hejola report for 03252019

hejola report for 03252019.

Hejola report for 04022012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con our special break up date con maria la vandia.

Si bill its been awhile but I am back, maria la vandia, just back from way out west and visited with some friends there but that’s another story. But for today, here are some barrio spring back headline news:

Three barrio men busted for making out con a mesquite tree.

Two barrio spring breakers mistaking constable car for taxicab.

And finally tres are arrested for stealing a barbecue grill.

Yes, can you believe this three vatos were drunk and had run out of money on their way to the south padre island, and stopped in the hood to see what they could cook up. Well they sure did , while scoping out the hood estos ways saw el barbecue grill de paul’s barbecue cooking its traditional chicken. They decided to steal the pit. So one of the vatos jumped out of the car and rolled the stolen pit about ten feet when the chain that secured the pit, stretched as far as it could go, ring an alarm hooked up to the pit. Before they knew it, there was eight men and two women checking out the noise when these people surrounded the three men, while el constable got there to arrest them.

In other news two drunks seemed to have drank a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

That was the reason el constable had come over to hi-ho motel cause someone had reported that Three barrio men were making out con a mesquite tree. When the constable got there he parked his car right in front of the bar and managed only to arrest two of the reported sex perverts. Its real sad says the constable que group men cant tell the differences between real women and a tree. The two men were arrested and taken to the cop shop across the tracks.

So raza as you can see, spring break can make you do thing que in the morning you wont remember, because you wont. I am maria la vandia con this report counting down towards tejano roots, this could be our year.

hejola report for 03222019

Hejola report for 03082016. (03222019)

Cchwnn

Kingsville,tx. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Esta Vato loco makes major impact in the hood.

Barrio robber loses 3 fingers and one eye on attempted robbery.

And finally barrio preparing for a violent weekend.

It seems that every year when the annual clown fest comes around a ton of security forces have to be hired to make sure them clowns don’t over do it. I am sure you remember que this past few years chingos de trouble have happened when you get a bunch of wacky-os dress like clowns and drinking can bring a ton of funny and trouble. We are prepared says el ojo barrio private and his security forces 666.

Ben easy going Salinas, a very classy guy was arrested yesterday for trying to steal an electric saw from a work area. The problem was que Ben did not notice que it was rigged to work table when you plug it in and had no on or off button. The constable told us que when he tried to used it he plug it in, and it came on and shopped three fingers off and one of those darn finger flew and knocked his left eye out. I don’t think we are going to file charges after all, But are worried que we can’t find one of his fingers. We were told que a bunch of dogs and cats were watching him. We will be monitoring those dogs and cats.

Yesterday afternoon, esta vato loco the newly elected dog catcher for the county city and hood, announced que they, the county city and hood were going to lift the ban on farm animal business in the hood. Yes, Esta Vato Loco told the city and county commissioners who all agreed que he was going to be accepting applications for business that feature farm animals. One of the new business permit was el senor Juan Gomez con “goats and chickens your family yard services”.

Los Gomez has been in business for at least twenty years for doing lawns, flower beds, and big ass fields. He specializes on making sure your lawn look better than ever. The way he does it he will take at least 25 goats and 15 white chickens, which are trained not to leave the premises of the area they are working for. Believe me you leave this chickens and goats in your lawn for a few days, and it’ like magic.

hejola report for 03202019

hejola report for 03182010.
Cchwnn./ 03202019.

Kingsville,tx. Once again I am Maria La Vandia con todays barrio hejola report. But can we talk. Ok spring break is almost over for many of us and just starting for others. Now we are preparing ourselves for that Easter thing. Now now let’s don’t go crazy and spend more than what we have too. Now have we started saving for xmas yet?

 Now for our award winning headline news: 
Barrio scout lost in the hood,

 los vato locos volunteer fire fighther’s along con el constable and a few crack head volunteers have been searching the hood for a barrio scout who got lost this weekend on their monthly barrio camping trip. The barrio scout leader, Mingo lets go camping Carter, told us que the boys were have so much fun que they didn’t realize que one of them was missing until around 9:oo. Pm. A ten block areas has been blocked off and are searching ever tree and in the area. The parents of this scout have not been told. But we do plan to as soon as we realize que we can’t find him. But if you do see esta kid, please let us know at our new location 623 west elle. A real small reward has been offered. Really, a real small reward. 

Illegal aliens in the increase on our side of the tracks.

As we all expected the constable tells us que an increase of legal and illegal aliens have hit the hood. Just in the past few weeks el constable has had to either arrest or take home a few drunk immigrants. Chinga some of estos can’t hold their alcohol and in some case have caused trouble here in some of las cantinas. It’s very important to teach estos pincha mojados how to drink that cheap beer. And once again.

 garage sale permits go up.

Friday afternoon the city fathers and mothers published the new 2019 and 2021 rates for thinks you can do from your home. One of the increases was garage sale permits vs. front yard sales. The debate was which was which. The garage sale permits when from $10.oo a day to $15.00 A day vs. a front yard sales from $2.oo a day to $3.00. one of the city spoke person told us que people on this side of town didn’t have front yards and if they did, we didn’t want them stepping on their front yard grass, if any. A petition will be passed around the hood to see if we can lower these rates.

Ok have a great day.

hejola report for 03192019

Hejola report for 03312011. 03182019.
Cchwnn
Kingsville, TX. Good day folks my name is Bill Diaz and I am back from vacation. Now for our barrio award winning headline news:

Rats and roaches invade the hood.

Yesterday a barrio meeting was held to determine how they could get rid of the increase on roaches and rats that have suddenly appeared in the hood. There were many suggestions and ideas but the one thing that did stick out the most was to keep your home nice and clean, and your yards nice and cut. The majority of the folks left when talk about volunteers need to help folks join the barrio beautification project.

Two barrio cowboys come to blows.

Two of the most famous barrio cowboys came to blows yesterday afternoon at the OK Bar, located at the corner of third and wells. Country Pancho y County Leroy started an argument and then a fight broke out between both of them when they could not agree on who wrote a certain song that was playing on the jukebox. At the end both were taken into custody and arrested for disturbing the peace. Oh by the way we never did figure out what song they were arguing about. In addition they will have to pay for repairs of the jukebox when it was turned over on its side during the fight. 

And finally barrio fun run re-schedule and re-named for this weekend.
It was announced that the fourth of July fun run was going to be move to april 5, and the April fool’s day fun run would be moved to the fourth of July. There was really no reasons given just that the “here boy fun run” was still going to be held through the hood and all the barrio folks have been asked to let their dogs loose so this year’s finishing times would be a bit faster than last year. So if you are not ready for the run you still have several months to get ready for that April fool’s day run in July. Pesse hejola. 

Well there you have it raza.

Shout out to Kayla M Woods future Mrs. Lopez

hejolia report for 03132019

Hejola report for 03132019.

Kingsville, Texas.

Cchwnn.

Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning headline barrio news;

Blind man sues eye seeing Dog Company;

Yesterday afternoon el senor Juan Simon better known for “el ciego” filed a 300 dollar law suit to the only Dog seeing Company for appointed a Chihuahua dog than a traditional dog. The company owner told us que esta ciego wanted the cheapest dog, so we gave him the cheap trained dog. Please he said trained dog.

Garcia family award for bravery prize of $35 dollars;

It seem that the barrio vato loco’s volunteer fire fighters were struggling in put out a fire that was out of control and had a large part of the street blocked off. Well from nowhere la familia Garcia rammed through the barrack and their truck landed in the middle of the fire. Once all ten members of the family jumped out of the truck they all started to stomp out the fire, within a few minutes this family saved a lot of work and lives. At this morning ceremonies they were given cash award of $35 dollars for the great job they all did. One of the presenter ask Mr. Garcia what was he going to do with this money, he said fix my brakes on the truck.

And finally monkey goes wild;

Yesterday someone called el constable to report that they had seen a monkey walking around the hood wearing a cowboy hat and a pistol and a flashlight. No one so far has reported this missing cowpoke and a big small reward is being offer for any information about this cowpoke roaming the hood.

Ok all those folks driving at the park now a days keep an eye open for them kids.  Good day.

hejola report for 03112019

Hejola report for 03142011. 03112019.
Ccwhnn. 
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Alcardio Samudio, Bill is on a spring break assignment. But for now here is our award winning barrio headline news: 
Two houses evaluated after car crash. 

Several forks arrested at the corner of third and wells. 

And finally, car blow up and killing trained staff person. 

38 people living in two homes were asked to leave their homes due to the fact que a car accident in front of their home and could present some danger to them. It seems que one of the cars was operated by some homemade fuel que the local authorizes were sure what chemicals were used to make it and didn’t want to take any chances. Residents are being asked not to hang out anywhere close to the corner of wells and Thirds Street. 

After an public emergency notice had been issued to Westside residents not to go by the corner of third and wells street, 15 curios folks were arrested as they gathered and cross the yellow ribbon that said “ don’t cross this line moron” to take a better look at the car that was reported being operated by some homemade fuel. El constable used his bull horn to yell at them from three blocks away telling them “to get away morons from the wreck”. After a few folks started to walk away, they were individually arrested by the barrio 666 task force. 

And finally, As the constable and the vato’s volunteer firefighters used their modern day technology and not waiting for any professional assistance tried to remove one of the cars at the wreck scene, cause some drag that developed some sparks that caused one of the cars to explored and killing the vato’s only train cat and wounding several other cats that were there checking out the wreck. Charges are pending. 

Oh by the way residents are still been asked not to go anywhere near that site. Again raza have a great day.

hejola report for 03072019

Hejola report for 03072019

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am Fideo Vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio leaders arrested for sharing secrets con barrio media.

What’s the big deal con La Gringa Novela?

And now some darn good news.

Well now that Maria la Banida has disclosed the truth behind the production on La Gringa Novela, and those against it have caused an over flow of selling do it yourself Bright red hair dye in which a lot of barrio discount stores have informed us that they can’t keep the demand for that color. Oh my god what have you done Maria?

Yesterday afternoon Maria la Bandia was at a press conference where she expressed her concerns about all them want to be gringas calling themselves Chicanas, wanting to stop the production of that new novela que Maria was going to host. Look girl, if you can’t take the heat stay of out of our closet and by the way a real Chicana don’t have that do it yourself bright red hair, that you bought from that discount store shelf.

Yesterday after noon el constable cadena was summon to the railroad tracks that divide our hood to go and pick up one the two barrio representative that was arrested over there but was force to come back to hood and serve his time after he had been accused, and found guilty by ten other city and county representative of lying, cheating, writing letters on county and city computer, looking at nasty pictures, writing on bathroom walls, wearing white socks, using county assigned car to go to dances and bar hopping and soliciting hoes, and wearing clean underwear, and sharing false information con real newspapers. The fine and time he will spend in jail was not announced.

Ok raza and for all those tejana, hey keep that natural hair color normal, it’s the true you, good day.

hejola report for 03062019

Cchwnn: hejolia report 03062019.

Now from our 1978 ford whatever here is Alcardio Samudio.

Heveano raza, I am Alcardio Samudio, David is on assignment.

Well como estan an its spring break, and man did we see naked people at the beach. What is it con los

 tongs que the young women wear now days. I would like to see my commadre en one. She said she would love to wear one pero esta a little bit big.

Now con the headline news:

Vacationing gringo en hood ticketed for camping in the hood,

Construction worker and property surveyors find marijuana garden

,
And yet weird woman chased from behind mall.

The residents of 411 west Richard called el constable cadena to come an check out a trailer parked next to their home. El constable cadena reports stated que every night this week, a gringo man in long shorts y long brown socks or a winter Texan drives up in front of a los Casanovas home at 411 west Richard Street, and unhooks a tanned tarp-topped trailer and comes back later to sleep in it. Well last night el constable was able to catch esta gringo and ticketed for camping in town, and was asked que please stay on the other side of the tracks.

Yesterday afternoon a call to 811 took el constable cadena to 300 block of west wells where a private surveyor and his helper found a marijuana garden. They both didn’t know whose it was but the property that was being survey was owned by martin h. Cantu who is serving five years in the county jail across the track. El constable cadena was not persuaded and took the two workers in for more questioning.

And finally, a call to el constable office regarding a woman in a black trench coat hanging out for hours behind the Westinghouse barrio mall was acting kind of weird. Once the constable and the mall security showed up the woman had left the area. But some folks who saw the woman said que she was only wearing that black trench coat con UN g-sting underneath.

Well folks that is it for today. Don’t for. Good day.