hejola report for 08312016.

Hejola report for 08312016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza como esta y soy Bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news.

Ten barrio members arrested in the nude.

More watermelons missing.

And finally, barrio kids come back to school.

We would like to let all you folks that have or don’t have children to start slowing down around school zones, since school is back in session. Our constable tells us que many drive real fast and forget to slow down around school zones. So do us a us and your childern a favor by throw those tin cans out the window and drive slow are school zones.

Sometime during the night someone took 25 watermelons from the back of a truck that was parked at the corner of third and wells street, says el constable cadena. Si it seems that this truck has been the target of getting ripped off every other night. The owner of the melons El senor Rey Strait told us que who would such a thing. I told him I could name a few persons. There is a small reward in any information pertaining to this matter.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon, ten barrio members and a few others were arrested on our second annual “ lets take our clothes off fun walk”. This event was not sponsor nor did they have permission to have held this event in the city limits or even anywhere in the county. It took about 30 minutes to rounding up all the participants. Charges are pending.

Well there you have it raza counting towards la vida loca.

hejola report for 08302016

Hejola report for 08302016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am Alcardio Samuido con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Tejano stars get older not prettier arrested.

Bus load of tejanos busted on their way to the mall.

And some good news.

We have a very special announcement to make about la onda tejana.  As we get older and many more Tejano get younger it seems that the once young tejanos are the old ones now and the younger ones have taken their place. But let’ not worried because as long as there is make up and wigs and new clothing we can all look great until all the stuff we put on comes off. I once fell in love with a woman that piled all her false stuff on the corner of the room and I told her I wasn’t sure if I loved her or all that stuff pile at the corner of the room.

The final Tejano dance for this past weekend came to a complete haul when a bus load of Tejano stars were arrested and taken down to the real jail house. El constable tells us que tejanos are getting more brave and willing to stick their noses into other people business. A group call los tejanos from our hood told us que this was not true and are going to see if we don’t write stuff about them Tejanos anymore. “ it’s not good to tell  la raza que somos locos”. We will see said Tejano Joe and Tejano Ben, and Tejano Juan and Tejano Bill and Tejano Juanito, and Tejano Guys, and how many tejanos are there?

Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for several Tejano female stars wanting to look young again. It seems that every time around this time of year las tejanas try their very best in looking young again. One expert told us que they just can’t get over the fact que the are getting old. Oh well. Charges are pending to see who is under all that make up!

Ok raza load them up!

hejola report for 08292017.

Hejola report for 08292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again mi raza and now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Constable shoots sex doll by mistakes.

El compadre hopalong morales arrested.

And finally, barrio man tries to steal boat.

Sometimes things are not just right, that was the case of esta vato trying to steal a small sail boat that was locked up behind el constable office. Esta vato thought that no one had seen him pull away with the trailer and the boat half on it. About three blocks down the road the boat made its way  off the trailer and onto the side walk. As esta vato loco tried to put the boat back on the trailer, the constable on patrol the area, decided to lead him a hand. Once the constable got closer to the boat he noticed que it was his boat. He arrested the vato and took him in. when the constable came back for the boat it was gone. Chinga. El constable is asking for your help in locating that sail boat. If you have any idea who took or where the boat is, the constable promises to give you a ride on it.

 

It seems que el compadre Morales felt que he needed to take his horse, silver, for a late nigh ride. The only problem was that he was intoxicated and was naked. As he rode his horse around the hood, some barrio residents  felt que he wasn’t no lady Godiva on that horse so many took it on their own to call the constable.  As the constable toured the hood looking for that male version of lady godiva, he came across him at the corner of third and wells street. After several hours of being chase through the hood, he finally gave himself up and asked permission to go to the bathroom. The constable arrested him and his horse. Charges are pending.  

Yesterday somehow el constable cadena got his chit mixed up and raided the wrong trailer home. It was in the middle of the night when el constable and his barrio task force 666, wanted to practices what they had just learned at some training they went too this pasted weekend. In following the instructions given to them, they forgot to make sure they were at the right address. When they got to the wrong address, they noticed a person standing by the window with some kind of weapon, the constable and his task forces didn’t wait to ask question but opened fire on the person standing by the window. Once they shot it with at least 125 rounds they moved in closer to look at their kill. When the dust settled it turned out to be a very expensive sex doll. Charges are pending. Oh by the way they gave up on the original bust.

Ok raza we will be on vacation till Monday morning, have a great weekend and wish the creator a happy birthday.

hejola report for 08252016.

Hejola report for 08252016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello once again I am bill diaz, Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Two get arrested outside dance hall,

 Five honor over saving several chickens,

 And finally the barrio vato goes to college.

 Just yesterday morning a few vato’s who managed to get their g.e.d. during the summer were accepted at our local community college as freshmen. But the sad part of this whole trip was how expensive it is to go to college now a days. Since both vato’s live below the poverty level they were able to get some free aid but were concern con tantos loans they have to borrow in order to pay for this ordeal. We will keep track on this vatos and their adventure in college.

Now for other news, five men and women were honor late last night at our barrio community cruz rojo center on their brave efforts on saving a bunch of chickens on the express way from getting run over. Si, says el constable cadena que estos folks were on the express trying to round up estos pollos and nearly got run over. At that time they were arrested for being on the express way but charges were later dropped. Good job raza. Oh by the way each one of the hero’s we given a pollo!

And finally, it started as a contest for the best polka dancing couple and ended up as a free for all outside the dance hall when a few contestants bumped into each other during the contest. El constable is not sure how or why but it seems que looked like when one many a dance turn con su partner que it knocked down several of the other dancers. Chinga and than chit hit the fan. They arrested dancers and a few on lookers were arrested.

Ok raza there you have it for today, counting down towards the end of the year. oh yea.

dancing con el barrio competition 2016.

 

Veronica la lesbian “dancing con el barrio competition 2016”.

08242016.

Cchwnn.

Westinghouse barrio mall center stage: hello my name is Gloria Guerra with our new barrio reality series “dancing con el barrio competition”, hosted by our very own Veronica la lesbian.

Thank you Gloria I am your women’s nightmare Veronica la Lesbian con our barrio reality series dancing con el barrio competition 2016. The main issue was selecting the barrio members to participant con this event. So the creator gave it lots of thinking and decided to ask barrio leaders, conjunto artist, business persons, and a whole lot of others willing to dance. So here is our lineup for this seasons’ dancing con el barrio competition 2016:

Five couples will be competing this season, and the couples names are:

1. El constable Cadena dancing con Gloria Guerra mall manager.

2. Lil red conjunto artist dancing con Johnnie el quemon barrio economics.

3. Alcardio Samudio cchwnn correspondent dancing con Maria la bandia alley reporter and director of barrio news network.

4. Santa Cecilia on the road reporter dancing con El mojado Moreno Martinez, Del groupo los Chellos Del Norte.

5. El ojo barrio private dancing con Alma Rein del conjunto las tres feyas Del valle.

Please stay tune for the first round and all the updates dealing with this year’s dancing con el barrio competicion 2016.

hejola report for 08232016

Hejola report for 08232016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas, hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio opens new resort for those who can afford it on food stamps.

Two and one half men and a woman win barrio lotto.

And finally some good news.

We sometime fail to acknowledge relatives and in many case the good ones and the bad ones. But today we will give credit to all those relatives that we disagree with, can’t stand, better looking, hate their guts and so on. Well today we wish the best of the world to all those that we have cause chaos in their world, talked bad about them, made fun of their ugly faces and body, and of course of their mental capacity. Today is your day and we hope que you have the greatest every day, even if it’s not good for you or them!

After the intense waiting of who won this year’s barrio lotto, by the way the largest ever of a total $150.32. The winners were names were not announced but the lotto representatives total us que it was two men and one half men and one women. The representatives are still trying to determine how the plan on dividing the prize.

Yesterday the owners of Westinghouse barrio mall announced that they were going to add a fourth floor to the now three floor mall. The fourth floor says the manager Gloria Guerre will be some kind of a resort for those whose income can afford it. It is not clear yet on how they plan on putting a ten room resort on the 4ht floor of  the mall but since el barrio has always coming up con chinga dares, well they might just pull it off.

Have a great day , enjoy it now, its tax free.

hejola report for 08222016

Hejola report for 0822016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas, hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Increase of kidnaps barrio pets.

Several barrio members arrested at school protest.

And now some sad news.

El primo Carlos told us que he no longer could work for a system that has been created by workers that don’t follow the rules of the land and by that note he also told us que he was sad that things were going to get worse than better. Thanks primo for all the good years of working there.

It seems that when persons can’t answer certain questions and get the right answer it’s going to piss some folks off. Well that was the case at our local community college when the administrators realize que many of its workers didn’t give a dam about anything never the less its students concerns and issues. Now that more than 35 folks have picketed their office things are getting done but the problem is that the same folks that caused these problems are still there and promise to do things their way.

El constable Cadena told us que there has been a 50 percent increase of barrio pets being either lost, or stolen, but the rare thing about this whole matter is que someone or some people have been calling the owners of these little pets about paying a ransom for their return. El constable is a bit confused about this matter but is investigating the matter.

 

 

Ok raza have a great day and stay strong.

hejola report for 08182016

Hejola report for 08182016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am bill Diaz con our special break up date con Maria la vandia.

Si bill it’s been awhile but I am back, Maria la vandia, just back from way out west and visited with some friends there but that’s another story. But for today, our barrio spring back headlines news:

Three barrio men busted for making out con a mesquite tree.

Two barrio spring breakers mistaking constable car for taxicab.

Tres are arrested for stealing a barbecue grill.

And now some darn good news.

Well our creator almost retired yesterday but after thinking about he’s back.

Yes, can you believe this three vatos were drunk and had run out of money on their way to the south padre island, and stopped in the hood to see what they could cook up. Well they sure did, while scoping out the hood estos ways saw el barbecue grill de Paul’s barbecue cooking its traditional chicken. They decided to steal the pit. So one of the vatos jumped out of the car and rolled the stolen pit about ten feet when the chain that secured the pit, stretched as far as it could go, ring an alarm hooked up to the pit. Before they knew it, there were eight men and two women checking out the noise when these people surrounded the three men, while el constable got there to arrest them.

Two drunks seemed to have drunk a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable Cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

The reason el constable had come over to hi-ho motel in the first place was someone had reported that three barrio men were making out con a mesquite tree. When the constable got there he parked his car right in front of the bar and managed only to arrest two of the reported sex perverts. Its real sad says the constable que group men can’t tell the differences between real women and a tree. The two men were arrested and taken to the cop shop across the tracks and might have to visit the local lalaland for observation.

 

So Raza, as you can see, spring break can make you do thing que tomorrow you won’t remember, because you won’t! I am Maria la vandia con my report.

hejola report for 08172016

Hejola report for 08172016.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am maria la bandia, con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

 Boycott continues into second day at the mall.

 Ten chickens, two ducks, seven turkeys, 18 sways, and 5 little rats arrested at boycott rally.

 And finally some good news.

 The owners of the only gay Tejano bar has told us que they will do all they can do within their ...power to keep the bar open and not let this new wave of Tejano females, be offended when we are trying to keep them healthy. And in doing so they will counter by having their own barrio award winner Lil Red and the four mariachi guys perform for free coming tomorrow all day at their bar parking lot. Alright. How about them cookies?

Today el constable Cadena, was force to remove ten chickens, two ducks, seven turkeys, 18 sways, and 5 little rats, when they refused, they were arrested and taken to the third floor of the mall, known as the barrio mall zoo, the constable told us que these animals had been reported missing or had left the zoo without proper authorization. The constable also told us que they were going to arrest the persons that were involved in releasing or not returning these animals.

 Yesterday a list of make believe barrio award female winners took it on their own to try a boycott CHICANO CABLE HOT WIRED NEWS NETWORK, on the continuous stories of big women, especially tejana singers and to try an close down the only Tejano gay. The list of the new supporters that showed up today on their 92 hours of protest are, La Commadre Lucy, who is schedule to speak around 1pm today, will be followed by Tina Fuentes another winner and finally La Bonnie. They are here to make sure the bashing of big women and maybe the closing down of “two tons of fun bar” the only Tejano gay bar in the state. More details to come.

 Ok raza, the fight moves on the issue of tejana’s and their health problems .

hejolia report for 08162016

Hejolia report for 08162016.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again como estan todos, I am bill diaz. Well it’s Tuesday, and we are still kicking. This coming weekend is sand bag weekend. It hasn’t rain in sometime and we just have that gut feeling que its going to rain cats and dogs soon or cumbias and boleros . So what the hood plans on doing is gather all the barrio members and we starting filling sand bags for all the lower barrio homes, just in case. Hejola it pays to be ready.

Now for the headline barrio news;

Barrio prepare for big rain,

Two arrested for stealing,

And la commadre boxing might be cancelled.

Yesterday afternoon el barrio commissioner mr. choy told us que la commadre boxing might not happen till a few weeks from this coming weekend. The reasons are several but were not discussed in public. We feel que the mall is checking con su insurance to make sure que if someone gets hurt que they won’t be sued later.

In other news two vatos were arrested early Sunday morning the future site of el barrio conjunto enchanted land. The two were trying to steal some used wood and nails that were being used in building the enchanted land. The constable who arrested estos tell us que charges will be filed against this two dudes.

And finally the whole barrio is bracing its self for the rain to come. It was announced yesterday by our own barrio weatherman St. Juan norterno gave us the weather forecast for the next two months, and maybe sometime around 2033, and we do we have rain coming. With this in mind the whole hood has being doing its sand bag thing.

 Ok raza there you have it for today. I am bill diaz and have a great tejano day

howdy hejola report for 08112016

 

 

Howdy hejola report for 08112016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Howdy partner how things around your neck of the woods is,

I am country pancho with today’s this here award winning howdy barrio headline news.

Constable respond to neighbors heard screaming.

50 cats, 12 raccoons, and 58 rabbit’s found at Westside residents.

And finally la commadre arrested for nudity.

It seems que el barrio or better known as Westside, ran into a bit of a large amount of women  protesting yesterday evening at the only all nude strip tavern. It seems que las commadres didn’t realize que la commanda Amanda delazona was the main stripper and the owner. However charges might be dropped says el constable cadena due to the fact que in the public interest this tavern is registered as an adult art gallery, where by law the indecent exposure law does allow nude models that so happen also dance. The barrio judge will hear arguments in ten day when the trial set for sept 2033.

The barrio human society or better known as let me save you little critter ass, were called to  A resident at the corner of wells and third where they found inside the home, 50 cats, 12 raccoons’,And 58 rabbits’. El senor y la senorita Juan y Juana la Cuban are being charged con chingos de Counts of having animals in their home without a permit. In addition los Cubans tell us que all These animals were being raised for the barrio zoo located at the Westinghouse barrio mal. But once el senor Ruiz the director of the barrio zoo, told this report que who in the hell were la familia Cuban, and why would they want any more cats, raccoons, and rabbits when we already have more than enough. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way all the animals were turned loose around the corner of third and wells.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon, el constable cadena y su barrio delta force666 responded to several calls Made by neighbors who hear blood curdling screams. Once they, el constable y su staff got there, They found el barrio theatre group was rehearsing their one act play, “la LLorona”. Once the constable realized what was going on, they notice que it wasn’t really an emergency, they called off all the cops that had surrounded the place.

Well raza there you have it, you all come back now…..

westinghouse barrio mall newsletter: gearing up for the barrio olympic 2017.

 

 

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter: gearing up for BARRIO OLYMPIC 2017!!!

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again from Kingsville, I am Gloria Guerra and sure glad to be back. We had been shut down for several weeks due to the fact que the barrio zoo on the third floor allowed its little critters to escape, so we were required to shut it down until 85 percent of the critters would get caught. But now that all that has been taken care of we are back on a roll and preparing for our Barrio Olympic activities and events. Now with that report here is our sports guy Frankie Tuxedo Zungia.

Si Gloria things are moving fast for this weekend Barrio Olympics, and here is a preview of the events schedule for this weekend:

Friday:

Taco eating contest.

Fajita cooking contest.

Pan de campo throwing contest.

Beer drinking contest.

 

Saturday:

Hopping contest.

Spitting contest.

Watermelon eating contest.

Breaking into a car contest.

Out run the constable contest.

Catching birds contest.

Lying contest to your mate!

Bicycle dog chase contest.

 

 

Sunday:

5 block dog chase contest.

2 block dog chase contest.

Out of the store chase.

Out of the mall chase.

10 block run.

5 block run.

1 block run.

1 house dash.

2 houses dash.

10 mile run, bicycle and swim.

And closing ceremonies.

So as you can see we have a chit load of work ahead of us. See you there raza and now back to Gloria.

OK Frank thanks and there you have it raza a brief summary of this week ends activities. I am Gloria Guerra at the mall.

hejola report for 08092016

 hejola report for 08092016.

Cchwnn.

 Kingsville,tx. Once again I am bill diaz con todays barrio hejola report. But can we talk. Now now lets don’t go crazy and spend more than what we have too. Now, have you been saving for xmas yet? Now for our award winning headline news:

Barrio scout lost in the hood,

Illegal aliens in the increase on our side of the tracks.

And garage sale permits go up.

Friday afternoon the city fathers and mothers published the new 2030 rates for thinks you can do from your home. One of the increases was garage sale permits vs. front yard sales. The debate was which was which. The garage sale permits when from $5.oo a day to $10.00 A day vs. a front yard sales from $2.oo a day to $3.00. one of the city spoke person told us que people on this side of town didn’t have front yards and if they did, we didn’t want them stepping on their front yard grass, if any. A petition will be passed around the hood to see if we can lower these rates.

In other news, los vato locos volunteer fire fighthers along con el constable and a few crack head volunteers have been searching the hood for a barrio scout who got lost this weekend on their monthly barrio camping trip. The barrio scout leader, Mingo “let’s go camping” carter, told us que the boys were have so much fun que they didn’t realize que one of them was missing until around 9:oo. Pm. A ten block areas has been blocked off and are searching ever tree and in the area. The parents of this scout have not been told. But we do plan to as soon as we realize que we can’tfind him. But if you do see esta kid, please let us know at 623 west elle. A real small reward has been offered. Really a real small reward.

 

And finally as expected the constable tells us que an increase of legal and illegal aliens have hit the hood. Just in the past few weeks el constable has had to either arrest or take home a few drunk immigrants. Chinga some of estos can’t hold their alcohol and in some case cause trouble here in some of las cantinas. It’s very important to teach them how to drink that cheap beer and save for that fine!

Ok there you have raza for today’s hejola report from our command post, Have a great tejano day

hejola report for 08082016.

Hejola report for 08082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre takes el compadre out for one last ride.

Barrio vato pokey man claims another victim.

And finally some real sad news.

Well as we all figured que el compadre Samudio Lopez was hoping to have made this year’s Olympic team on any activity or anything if need. But like the last 4 pasted Olympic he has not made any of the teams. We asked him about the large amount of weight he had gain and told us he could lose it ASAP. Editor’s note he has gained over 250 lbs. this pasted years.

Late late last night a young barrio man at the age of 45 was run over and was pronounced die at the scene.  El constable Cadena tell us que its hombre walked on to the street at the corner of third and wells while looking for vato PM. He for sure must have found it and for some odd reason he just stopped in the middle of the street and bang. Charges are pending on the driver of a pick -up with some kind of fuel leaking from the back.

It seems that when you get old you sometime might forget to do things! Well that was the case con la commadre Carol Alaniz. You see it seems that her husband for 35 years passed away sometime last week and forgot to inform anyone about it. Instead she took el compadre for a two day road trip to his favor places he loved to visit while alive. Finally she was arrested and then released after a couple of policemen had stopped her a few miles from her home when some folks called to report a truck was leaking some gas. But when they did stop her it seemed that she had loaded his body in back of her pick-up and kept the back of the truck packed with ice so he would stay fresh before she took him in. No charges will be filed.

Ok raza and to all those raza con raspas, the orange man is looking for you

Hejola report for 08052016

Hejola report for 08052016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Now that woman from nowhere land here is la china cano de china Nuevo leon. Hello raza and now our award winning barrio headline news :

Three women arrested for shoplifting at mall,

Increase of cockroaches alert,

And finally plans on still on for sept 16.

Our founding fathers and mothers have informed us que plans are still on for this year’s sept.16 parade and party time at our Westinghouse barrio mall. The parade route will only include the other side of the tracks. Our barrio committee say they wanted to keep things fair and let me put the finger on you group will address the problem of why the parade cannot come into our hood since the majority of la raza leave on this side of the tracks.

In other news a barrio alert went out this weekend que an army of reserve cockroaches had been seen coming into the hood from across the tracks says our cockroach specialist Jose Martinez Jones. Si raza be very aware que they are headed your way. So if you have noticed an increase in your normal cockroach population, they are part of that invasion. What to do you say, that will be covered on our next report. But for now keep on killing them and stepping on them as you go through life.

And finally three barrio women were arrested yesterday for selling balloons without a street vendor permit across the tracks. La sister Munoz, rosa one and rosa two and rosa three were taking into the police station across the tracks. While be questioned they were asked when and where they got these balloons from? Since the women did not have proof that they had purchase this balloons sometime last years! They will have to wait for court in jail. Many barrio members are mad due to the fact que estas women were good girls and have never ever done anything wrong. Well almost anything wrong.

Well raza there you to have it for today.

hejolia report for 08042016

Hejolia report for 08042016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Como estan,  I am Jonathon barrios con today’s barrio headline news:

Morra’s funeral home employee ticketed for using reagular station wagon to transport corpses.

barrio gringo farmer byron d. secrests holds cops at bay for several hours.

 and finally a barrio man run over by train.

Yesterday afternoo, humberto Guitierrez, confessed to el constable cadena at a DUI check point que the station wagon he was driving was mainly used for transporting corpses for his second employer who owns a mortuarys services. But did admit que he uses the station wagon mainly on his first job, that’s to deliver tacos from “ el primos quick taco stand/ we deliver”.

It seems que esta barrio farmer senior  byron d. secrests can actually say taking my livestock market is a dangerous business. Yesterday afternoon will el farmer secrests was driving his livestock trailer inside el barrio main drag, a cow flew off the darn trailer, into the street causing several collisions and then fled away from el constable cadena who was trying to tell him que he had lost a cow.

Instead el senior secrests drove his truck and the rest of his livestock back to his barrio farm and ran inside his home. El constable was force to bring in a new barrio unit called 666 barrio security force, which helped his surround the home for several hours. Patiently the cops waited and decided to raid the home and found out que el senior secrests had escaped con a secret doorway. El constable is asking for barrio members to help him locate el senior secrests. Oh by the way only that one cow was injuired, the rest were released at the el seniors secrests corral.

 

And finally if things couldn’t get worse for Angel Reed, who was one of the 30 some folks that got arrested this weekend, got run over as he listened through earphones to some tejano polkas while walking on the barrio train rail services as he was being released. He was lucky that the train was only moving at 45 mph, says el train conductor Adan Mansillas. Mr reed was rushed to el barrio st.pauls medical center at the mall, but later transported to a real hospital on the east side of those darn rail road tracks. Mr mansillas told el constable que he could only remember only the aftermath. Chinga, god help me, he also mention que maybe el polka god above was smiling on him and didn’t want him to die. Mr mansillas suffered  broken rids, both punctured lungs, and muchas mass injuries.

 

Ok raza there you have it for today, remember your business is our business and my business is none of your business.