BETTER treatment of turkeys” might have sabotage the truck so it wouldn’t have made to the mall, say a member of” let me put the finger on you committee” ray ray perez. Si we have been watching the mall lately and we knew que esta group of trouble makers were going to do something like that. El constable cadena tells us que several vatos members of this trouble makers had been picked up for questioning on this matter. But have made no arrested.

In the past this group had been known for doing this sort of things in the pass. They were arrested several years ago at our pig sale when they release several pigs from the auction block.

Ok raza now back to Gloria. Thank you Frankie. Well raza I quess we will not be having our turkey shoot after all, but we are still looking for the rest of those turkeys. So if you see a turkey somewhere and it doesn’t have an owner it could be one of our turkeys. Just go ahead and keep it and take it as our xmas present. From our mall, I am Gloria Guerra and have a great tejano day. You too Jay Perez….

hejola report for 11192015

 

Hejola report for 11192015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio residents paranoid about folks from across the tracks.

No more new folks wanted here.

And now some darn bad news.

We live in modern day America, wouldn’t you say. Let’s look at it this way, we live in the year 2015, and have the mentally of pre WW Two. How damaging is that to our present society you ask? Just listen to Fux News. Fear has always been the key stone to many who don’t know better, but then we live in pre WW Two, what would you expect?

Some barrio apartment owners and folks wanting to rent their homes out have all agreed not to rent any of their properties to folks that don’t look Hispanic. It’ hard to determine who they are now a days but if we spot one of them, they are not wanted here and will have no place to live says one of the home owners.  After the meeting all five home owns and two apartment owners felt better now that someone had listened to them. By the way the meeting ended due to the fact that the day care center they were speaking at cares for children under the age of 5 had to close, once all the children had left.

Yesterday barrio leaders and a handful of barrio residents were mad and were willing to protest a new mall project to be built on our side of the tracks that would attract folks from all over especially the ones from across the tracks. Several barrio resident felt que they folks need to stay over there and build their own mall, we just don’t want them here, who know what they might do if they cross the tracks. As a matter of fact one of the protesters said que they were going to ruin more things like before.  After someone asked what they had ruined before, the protester said he/she couldn’t remember what they did but did promise they would do it again!

Ok raza make sure that bunker you have has at least enough food for two days.

westinghouse barrio mall

Exclusive report: Westinghouse barrio enterprise update.

 Cchwnn

Kingsville, Texas,Hello again I am Blanca blanch Blanco con an exclusive interview con los owners del mall. Up to now el barrio really didn’t really know whom owner the mall. We had reported on the partnership they had. But today based on the legal documents filed by our local justice of the peace it did mention who owned the mall.

 

Today we have with us the owners of the Westinghouse barrio mall. El senior Homer Fernandez Guerra, older brother of Gloria Guerra manager, and we also have el senior Dr. Castillo De La Galieia.

 

First lets start con la familia Guerra. Homer welcome can you shed some light on the present status del mall.

 

Homer: first of all let me thank cchwnn for allowing us to be interview on this very sad and important matter. First of all the idea del mall came when I lived in Nuevo Laredo in 1978/79. Here I had the opportunity to met el doctor. El doctor Del La Galieia owned a plastic flower company and was lying the network for a recycle center here in Nuevo laredo. Here I learned que he wanted to make some important investments in the united states sometime in the future.

 

In 1998 I mover to Kingsville and try to finish my collegee, when I met Daniel Lopez the creator and learned que he had wanted to establish a tejano Chicano satire news network. The mall idea came to Daniel around 2004. Before we knew it we found several backyards and created the mall. We invited el doctor to join us, and he urged us to keep him as the silent investor.

 

Well as the success of the mall grew el doctor decided to open a recycle center here at the mall, which would complement his present recycle business in Nuevo Laredo. So went we decided to create el barrio conjunto enchanted land theme park el doctor funded it himself. We wanted a place where all tejanos around the world could go and listen to there favor tejano groups (please note que the enchanted land we are referring to is in yourself. On can be so happy by listening to their present or passed tejano favorite bands. I like go a pull an old album de mi favor conjunto and open a cold beer and turn the air and listen to all commotion around me and I tell myself this is tejano land).

 

I also wanted to thank Gloria Guerra my sister for standing by me and watching my back. It’s so hard to find good working raza especially dealing con money. We know que there has been lots of raza business lost due to back-managed y pincha family members.

 

Blanca: ok now lets talk con el doctor and maybe on what is going on at the mall.

 

El dr.: well Blanca I will agree con homer on his views and my background on how I got involved in all this. But the important thing now is to bring all three units to compliance, el barrio conjunto land theme park y el cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex and of course Westinghouse barrio mall oh by the way the flea market also closed is part of our enterprise. . We have several months to get it all going again and we will prevail con todo esto.

 

We do want to mention que la commadre boxing will be moved to el barrio community center y our taqucha conjunto soccer league games will all be moved to cchwnn alley. Thanks to our creator he has given the league permission to finish the season there. Los conjunot concerts will continue at the barrio community center.So there the future of business.

 

Well thank homer, Gloria y el doctor . I am sure que lots of tejanos feel better knowing que they will reopen its door. And my final words:

 

Mucha times we kinda over look the small things. In this case it was the big things that got this guys. It is just a lesson on how to run a business. It takes money, it takes time, and you are dam right it takes so sabe in which I think got this guys. I am blanca blanch blanco. Have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 11172015

HEJOLIA REPORT for 11172015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. HELLO AGAIN RAZA I am Fideo Vermicille con todays award winning barrio headline news, but first let me share my saddest when it comes from other raza que wish we were bombed. Now tell me is that awful or what. Now for our award winning headline news:

 VATO ARRESTED FOR PEEPING TOM

 BARRIO SOCIOLOGIST GET GRANT TO STUDY HOMOSEXUALITY IN THE HOOD

 AND FINALLY CITY CRACK DOWN ON PIG FARM INSIDE OF CITY LIMITS.

Yesterday afternoon the city fathers from across the tracks along con city officials y our own constable Cadena, visited and issued several barrio warrants for their arrest after failing to comply with the city law of having farm animals inside the city limits.

 The owners of the pig farms inside the city limited wonder how in the world did the find out about the Swine; it seems que the Odor these swine’s left was a bit out of Control.

 For the owners of this growing pig farms, its bad news, said one owner who he didn’t want us to use his name ( Daniel Beamer). He said que the other side of the track folks had spent mucho money on developing electronic equipment that would measure the offensiveness of odors and would determine where it was coming from. The reason we are so concern is that we have found que the folks living downwind from the hog farm have become “tense, depressed, angry, and confused.” Said one of the participating officer who assisted on the raid, “We’re dealing with complex issues that don’t just come down to ‘does it smell bad.’” We need to teach this folks down here que pigs belong outside the city in a farm and not inside the city limits.

Mario diaz was arrested after several barrio people had hear footsteps on their roofs . Well it just took one incidents in which constable Cadena caught Mr. Diaz climbed on a Roof last night. It seemed que Mr. Diaz was using a fishing line and hooks, lifted the blankets of sleeping women to look at their bodies.

And finally, Among the grants given this year from the our city Academy of Sciences community, Awarded Ms. Bettys smith Moore Sanchez a grant to study homosexuality in el barrio. Ms. Betty smith moore sanchez said it was very important to know if homosexuality is a big thing here or not.. She was awarded about $6,300. in addition she will examine homosexual behavior in the hood.

 

 

“ your business is my business and my business is none of your business”

hejola report for11162015

Hejola report for 11162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am bill Diaz back from assignment but here today for our barrio headline award winning news. But first of all things have claimed down a bit over here at the hood, con tanto pedo this few passed days, and hoping que we can all get along. Now for that headline news:

Two commadres arrested for fighting,

Someone stole life-size cardboard cutout of constable cadena.

And finally a crack head busted con su pet pig.

It just seemed odd que esta loco was riding his bike without any tires late last night says el constable cadena ,pero what was more odd es que he had his pet pig riding in back of the bike sitting inside a kids bike carrier. Once the constable tried to stop esta loco to ask him how much for the pig ,the loco took off on his bike, of course not being able to out run the the constable squad car, esta loco finally fell down and gave up two blocks down the street. Once the constable came up to him, the crack head told the constable que he threw his shit away. The constable went back and picked up the stuff and arrested the crack head, oh by the way how much for the pig, the constable asked.

It seems que Juan Martinez had read somewhere que if you were to put a cut out of a policeman inside the store it could deter shoplifters at his stop and shop. Well its seem que el constable cadena life size cut out was stolen yesterday afternoon when Mr. Martinez placed el constable cut out, outside the store for a second, and when he returned someone had stolen it. Dam said Mr. Martinez and it was doing such a good job. Mr. Martinez is thinking of doing one of Britney spears to bring in new customer. Please note that in bishop texas the city police use to have a cop car parked at this corner with a stuff rabbit in the driver seat.

In other news it seems queue la commadre tancha y la commadre Nancy Garcia were both arrested at the corner of wells and Third Street yesterday afternoon when one of las commadre claimed que la commadre loved to gossip and people believe her. I don’t mind says one of las commadre que la commadre likes to gossip pero not about me and I confronted her about it. La commadre slapped la commadre a few times until la commadre got out of the car and started to fight la commadre. It took several folks to separate them two, and they held both women until el constable cadena came an arrested both of them for believing what they hear through the grapevine even if they have evidence to the contrary. El constable tells us que gossip most of the time is more powerful than truth.

 

Well there you have it raza, and for all those that keep on winning the same awards over and over congratulations. I am sure that award looks great next to the one you won last year, I am bill diaz and I don’t need no stinking award.

hejola report for 11132015

Hejola report for 11132015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello again I am David Polar Bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Local politicians give no brainer answer to simple question.

Barrio own tea party “let me put the finger on you” drops lawsuit against mother in law.

And now some more or less good news.

It is a sad day when barrio members regardless black, white and beige that believe that by supporting those that want to bring more harm to our hood Is for the betterment of our hood and talking about less education and less health services is really going to bring more harm to them. Look and yes there are some folks that do depend on food stamps and other assistance, believe they do and why cut them off and hoping that their life will be better off when it’s a proven fact it cause more harm, so why are there some many going along con this nonsense. Burns the hell out of me.. why?

Ben Diaz a local vato running for office stopped by our office for an exclusive interview on his positions on certain barrio issues. The question was what about the replacement of city lights on our side of the tracks. He stated” you see Christmas brings lots of happiness in the hood and really all over the world, in our present status our present leaders have utilized the best they can do by putting up Christmas decorations from the 1960’s in place on new lights, if I am elected I would for sure replace them old Christmas lights with the ones that I have found out are still in storage from 1970’s. So all and all if I am elected for sure we will do those major improvements to our barrio…. Ok..dang .

Yesterday barrio Justice of the Peace El ojo Barrio private eye dropped a lawsuit that was filed back in 1998 against la Senoria Maria Hernandez   by our own barrio tea party “let me put the finger on you” leader Russel Ruffs Redneck , who by the way was his mother in law. The law suit came about when Maria helped la commadre Sofia Garza wrap and fill tamales at her home for that year’s Christmas family gathering. It seems que Maria had label tamales wrong whereas beans were beef and beef were pork tamales and pork were bean tamales, well low and behold ole Russel ate a whole dozen of them beef tamales that were really pork who by the way was alleged to pork was in the hospital near death for about several weeks. That’s where the law suit started. But thing will be ok says el ojo, due to the fact que Maria passed away yesterday and no longer will need to sue her.

Ok raza have a great Tejano weekend.

hejola report for 11122015

 

 

Hejolia report for 11122015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio clashes with increase of fake wigs left behind at bars.

Westside candidates concern about vetting.

And now some good news.

We have gotten a ton of one complaint about the yesterday posting about that one legged veteran that donated his wooden leg to the man that stole it because he got a new one yesterday, turned out to be false. It seems que when the awards were getting out, the one legged veteran didn’t get his new leg due to the fact que it was back logged on the shipping and wouldn’t get it till maybe near Christmas of this year. So the one legged veteran asked the one legged thief to give his leg back and promise to give it back to him when the new one gets here. Both men agreed que they were going to share that one leg on a weekly bases. Wow what a wonderful world. God bless our veterans!

At a future leadership program held yesterday at our barrio community center, the topic was” Vetting and are you prepared for it”? El Senor Wally wally Wallaces, a barrio political advisor told the group of ten men and ten woman and a combination of twenty dogs, cats and some farm animals que if you planned on running for office in the near future que YOU must be prepared for a full inspection, screening, examining, evaluating, assessing, and who knows what else will occur about your past and your future. By the time he finished his lecture only five dogs and two cats were still present at his presentation.  El senor told us que he was very surprise que only a few still wanted to learn more about how to get into politics after he went over some of the thing that might happen if you decide to run for office!

Yesterday afternoon the new manager of the only gay Tejano bar ‘two tons of fun” told a group of bar owners, who by the way meet ever Tuesday que they were worried que too many of their customers were leaving fake wigs and all sort of fake hair found in their bar bathrooms.  We are worried que too many folks either don’t know que they left their fake hair behind or some are trying to plug up bar’s toilets. Each bar owners has agreed to come up with a policy that would require customers only some much hair in their bars. Pellon!

Ok raza don’t forget to vote at the Arizona 2015 Hoodie awards for  Chicano Tv Media outlet .

hejola report for 11102015

 

Hejola report for 11102015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello raza I am Urbando Yosabatodo con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

El compadre found lying.

Local taverns owners all agreed they would ask drunks to go home early

And finally , elderly persons wanting someone to claim them this coming income tax year.

A total of twenty-two elderly folks signed up for this year come and claim me on your income tax for 2015 or take an elder person to live with you only for the holidays. Si folks this people are waiting for someone to come by our center and take them over to your home for the holidays and you can use them as exemptions for next year’s income tax or have that relative that you always wanted around, but don’t have any. El senior Juanito Utley de La Raza income service and home care barrio style, serving almost every chicano elderly in the hood, says que this is a great service que estos viejitos are doing to help you, si you, the barrio consumer can save money on your 2015 income taxes an avoid paying the government any taxes you might owe this coming year, or replaces that relative you can’t stand for very long with a more understanding one. For more information concerning this matter or pictures of los viejitos up for holiday adoption just call that’s all.

Yesterday tavern owners gathered at our local community center to discuss the major problems concerning the increase of drunks and the problems they were causing lately. It seems que since football season is half way over, more and more drunks have been coming out into the public taverns says one owner. Another owner also second that comment. The organization of cantinas y dancehall all agreed that these kinds of problems are just what we don’t need. After a few minutes of discussing these problems, it was determined que ten barrio residents were pointed out as the ones causing problems. So it was agreed by this organization que whenever these persons showed up at their bars they were going to be asked to leave and would refuse to service them. They were all sure que all of the problems would also go away, well in theory.

It was a sad afternoon yesterday at the only barrio center for educating liars had a close encounter when one of the students lied about being a liar. El Compadre Segundo told a school Administer que he lied about his school application that he was a compulsive liar and que he had cheated and fibbed all his life. Well after a few relatives showed up to testified about his lying, he  turned out to be the most honest person ever born. He was asked to leave the school premises and never come back liar.

Ok raza pants on fire.

hejola report for 11092015.

 

Hejola report for 11092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre reports que 10 pairs of underwear were stolen.

Juan Pistolas arrested for farting.

And finally, two arrested for fight over missing false teeth.

Bob Gomez who has been living con Martha Goana (bipolar), were both arrested late last night after a fight broke out in their one room apartment when they both couldn’t find their false teeth. It seems que both had got to bed early that evening and forgot where they place their gums at. Once one of them woke up to eat a midnight sack, realize que the gums didn’t fit right so this sparked a fight between both of them. Once el constable got there both of them were so beat up que they both were arrested. Further investigation resulted que each of them have put on the wrong pair of gums. Charges are pending.

 It seems que you just can’t pass gas anywhere nowadays, especially at la commadres new barrio resturant. La commadre Maria, owner of “la commadre maria dinner”, called el constable cadena, and told him que he needed to rush over to the dinner cause they, the employees y la commadre had a smelly customer pin down and wanted him arrested. Once el constable got there he found Juan Pistolas pin down to the dinner floor by at least three 200 lb. women employees that wanted this man arrested for farting more than three times, that caused the worse smell ever smelled. Once el constable entered the dinner he too had a hard time walking in the place. Juan was arrested for disturbing the peace. Chinga.

And finally, El constable cadena was called to the residents of la commadre tencha Munoz, 76 years of age, at the corner of wells and Third Street, reporting que someone had stolen about or around ten pair of her underwear, all color white from her back yard cloth line. She told this report que she thought que it could be those gay guys that live at the corner of fourth and wells. El constable cadena will be investigating this crime. But if you have any idea or clues to that awful crime, please contact us here at our command post.

Ok raza there you have, take it easy and keep it tejano.

hejola report for 11062015

Hejola report for 11062015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello  I am Bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio addictions hit hard in the hood and no one noticed.

Barrio man can’t wait.

Barrio vacationers busted.

And now some darn good news.

Have you ever wonder how did we ever start out doing something that by the time you finished you don’t remember what you were doing in the first place.

There were  two drunks seemed to have drank a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

And then, It seems que when you have to go, you just have to go. Well that’s the case con BERt Alvarado who was busted taking a wiz, from inside of his car. It seems que henry has two broken legs and can’t really get around but it didn’t stop him from relieving oneself in public. It seems que the stop light at the corner of wells and third was not working yesterday and it was on red for hours and hours, in which henry hadn’t realized this. Please note that the red light that Mr. Alvarado was looking at was two blocks down from where he was waiting for it to change.

But finally,You know that ever hood in any given town has its addictions, regardless who they are. Many can say, to a primo or something like that, that your relationship with drugs, with cigarettes, with food , or with alcohol sometime is more important to you than a relationship with people or god, and that is what Pedro Valdez was. It seems that his whole life evolved in the drug culture and finally took his life. Yesterday morning he was found death at the corner of third and wells sitting there. It seems based on the police report que Pedro had been sitting on that corner for more than three days and no one took notice, until yesterday morning when a drive bye noticed his shoes were missing. An investigation is being done. If you have any information concerning this crime please don’t call us.

Have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 11062015

 

Hejola report for 11062015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza I am Jonathon Barrio con today’s award winning barrio headline news.

Barrio banning selfies proposed.

Highly Committed barrio member takes the law into his own hands.

And finally some darn good news.

It seems que el barrio homeless center has agreed to take as many homeless folks every night but you have to get there before 8 p.m. or you won’t be allowed to get in. Now if you do make the curfew you also get a free bingo card, while you are waiting for the next day to come.  The director of the center told us we can’t just have people sitting around and not doing anything. By the way the center is looking for some good carpenters, and painter wanting to spend the night.

It seems que once in a while a barrio member will eventually impersonate a police officer here in the hood is not uncommon, but when el primo bought a police uniform at a garage sale he decide it was his time to take action Jackson.  So he decided to set up his own elaborate DUI checkpoint on a side barrio street, complete con road flares, and demanding license, registration and insurance from driver after driver. But the checkpoint was short-lived, when el constable was driving his own personal car was stopped. At that point el constable Cadena arrested him for an illegal DUI checkpoint and impersonating a police officers, and was taken to a lala land for observation.

El barrio constable told barrio leader que we have to doing something about barrio members taking selfies that is devastating toll on the hood.  He then explained que there have been at least three or four barrio resident that either caused numerous injuries and in some cases lives of certain barrio member while talking them selfies. He did recall one where el compadre Chuy Garza was taking a selfies with an angry 7 foot long rattlesnake around his neck, which of course bite him but was damaging but not fatal. So the barrio leaders will looking into this matter and have some kind of regulation implemented by 2033.

Ok raza smile you are on candid camera.

hejola report for 11052015

Hejola report for 11052015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza how are we doing today, I am maria la Bandia con this afternoon award winning barrio headline news:

Historical moment: Old barrio resident gets what he orders.

Increase of drug paranoid in the hood.

And now some darn good news.

How many times have we ask our lord que forgive and I won’t do it again? Chingos of times, so what have we learned from all this?

El constable Cadena told us the other day que there must be some real good stuff going around the hood que makes many of the drug users think someone is watching them, knocking on their doors late at night, or even following them or looking into their homes.  He told us que within the last few weeks he has gotten calls at all hours of the night of people asking him if he or someone is watching them. Of course he has arrested many of them callers but is real worried que someone has the good stuff that he don’t know about.

It was not too long ago que we could only buy stuff con that yearly catalog that came in the mail from  those national chain stores. One case was el old Perez, age 85, told us que it is some much easier to order stuff now a days like it was before. He told us the first time he ordered something from one of that catalog was a beautiful woman in her underwear and bra. He immediately order and didn’t indicate what size or color. He thought that he had bought the woman demonstrating the bra and underwear, but instead got the underwear and the bra, which in fact he still had.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report from Monterey, Mexico,11/04/2015

hejola report from Monterey, Mexico, 11042015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Now from our one of many international offices here is Johnnie el quemon.
And now for our headline news:
Barrio gets 20 free turkeys,                                                                                        Two members of let me put the finger on you committee get arrested.          And finally three tortilla companies close down.
Yesterday after noon three tortilla companies announced que they will be closing their doors on their Westside tortilla companies says Ben Blanco de “Blanco soy mi tortillas company”. Si we are moving our company across the tracks and hope to give those other tortilla in a can company more competition over there. What will this do to our barrio unemployment, we are not sure but will do a special on this matter come Friday 2033.
In other news two members of let me put the finger on you committee got arrested for filing false police reports on several barrio members. Sonny boy Jones y Sammy Boy Jones both gringos got picked up by el constable cadena this weekend when esto dos pincha vato called the cops on la familia Gonzales, la familia Martinez, la familia Lopez y and la familia Gomez que they were hiding illegal aliens. It was later discovered que they weren’t illegal at all but legal cousins from el paso. Furthermore, it was them boys who had the illegals, working at their uncles turkey farm.
And finally an unknown source donated 20 turkeys for this year barrio turkey shoot . Si we are very happy que someone had a good heart to donate this turkeys for our annual turkey shoot to be held at the mall come thanksgiving. So load up your guns and bring down the fence and see you at the the turkey shoot.

Ok keep then donations coming.

hejola report for 11022015

Hejola report for 11022015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsvillet, Texas. Hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

grandmother wants her stuff back,

larger number of dogs missing in the hood

and the hood prepare for the sept 16th festival..

the police were called in today at the home of enrique Muniz, it seems que mrs Muniz was on her last operation and didnt plan to make it… well it seems que the dr said que she was to too weak for the operation and didnt real need it.. with that in mind mrs Muniz is asking all her sons, daughters and grandkids to return all the stuff she gave away right before she went into the hospital. a court hearing is schedule for two weeks.

a large number of dogs have been reported missing to our barrio command post. we are not really sure who, or what is doing this, but if you have an leads into this matter please contact us at our command post.

last weeks winner of el barrio 8 ball lotto went to felipe garcia. the winner of the grand price of $2.00 dollars.

and finally the westinghouse barrio mall has schedule a large scale of events for this year’s grand opening. all of the bbarrio music award winners for the last two years will be performing.. more details later..

from our command post. I am Bill Diaz, good day