hejolia report for 04302015

HEJOLIA REPORT for 04302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Now that guy who is worried about his job is David duran.

Heaveno raza, well I feel a bit better today since I spend the whole weekend with our creator and got to know him a bit better. Now that we have a guarantee que our job is solid as a rock here is the barrio headline news:

La 81-year-old commadre once again complaints about graffiti painted on her fence,

Several open container tickets were given at monthly pink light special,

And finally church broken into, stolen raffle tickets.

This past Sunday, someone broke into the only barrio church-run fireworks stand at the edge of town and stole raffle tickets. Constable cadena said que the robbers stole those raffle tickets and had started calling people who'd purchased them tickets and have been getting  prank calls from the thief, telling them that they'd won the raffle.  one of the victims got the prankster's particulars using Caller ID and arrests warrants are pending. What ever you do don’t buy any tickets.

La 81 year old commadre tancha, told el constable cadena que between Thursday and Monday someone must have entered her property in the 400 block of wells street here in the hood and spray painted gang graffiti on the wall. La commadre said que the damages would total over $500.00 in repainting the wall.  she had no idea que it was gang related and she said que it made the fence look nicer than what it was.

And finally, this month’s constable cadenas pink light special, Turned up several open containers and several disorderly conduct charges, and at least 15 tickets to persons driving without insurance and /or drivers licenses. The constable tells que he has met his monthly quote and wants to thank the hood members for their participation.

hejola report for 04292015

Hejola report for 04292015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con our special con maria la vandia.

Si bill I’ts been awhile but I am back, maria la vandia, just back from way out west and visited with some friends there and recovering from my wounds, but that’s another story. But for today, here are some barrio spring back headline news:

Three barrio men busted for making out con a mesquite tree.

Two barrio spring breakers mistaking constable car for taxicab.

And finally tres are arrested for stealing a barbecue grill.

Yes, can you believe these three vatos were drunk and had run out of money on their way to the south padre island, and stopped in the hood to see what they could cook up. Well they sure did , while scoping out the hood estos ways saw el barbecue grill de paul’s barbecue cooking its traditional chicken. They decided to steal the pit. So one of the vatos jumped out of the car and rolled the stolen pit about ten feet when the chain that secured the pit, stretched as far as it could go, ring an alarm hooked up to the pit. Before they knew it, there were eight men and two women checking out the noise when these people surrounded the three men, while el constable got there to arrest them.

In other news two drunks seemed to have drinking  a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

Now  the reason el constable had come over to hi-ho motel,someone had reported that Three barrio men were making out con a mesquite tree. When the constable got there he parked his car right in front of the bar and managed only to arrest two of the reported sex perverts. Its real sad says the constable que group men can’t tell the differences between real women and a tree. The two men were arrested and taken to the cop shop across the tracks.

So raza as you can see, spring break can make you do thing que in the morning que you won’t remember that evening, because you just  won’t. I am maria la vandia con this report and doing much better and hoping to finish con La Gringa Novella.

diary of a barrio funeral:a soicalgathering, 2015.

Diary of a barrio funeral; a social gathering, 2015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello como estan I am blanca blanck blanco con our diary of a barrio funeral; a social gathering. Planning a funeral is something most of us have to do at one point in our lives, do I really have to do, you ask? Well I would say yes, you really need to. Just keep in mind it’s a very emotional event, when you are arranging a funeral for a loved one who just died. I will try to keep it as simple as possible. I would like to start from the end to the beginning.

First of all make sure they got the right plot. Makes sure a family member that knows or knew more or less where the plots are and who is to be buried in them and where. Family members can’t stop the funeral to measure the plot and see if it’s correct location. Believe me, we can always come back and move it.

Second, driving too and back from the grave site, make sure we bring back everyone single person we took there. And make sure if the big limo is already paid for that you us use it.

Third, which is very important here, try and make sure that all the pall bearers are under the age of 25 years old, or adults that don’t have any physiological issues. The worse thing is to see half of the adult men pall bearers leave the church during mass to use the bathroom.

Fourth, make sure that if the whole family is going to pay for the funeral and you don’t spend a dime, not to come back on you at a later date, that you didn’t do this and nor that or pitch in any money.

Fifth, make sure that you do have a power of attorney and not the moron of the family having it. It makes it so much easier on everybody.

Sixth, now you tell those bill collectors that you have been waiting for their call, she is died don’t call back.

Seventh, in picking a funeral home make sure you check with every relative that might have a friend that owes one. And make darn sure they don’t get any kick back on the referral.

Eighth, make plans on informing all your relatives if you can, if not find someone in your family that don’t have a job to make the calls. They aren’t doing anything anyhow. An if some donated the food make sure we cooked it and who got paid to do it.

Ninth, if a family member is watching over a serious ill family member and they don’t show up for three days, wanting explanations, just tell them where were you three days ago.

Tenth, don’t make fun of all the older relatives that are showing up for the funeral, they might be next.

And finally, if one of the family members is being irrational or ridiculous and insist on taking that ill relative home, call the cops.

I am sure there is much more but I just can’t remember. Thank you I am bbb.

barrio stock market report for 04242015

Barrio stock market report for 04242015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again there big spenders I am Urbano Yosabatodo. And now for our award winning stock market report:

Los tamales: the problem facing tamales is que we heard from our old tamale guy yesterday and he didn’t really look that good. He tells us que one of the major problems facing monetary barrio tamale makers is not our stock market but our stock market instability. Many of you barrio tamale makers are managing to take this task on making your own, instead of focusing on financial stability on those that depend on you buying their tamales. Tamales ended the week at $6.00 a dozen, down from last week.

Las tortillas, the declining increase of raza not making their own has increase the premium on homemade tortillas or better known as the private credit sector. Now you ask what is the difference in the two is that one is regulated by the government and the other is a credit worthy private makers, with no government intervention. The real economy damage here will happen this coming winter if we don’t regulate the homemakers and decline the number of tortillas they are making. If we do not limit the amount of tortillas we make at home, it could squeeze higher prices of tortillas for all of us non makers of tortillas. This could really damage the barrio economy. Tortillas ended the week at an all high price of $1.35 a package.

 Empanadas incorporated , held its annual convention and were able to outdo all the demonstrators que protested and caused all the riots and damage at our Westinghouse barrio mall this past weekend. Their concerns were that empanadas makers were not filling the inside of empanadas. In addition the local barrio community gardens groups will continue its efforts to provide those local empanada makers the vegetables and fruits need to make them. Las empanadas ended the week at $.89 each.

La barbacoa de cabasa, it was announced today que sometime next week the first batch of llama meat will be in our local barrio meat markets within two months. The few llama farmers in the barrio are real happy and are gearing up for this new beer market to hit the hood. Please note que llama is primarily used in the Andes and in Peru as a pack animal or for meat. The word "jerky" that we use today to refer to beef jerky, is one of the few words in our language originating from the Quechua language. "Ch'arki" is the name of the llama meat which was salted and sun-dried. The taste is somewhere between beef and lamb, though closer to beef. Many describe it as a lighter sweeter beef. La barbacoa de cavesa ended the week at $6.50 lb. a bit higher than last week.

Alcohol consummation report( better known as cheap beer report).

The change of this market has caused lots of problems for us here at our command post. It seems que los que love to drink wrote us some nasty email telling us to stop reporting the drinking problems we have in the hood. Hey you have to realize que It’s becoming common knowledge that the true addictive substance of alcohol is not alcohol itself but the acetaldehyde (AH) produced when we metabolize it. If acetaldehyde is not efficiently broken down into acetate some of the excess drifts to the brain and combines with serotonin and / or dopamine to produce the infamous Tetrahydrolsoqulnoline (THIQ). THIQ is extremely addictive and in brain biochemistry actually fits the receptor sites that our natural pain killers (beta-endorphins) and “feel good” (serotonin) neurotransmitters are supposed to occupy. This causes a chain of very undesirable events. Our brain becomes incapable of receiving serotonin because our receptors sites are telling what little is there that they are full, very full with what it thinks is serotonin and beta-endorphin. The process is referred to as down-regulation. This condition is also why it takes more and more alcohol over time to get you “feeling right” once you’ve been at it a while. Because of the flood of THIQ in our brains our receptor sites begin to say “enough” and closes down beta-endorphin receptor sites. If you can understand all this then you need a drink. Cheap beer ended the week at $3.65 a six pack.

 

Los taquitos: Well folks the new group in town is preparing to handle this issue. We are real concern que lots of small taco stands have shut down this year than years before on our side of the tracks. But have increased across the tracks, where a few chicanos y tejanos, y blacks live. The let me put the finger committee will be addressing this issue sometime this weekend. Los taquitios ended the week at $1.10 each.

The barrio want ads> si bro we have a chit load de cosas to sell:

Item 5842: used women underwear. Still got some elastic in them, Sizes from 15 to 23. . Make an offer.

Item 5847: almost new jogging shoes and shorts. Not sure what size, make offer.

Item 6842: ten chickens and two ducks for sale. Leftover from this year’s Easter sell. Good health, make offer. Will dress them for you at a small cost.

Item 7412: old 78 vinyl records, some in good conditions others need some freaking work. We have at least 78 records, and a old fashion record player. Make offer and will deliver within a 500 mile area. Chinga, I mean within a 5 mile area.

And finally a small report on the barrio realtor.

Ocean front property sold and move, one more time the OCEAN FRONT PROPERY MALL HAS BEE SOLD AND MOVED,,so stop calling about it. Ok thanks and have a nice barrio day.

hejola report for 04232015

Hejola report for 04232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Kingsville,tx.  Hello again I am bill diaz reporting for our barrio command post. We have been doing some remodeling here. We started by digging our own bunker. I wonder how long will it take to finish this thing con one shovel. Oh well anyhow let’s go to our barrio headline news:

Barrio math teacher fired for using bad examples.

Several barrio member get arrested for some unusually action on their part.

And finally recall on February election of elected barrio officals.

  Here are some examples of barrio folks doing some weird things, Jonah morales was  arrested late yesterday evening , when he was set off twenty homemade explosives in less than  one  weeks.  When asked what the hell was he thinking he told el constable que he liked the sound. Oh by the way he is a war veteran. In another weird case Juan sanchez was also arrested sometime last week and charged con stealing several women under wear, from his next door folks clothes line. The only problem is que juan here loves to put them on and prances around his backyard walking around wearing them ,because he told el constable que it felt good.

 

Now the proud education math teacher Mingo Might Mouse was arrest and fired from his job due to the following math problem : Problem number 5.If juanito has a 22 rifle with 20 round clip. If he misses 5 out of 8shots and shoots 10 times at each drive-by shooting , how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload? And then there was problem number 8. if la prima is pimping two of here commadres at $25. each commadre, how many tricks will each commadre have to turn so la prima can pay for her $200-per-day crack habit? The teacher will be able to appeal his case to the board of education at a later date. 

And finally a recall campaign is going on by some barrio members claiming que many of the homless that lived at el conjunto enchanted land were substance addicts and had claimed to us here at our command post que someone had paid them $2.00 each to vote for a certain candidate at that feb. barrio election. The case is being reviewed by one of the persons that won during that election. This person who wants us to not to mention their name told us que barrio elections or vote buying might not even be illegal. It’s just part of the on going process. Pesse hejola. The group let me put the finger on you committee will appeal this elected official judgement on this matter.

Well raza there you have it for today raza I am bill diaz at our barrio war torn hood. Always remember to hug you children and your family.. have a great tejano day.

hejolia report for 04222015.

 hejola report for 04222015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas.

Once again I am bill Diaz con this week’s barrio winning headline news, What the heck, now for our barrio headline news:

Barrio leaders crack down on child support for your real child.

One vato gets arrested on a scavenger hunt.

And finally a barrio parrot causes la commadre to file a divorce.

Yesterday afternoon we learned que el parrot de Benito y Sara Gonzales has caused Sara to file for a divorce since she learned que her husband’s infidity when her parrot, peppito, imitating Benitos voice, continually cried out for some woman named “maria”. Pessa hejola. The family will go to court to see who will get to keep peppito the parrot, I heard that Benito told someone you can keep that darn bird.

Some adults were involved in a barrio scavenger hunt, one of the went over to the other side of the tracks trying to meet all the items on their list. They went over to ask if police officers would please help with the next item on their list and pose for a photograph of a cop eating a doughnut. El officers obliged but one of them recognized John boy Boyce from a recent felony warrant and was arrested on the spot.

Yesterday afternoon a barrio justice of the peace, passed a local rule que would not require hard-luck vatos who, believing they were biological fathers, and had agreed to child support, only to learn via a dna.cia.fbi. Test that they are not, but still were required to pay that support.  Chinga. And you love her!

Well it won’t happen anymore here in the hook  says Christina Ochoa Morgan our newly elected justice of the peace on a ruling she made yesterday afternoon getting Juanito Paulito Politio off the hook from paying child support to his ex wife Juanita. Its seem que esta Juanito had originally agreed to support his new wife’s daughter, but  he and his wife divorced papers ruling from  the courts had ruled he must continue to support the girl even though the wife has now married the vato who is the girls biological father. The court agreed to get him off the hook from paying child support but instead has demanded que Juanita pays her ex husband child support for the last six months. The family will appeal this ruling to an upper court.

 

Ok raza there you have it I am bill diaz from our command post here in Kingsville texas.

hejola report for 04212015

Hejolia report for 04212015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.

Hello friends how are we doing? I am Bill Diaz, But for now let’s get to our award winning headline news:

Two barro vato’s wanted to rob liquor store , but one shot himself and the other one was stabbed.

Ben torres arrested stealing and using stolen credit card.

And finally, vato arrested con Maria La Vandia doll obsession.

Since Maria la vandia released her 2008 Maria la vandia Barrio dolls, a vato named David Junior, has collected all seven models of Maria’s dolls. But this weekend David was arrested at one of the barrio malls after a mall police man spotted an array of rated x magazines, in his front seat of his car. Once the police searched the car, they found women’s underwear, and the entitle collection of naked Maria la vandia dolls all lined up on the back seat of his car. Furthermore, when they went to search his  trunk they found a bunch of Polaroid photos of all Maria la Vandia dolls naked and their heads cut off. Charges are pending.

How dumb can one person get? That is the case of Ben Torres who was arrested early Sunday morning after using a stolen barrio credit card in five different locations. First he used it at Go and stop store, he was asked to put his address , which he put his real address; than at the corner shop he adsent mindedly signed his own name on the credit ticket. And then at the westinghouse barrio mall, he used his real phone number on a credit card purchase he made at chuy’s sex toys for adults, and finally, he showed his real ID once he was asked at the Ocean front properties mall. Chingos de charges are pending.

 

 

And finally,It seems que more and more raza are trying to move on up the chart of higher income by attempting more armed robberies. That was the case con Juan y Juan Jr. attempted to rob again Billy’s boys liquor store at the end of third and wells street. When the whole thing was over it seems que juan jr. shot himself on the foot when he dropped the gun after he was surround by law dogs and Juan was stabbed in the right leg by the owner of the store. Both were men were arrested and charges are pending.

 

Ok raza there you have it have a great day.

hejola report for 02202015

Hejolia report for 04202015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello raza como estan, I el general fideo vermicelli, Bill is on assignment, but are you ready for our award winning barrio headline news:
Ten chickens and five turkeys terrorize birthday party.
Three women arrested at spring break barrio party for throwing a box of tampons at security guard. ...
And finally la comadre me puso el dedo, says Frankie Luz.
It seems que one of el compadres comadres called the cops on him, thinking she hear someone breaking into his home, who lives next door to her. Once el ojo barrio security force 666 answer the call, they promptly went over to el compadres home and found the back door open. Once inside the security force found chingos de marijuana growing in backyard and inside of his home. No charges have been filed yet but depending on how good the weed is, or worth, or something.
El barrio security force 666, arrested three barrio women at this past weekend spring fling held at el chicano park. It seems que Nora, Norma, y Noelia Martinez got a bit too wasted and we asked to leave the park, as they were leaving the park one of the drunk women threw an unopened box of tampons at one of the barrio security force 666 members, as they drove out of the park. All three women were arrested for P.I., DWI, FEAS, and TRYING TO HARM A PEACE OFFICERS. CHARGES WILL BE FILED.
And finally, Having live chickens and turkeys at an adult birthday party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of this that afternoon. No injuries to the real folks.

westside warrior news network 04172015

Westside warrior news network 04172015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan , and I am Lewis mojo Lewis,and  let’s get it on.

Now for that award winning headline news:

One vato arrested for acting like sancho clause.

Addiction hits hard in the hood.

And finally public bathroom are need.

 

It seems que when you have to go, you just have to go. Well that’s the case con henry Alvarado who was busted taking a wiz, from inside of his car. It seems que henry has two broken legs and can’t really get around but it didn’t stop him from relieving oneself in public. It seems que the stop light at the corner of wells and third was not working yesterday and it was on red for hours and hours, in which henry hadn’t realized this.

 

You know that ever hood in any given town has its addictions, regardless who they are. Many can say, to a primo or something like that, that your relationship with drugs, with cigarettes, with food , or with alcohol sometime is more important to you than a relationship with people or god, and that is what Pedro Valdez. It seems that his whole life evolved in the drug culture and finally took his life. Yesterday morning he was found death at the corner of third and wells sitting there. It seems based on the police report que Pedro had been sitting on that corner for more than three days and no one took notice, until yesterday morning when a drive bye noticed his shoes were missing. An investigation is being done. If you have any information concerning this crime please don’t call us.

It seems that those winter Texans bring in the most of folks. Well it seems que panchito Gomez( Sancho clause) did it again. For the last few years esta winter Texans well he thinks he’s one was arrested by el constable cadena at the corner of wells and third. It seems que esta vato loves to take pictures of him and folks sitting on his lap. El sancho clause was asked not to wear the uniform till after thanksgiving.

Well folks that’s it, and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 04162015

Hejola report for 04162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Once again on the road again con La china Cano de china Nuevo Leon.

Hello my friends Como estan todos. Now lets visit with that duo that are circling the world in 80 days David Duran y veronica la lesbian who are in Paris France visiting our staff persons there. Are you there David?

bonjour mes amis je suis David avec mon Veronica d'ami ici à notre BUREAU À PARIS avec nos nouvelles Francisco correspondant Delgado De Gaulle. oui David et ronnie un accueil chaleureux à vous à Paris France. nous rapporterons toute cette semaine de franc jusqu'à ce que nous passions ainsi nous tenons prêt et nous aurons plusieurs rapports pour vous tous de Paris.

Ok guy’s thanks a million.  Now for the barrio headline news:

White power sent to our office and constable is investigating,

Several barrio members honored this weekend,

And finally fight breaks out at monthly barrio clowns meeting.

Our barrio has an organization named barrio clowns inc. well at this monthly meeting a fight broke out between several clowns and the law dogs were called in to break the fight up. It seems que lula the queen clown was accused of using some of the tricks that giga la willa clown has being using this past few years. Well for some reason or another they bumped heads this weekend at the meeting and it seems que their anger had been building up for some time. By this time constable cadena got there the fight had already been broken up. No charges will be filed but both clowns were asked to make sure they didn’t use each other’s tricks in the future.

At our weekly barrio hood meeting several vatos local volunteers firefighters were honored this week for saving several crack heads a few months ago. It seems que esto crack heads fell asleep and nearly burned down the hold apartment complex. But with the great efforts of several of los vatos locos, they managed to enter the blazing apartment building and saved three crack heads. Oh by the way the police wanted to question the vatos who were being honored on what happen to the stuff that was reported missing by the crack heads.

 

And finally el constable cadena was called in con the rest of the law dogs from across the street to inspect a very funny looking envelope that was send to us by someone to the only gay bar in town two tons of fun. We just didn’t know what to do with this white stuff found inside this envelope say Maria shine our director of fun and games . The police from across the street took the stuff with them to their lab across the tracks and will let us know what it was in a few months.

Ok raza there you have it for today. I am la china cano, oh by the way school has started up again and we do encourage everyone to drive more carefully and keep your eyes open for those kids crossing the street at our local school zones.

hejola report for 04152015

 Hejola report for 04152015.

Cchwnn

Kingsville,tx, I am Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Several senior citizens were gun down con water guns.

Two arrested for making their own homemade fireworks.

And finally, la commadre has twins at the age of 67.

La commadre Maria Maria Maria, give birth to another set of twins this week. La commadre has 10 sets of twins already, along con with her 8 other children. After interviewing her she told this reporter que thank god she didn’t throw all her baby clothing away. Her husband, run down Manuel Soto told us que now he has completed his co ed softball team he always wanted.

Yesterday afternoon along con the constable and his barrio task force 666, and law dogs from across the tracks arrested los Garcia Brothers for having a large number of gun powder and so highly risky explosives. When asked what they expected to do with this dangerous stuff, they said que they were going to make their own fourth of july firework stand. Both were arrested and charged con some serious chit.

Yesterday afternoon marked one of the darkest days in the hood when 17 barrio senior citizens were gun down but a group of brown necks by water them down as the marched towards the free meal center. Yes says el constable que this old folks were all watered down and some fell on the ground and others fell onto the city streets avoiding to get hit by passing cars. Several young men and women were surrounded up for questioning but no charges have been filed.

 

Ok raza have a great day.

hejolia report for 04142015

Hejola report for 04142015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again como estan todos, I am Bill Diaz  and now for our award winning headline news:

Father forces daughter to step on roaches.

An increase of drunks bicycle drivers.

And St. Patrick day parade cancelled.

It seemed que this year’s St. Patrick day parade gathering turned out be a big butt brawl between our side Catholics and Catholics from across the tracks. At this point we are not sure what started the brawl but at least 7 of the 10 floats were damaged when los chingaso started. The fight was not limited to just the adults, the whole dang parade people all got into, and some say it could have been those clowns, which were dress like pilgrims, that might have started a fight con los little men dressed in little green suits. Charges will be filed this coming Saturday where all the folks accused are asked to be presents. .

This weekend was the worse we have seen in a few years says Benito Gomez, head of the director for bicycle licenses. Just in last few weeks we have sold over twenty bicycle permits to drive a bicycle on the street after the hour of 9 p.m.. But that’s not the problem, he told us, what is the problem is the number of BDWI. A total of 85 tickets and 20 bicycle permits have been suspended due to bicycle driving while intoxicated. The barrio leaders from both sides of the tracks will look into this matter.

And finally, It seem senseless when Pablo t. Gonzales was arrested Saturday morning after witness told police que they heard screaming and yelling from inside the Gonzales home early Saturday. So I called the police, says a witness of what she saw and heard as she walked passed their home. It seemed que el senor was teaching his daughter on how to kill roaches by either stepping on them or using a broom. The daughter didn't want any part of it. Charges are pending.

Ok there you have it for today and have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 04132015

Hejola report for 04132015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello I am bill diaz con today’ s hejola report, But before we get to this, can we talk. Several things we need to get settled. One, now we know that a middle age person cannot buy A rap c.d. and repeat some of the lyrics on live radio. Hey you can get your butt fired. Second, its IRS time and it’s that time of year where you wish you would have save all your recites, and now for that headline news:

Two local carpenters held hostage by la commadre,

Barrio security guard gets arrested for stealing,

And finally barrio community garden.

This week the volunteers at the barrio community garden are asking for your help in preventing folks from using the garden as a public bathroom. In the last two weeks the volunteers have found lots of toilet paper along the fence and inside the garden area. If you or you know who these persons are, please take your movement somewhere else.

In other news, Pancho Martinez, a security guard at the Westinghouse barrio mall was arrested yesterday afternoon by el ojo junior barrio security force 666 at his home. One of the arresting officers tell us que esta panchito had broken into several of the stores at the mall and stole many items of expensive jewelry, plus 750 pair of women’s underpants. Oh by the way esta pancho is not a graduate of el ojo junior barrio private eye school.

And finally, la commadre Pricilla Munoz, 65, was arrested yesterday afternoon by el constable cadena on a complaint filed by el senor Juan Valdez owner of a el barrio let me fix your freaky home. He claims que la commadre held him and one of his helpers imprison for two days a week ago. Mr. Valdez told us que la commadre Munoz held them in her home for two days until we finish remodeling her kitchen for Easter. Mrs. Commadre Munoz will go to court in a few weeks. Oh by the way she was taken to a lala land hospital across the tracks for observation.

Well there you have it. Be safe and watch out for those darn kids. Have a great tejano day.

barrio mall newsletters and news blogs for 04102012.

Barrio mall newsletter and news blogs for 04102015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Maria la vandia con this week’s barrio mall newsletter and news blogs.

Wow do we have something special for you. This coming weekend both malls’, Ocean front properties mall, and the Westinghouse barrio mall have agreed to put on play day at the malls. Both malls will be having a series of human events and barrio scavenger hunts for all barrio residents and there will also be prizes and cash bailouts. So come on down. But for now let’s check to see what events will be held at both malls:

1. Clown unions will be at both malls registering barrio folks for beer drinking contest.

2. Conjunto fest, some of the barrio award winners from the past will be performing tba.

3. Chingos de human contest but not limited to:

Watermelon eating contest, jalapenos eating contest, tortilla making contest, menudo eating and cooking contest, barbque contest, horse shoes contest, watcher throwing contest, tamale eating contest, kissing contest, dancing contest, tortilla throwing contest, pin the tail on the clown contest, dunking tank, pie throw contest, biggest hoe contest and so much more.

Anyhow how raza come on down and have a great time here at our malls. Don’t forget your business is our business and my business is none of your business.

hejolia report/ paris del helles 04092015

hejolia report / paris del helles for 04092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Once again raza. Today is a very special day for us. Starting today we will include PARIS DEL HELLES DAILY from our news correspondent Francisco Delgado De Gaulle.

Well it’s that time again, now for the headline news for today:

Vato staggering along west Richard, local residents call constables office.

Homeless family asked to move, no camping allowed inside the city barrio limits.

La commadre de la commadre hit by truck.

And finally from our French correspondent Francisco Delgado del Gaulle, with the story que a man alleged that a storeowner threatened him with a weapon.

Last night los vatos locos volunteer firefighters were called on an 811 call. Its seems que la commadre Susana, call 811 after her commadre GIGI got hit by a passing truck while she stood in the middle of the street. Before the vatos could get there it seems que la commadre managed to get up and she got her self-checked into the hospital. But before constable cadena could get there to the hospital , it seems que la commadre had already checked herself out of the hospital. The constable report stated que the truck was not damage.

Earlier this morning a barrio resident living at the 300 west Richard st. call the constable cadena office wanting to report que a vato had just passed her home and he seemed to be staggering. Once the constable got there it seems que he had already spoken to this dude twice this evening. Constable cadena stated que he had already determined que esta vato was not intoxicated.

And a police unit from across the tracks, stopped an inspected a car that was parked in a no parking zone. It seems que this people were napping in their car on third and wells street. Well somehow this car somehow qualified as a campers the police report indicated. And since this side of town had already pass a new municipal code, outlawing no camping in the hood. The people were asked to move on or be towed off and taken to jail.

 

Now from Paris France here is Francisco Delgado del Gaulle, (for translation visit bing translations)

 

Bonjour le raza de mille, hier à notre magasin faisant le coin, police de Paris se sont appelés pour interroger le propriétaire du magasin qui a allégué tiré un pistolet sur un client. Le que par propriétaire du magasin que le client n’a pas voulu laisser un client féminin seul. Après lui avoir demandé plusieurs fois, j’ai dû tirer le pistolet hors de ai dit le propriétaire du magasin, et dis ce client de partir. La police ne classera pas des frais contre le propriétaire du magasin, mais a été donnée une amende pour ne pas avoir une tenir compte d’elle. De nouveau à vous Alcardio.

 

Thank you Francisco. Well there you have it for today, I am bill diaz, and have a great day.

hejolia report for 04072015

Hejola report for 04072015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello raza, I am  bill diaz con today’s round up of Easter happiness. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio Annual volunteer firefighters Easter recycle can hunt announces winner for this year’s hunt,

Three arrested at parking lot at the mall for smoking weed,

And finally mall mascot straps it on.

Los vatos locos volunteer firefighters announced this year’s Easter recycle can hunt winner. The major prize went out to El Hijo Sue. El hijo Sue, who by the way, his parents own “El mejor hijo sue beer joint/ tavern” was announced the winner of this year’s hunt. He came in with a whooper of a ton of recycle cans, out weights all his opponents by at least several hundred pounds. El hijo sue will be the winner of this year’s 2015 model barrio 23 homemade tricycle, donated by los good merchants at the mall.

In other news, several folks got busted this weekend at the mall parking lot. It seems que esto were attending the free concerts at the cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex when they thought it was cool to smoke that evil weed. El mall security arrested Bill Mora, Jim Morales, and Pedro Morgan con possession of marijuana . All three clowns were taken to the police shop across the tracks.

And finally it seems que the mall mascot just can’t get along con those clowns. It seems que no one told the mall mascot que the mall management had given permission for the local clown unions to come and hang out at the mall this weekend. Well this seems to have not gotten down to good con el mall mascot mr. turkey. It seems que one to this clowns took mr turkeys spot or his regular hang out inside the mall and mr turkey didn’t like that. When mr turkey confronted one of the clowns, the clown slapped him on the butt. That’s when mr turkey picked up that clown and threw him down the stairs here at the mall. Well when the rest of the clowns heard the call for help from one of their fellow clowns, that’s when thecshit started. By the time the cops and the constable stopped the riot, el mr turkey got his butt kicked. No arrested were made and when asked which clown was the one that hit him, mr turkey said they all look alike.

Well there you have it and please don’t be a clown, just act like one.

hejola report for 04062015

hejolia report for 04062015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am bill diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news:

Three comadres arrested for fighting at barrio Easter Sunday wedding.

Two compadres arrested for breaking cascarones and damages.

and finally this year recycle can event was successful.

This year’s los barrio youth were able to collect chingo de recycle cans for its annual recycle can hunt. Mary Morgan Gonzales, ex -wife to Manny Morgan, now married to La prima cousin, Henry Gonzales, this year’s recycle can chairperson, told us que it was a very successful one, and not only that the whole barrio was able to throw cans almost everywhere and anyplace. It was a blast and we are looking forward to next year. The only problem some adults were seen pitching some of them cans Saturday nite but were warned not to by el constable cadena.

 

When things seem to be going smooth all hell broke loose, that was the case of la familia martinez this yesterday Easter Sunday. Los dos compadres had warned everybody there que el first one que breaks un cascaron on their heads were going to hear about. well no shit , el compadre pedro didnt take the treat serious, so he took it on his own to take the challegence del otro primo, y ponlle con los chingagos when  they got into a fight and knocked down the picnic table, knocked all the food on the ground, they also ruined the piñata that they had bought and broke two cases of beer. Both were arrested and taken to jail.

And finally it seemed que las tres comadres, which all have been married at least several times got into a fight for the bouquet when the newly bride did its traditional toss. Once the fight stopped all three women were arrested and charged con damaged done to the hall, wedding cake, some table decorations, several bride maids outfits were torn and other stuff that has not been accounted for.

 

Well there you have it, don’t drink if you visit your relatives and don’t drive over there looking for trouble.

The Easter Story 2015

The Easter story  2015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Dian wishing everyone a great holiday, but for now here is our “the Easter story, I didn’t mean it”.

It started out like usually, and a typical holiday, but this year was different. I had everything I wanted until that one Easter I was giving a painted little chicken. Wow my own little chicken painted in a bright red yellow color, making it look like those plastic little chickens at the store.

I was so excited I picked that pretty little colored baby chicken and hugged it as hard as I could and held it as close as I could to my heart and told myself I will never let it go.  Well you see that’s where I found out that holding a little colored baby chicken shouldn’t be hugged as hard as you can nor held as tight to your heart as you can never the less forever.

Well I buried that poor little color baby chicken the one I hugged so hard and held it close to my heart as hard as I could in the back yard. Never again I told myself will I hold anything as close as I can. So maybe that is why even today, I refuse to   hug things as hard as I can, nor as close to my heart as I can. I learned my lesson that small things can be hurt and wind up buried in my back yard along with some many other things.

hejolia report for 04022015

Hejolia report for 04022015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill daiz con today’s award winning barrio headline news.
El piggy flu hits the hood.
Three drunks arrested with drunk pig....
And finally, the story about the one that got away.
I am sure you know by now que el pig played a very important role in our American history. Throughout the years the pig has been a great provider of food, especially those that love tamales. And that is why la familia Gonzales had to determine whether simon, the pig, a Barrio future farmer of America project for their son was subject to be slaughtered. That is the headline news, this morning, Simon the pig, turned up missing, and there is a small reward being offer for any information pertaining to Simon the pig, please contact our office if you hear anything, I mean anything.
Late last night el constable back on duty, arrested three vato’ and a passengers that was so drunk que he looked like a pig says el constable cadena. Si this person, was so freaking drunk que he looked like a drunk pig. All three men and el passenger where being held at el barrio corral jail. Except the passenger, he was taken to jail across the tracks for questioning, so say it could have been Simon the missing?

And finally, los barrio leaders are preparing for the worries. It seems que el piggy flue has hit the hood and barrio leaders are trying to cancel all programs and activities for this weekend. Three women, two kids, three men and several cats and dogs were taken to the local doctor for evaluation, and it seems que there were some traces of esta piggy flu in them. We will have an update on this matter as we gather it.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THE EASTER RECYCLE DAY HUNT HAS BEEN CANCEL.
Well that is it for today, I am bill diaz, anD making sure que I doNT shake hands nor kiss anyone for the next few days, especially anyone looking like a pig.

westside warrior news network 04012015

 

 

 

Westside warrior news network for 004012015

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. What is happening hot lips, its lewis mojo lewis, with toda’ys barrio award winning headline news.

Soul brother I’ll be back arrested.

Leader of vato’s loco volunteer firefighter asked to move.

And finally barrio robber gets run over.

Byron Secrest Ruiz, 42, decided to run from his car, rather than be apprehended at the corner of third and wells when he ran a red blinking light. El constable, once a high school miler, 30 years ago today, chased him on foot. As the constable wandering around looking for Ruiz, Wally Ramon, a barrio milkman delivery man, walked by and got inside his delivery truck and drove off and ran over the body of Ruiz, who was level to the ground underneath the delivery truck. Mr. ruiz was rushed to the St. paul’s medical center and than across the tracks to a real hospital. Charges are pending.

It seems que el loco Arthur Flores, chief of the vato’s loco volunteer firefighters was asked to move himself and his wife and his seven dogs from the el barrio community center, where the volunteer are located or it was going to shut down the upstairs rooms where he had taken his residence. The chairman of el barrio community center told this reporter que we didn’t mind it for awhile, but it’s been years now and he said he would move out in a few days, seven years ago. There is a different between sleeping in the center and living in the center. Charges are pending.

In other news, It seems that little Joe Barrera just couldn’t take no for answer. That seemed to be the case when he tried to rob El Centro fruit stand Monday morning when the only employee, Pedro whatshisname, told little joe que they didn’t have any money till later in the day. Well no shit little Joe decided to come back around 5:p.m. when el constable was waiting for him. He was arrested for attempted robbery.

Well there you have it raza, we are on spring break at our back yard.