hejola report for 05272016

 

 

Hejola report for 05272016.

Cchwnn:

Hello once again mi raza como estant todos, I am Bill Diaz. We have lots to cover this morning, so lets get to our barrio headline news:

Barrio education suffers serious wounds,

Pincha vato tries to rob barrio cellular phone shop.

And finally la commadre Susie arrested for hiring a hit man.

Yesterday we found out que el constable cadena y some real cops from across the tracks have come over to the Westside to arrest maria perez and charged her con hiring a hit man to help her try and kill six person, so she could steal a brick of cocaine. But in turn it turned out to be “barrios mama luz queso fresco cheese” .

According to el constable, ms. Perez had peeped inside this folks window and saw this large block of crubly, white, barrio-cuisine cheese on their kitchen table and thought it was a big pile of cocaine. The report says que she had plotted to return that evening and kill anyone in the home old enough to testify against her. pesse hejola.

In other news, Jimmy smithwick, a barrio educator, having return from the war with a paperweight he found there. Mr smithwick was hospitalized at the st. paul’s medical center here at the Westinghouse barrio mall with severe burns and shrapnel wounds, and lost part of his left hand, when he try to smash a cockroach with a his newly found paperweight on his desk. The some called paperweight was a 40 mm artillery shell, unknown to mr smithwick, was still alive. Mr smithwick was also charged with the endangerment of his students. Oh by the way mr smithwick was rushed to a real hospital after the folks at the st pauls medical center couldn’t do not for him here and didn’t have all the missing parts of his body.

And finally, el constable again is asking barrio members for its help in finding el vato who tried to burglarize the only barrio cellular phone shop sometime last night. The store owner Max soso Chonz, told us que the dude que whoa trya roba oura storea trieda toa shoota opena thea doorsa locka , buta ita seema que thea bulleta ricocheteda anda hita thea mana ina thea chesta, knockinga hima downa. Mr. chonz also told us que he was sure que the bullet likely did not break the skin but said que probablya startlinga anda painfula, alsoa quea thisa mana vomiteda ata thea scenea beforea hea fleda.  So the constable is asking anyone in the hood for information leading to who did this crime. There is a small reward being offered.

Well raza there you have it for today.

hejola report for 05232016

Hejola report for 05232016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. COMO ESTAN todos I am Jonathon barrio con today’s hejola report. We have had a large number of accidents occurring here in the hood lately. So let start off con our award winning barrio headline news :

TWO BARRIO GUYS SERIOUSLY INJUIRED.

BARRIO EDUCATOR ARRESTED FOR BRIBERY.

And FINALLY TWO VATOS GET ARRESTED FOR BREAKING INTO A STOLEN CAR.

It seems que the parents of juanito diaz, a junior at our local barrio high school noticed que he was gaining so much weight and were wondering if the high school gym class was doing him any good. Well once the parents visited the school one afternoon, they notice que juanito was not in class. It seems que he was paying his gym teacher, coach chris garica, for not attending class. Coach garica was arrested and charged with bribery for allowing students to avoid gym classes by paying him money. El constable cadena tells us que coach will go to court next week.

Yesterday afternoon el constable was asked to check on two VATOS  que  were taken home by a friend so they wouldn’t be driving drunk from a local cantina. Well as you might expect, they were seriously injured when their friend was hit by a 75 year old drunken driver on their way home. All three men were rush to hospital across the tracks. Last word we heard is que all three were doing fine.

AND finally esto two vatos who el constable cadena say stole a car in from eastside of town and drove it over here to our side of town, that’s Westside, were arrested here yesterday, when one of the security guys from el ojo junior barrio private eye security 666 unit caught them trying to break into that same car because they had locked the keys inside or thought they had. El constable said que he found the keys in one of los vatos pockets .

Ok there you have it for today’s hejola report. I am Jonathon barrio and have a great tejano day. Don’t be glad , just be gay

hejola report for 05192016

Hejola report for 05192016.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello again, I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Summer program shut down for a few hours.
Ten more new lots added to summer pitch cotton program.
And ten new sponsors sign up.
El barrio young summer program where your kids can work during the summer pitching cotton was shut down for a few hours due to the heat index and warning. El Pancho Martinez director of half bail will travel told us que it was just too hot to have them kids in the backyard pitching cotton. No one was seriously injured during this warning time.
Ten more new lots have been added to this summer cotton program where you as a land owner can get subsidized for letting the city plant cotton in your backyard. It’s a summer activity that allows children to gain some respect towards adults and their peers, and not only has that but kept the kids busy during the summer.
And finally, ten new sponsors signed up today in helping the summer “let’s pitch cotton program” a success. It’s a program where the whole community can participant and keep our kids out of trouble. The new sponsors will provide water and free treats for the children and their sponsor
Ok raza get that cotton pitching butt up and do some good.

hejola report for 0

hejola report for 05192016

Hejola report for 05192016.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello again, I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Summer program shut down for a few hours.
Ten more new lots added to summer pitch cotton program.
And ten new sponsors sign up.
El barrio young summer program where your kids can work during the summer pitching cotton was shut down for a few hours due to the heat index and warning. El Pancho Martinez director of half bail will travel told us que it was just too hot to have them kids in the backyard pitching cotton. No one was seriously injured during this warning time.
Ten more new lots have been added to this summer cotton program where you as a land owner can get subsidized for letting the city plant cotton in your backyard. It’s a summer activity that allows children to gain some respect towards adults and their peers, and not only has that but kept the kids busy during the summer.
And finally, ten new sponsors signed up today in helping the summer “let’s pitch cotton program” a success. It’s a program where the whole community can participant and keep our kids out of trouble. The new sponsors will provide water and free treats for the children and their sponsor
Ok raza get that cotton pitching butt up and do some good.

hejola report for 05182016

Hejola report for 05182016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan, I am bill diaz con today’s award winning hejolia report. But first of all what’s up with all this rain, it just tell me we might just get that big one this year. And now for that award winning headline news.

Fire smoke alarms drive back in the hood,

Three barrio members get honored.

And another barrio study looking for you.

El primo’s son Matthew Molina a graduate student at our local college has asked us to ask you barrio members if anyone was interested in a new study of obesity he is conducting. An was looking for several large people he can test on and hoping to get a larger test groups results so his study can mean something. So if you are a large person wanting to make a large impact and one of the largest test groups please write to us at cchwnn@netscape.net.

Three barrio members were honored last night at the local bingo house on the heroic effort they did in saving the lives of several old folks. Los tress reyes brothers, harpoon, chucon, y chingo we all honor on how they bravely the entered a burning home and save the older couple from burning, oh besides them ripping off a few things, the constable decided not to file charges against them. Dang it must be good to be a crack hea!!!.

And finally, its back and our loco volunteer firefighters will be out in the street this weekend looking for spare changes in order to purchase smoke alarms for every barrio home. They had almost reached their goal last year but that one party really messed it up in which they ate about 20 packs of instant popcorn.

Oh if you hadn’t realize that our locos had decided several years ago that instant jiffy popcorn packages were being used as smoke alarms. You see, they fiqured que if the popping don’t wake your ass up the smell would. So if you see those vatos at the corner of your barrio street, hey go ahead and drop a few coins and save a life.

Well there you have it folks I am bill diaz an have a great day.

hejola report for 05162016

 

Hejola report for 05162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello Francisco Delgado de Gaulle here back from Paris.

Now for today’s headline news:

Cchwnn mall office stormed by protestors.

Large number of tejano fans flea conjunto land,

And twenty-two arrested at the mall area.

El constable cadena has not released any names of the twenty-two arrested on an all day ordeal at the Westinghouse barrio mall area. It all started Saturday night. El constable cadena con el help del el ojo junior barrio private eye security barrio force666 were able to maintain order at the mall ten hours later. The twenty-two arrested are protestors, some clowns, and a few homeless folks were rounded up in the dark. And taken across the tracks to be jailed and booked.

In other news ten tejano fans were injured when a certain group was performing when the power turned off at el barrio conjunto enchanted land theme park. For some reason or another many of the concert goers starting running out the gate once all the power went off. These caused a stamped and ten tejano fans got run over and some were stomped on. The power shortage is being investigated by the fire department and the real cops from eastside.

And finally at the mall, the small protest turned to be a big massive attraction to all the hard core folks that don’t believe in a free press. While many were protesting la empanada conventions, some protestor were there looking for trouble. In all this cchwnn studio was ran sack and a total of seven other stores were damaged as the protestors ran through the mall area yelling and screaming and throwing #### and breaking stuff. El ojo barrio private academy was not damage since the students of the second floor academy barricade themselves inside the school. Anyhow this is also being investigated by the authorities.

At this time we are not sure when we will be able to return to that mall area since it is being blocked off for further review. Again I am French correspondent Francisco Delgado de Gaulle and have a great tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 05132016

 

Barrio stock market report for 05132016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am urbano yosabatodo con this week’s barrio stock market report. Last week we informed you that we were going to include the prices of pinto beans and rice.  We have added a brief summary of our finding on this topic matter.

On our research for the different prices for pinto beans, we discovered que there are chingos de different varieties of ways you can purchasing them, either by the bag or can.  The price range for a 16 oz. can of pinto beans go from $1.67 to $1.78.  Now if you are a Susie home maker and like to cook your own pinto beans, we encourage you to buy the 25 pound bag, which really is a better deal, the price of that 25 pound bag is going for $20.45.

Now let’s talk about that darn rice. Besides the whole darn world eating rice, it was a bit of a difficult matter. On our research we found more rice in dog food que rice sold along. But as we continued our search, we finally discovered that rice comes in many more forms that pinto bean. We discovered que you can purchase rice in a box, pre-cooked, bagged and also found it in many food combinations. The price of rice varieties and the how much you buy is also an important variable. 

Now unless you got chopsticks and are on a rice diet, the 50 pound bag wouldn’t be a bad idea on purchasing.  But now we can put the blame on chingos de things but that’s what this report is not about.  Now a small size bag of rice, like a 20 lbs is going for $19.50. and if that’s too big I am sure we could find a small bag, in which might be limited in some stores.

Now let’s get to that award winning barrio stock market report :

>Los taquitos  stable from last week, ended the week at $1.50 each, coffee is extra. But could go up.

>Los  tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive up on that steady pass this week, but ended the week at $6.00 a dozen.

>Las tortillas, are beyond prediction, but for sure the price is going up. Las tortillas $1.75 a pack. Think corn tortillas? Yea.

> La barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week higher than last week, $7.00 a lb. llama barbeque at $2.50 lbs. it’s the solution.

> cheap beer is cheaper somewhere else. A 16 oz. is steady at $2.05. real good. But we predict to remain stable.

< a bag of 5 pound bag of pinto beans is going for $2.25.

>las empanadas steady at $.58 cent each.

Barrio want ads:

#5698: for sale used shoes and tennis shoes, size 14.

#8954: still looking for a young woman to live with older man, will provide maid outfit. Weekly salary and must be at least 24 years of age.

#9862: we still have some baby now big easter chickens and ducks for sale, some still in good health, make offer.

#7652: womens underwear for sale, one size fits all, different colors and different types, make offer for the whole lot.

Barrio realtors :

Ocean front property for sale in palito blanco, the ocean is just a few hours away, make offer for the three lots found in this great ocean front street.

Ok raza there you have it for today, and have a great father days’ .

hejola report for 05122016

Hejola report for 05122016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again, Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

 

Three arrested con evil weed.

Barrio big plans for 4 of July turn out small.

And finally school is out for monkeys.

 

Yesterday the only school in the nation for pet monkeys informed us Que School was out for the summer. So if you had or have a monkey registered at that school you need to go by and pick it up or else. That was what the school administrator told us yesterday during a very exclusive interview. Yea.

 

Let me put the finger on you committee has layout this year’s barrio 4 of July theme. The theme that was selected is “keep it American”. The whole committees were excited and are going to paint the whole hood red white and blue with tax payer’s monies. The group hopes to convince the city to dish out 20 thousand gallons of paint for the hood... wow.

 

Yesterday evening el constable did his job by arrested three vato’s standing at the corner of third and wells for selling evil weed. This weed or evil weed was just plain lawn grass with a little mint in it and dried out a bit. The constable took a hit from one of the cigarettes they were selling and didn’t get a buzz. He told them three boys que if you going to be selling chit, might as well sell the real thing. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way el constable will keep the 3 thousand other cigarettes he took from them three as evidence, now this is some dam good stuff.

Ok Raza keep it Tejano.

hejola report for 05092016

Hejolia report for 05092016

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Now from the darken room, here is David Duran.

Heaven , Raza y como estan todos. We hope you all had a great mother’s day. And now for our award winning barrio headline headline news:

Area law enforcement agents round up 100 people,

Local homeless become more homeless,

And finally fight breaks out at clown fest 09

Yesterday afternoon at the 18^th annual clown fest, just like last year a fight broke out. The secret society for clowns met again here in the hood and just like last year a fight broke out between several clowns’ clan’s. The clown clans are different organizations of clowns throughout the hoods.

Last year’s clown fest also ended with a fight, when one clown called the other clown “clown”. So that clown asked that clown who are you calling clown, clown. Well as you might expect, that one clown hit the other clown and the rest of the clown clans jumped in, before you know says constable cadena we had a brawl between ten clowns all dressed up as clowns. Once the dust settled several of the clowns were taken in and later released on bond. The organizers of this year’s clown fest told us que there will be less beer next year. Yes, says the main clown, it never ever fails. We just need to serve less beer with them clowns.

In other news, constable cadena y with some help from the cops from across the tracks helped to remover ten homeless families from our local Chicano park. It seemed que esta gente had established residences at the park and had set up mailboxes and had about ten thousand feet of extention cord that came from across the street to provide the families with electric power.

Park officials told us que they, the ten families, needed to be moved out of the park. All the families were taken to the edge of the hood, which by the way is on the edge of the railroad tracks that divide the city, and were asked that they could move to another park, as long as it was on that side of the tracks. Up to now there has been no report nor has anyone seen or heard from these homeless families.

And finally state, local and county law enforcement agents, without the help of our local constable, raided and arrested at least 100 people on their annual lets bust some people raids. Si says the constable cadena que estos vato came, sought and found all the folks that they were looking for. It’s the second time in two years que lets bust some people raids have been held. No word has been given on the next round up.

Well raza there you have for today, hope you have a nice day and see you all later.

hejola report for 05052016

hejola report05052016.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO, RAZA…

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas.Hello once again raza I am bill diaz con mucho information para todos,. Before we start there will be some special announcements to be made on the new barrio theme park coming soon to the hood. Anyhow raza here is our award winning barril headline news:

Barrio elects school board members for 2011.

La commadre gets appointed to committee,

Fight breaks out at bar while watching a baseball game on t.v.

The new barrio elected officals have appointed la commadre Laura Turan to a special committee. La commadre Truan, appointment to this committee in the hood is a good thing for all those in the hood that want a better life. She is very excited since she was the only one from our block appointed to the committee. However the purpose of this committee has not been announced yet. But it’s a committee and their first meeting is schedule next year.

A friendly fight broke out yesterday at a new bar called the spot. Its seemed que someone had too much to drink and started a fight while watching a baseball game on t.v. It seems que somehow, a cowboy started some shit and the fight broke out. Several folks were injured and some were arrested. El constable Cadena is investigating.

And finally, los barrio schools have elected their parent, teachers and student organizations (PTS) leaders. Leading this year’s group will be Novaa Bar-era, president, Emilio-emma Bar-era vice president, and treasurer, Mindy Bar-era. This folks were elected from the six bar-era family members that attended the school meeting.

 

I am bill diaz have a great day.

hejola report for 05042016

Hejola report for 05042016.

Cchwnn

Kingsville, Texas. Hello Raza how are we doing. I am Jonathon barrios with our award winning barrio headline news;

Westinghouse barrio mall continues its leadership in la onda Tejano.

Cchwnn has been declared the new Chicano movement.

And finally a brief report from our man David Duran on his second journey.

Now a few words for our vato on his second trip around the world, here is his documented report from Rome, Italy where he has been there for at least a month. Are you there David:

David: “ciao come siamo che facciamo, sono duran di david che segnala da Roma, Italia. è così posto historial uno dovrebbe vivere qui un tempo di vita per visitare tutti i relativi luoghi e la storia che ha casted circa noi la gente è grande e saremo qui un mese per vedere quanto possiamo imparare circa questo posto bello”.

Now a few words from our friend at the Westinghouse barrio mall Gloria Guerra.

Si  thank you Jonathon barrio. This week we will have la commadre boxing matches, at our taqucha barrio sports complexes the start of our barrio taqucha conjunto soccer season start Saturday and el barrio conjunto enchanted land theme park will have its summer series of conjunto award winners concerts. All this will be announced sooner or later, la voz del Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter and now back to Jonathon.

Thanks Gloria a great job out there at the mall pushing for la onda tejana. Now a political stand from our creator Daniel here is general fideo vermicelli.

Si our leader Daniel is a very bold man. He just got barred from a so-called Chicano site. Our posting their lead us to believe que muchos Chicanos are self-destructives. Such sites censor its memberships. It’s sad que not all agree with our posting on different site. We understand that and we encourage to just skip our chit.  Now, when we get barred from a website, where we have posted for at least 60 days and not one hit. Well we know that no one is interestedon that site. The only one it seems that is reading our news is the owner of this so-called Chicano site. He and he alone disagreed with one of our news coverage. He decides to call us up on it and calls us a bunch of drunks and tired of babysitting us. When in reality we are the only ones visiting that web site and keeping his bullshit site going. Well that’s all water under that toll road. RAZA HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU BELIEVE ANY REPUBLCAN RUNNING FOR THIS PRESIDENT? LIKE THE SAYING SAYS THEIR A PENDEJO BORN EVERY SECOND … RAZA FOR HILLARY………We declared que la onda Chicana will live forever. We declared que we trust and have always respected the owners ship of websiteS that make themselves public when the start a message board. We declared que we alone will determine our future. We declared que we will love all our brothers and sister that are determined to make and keep la onda alive in wherever method we use.

From our command post here in Kingsville Tex. I am Jonathon barrios. Your business is our business and my business is none of your business.

hejola report for 0522016

Hejola report for 05022016

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Once again I am bill Diaz con today barrio headline news. Well it’s like every year mothers brings the best of everyone. Yea. Now for barrio headline news:

Barrio 811 emergency calls place on hold.

22 arrested yesterday CINCO DE MAYO fest.

Two ways to love your mother.

Well base on a mother’s day survey we took there are only two way, the results of our mothers day survey, it seems there are only two ways to really love your mother, either by visiting here for several hours or giving her ten bucks an stay for ten minutes, that was the results of this study. Oh yea after we interviews ten barrio members, we determined que these results are very important to many.

In other news, Well if you though that CINCO DE MAYO FEST, WAS A DAY of rest will your freaking wrong. Out of the 22 arrests made yesterday 15 were mothers who took it on their own to start chit over stuff that might have happen ten years ago or more. From fighting at a backyard barbeque to breaking window at the local bar, that is what el constable cadena told us yesterday. Oh yea it was a better year this year compared to other years, where fewer mothers, for some reason or another took their frustrations out less this year.

And finally, It seems that if you would have an emergency and called the barrio emergency call hotline this coming mother’s day, you would will put on hold due to all el pedo going on in the hood. It seems que so much chit was going on que all lines might find themselves real busy for a minimum of 3 hours, starting around 6pm to around 1159 pm, based on what el constable just informed us. So if you plan on starting some chit don’t do it this coming mother’s day.

Well there you have it for today, and keep it Tejano.