Monday, December 19, 2016

SANCHO CLAUSE BARRIO XMAS STORY (2013) 2016.


Sancho clause a barrio xmas story 2016 (2013).

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,tx. It was the night before xmas, y sancho clause was drunk like usually. As he tried to round up los little deer, well, in other words tried to start  his john deer riding mow. It was his annual thing, where all the children, well all the adult women he dates in the hood waited for this cold night, well it really was a humid one, but as he managed to climb on his riding mow he moved as fast as he could go, well let’s say he moved as fast as the mower could go.

As he rode down that county road as fast as he could go, el constable cadena was on the lookout for him. There were several reasons why, it seems que at this time ever year, esta pincha sancho clause had the bad habit of drinking and driving.

And then making sure que he went an visited todas las movides que he has or let’s had him and some he done before. Many times before many of los husbands de estas women or las movides would complaint que he was making too much noise and que the songs he was singing weren’t even xmas songs,.

Well this xmas was going to be a little different, you see el sancho clause this year set up a booth at the corner of third and wells and was charging to taking sancho clause pictures with him. Business was real good until xmas eve. It seems que sancho forgot to put on his sancho clause outfit pants on, and instead was not wearing anything but his chonas better known in the hood as his speedos . Several good families and their children stopped to take a holiday picture con esta clause. Pero realized que esta vato was drunk and wearing only his underwear or his famous speedos. Several families did call el constable cadena, to come and check esta way out. Sancho clause was arrested and will not be home for xmas again this year.

The moral of this story is que when you are having a good time con either your wife or girlfriend or even la commadre and in some cases el compadre, stay home, and if you drink don’t drive and if you drive don’t drink. Have a safe Christmas. This announcement was paid for by the committee on let me put the finger on you committee.

Friday, December 16, 2016

hejola report for 12162016


Hejola report for 12162016.

 Cchwnn.

 

Kingville, Texas.  Como estan, I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news.

 Now for our award winning headline news:

Barrio justice of the peace removed from barrio park bench,

Barrio resident takes matters into his own hands for his pain,

And finally, a barrio member busted for marijuana says it was a hate crime.

Yesterday afternoon an appeals court from across the tracks temporary admonished our side of the track justice of the peace Honorary Judge Christina Ocha Morgan, age 36, for her behavior last month, when she left a jury deliberating a case for seven hours, where charges were pending on Ernesto Morales murder charges. But instead, she left the court in order to attend a bingo game at our local k.c.. hall. The complaint filed also states que she refused to leave the bingo house when notified that the jury had reached a verdict. Her actions cost the county at least a few hundred dollars when the jury was forced to return the next day.

 In other news, it was reported to us by el constable cadena que Jovel Munoz age 45, was treated at our St. Pauls Medical center last week after shooting himself in his right knee. When asked why he did it, he replied que he had to do something to end the pain on that same knee he had injured five years ago.

And finally, Brother Pete Cruz a special courier transporter was arrested and thrown in jail for the result of being caught con 250 pounds of marijuana in a regular traffic stop done by our own constable cadena. According to el constable report, cruz told el constable que he was a courier for religious monastery and was transporting religious instruments, in which uses marijuana as a sacrament. Mr. cruz is pending a court date.

 

 Well raza, have a great Tejano day.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 12152016


Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 12152016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello I am Gloria Guerra, now with our mall newsletter headlines:

Idea of another Tejano gay bar to open at the mall, mall official’s rebuff.

Barrio clown fest might just happen.

And barrio Sancho clause contest coming to a big end.

Yesterday Veronica La Lesbian report to us that the mall officials had met with Pinky Pan Gomez a he/she person owner of several bars in the area explain his/her idea of planning a far out Tejano disco bar right here at the mall. The mall officials could not confirm that the meeting was even held but indication inside a certain area of the mall was under construction. Well Gloria?

Ahh ok thanks Ronnie, now for our other headline news:

The three barrio clown organization announced that this year’s Christmas clown fest will be held right here at the mall but outside on the parking lot, in order to avoid any more trouble with these groups each group will be placed on different parts of the parking lot to avoid any violence like the times before. Every year for some reason these groups have had several rounds of uncalled for actions. The fest is schedule for Christmas Eve.

And finally, the mall sancho clause contest is coming to an end this weekend. Where the best looking sancho clause will be granted a two week contract to sit in the center stage welcoming children wanting to love sancho and tell him what they want for Christmas. Wow only in America.

Ok raza have a great holiday and keep your doors lock, trumpas is coming for you!

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

hejola report for 12132016


 

 

 

Hejola report for 12132016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am Maria Malone Baloney, hello raza. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Mariachi band members shot and some will survive.

La posada parade riot over weekend.

And finally some good news.

 

The barrio welcome wagon has announced that it will keep on accepting pets that people don’t want any more at the corner of third and wells. The welcome wagon folks tell us que the home owned by Tina V which is by the way surrounded by at least 150 persons, 24 hours a day have agreed to care for this poor unwanted pets. The total amounts of cats are not counted but we figured que about 250.

Late Saturday evening a mariachi band named Sun Shine Mariachi’s were hired to do a late night serenade to a family living in a big barrio trailer parker. You and I know that there are some dark spots in the hood if you live in a trailer park and that is the case here. El Mariachi Sun Shine band members were walking around a trailer house that had one of the darkness spots in the park looking for the address that hired them, but many across the street believe to be men walking around with assault weapons decided to take the first shots at this so call terrorist, killing two of the six band members and wounding at least three more. Once the lights of several mobile homes came on, many noticed that they had fired on this mariachi band. Several park members called 918 and a chit load of police surrounded the trailer park. More details late this week. Oh by the way two weren’t killed as reported but 5 instead.

 

 

This past weekend was the annual La Posada parade held along the most beautiful street on our side of town turned out to be the bloodiest in history. It seems that one of the float drivers (two tons of fun float the only Tejano gay bar) fell asleep and got off the parade route and ran over at least 30 men, women, children, cats, and dogs standing along the side walk. Once the float came to a halt, family members still standing rush the float and pulled now the awaken float driver out of the float and started to beat him up. One of the parents went as far as lighting the float on fire that caused the float sponsors and their staff to run over and help the driver as he was been beaten up, and tried to turn the fire off. Once the barrio volunteer vato locos  fire fighters arrived the fire had already spread to some corner store that started a fired next to the bakery that explored and started a fire across the street. Once the smoke and the fires were turned off, at least 10 stores were either damaged or burned down, not counting the float. Charges are pending on chingos de persons and chingos de charges will be filed.

Ok raza have a great weekend and don’t go downtown in the hood, too much investigations going on. Dang don’t you just love all the excitement going on and by the way we are accepting xmas gifts (cash) only.

Monday, December 12, 2016

hejola report for 12122016


Hejola report for 12122016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello again I am Lewis Mojo Lewis with our award winning barrio headline news:

Out of the car and hands in the air.

There is no business but show business.

And now darn good news.

Less that 13 days for Christmas and the barrio Westinghouse mall has announced que everything and anything is on sale. Regardless, if it’s still in the wrapper or just sitting there, or regardless if its news or old or even stolen come on by and spend some money here. Barrio paper food stamps are accepted. The only deals they lose are the ones they don’t know about!

The barrio community center has announced que they will do their own version of the Nut Cracker play come this December 24. It’s an old Christmas barrio story not told very far from our barrio. And it really is a heartwarming story about this man a “cracker” busted for stealing presents and giving them to those in need. BARRIO NUT CRACKER COMING SOON.

Yesterday the first barrio protest was held at the corner of Third and Wells Street. The protest really had nothing to do with the national trend going on but it did demonstrate that no barrio anywhere can be safe, neither from its own resident or our own constable Cadena. “Out of the car and hands in the air” was the slogan for yesterday’s protester where three 80 year old men were arrested and taken down for jay walking. The constable tells us que his new deputy Juan Barn Fife Hinojosa fresh from barrio police school should have known better. But instead malicious treated them and used shameful acts and statements against these men and really no call for it. Charges are pending on the three older men.

Ok Raza you better not cry, you better no smile because Sancho clause is coming sooner than later.

Friday, December 9, 2016

hejola report for 12092016


Hejola report for 12092016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again raza I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Constable cadena disbands k-9 unit.

Barrio new group hope to cut down on agitating birds.

And now so darn good news.

We were just in form que three Sancho clause will duke it out this evening at the corner of third and wells. No cover change. The winner will be claimed el memo mero mero Sancho for this 2016. Please not that this bout is not sanction it’s just Sancho’s strapping it on.

Juanito “Mr. know it all” told a group of bird lovers que his new group “ to save a mockingbird team” believe que if they were able to work together that they might lower the number of wild birds from eating fermenting berries. He said que these berries are making barrio bird’s crash into trees, and many making goofy-looking landings and some even have moved in to some homes. He believes que a this group can save brings from getting too drunk to fly. He thinks que a few million pounds of bird feed might just do the trick.

El constable cadena had a major decision to make last week at the barrio budget committee came under review. After the long debate on what and what not cut, the constable agreed in theory que they would reduce or cut entirely the k-9 unit. You see he said at a barrio press conference que the barrio K -9 unit was useful at one time but now que he has had chingos de dogs captured thru  out the years seem to be able to scent the smell of drugs, who by the way live right next to all the drugs he has intercepted. Hell yea, he said estos perros do a great job finding that stuff. A final decision will be made in the year 2033.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

hejola report for 12082016.


Hejola report for 12082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.hello I am david duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio pollution increase con cold weather.

Two men and ten cats busted at the corner of third and wells.

El compadre runs wife off for being too fat.

And finally some dang good news and some dam bad news.

First let’s start off with the bad news; the barrio park and recreation department has told us que if they catch anymore folks chopping down park trees for wood to keep their fireplace going are going to get arrested or the park will shut down for several years until the trees come back, and now the good news:

Well the vato loco’s volunteer firefighters have agreed with the city and the county que they won’t be drinking, smoking, cussing, stealing, robbing, lying, back stabling, punching, hitting, kicking, biting, and talking chit to anybody during these holidays, and also promise to keep their eyes open and ears clean just in case there is a fire and they have to call someone. Good luck loco’s.

It seems that this time of the year folks want to get rid of their unwanted pets and that seems to be in the increase these past few weeks. A few barrio members and members of the barrio welcome wagon have notice that now that this people are watching and caring for all those poor cats that Tina v. left behind. But yesterday was no different than other days due to the fact that county animal control is also camping out at that same corner trying to bust this illegal thing. And that’s what happen yesterday when two men from who know where tried to dump ten cats and drove off but were busted down the street.  The animal control caught at least ten of the hundreds of cats they brought with them. Charges will be filed against these persons.

You know men are awful when it comes to real love excitement, well trim women and loving the ones they should love but for some darn reason they decide to leave the love one for someone else. Look vato if you wife, girlfriend or someone you care for gains what 100 pounds and all of a sudden you noticed that and you just can’t handle it and the only solution is to leave than, than go ahead. But I’m telling you think about now that the cold weather is here and that window has a draft?

Yesterday our own barrio weather man San Juan Norterno told this report que the pollution level here in the hood has gone sky high since the cold weather came in con the among of pollution is up at least 35 percent at this time compared to last month. One of the main reasons says San Juan is due to the large number of people using fire places to keep warm and burning wood outside to stay warm. Barrio Environmentalist, Juan  DAN DelgadO, tell us que Burning firewood can either be damaging to the environment or it can be helpful. It all comes down to your choices as a consumer and the way you burn your wood and the source you choose to get it from. Ok raza there you have it you decided!

Ok raza and now for those compadres y commadres que ran off their overweight love ones, I told you so, que one day you would miss them. Chinga.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

hejola report for 12072016


 

 

Hejolia report for 12072016.

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning headline news. Gee counting down towards xmas. Gee all I want is a go go girl. But for now let’s get to our award winning headline news:

Oldest member in the hood gets visit from former first grade teacher.

Constable cadena bust barrio only prostitution ring, dang it.

And reward for stolen “my kid”.

Our creator Daniel, had a cat named my kid, well this weekend my kid was stolen from my home and we are offering a large sum of hugs and lots of you know what for his return. Every single crack head in the hood has signed up looking for my kid. We just can’t wait to see who took my kid says Daniel the creator. He is very heart broken says a person who didn’t want to give us their name (Bill) “it was a friendly cat that made Daniel’s day, almost every day”. If anyone has seen my kid please contact us here.

In other news, Yesterday afternoon el constable cadena y su barrio task force 666 shut down a prostitution ring which had been in business about two years. Several male and female customers were arrested at the home of la commadre Gloria Sevilla, owner of the home. She told this reporter que she didn’t know que the girls she had rented rooms too, had a small business going on. “gee if I would have known it would have been a different story” says ms. Sevilla. Ms. Sevilla believe the girls when asked about all the visitors they had, they told her que they were students doing either homework or research. And a second home was also busted at or near the corner of third and wells. The owner of the home was not there but el constable and some of his cops waited awhile till the owners showed up. Oh by the way no one was taken in, huh….constable cadena tell us que both of these organizers were facing charges with promoting prostitution, A fourth degree felony.

And finally ,It seems que Don Pedro Ramirez just turned 85 years old was real surprise to see his first grade teacher at the party. Maria Gonzales now 103 years old was very excited to see que Don Pedro grew up a very handsome young man and did something with his life. It’s been more than 70th years since I had last seen him, and he sure has changed a bit. But I am so glad que he made it out of first grade, says Mrs. Gonzales.

Well there you have it for today, counting towards xmas, con sancho clause is coming to town..

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

hejola report for 12062016


Hejola report for 12062017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am David Duran with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

trickle-down economics part of everyday in the hood.

Barrio man arrested for fighting con sancho clause at the mall parking lot.

And finally some darn good news.

Yesterday barrio member were informed that the barrio lotto will be running for this christmas holiday. The lotto had been suspended for awhile due to the fact that there were no funds to lotto off. So this week you will be able to purchase your lotto ticket just in time for Christmas. This year’s lotto winnings might just reach $10.50, good luck raza.

What is the big deal with this trickle-down economics now a days? Did you know that this has always been a part of living in the hood and we can give you several examples. Why is it that in large families all the younger members of that family wear hand me down clothing, trickle-down economics. Why is it that we never throw stuff away, because we might need to have it later, trickle-down economics. Garage sales, front yard sales, back yard sales, moving sales, yard sales, and whatever you want to call them, are considered trickle-down economics. All and all we know what trickle- down economics really means.            

Yesterday el compadre Martin Chapa Gomez was arrested along con Pedro Morales aka sancho clause after both men got into an intense boxing match at the mall parking lot. Lots of punches were thrown and most of them not landing. But the excitement was enough for someone to call el constable that came over and arrested both strugglers. Charges are pending, after the constable will determine what caused all this action Jackson.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day,

Monday, December 5, 2016

westside warrior news network 12052016


 

Westside warrior news network 12052016.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan , and I am Lewis mojo Lewis and let’s get it on.

 Now for that award winning headline news:

 One vato arrested for acting like sancho clause.

 Addiction hits hard in the hood.

 And finally public bathroom are need.

 It seems que when you have to go, you just have to go. Well that’s the case con Ben Alvarado who was busted taking a wiz, from inside of his car. It seems que Ben has two broken legs and can’t really get around but it didn’t stop him from relieving oneself in public. It seems que the stop light at the corner of wells and third was not working yesterday and it was on red for hours and hours, in which Ben hadn’t realized this.

You know that ever hood in any given town has its addictions, regardless who they are. Many can say, to a primo or something like that, that your relationship with drugs, with cigarettes, with food , or with alcohol sometime is more important to you than a relationship with people or god, and that is what Pedro Valdez is. It seems that his whole life evolved in the drug culture and finally took his life. Yesterday morning he was found death at the corner of third and wells sitting there. It seems based on the police report que Pedro had been sitting on that corner for more than three days and no one took notice, until yesterday morning when a drive bye noticed his shoes were missing. An investigation is being done. If you have any information concerning this crime please don’t call us or his missing shoes size 8 d let us know.

It seems that those winter Texans bring in the most of folks. Well it seems que panchito Gomez did it again. For the last few years esta winter Texans well he thinks he’s one was arrested by el constable cadena at the corner of wells and third. It seems que esta vato loves to take pictures of him and folks sitting on his lap dress like Sancho clause. El sancho clause was asked not to wear the uniform again till 2033.

 Well folks that’s it, and have a great tejano day.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

hejola report for12012016


Hejola relection report day 12012016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again mi raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s awarding winning barrio headline news:

Barrio election party gets busted.

Free food and drinks at the constable re-election party.

And now for some darn good news.

Again we are reminding barrio parents that our barrio social network will not be allowing barrio families to post any pictures of their children under the age of 42. We just want to make sure that we keep our barrio safe.

El constable cadena was so happy that a ton of folks showed up to his re- election party and provide a safe hood for all this pasted few years and had food and drinks. Many there were so impress with his treats that all agreed they were going to vote for him.

Yesterday, both political parties agreed to put “bring out vote party” together for the barrio and hope to get to meet your candidate. Well we all know that it would be impossible when both parties don’t like each other. You see the few candidates that did show up were already all heated up by some of the false statements they each had be making about each other. At one point during the party el constable had already arrested more than ten people and twelve cats and dogs. The constable had to use some tear gas to break up this gathering and cut the event real short. At the very end some folks complaint that the constable had no rights in taking most of the food and drinks and use them as evidence.

Ok regardless how dumb or smart one is let’s not vote for the same persons that having done a darn thing different since they won the last time

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

hejola report for 11302016


Hejola report for 11302106.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, Texas, hello I am Bill Diaz with the number one barrio news network, which I am very proud to be member of this team. Now for our award winning barrio news:

 Constable ends riot at t-ball game.

 Pansasos and pandemonium at the tee ball game.

 And some real good news.

 Now that the tamale season is just around the corner, lots of animal advocates ar...e a bit worried along with the barrio animal control que lots of pets have been showing up missing on that Barrio Woof Woof missing pets on our barrio face book. The constable has instructed his staff and los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters to keep an eye open for anything or anyone that don’t look normal.

 Today el constable gave out the names and address of those folks who started a riot and were arrested at a tee ball game. The constable pointed out that this type of action and parents acting like little kids just don’t cut it. We have arrest warrants out for some of these parents, and believe me I am going to bust them.

 And finally, Base on the report it all started when an unknown man verbally insulted and accused a kid of wearing stolen tee ball gear. Juana Chavez mother of child along with her muffin top confronted the suspect and the lonja grabbing began, pushing and punches were exchanged among the parents until constable cadena had to arrest several of the parents, three tee baller’s and several cats and dogs were all haul to jail. Charges are pending. Oh by the way, Juana and her lonjas are okay. Suspect still at large says el constable.Ok folks thanks again and hope to hear from me real soon, I am Mmmaria Malone, good day.

Oh by the way how about them cowboys!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

hejola report for 11232016


Hejola report for 11232017

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:

Senior citizen basketball final score was close.

More riots are expected this weekend.

And finally so darn good news.

Since gas prices are lower and our great president really has not do with we encourage all of you don’t drink and drive because john law will lock your silly butt up.  And for those that can’t afford a turkey, buy a chicken that will do, just burned it a bit to give it that dark look. Have a great one and peace and love my friend.

As we all know que this weekend will bring in lots of relatives que we either don’t like or really care foror voted for el senor Trumpas, pero como it’s a holiday I think we can survive. That’s the warning que el constable cadena has given everyone in the hood “look don’t be starting chit con los primos ok no butts or if’s, if we find out that someone is starting chit you all going to jail”!

And finally Yesterday a very low profile championship winter league basketball game was held at the only barrio senior citizens center. The game was between Los Viejitos de la calle vs. Los vatos mas Viejitos del barrio. Please note that the age group for this game was 80 years and over. The final score after one hour of well let’s say walking back and forth was Los Viejitos del barrio  scored 7 points vs. the actually winner Los vatos mas Viejitos scored 9 points. The team Capitan Angel Flores age 91 say “chinga it was hell of a game”.  The loser Capitan Luis Gaytan age 87 say it was kind of an unfair game for us, due to the fact que they had more 90 year olds than we did. You know he said que experiences count while you on that court.

 

 

Ok raza don’t forget we love, we care, and send money but if you cant which we know you can , peace and love my friends!

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

hejolia report for 11222016.


Hejolia report for 11222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello world how are we today, I am Jonathon Barrio with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Thomas Trumpas makes a run for it.

Constable cadena investigation dog chasing incident.

 And now some dam good barrio news.

Well we all knew this was coming and it finally got here. The barrio leaders have informed us que the number of Sancho clause permit will be very limited this year due to the election of el senor Trumpas. The barrio leaders are asking you that if you are one of those persons that like to dress up as santa clause you better have a Sancho clause permit or you going to lose that outfit.

Yesterday for some odd reason Trumpas our newly elected barrio representative was seen running for his life after a few dogs recognized him from a campaign poster. As soon as he made it to his car he decide to take the law into his own hands an began chasing them dogs in his car. No word on how many dogs he ran over, Yet!

El constable Cadena was asked to investigate when it was reported that at least 17 dogs and some small cats and  a few taquchas were seen killed or ran over  down on the corner of third and wells street. The report filed by el constable stated that somehow or someone ran over this poor little animals and the barrio residents wanted justice for this crime, if you know anything about this matter please contact el constable.

Ok raza have a great day and tomorrow will come.

Friday, November 18, 2016

hejola report for 11182016


Hejola report for 11182016.

Cchwnn

Kingsville,texas. hello again I am David polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio women spending money trying to look like Ivanka Trumpas.

El senor Trumpas elected barrio representative.

Beer joints spring up in the hood after elections base on promises made!

It seems that ten new beer joints have just opened up in the hood after the general election held a few weeks ago. One of the new owners told us que he is very excited about opening a bar on this side of the tracks! We asked him why over here and he told us que now that all gay bars are going to be closed down base on what the new elected barrio representative Trumpas promised to shut down any queer bars and gay barrios and Tejanos bars where the majority of them folks hang out. The new owner told us que they expect to get their customers.

After the counting of writing in ballots a new face will be present at our next barrio leadership meeting a new man with a new plan will; named Thomas Trumpas was all of a sudden named the winner of this year’s election. One of his main goals he told us was to make sure he brought new jobs and guarantee que he can do that. As of now he has managed to get ten new persons jobs already, oh by the way the ten new jobs and the persons hired were all family members, oh yea only in America!

Yesterday el DR. Letmefixyouup, a well know Plastic Surgery, recently released from prison for trying to make women look like Olge Brisky back in the 1970’s has told us que he is back in business and is overwhelm with the number of chicana’s trying to look or come close to looking like Ivanka Trumpas. He told us que it doesn’t cost very much but there are several things you might want to consider if you do plan on making that move que have to be at least six foot tall and weigh less than 300 pounds. Oh by the way he does take food stamps and appointment must be made for that one day operation, dang.

Ok raza have a fun weekend and make sure you lock that door.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

hejola report for 11172016


Hejola report for 11172016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again raza I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio delivery agent fired for stealing.

Henry the gardener arrested.

And now so darn good news.

We got some many complaints about the pot hoe’s in the hood story, that the creator has announced que if we hurt anyone feelings we are sorry and for all those pot hoe’s, good luck.

El senor Henry Gomez a known gardener and award winner was arrested yesterday at the corner of third and wells street. He was pulled over when his 1974 ford whatever ford looking suspicious. It turned out that the back seat was loaded with potted plants, in fact, potted pot plants. The backseat was so crowded that the leaves and branches of some plants were sticking out of the car’s windows. The constable took him in and kept the plants for evidence.

El senor Mark Martinez was fired and charged with stealing a package from the only barrio delivery agent. It seems that Martinez inadvertently came upon one package that he thought was drugs. So he took it on his own to go and trade it for a pound cat food. It turned out that it wasn’t drugs but the remains of a man who was cremated.

Ok raza save your penny’s Christmas is just around the corner, and layaway aint too far.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

hejola report 11162016. tina v. gonzales (102013)


Hejola report for 11162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am David Duran, have you ever noticed how time flies when you have money vs. when you don’t have money it moves really really slow? But for now here is our award winning barrio headline news:

A follow up story about a barrio hero Tina V. Gonzales.

And how did Tina V. get into this mess?

Where do we start when you have persons loving their pets so much que they are willing to go to jail for them.. well that is the case con Tina V. Gonzales. It all started like this:

It started sometime in October 2013;

Details about Tina V .

Part1.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky ass alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

Part2.

As you might remember that we reported que la commadre had over 250 cats in her backyard and fought off all five animal control workers, well this morning they came back with a new strategy. They decided since they couldn’t roundup la commadre’s cat in her back yard, they decided to wait outside her yard and waited for them cats to wonder off her property. At this time the city has reported que over 50 cats have already been arrested and waiting for more arrests. We will keep you informed on this matter.

Part 3.

This morning 5 barrio animal control unit workers went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales again with a new plan. This time la commadre T was not very happy with the idea that they capture some 50 of her cats outside her perimeter, had her own plan. The report says when the barrio animal control unit arrived this morning around 5 a.m. and noticed at least 50 more of them cats outsider the demilitarized zone that la commadre had marked in her back yard. Well at least three of the animal control unit workers tried to chase down some of them cats found them self well within the DMZ zone. Where all of

a sudden la commadre appeared from a hidden bunker she had built for such an occasion behind the three animal control workers, managed to capture all the workers by knocking them down with a 10 foot 2x4 and taking them into her second fenced area next to her home. The other two workers made a run for it in an effort not to get caught but managed to contact the constable Cadena. No word on the status of this sage and standoff.

Part 4.

The constable in charge of this drama being held at this moment told us que he was very glad to see that the three hostage were doing great and seem to be in good health. He also stated that la commadre had bar b q some food for the three men and bought some beer also. All and all the situation seems to be reaching an end soon, and hoping que la commadre T will release the workers with no one getting hurt  soon.

Part 5. Community support for Tina V.

Today at least 35 people have gather at the corner of third and wells protesting the way the barrio animal control unit has handled the cat situation here. It seems that many of the protestors are telling us que there is really no need to be bringing in the local law dogs from across the streets and their swat team to end this terrible siege, in which the constable is considering if la commadre Tina doesn’t release the three hostage she captured a few hours ago.

Part 6. Special agent’s side step barrio constable and raid cat owner home.

It look like the constable had everything under control with the sage on the corner of third and wells, where la commadre Tina V. Gonzales had taken three animal control unit workers hostages.

Until 1 Am this morning, a handful of state and local police swat team raided the home of la commadre, and recued all three animal control workers. No report on how they did it or the status of la commadre Tina V. Gonzales. More details later.

Some details have been provided and told us que  mall sources tell us that la Commadre Tina V. Gonzales had been accepted to the health center here in the mall under heavy security. We do have word now that la commadre had been taser several times by the police force when she tried to wrestle down several of the swat team from across the tracks. During all this la commadre was reported of suffering a cardiac arrest and was rushed here to get treated immediately after the so call brawl. More details later.

The swag continues ……

 Well there you have it and lets pray for Tina.

We will continue the swag tomorrow! Please note this happen in Oct 2013.

Monday, November 14, 2016

hejola report 11142016.


Hejola report for 11142016.

 Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville, Texas. Como estan, I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news.

 Now for our award winning headline news:

 Barrio justice of the peace removed from barrio park bench,

 Barrio resident takes matters into his own hands for his pain,

 And finally, a barrio member busted for marijuana says it was a hate crime.

Yesterday afternoon an appeals court from across the tracks temporary admonished our side of the track justice of the peace Honorary Judge Christina Ocha Morgan, age 36, for her behavior last month, when she left a jury deliberating a case for seven hours, where charges were pending on Ernesto Morales murder charges. But instead, she left the court in order to attend a bingo game at our local k.c.. hall. The complaint filed also states que she refused to leave the bingo house when notified that the jury had reached a verdict. Her actions cost the county at least a few hundred dollars when the jury was forced to return the next day.

In other news, it was reported to us by el constable cadena que Jovel Munoz age 45, was treated at our St. Pauls Medical center last week after shooting himself in his right knee. When asked why he did it, he replied que he had to do something to end the pain on that same knee he had injured five years ago.

And finally, Brother Pete Cruz a special courier transporter was arrested and thrown in jail for the result of being caught con 250 pounds of marijuana in a regular traffic stop done by our own constable cadena. According to el constable report, cruz told el constable que he was a courier for religious monastery and was transporting religious instruments, in which uses marijuana as a sacrament. Mr. cruz is pending a court date.

 

 Well raza, have a great Tejano day.

Friday, November 11, 2016

hejola report for 11112016


Hejola report for 11112016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill Diaz back from a small vacation. Let’s not spend too much time on this but let’s get to the barrio headline news:

Commadre cause accident while on barrio cell phone.

Barrio family pushes their car around town.

And finally local barrio college band don’t make to out of town game.

It sounded like a great idea to send our volunteer college band to our first out of town barrio football game. Well the barrio rented out several barrio buses to transport our band and the very few fans the team has, to and out of town game. Well the band and its fans made it ten miles out of town when two of the three buses broke down. It seems que some of the band members, including some fans, had to walk back into town. By the way our team lost the game.  Fans and band members are looking to get their money back.

It seems que it’s good to have a lots of family members. La familia ruiz has ten members in its family. Yesterday afternoon we got a call, really a few weeks ago concerning that someone had seen a barrio family pushing their van around the hood. Well I didn’t believe it till I saw, there they were seven of them pushing their van into the mall area.  Well the constable was forced to pull them over and ask them a few questions. AFTER the interview, the father was given a ticket for driving without a license, no insurance, no automobile license plate, nor a registration nor an inspection sticker and finally for illegal tow and pushing a motorized vehicle . The father told us que he shouldn’t be required to have all that since his family is pushing the van on the side of the road. He also stated que he has saved at least $1000.00 a month on gas insurances and other cost that go along with owning a car. But for now, his family is pushing the van to their home until they can come up con a better idea to get around.

And finally,Yesterday afternoon right in front of our office we heard a big boom. When we went outside to investigate we saw que la commadre Belinda Rodriquez had just smashed into the back of jim woods a construction worker pick up.  It seems que when she smashed into the back of the pickup she was on the phone.  El constable arrested her con wreck less driving. But the way it’s the tenth time she has been busted for driving on the phone.

Ok raza are you getting ready for that Thanksgiving Day? Just for the record we went to the bingo but didn’t win any of the games but we did win a free turkey..no que no.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

barrio survey 2016.


Barrio survey 2016.

Cchwnn.

11102016.

Kingsville, Tx. Hello again Maria La Vandia here with more results from our barrio study survey done this year. The real question is why do you have la commadres underwear on”?

 

I had the chance to survey at least 100 vatos in the hood at a party we had concerning this matter… our findings were very interesting….

 

Let see, on the question “hey vato why do you have la comadres underwear on”?

1.       85% of los vatos reported que they had thought about trying on la commadres underwear on, but didn’t.

 

2.       32% of los vatos talked about it con su commadre and she understood their feelings, but did she really understand?

 

3.       18% of los vatos we interviewed did say que they had worn la commadres underwear in front of her and maybe other stuff too, and then they wish they hadn’t.

 

Wow after they had a few more drinks esto vatos really really laid it out and did they talk and share a lot more than expected.

And finally the real disturbing results was que 8% of los vatos had worn women’s underwear in front of other women and not la commadre….wow que loco…….gee what in the world is going on…

First of all some final points on this topic “hey vato why do you have la comadres underwear on”? It’s not hard to realize que men are a lot like women and women are a lot of men… could it be que it’s a new trend for both sexes…….

Now the bottom line is que mucho de our hood don’t want to hear or read stuff like this and we can see why…..pincha gente don’t want to realize que there is lots of things going on beyond la 23rd street to the end of wells street…..

Hey there is more to come.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

hejola report for 11092016


Hejolia report for 11092016.

Early thanksgiving report.

Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, TX. Hello my friends I am Bill Diaz the main vato here at cchwnn, now that our creator (Daniel) goes into his 65 thanksgiving we want to give thanks to all our friends that have supported our news and a few thanks to those who don’t. It really does matter in some cases that we provide you with the most important news about the hood. With that in mind, let’s wish the rich or poor, dumb or smart, tall or short, heavy or light weight, single or married, gay or straight, happy or sad, clueless or smart ass, democratic or racist, legal or illegal, walking or running the best of thanksgiving, and remember when there is food there should be food for everyone, god bless you.. Now enough of that tear jerking comments and now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women.

Turkey Barrio Company ships its last load of turkeys.

And finally some good turkey news.

Well this year the barrio community center will have its annual turkey dinner at the center but with a few new ideas, well not really new but at lease it sounds news. Ever persons, that comes to eat have to bring the following: folks, spoons, plate, bread, drink, napkins and some darn good matters.

Well after a ruff five years of shipping turkeys nationwide and only a few loads making their distention have decided it was cheaper to close down the company instead of paying high price security escort to guarantee delivering of its fine turkeys. Mr. Moore, the owner said enough is enough, we gone and going to move somewhere else where we don’t have to fight these “keep turkeys alive groups”. My god this folks are worse that the tea party.

El partner Juan Anderson Martinez was arrested last night after he was asked to leave the only gay Tejano bar Two tons of fun, when started a fight with a man dress like a woman. The constables report says that El partner was screaming and yelling “Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women’ and started grabbing everybody until he grabbed Sonny a man 6’ 5” and weights 300 lbs who really didn’t appreciate being touched never the less grabbed, turned around and grabbed El Partner from the neck and threw his little body frame out the freaking door. El Partner who is about 5”2” tall and weighing in at around 130 lbs wet, was stunned and kind of still talking about Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women, when the constable got to the bar. EL was arrested and will spend the holidays behind bars with others who wish about Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women.

Well raza thanks again and have a happy thanksgiving and watch that waist line, I am Bill Diaz, good day.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

HEJOLA REPORT FOR 11082016.


Hejola report for 11082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again big tejano spenders? How is your wallet today? I am Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio grandmother arrested for gambling life savings.

Another barrio women arrested, blames the devil.

And finally, barrio man caught inside home using bathroom.

Yesterday afternoon, el vato Henry GIGA Garcia called el constable que he had a man trapped inside his bathroom. When el constable showed up, they found Mill Ochoa, locked inside the family bathroom. Once the constable opened the door to release Mill, he had chit on his pants and hands and shoes and all over the bathroom. It seems que Mill had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t wait so he climbed inside the Garcia bathroom to dump some of his chit. Charges will be filed. No chit.

Commadre Gloria Stevenson Munoz Lopez Garcia, was arrested yesterday at the barrio penny store where she was accused of stealing $.50 cent worth of gum found in her purse as she left the store. The constable asked her why she ripped the stuff of and she replied que the Devil made her do it. Charges were filed and will go to court.

Yesterday afternoon el constable was forced to arrest la senora Maria Shine, age 95, for gambling her life savings on la loteria bingo game at her home. She had her weekly loteria partners come over once a week for about 30 years. In those 30 years she lost an average of $50 per week. Her relatives were real pissed off at her thinking que she was going to leave that money to them when she died, hoping que real soon. Oh by the way the relative had to return all the goods they bought with the so call hope to get the money soon. Charges will be appealed. By the way we do think que the charges will be dropped, hello.

Ok, have a great tejano day>

Monday, November 7, 2016

hejola report for 11072016.


Hejola report for 11072016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello raza David Duran here con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

ESTA VATO LOCO wins election, but with controversy.

Lots of party goers strap it on.

And finally, a record number of voters show up in trucks and trailers to vote.

The barrio city clerk told us que this election brought out the most voters ever since in the hood, now that the new voting law allowed you to bring some of your pets to vote, as long as they were registered voters. The clerk told us que the number of voters was larger than last year but those numbers really represented lots of farm animals being declaring as pets. But the clerk did tell us que at least no one had a taqucha register voter this year!

As we mention yesterday que both of these candidates were holding their victory parties right across the street somewhere down by third and wells street. The constable was send to this location several times during the evening to break up several fights and people just plain yelling at each other. El constable had to shut down both parties around 4 a.m. in the morning.

At the end of the night ESTA VATO LOCO was declared the winner and the next barrio city representative with a small edge win over Russell Rufus redneck. But that wasn’t the major story here. We have been informed que Redneck was going to challenge the election results something today con the idea que too many chickens, ducks, turkeys, and cats, and dogs voted illegal. In addition he also claims que ESTA VATO LOCO isn’t really his name.  The complaint will be submitted to our local justice of the peace for his review within a few hours.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day y que viva good ole u.s.a.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

hejola report for 11022016


Hejola report for 11022016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again raza, I am Veronica la lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Gay Tejano bar sets standards.

Tejanos file suit against gay Tejano bar.

And finally some real good news.

Yesterday it was announced the Tejano days will be held this year at the Westinghouse bar mall. The lineup includes the history of tejano’s in the hood, schedule of events to be announce soon, attractions highlights will be provide also. So save your money and come on down to this year’s Tejano days coming soon.

Two want to be tejanos, who by the way work at an office and never in their life’s have been a Tejano filed a law suit against two tons of fun over the ability to identify who is male or female at that bar. You know you get tired of asking a woman to dance and turn out to be another man. How in the world can you slow dance with that, says one of the want to be Tejano who filed the law suit. The law suit will be discussed at the next court date set for August 12, 2033.

And finally Yesterday the only Tejano gay bar in the nation “two tons of fun” announced that they will be enforcing new bathroom and makeup standards for its remodel bar. Le Plu, the new manager told us que they were going to make the bar more attractive to tejanos and not so much for you know who? So we are going to require that all gay men and women must register at the door and be given an arm bracelet to make sure we know if they are men or women. Furthermore they will require so much makeup on a person to make sure we know what sex they really are.

So let’s keep it going raza.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

hejola report for 11012016


Hejola report for 11012016.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s barrio headline news:

Barrio man has to spell in front of his dog.

El compadre to face owners of piggy bank he stole.

And finally, a proposed wall for Westside.

It seems que la gente in our side, that’s Westside have proposed to build a wall of some kind to make sure que no one that doesn’t belongs there goes there. Of course some of the residents are not very happy about this nor that. But they all seem to agree que there has to be some freaking way to monitor the folks coming and going. This matter will be review by the city fathers and mothers from east side (2009).

It seems que our pets might be just as smart as we are and that’s the case del compadre y la comadre Javier and maria delapaz. It seems que this two folks can’t say anything in front of their dog due to fact que he went to training school. So now it’s easier just to spell words in front of him. La familia delapaz say que now they have more privacy.

And finally, el compadre Jimenez will face la familia lopez tomorrow. It seem s que el compadre was charged with stealing la familia lopez children piggy bank, which leaded  police to el compadre Jimenez was the i.o.u. note he left besides the piggy bank. El constable is not sure what other charges will be filed but he does know que the little piggy bank was not damaged.
Well folks as you can see its always happening here in the hood, keep it tejano and see you all Really really soon

Monday, October 31, 2016

hejola report for 10312016


Hejola report for 10312016..

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza como esta. I am bill diaz con take that mask off baby. Now for our award

Winning barrio headline news:

Few tejanos say we are smarter than that, tamale hater.

Barrio zombies not funny, says el constable cadena.

And finally trick or treat commadres.

El compadre Henry Garcia was arrested this morning for having his wife locked up in family                                                                                bathroom for at least three days. His excuse was que when Halloween comes around she wants                                                                                   to walk around in her kinky outfit that he bought her ten years ago. El compadre was charged and released.

Yesterday evening el constable cadena had a press hearing to explain que there are some real looking zombies living in the hood and that many residents should take this seriously. He told the group of reporters and on lookers que you all should keep your doors locked and windows shut between The hours of 8a.m. to 5p.m. after that they folks won’t have a place to park their cars.. one of the unlooked asked the constable if he was on drugs..pesse hejola.

Yesterday at the last confrontation debate between “esta vato loco” vs. Russell Rufus Redneck, a bunch of Tejano questioned Russell when he told the group que his quest was still to establish a law not to allow barrio members to make homemade tamales but supported the idea that only private owned companies should market them, period. This drew lots of negative comments from most of the Tejanos attending the debate. One Tejano was quoted in saying esta vato esta loco. The meeting ended sooner than later when a few tejanos want to kick Russell ass out of the hood. No charges nor complaints were filed against them tejanos.

Ok raza be careful and be wish.

chicano manifesto; democracy 2016


Chicano Manifesto: Democracy 2016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Daniel Lopez the creator, as I come from my darkest room in my home to allow General Fideo Vermicelli to talk about Democracy, 2016.

I will try not to use more than 500 words due to the fact that it’s a proven fact a person gets bored beyond that point in which I will try not to bore you!

Chicano Manifesto: Democracy 2016.

When will it end the blind man asked about his right to vote? Has there ever been a time a person asked this question before an election? Has there ever been a time a person running for office questioned our election process and its results before it even happened? Those are the issue now face and we as Americans have to decided which one is it?

Never be fooled by any outcome of our elections or any persons that is trying to undermine our electoral system! We have the right to vote and make a choice between options, and policy referendum and ensure your voice is heard. But to convince millions of folks to give up this right without any question will never hold any water like the saying goes!

But the foolishness of our country political parties and its members have been blindsided by very few facts on matter that we should be concern about but rather been replaced by fear.

The late president Franklin D. Roosevelt said “The only thing we have to fear is...fear itself”, and that my fellow country men and women is what we have come too! Political parties have a responsibility to set a path for the the future of our nation and its citizens, but selling fear as the only factor for our future is the real destruction within itself.

So let us not fall for fake spearheads that only represent himself but rather use the logic and faith that we have used in the past to determine the future of our nation, then we can talk about the power we have and the growth it can be within ourselves.

So let me make sure that we all should be optimist about our future and the price of greatness is our major responsibility unless you’re an uneducated man that doesn’t read books or truly given up on our American values and its system!  There really isn’t any easy way out of certain situations that some leaders have put us in but the power within our electoral system is the way out.

Too preach the overturn of our country by a bunch of men and women that have been proven wrong and lost in their re-election by our electoral system is an indication that they should have never been elected in the first place!  I think  Sir Winston Churchill  once said "Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened, but a love of tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril; but the new view must come, the world must roll forward."

When will it end the blind man asked about his right to vote? The answer is NEVER!.

Daniel lopez the creator 102816.

 

 

Chicano manifiesto: Democracia 2016.

 

Cchwnn.

 

KINGSVILLE, Texas. Hola soy Daniel Lopez el creador, como vengo de mi cuarto oscuro en mi casa para permitir General Fideo Vermicelli a hablar de democracia, 2016.

 

Voy a intentar no utilizar más de 500 palabras debido a que es un hecho comprobado que una persona se aburre más allá de ese punto en el que intentaré no aburrir!

 

Chicano manifiesto: Democracia 2016.

 

¿Cuándo terminará el ciego le preguntado sobre su derecho a votar? ¿Ha habido un momento que una persona esta pregunta antes de una elección? ¿Ha habido un tiempo de una persona para oficina cuestionó nuestro proceso electoral y sus resultados antes de que sucediera incluso? ¿Los son se enfrentan ahora a la cuestión y que los estadounidenses tienen que decidimos cuál es él?

 

Nunca te dejes engañar por cualquier resultado de nuestras elecciones o cualquier persona que está tratando de socavar nuestro sistema electoral. Tenemos el derecho a votar y elegir entre opciones y el referéndum de la política y asegurar que su voz es escuchada. Pero convencer a millones de gente a renunciar a este derecho sin dudas nunca tendrá toda el agua como el dicho va!

 

Pero la locura de nuestros país los partidos políticos y sus miembros han sido pillados por muy pocos hechos en la materia que debemos ser preocupación sobre pero más bien se ha sustituido por el miedo.

 

También han venido el presidente Franklin D. Roosevelt dijo "Lo único que tenemos que temer is...fear sí mismo", y que mi compañero país hombres y mujeres es lo que nosotros! Partidos políticos tienen la responsabilidad de definir una ruta para el futuro de nuestra nación y sus ciudadanos, pero vender miedo como el único factor para nuestro futuro es la destrucción real dentro de sí mismo.

 

Así que asegúrese de que todos debemos ser optimista sobre nuestro futuro y el precio de la grandeza es nuestra mayor responsabilidad a menos que seas un hombre ignorante que no lee libros o renunciado realmente a nuestros valores americanos y su sistema! No hay alguna forma fácil de salir de ciertas situaciones que han puesto algunos líderes pero el poder dentro de nuestro sistema electoral es la salida.

 

También predicar el vuelco de nuestro país por un puñado de hombres y mujeres que se han demostrado mal y perdido en su reelección por nuestro sistema electoral es una indicación que debe nunca se han elegido en primer lugar! Creo que Sir Winston Churchill una vez dijo "hombres tropiecen con la verdad de vez en cuando, pero más ellos mismos recoger y prisa apagado como si nada, pero un amor de la tradición nunca ha debilitado una nación, de hecho ha fortalecido las Naciones en su hora de peligro; pero la nueva visión debe venir, el mundo debe rodar hacia adelante."

 

¿Cuándo terminará el ciego le preguntado sobre su derecho a votar? La respuesta es NUNCA!.

 

Daniel lopez el creador 102816.