hejola report for 05312012

Hejola report for 05312012.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again, Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Three arrested con evil weed.
Barrio big plans for 4 of July turn out small.
And finally school is out for monkies.

Yesterday the only school in the nation for pet monkies informed us que school was out for the summer. So if you had or have a monkey registered at that school you need to go by and pick it up or else. That was what the school administrator told us yesterday during a very exclusive interview. Yea.

Let me put the finger on you committee has layout this year’s barrio 4 of July theme. The theme that was selected is “ keep it American”. The whole committees were excited and are going to paint the whole hood red white and blue with tax payer’s monies. The group hopes to convince the city to dish out 20 thousand gallons of paint for the hood... wow.

Yesterday evening el constable did his job by arrested three vato’s standing at the corner of third and wells for selling evil weed. This weed or evil weed was just plain lawn grass with a little mint in it and dried out a bit. The constable took a hit from one of the cigarettes they were selling and didn’t get a buzz. He told them three boys que if you going to be selling chit, might as well sell the real thing. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way el constable will keep the 3 thousand cigarettes he took from them three as evidence.
Ok raza keep it Tejano.

2012 barrio zodiac signs by maria la vandia

2012 barrio zodiac signs by Maria la Vandia.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Heaveno, Maria la Vandia con el barrio New Zodiac signs that have been assigned to your birthday. This of course is going to cause so many problems, for raza that thought they knew their signs and dress accordingly. So birth stones and dress codes will be required to change if you still want to follow such a thing. So here are the changes:
The old, than the new, and now the new barrio sign:
1.Birthdays Dec. 22 thur Jan. 19 was Capricon, than 2011 became Sagittaris , now barrio sign Spaghetti O.
2.Birthdays Jan. 20 thur Feb. 18 was Aquarius than 2011 became Capricon, now barrio sign Car Hubcap.
3. Birthdays Feb. 19 thur March 11 was Pisces than 2011 became Aquarius, now barrio sign a bajo sexto.
4. Birthdays March 12 thur April 18 was Aries than 2011 became Pisces, now barrio sign Accordion .
5. Birthdays for April 19 thru May 21 Taurus, than 2011 became Aries, now barrio sign flat tire.
6. Birthdays from May 21 thru June 20 was Gemini, than 2011 became a Taurus, now barrio sign set of drums.
7. Birthdays from June 21 thru July 22 was Cancer , than 2011 became Gemini, now barrio sign headphones.
8. Birthdays from July 23 thru August 22 was Leo, than 2011 became cancer, now barrio sign taqucha.
9. Birthdays from August 23 thru Sept. 22 was Virgo, than 2011 became Leo, now barrio sign Keg of beer.
10. Birthdays from Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22 was a Libra, than 2011 became a Virgo, now barrio sign Screen Door.
11. Birthdays from Oct.23 thru Nov. 21 was a Scorpio, than 2011 became a Libra, now barrio sign is Cockroach.
12. Birthdays from Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 was a Sagittarius, than 2011 became a Scorpion, now barrio sign is the latter.
All this changes come because one of the smart guys here in the in the hood told us que the earth has moved from its axels, heck and we still thought that he still lived at the corner of third and wells.
Anyhow raza please mark this day as a new date. I am Maria la Vandia, good day.

hejola report for 05242012

Hejolia report for 05242012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hi bill Diaz here, now for our award winning barrio headline news;

Roaches go to college.

Vato arrested along with his two farm animals.

And finally study tells us que Tejano gone gay.

A recent study published by our world known writer, David Duran, a known gay Tejano advocate, wrote about how some many tejanos are coming out of the  closet. In his trailer about his recent study he tells us que chingos de Tejano men and Tejano women are letting it all hang out and declaring themselves part of  a new generation of tejanos and don’t really care if people say anything about them dancing con men or women. It seems que many Tejano men have been seen  dancing with each other at several dances due to the fact que there wasn’t that many women to dance with. Chinga.   This of course isn’t a problem for women, since they have been doing all along. For more information concerning this study, please look in the mirror.

Yesterday Juan Lomas was arrested for DWI and was hauled off to jail along with his two farm animal pets. His two year old brown pig and his miniature horse were also given a ticket for being in the car with esta drunk vato. El constable went one step further and tied the farm animals to a tree near the window where Juan was locked up. He told us that the reason he did that was because he couldn’t stop them pet’s from meowing. Somehow Juan had taught his pets to sound like cats, you figure!!!

Yesterday classes were dismissed earlier than usual at our local community college due to the fact that a troupe of barrio roaches raided their campus. Campus director Al Gomez told this reported that those roaches looked like they knew where they were going. Once again el barrio roach killer was called to do his thing. The campus director also mention que if them roaches come back today we just won’t open the doors.

Ok raza got to go, have a jolly good day.

hejola report for 05232012

Hejola report for 05232012.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hi, bill diaz here con our award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio in chaos after raid at malls.
Increase of high school graduated at special barrio school.
And finally, income tax fault on the increase.
Well it was a matter of time when la casa de los viejitos would get busted. For years at a very low cost, la casa was allowing barrio folks to come by and pick a senior citizen that had not been claimed on anyone’s income tax. Well part of the big butt bust yesterday, the local law dogs decided to include those who have be lying to the IRS. CHARGES will be filed against chingos de persons.

No one gave esta vato Martin Chapa a chance when he was young, now at the age of 37, hood created a special school for special students. This year will be the fifth class that has achieved the honor of a high school diploma, making it a total of 3 persons will move on for a higher education. Sevranto Munoz the principal of this special school told this reporter que we are working real hard in the hood to give those folks a chance.

Yesterday the barrio was on full alert after the real cops raid the big mall and the small mall and la pulga. The whole hood is under alert due to the fact que many here and some over there have been purchasing lots of real good deals lately at all the above. Some were wondering why everything was going less than half and more than free. The real cops didn’t share any information con our constable due to the fact que he owns some of the stores raided. More details on the who what when were arrested.
Ok raza time to go and beware, butt kissing could be bad for your health.

hejola report for 052120112

Hejola report for 05212012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Gays make a run for it.

Two gays and three Tejano protestor arrested from a mod of protestors.

And finally la prima doesn’t need a title.

Yesterday la prima Julie Morales Albertson, told the committee after she was awarded la  mas willa del barrio que they could keep their title and shove it where the sun don’t shine. You see la prima was voted by chingos de folks la mas willa. Julie told the group get a life.

Well besides the chicano historical meeting held in the hood, at least ten tejano’s, three dogs, two cats, three cows, four donkeys and seventeen monkies and about 30 gays attempted to disrupt the chicano founders day meeting. when the chit started el constable and his barrio 666 task forces were able to catch at least two gays and three tejanos protestors for trespassing. The constable told us que they did catch some of the other protestors but couldn’t hold very long due to the fact que they didn’t have an i.d.

Yesterday at a chicano founders day, several gay right folks were there to make sure que once the discussion started gay’s weren’t going to be left out in history. It seems that many tejano’s present at this meeting didn’t want anything or hear any anything about gays. El lobo  blue, a gay Tejano leader told the group que en la raza, many have gay relatives don’t really mine, and why should you.

Have a great Tejano gay day.

barrio stock market report for 09182012

barrio stock market report for 09182009
Barrio stock market report for 09182009.Cchwnn.Kingsville, tx. Urbano Yosabatodo con todays award winning barrio stock market report, Let’s get down to business raza, its mid-year, and we have lots of things going on.

Los taquitos are stable at $1.29 each at most restaurants unless there is a special. Cup of coffee is not include in some places. We know que in the dallas/ft.wt area can be found a 2 for $1.25…. oh well we will never know….

Las empanadas is the one que has kept us monitoring. First of all we will never ever again see them at 4 for a dollar. Second going rate for one is .89 cent each. In some convenient stores you can find them at 4 for $1.79, it’s really really unstable.

Los tamales have dropped on price this quarter. The going price is $5.50 and have dropped from the holiday prices of $6.00 a dozen. It’s just a matter of time before we will see the raise back to holiday prices.

And finally, that market we cant say has had consumers complaining que there is never enough… but yet everyone always has some. Dimes are dimes .

On the issue of drinking beer, we love cheap beer, $4.25 a six pack

Ok raza it’s the weekend god be with you and rememmer if you drink don’t drive and if you drive do drink, the cops need the money.

-chicano manifesto , millions on campaign trail.2012

Chicano manifesto, millions on campaign trail 2012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tax.,  hello raza I am General fideo vermicelli con esta manifesto, campaign funds. What if one day our fine country decided to donate all the campaign funds to fix life here in the U.S.? What if we would used the millions of dollars folks spend on either supporting, funding, or even running for office were  used in solving my  off our nation’s problems?

 I am sure there are many here that would agree que we in many cases have chingos de folks income below poverty level, I am sure que many would agree que many children here in the u.s. go hungry every day, and I am sure que could provide proper health care and better education to many.

Than I am sure que there are many here that would not agree que these are not facts, that chingos don’t live below the poverty level, I am sure que many would not agree que many children here in the u.s. go hungry on a daily bases. And finally I as sure you wouldn’t agree with me that there are lots of folks not getting  the health care they should nor education.

The bottom line is always money. Even in our lives we sometimes don’t have enough to make ends meeting, I am sure the few that will read this will agree, but then the few that will read this might not agree. What if we lived in a perfect world where there was no need to invest so much money on folks that want to be leaders of this great country? Why not just believe what they say and go from there?

The millions and millions spend on air time , paper, wed sites, mail, and other stuff needed to make their point were used to solved such problems mention above?  Then we elect them and find ourselves in the same position. Don’t you think its time that we turned thing around for our country?

And than there are those gringitos that have accomplished some such on their own que as why help them? I did it and why cant they? Good question.

hejola report fo r05162012

Hejola report for 05162012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hi Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Three arrested for stealing pan dulce.

Barrio man arrested for killing his wife who claimed she always lived with two stories.

And finally, drugs found in local recycle center.

Yesterday chingos of real cops raided the barrio recycle center for what seems to be a front  for dealing drugs. Chuy Martinez y Alberto Torres and his tres wives were arrested for selling, trading, moving, and possessing illegal drugs and a whole lot of chit that the cops couldn’t tell us what they were. But one 5 o told us que them boys are in a lot of trouble.

Yesterday Benover Killeen bueno , was arrested for killing his loving wife around midnight. He told the constable que he was tired of living in a two story home: one story was she always had a he ache, and the other story was que it was that time of the month. Charges will be filed against him.

Yesterday “pan on wheel” a barrio traveling bakery was robbed at the corner of third and wells.  The three barrio members used Halloween masks to pull it off. But the problem was when they made the getaway, one of them forgot to take the mask off and when stopped by the constable for speeding he noticed that one of them was wearing a mask that was reported that stole the pan dulce.  All three clowns were arrested and the pan was held for evidences.

Ok raza got to go and do more reporting.

hejola report for 05142012

Hejola report for 05142012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello como estan I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Several cross dressers arrested at mother’s day dance.

Man accuse of telling tall tales, gets his butt kicked.

And finally mother day party went great.

But some good news, la familia Martinez annual mother’ day bash went great, about 3 persons attending this party which was an increase of about 33 percent increase compared to last years. The constable tells us que there was really no need for security forces to have attended this party.

After several hours of debating what he thought was texas history and personally stores, Bill Joe Morales got his butt knocked out for a few minutes when he told them that the Mexicans got what they had coming to and he felt que many Mexican still deserved what they got. Well that didn’t go to well con chingos de chicanos at a public meeting to discuss the history of the hood. Charges are pending.

Yesterday a small group of people blocked off part of third and wells street without a permit. Once the constable found out after several call he went over and noticed some kind of street party was going on. Once he approach the group, a small fight got started where several men had several other men on the ground . once the constable was able to break it up , he arrested several vato’s dress like women and several women dress like men. He didn’t ask too many questions but did take the whole tribe in and asked questions later.

Ok raza have a great Tejano history day.

barrio stock market report for 05112012

Barrio stock market report for 05112012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am Gloria Guerra, we will not have a barrio stock market report today, urbano yosabatodo was injuried last night while drinking and driving his bicycle, con santa Cecilia, we heard. So for today we will only provide barrio want ads:

Item; m45668, chingos de mother’s day flowers, dresses, tongs, shoes, bras, underwear, neck less and a few kinky stuff just in case mother is still into that ..

Item ; t345675, men’ s clothing, pants, shirts, shorts, shoes, socks, and many other stuff that could fit you, only one size, 46.

Item: b98745, women’s wear, all kind of stuff, some kinky stuff, didn’t fit me so we want to sell all this stuff, make bid on all the boxes.

Item: c9843223, lots of chickens, ducks, turkeys, dogs, cats, and some other looking farm animal, not sure what it is. Make offer.

Item: l093456, lots of Tejano wear for men and women, go punk and don’t want anything to do with Tejano clothing. Sizes for men 38 and women 54 size, make big offer for big stuff.

Item: c434932, we have ten bicycles for sale, only flat at the bottom. Make offer on all  items..

Item: q434974, some gay stuff for sale, not real sure what these are but you can come by and take a look. Honk twice for items q434974, don’t honk three times that’s for something else.

Barrio realitors report:

Lots for sale on the corner of third and wells, owner willing to move lots to new area, as long its on wells street, if possible, but willing to move lots any where within 100 miles.

Ok raza have a great mother day mother.

hejola report for 05092012

Hejola report for 05092012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza como estan, general fideo vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Rain doesn’t stop street dance, but turns into a mud bath war.

Barrio tong car wash shut down.

And finally big man with a big dream dies.

As you might remember in 1998 our friend el vato Gordo, a barrio young Olympian, better known as the big man with a big dream in qualifying for the Olympics as a marathon runner. Our friend Gordo, the man with a big dream, only problem was that he was 6’3” inch tall and weigh in at around 450lbs. he had been trying to lose weight and train at the same time for that 26.2 miles. Well yesterday afternoon while training on his regular route he collapse on the side of the highway, and no one noticed him till about 3 hours later, when a barrio employee notice a moutian of trash on the side of the road, which really was el Gordo. He was pronounced die on the scene and was carrier off another three hours later when the barrio staff had to wait for a front end loader. An investigation will be done. Sorry Gordo.

After a few hundred complaints the constable and his barrio 666 task forces shut down the only barrio car wash. The attracting element at this establishment was the great service it provided its customers. This great service was that all female staff persons were required to wear a nice pretty little tong. Well a good thing never lasts, for the most exciting business on this side of the tracks had to close it’s doors. The judge that signed the order told us que it was kool for all the females to wear whatever they were required to wear but in some cases the women worn that little nice pretty tong that was a little nice pretty smaller than what they usually wore. No charges will be filed but the owner told us que he might open in a few days when he can find bikinis that won’t violate the law.

Last night the weekly barrio street dance was delayed due to lighting, but within a few hours la raza, were all getting down and dirty. The dance was going great until some smart butt threw a handful of mud at the crowd and the crowd responded with their own handful of mud. After the mud war of 2012, all remained calm and pleasant till the end of the dance. No arrests were made but a few pissed off folks did mention something about someone got their dirty muddy azz kicked.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 05082012

Hejola report for 05082012.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again, Bill Diaz con today’ s award winning barrio headline news:
Man just from car before it smashed by piano.
Tejano bar gets new look.
And finally, Tejano bar returns.

After the back news hit the barrio que the only gay Tejano bar was going to close and convey the place to a laid back piano bar, have changed its mind and will return to being a Tejano gay bar. Several reasons were given on way the place is going back to the way it was. One reason says the new owner is that the piano they planned on insult has not made it there yet and are a bit worried it will never get there. Instead of risking its daily customers, the bar will remain open .

Yesterday the only gay Tejano bar in the county closed it’s doors for a new face lift. The old owner, Juan daisy Perez turned over his keys to the new owner, John rosie Perez. The new owner told us que they expect to invest several dollars in redecorating the place. He plans on installing a piano and convey the Tejano bar into a piano laid back bar. More details later.

Yesterday BenMen Over escaped from getting killed, as he jumped from his car right before a 500 lb piano fell from the first floor apartment building. It seemed que Let us Move it for you company had taken a union break when the piano they were trying to insult broke loose and fell several yards to the ground. No injuries were reported but several folks chit in their pants.
Ok big chitter have a great Tejano day.

Hejola report for 05072012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza, wow this weekend was a real close one, I am Bill Diaz, con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Task forces bust chingos de raza.

Mother day boxing matches cancelled.

And finally, two shot and wounded at putt putt tournament.

This past Saturday nite at the only barrio putt putt course opened 23 hours a day, EL GOLFITO COURSE, two persons were seriously shot and wounded when an argument started with the players behind the lead putt putters. It seems the persons at the rear putt the golf ball a bit too hard and some how let the course, and broke several windows on a car parked next to the course. The owner of the car was watching and felt que they did it intentional, so he took it on his own to get even. Charges will be filed and also the shooter will be charged for not bringing back the golf ball that broke his windows.

The barrio leaders have joined other groups and have order the cancelation of this weekend’s mother’s day boxing matches. There are several reasons says el constable cadena, we felt que last years boxing matches was a bit out of control when at least 30 family members strapped it on in and outside the mall. That is why we just can’t let that happen this year. Look says el constable, we have enough trouble con los clown’s fest nevertheless con estas commadres que want to strap it on. Sorry not this year.

Yesterday the task force from across the tracks came over here and busted at least 30 persons. The arrested raza were charged with an array of crimes; from stealing, to dealing, to providing, to transporting, to aiding, and many more charges. All were booked and later release and were back doing what they do better, and that is: from stealing, to dealing, to providing, to transporting, to aiding and many more things.

Ok raza have to go an care for our leader.

hejola report for 05022012

Hejola report for 05022012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Now Frankie tuxedo Zungia con today’s barrio sports report, hey raza now for our headline news;

6 year old batter called out for running the wrong way.

89 year old ump ejects 20 girls scouts from a game.

And finally local umpire chapter asking 89 year old ump to retire.

Zeke Lopez, chief umpire, age unknown (73) addressed the issue on how old can a person be before he is forced or asked to retire? That was the main issue at a special meeting held yesterday with league officials and representatives from the local umpire union. One of the main questions that came up was how old can a person been before he is asked to not umpire anymore. Zeke told the crowd que his union, made up of ten men and women, were trying their very best in keep fresh young umpires. He was also asked how young was the youngest in umpire in his union, zeke replied “72. A decision will be made in a few years.

You know you are getting old when you just can’t take criticism very lightly, well that was the case con Ben Cusack, umpire, age unknown (89). He told the group of baseball fans that he was not going to put up with all the noise and nonsense chatting from the fans. At one time a parent told me that the group of girls were all yelling :TSO, TSO,TSO, TSO, , AND  at this point that is when Cusack told his authority to announce que the first three roles of fans needed to leave the park or he was going to call the cops. He really wasn’t sure who were the ones yelling at him, but instead ran then all off.  An investigation is being done on this matter. Oh by the way the game ended when the parents of the screaming girls scouts took their players off the field and when home.

Yesterday Ben Cusack, umpire, age unknown (89) called a 6 year old t baller out for running the wrong way after he hit the ball off the tee. the 6 year old had already swung at the tee three times and his bat had flown further than any of the foul balls he hit. So he finally got the ball onto the playing field and took off like lighting. The sad part he ran towards third base instead of first base. As a matter of fact, he didn’t stop at the base, he kept on going all the way down the foul line until he got the outfield  fence and then ran along the homerun fence and back onto the field along first base foul line and back to first base and finished his marathon run at home plate where he first started. A few folks felt that the ump should have given him a break. Ok.

Ok baseball fans play ball.

Hejola report for 05012012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tex. hello again and I a bill diaz con an additional special coverage :

barrio members are needed to find shooting suspect, dressed like a referee,

Ice cream driver arrested after shooting customer.

Healing licking cow found inside city limits.

 And finally,Two non-residents arrested for robbing Lopez stop and shop

Two men were arrested yesterday and charged with robbing Lopez stop and shop. The constable report stated que they had a glitch in their getaway plan.  These two guys hopped on mountain bikes to make their exit, but they were apparently unfamiliar with the concept of a gearshift, and both men rode away in first gear (or perhaps second), and to add to this dilemma the tires were flat.They rode away so slowly that one witness followed them easily on foot, and a store guard got close enough to shoot one of them in the arm. They were quickly surrendered and arrested. Local residents are worried about the increase of crime from non-barrio residents. It seems que we all have to keep our eyes open now a days. They are coming from all over the place and make our hood unsafe for all of us.

A large number of persons have been pilgrimage this day, to the home and farm inside the city limits of the family Trevino. It seems que a mystical cow that was born in a sacred commune, according to a folk-healer report.

Word got out after the wife of the cow's owner said she was cured of a chronic illness, and other success stories followed by cow’s licking its face, and now the owner is charging 50 cents per lick. But, warned the owner, "the cow won't lick people who won't put in their money."  By the way the family Trevino is offering a reward for a missing cow, if you have any information on it please contac us. City officials have moved in and shut the Trevino operation down earlier today. Say que they didn’t have a permit for lick cow inside the city limits. It is also apparent que this folks had not hear about the city law prohibiting farm animal inside the city limits. Folks were given one year to clean their act.

Yesterday afternoon it was reported que several shoots had been fired. By the time we got there constable cadena had arrested the Ice cream truck driver Juantio Leal, 35. His was arrested came after he ended an altercation with a 22-year-old woman customer who wanted a refund on a nutty bubby. Leal told the customer que no refunds once you open the pack. The customer started call Mr. Leal lots of ugly named say a kid waiting in line and saw Mr. Leal allegedly pulling out his handgun and firing two shots at the woman's feet (one shot of which ricocheted and hit her collarbone). He will be charged and no refund was given to the customer.

 All this week the police from across the tracks have been hunting for basketball referee after the man ended a confrontation with a coach, after the referee had called a foul on one of this players. The referee who has had encounters us with this coach pulling out a gun and shoots the coach in the stomach. The conditions of the coach were unknown, nor the where about of the referee. Constable cadena is asking for our assistance and want you to call us if you have seen a man wearing a white shirt con black stripe and wearing black pants, and black shoes and goes by the name of “hey ref”….

Ok raza got to go, from our command post, have a nice day..