hejola report for 04302019

Hejola report for 04302019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am primo Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Los primo son gringitos;

It seems that to most relatives that have inter-race marriages seen to forget from where they came from. That was the case yesterday when a long lost primo visited la prima and lost primos for a short while. It seem que el long lost primo couldn’t stand the flies at the barbeque party that they asked him to leave along con su pincha flies. ESTA Vato...

Corner of third and wells construction:

Yesterday barrio leaders told barrio residents to avoid the corner of third and wells due to the major construction going on. After asking a few barrio residents what did they think about the construction going on said, what construction! You mean them holes in the street, oh them hoes! Oh I see.

And finally tax returns;

Yesterday a truck load of refunds checks were brought into town after they had been send to the wrong side of the railroad tracks. You see we have Westside and Eastside same address and some have address and so don’t have address, anyhow if you are missing a refund check come on by the barrio justice of the peace and check to see if your name is on one of them checks..

Ok raza see you later esa..

hejola report for 04252019

Hejola report for 04252019

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tex. hello again and I a bill diaz con an additional special coverage :

barrio members are needed to find shooting suspect, dressed like a referee,

Ice cream driver arrested after shooting customer.

Healing licking cow found inside city limits.

 And finally,Two non-residents arrested for robbing Lopez stop and shop

Two men were arrested yesterday and charged with robbing Lopez stop and shop. The constable report stated que they had a glitch in their getaway plan.  These two guys hopped on mountain bikes to make their exit, but they were apparently unfamiliar with the concept of a gearshift, and both men rode away in first gear (or perhaps second), and to add to this dilemma the tires were flat.They rode away so slowly that one witness followed them easily on foot, and a store guard got close enough to shoot one of them in the arm. They were quickly surrendered and arrested. Local residents are worried about the increase of crime from non-barrio residents. It seems que we all have to keep our eyes open now a days. They are coming from all over the place and make our hood unsafe for all of us.

A large number of persons have been pilgrimage this day, to the home and farm inside the city limits of the family Trevino. It seems que a mystical cow that was born in a sacred commune, according to a folk-healer report.

Word got out after the wife of the cow's owner said she was cured of a chronic illness, and other success stories followed by cow’s licking its face, and now the owner is charging 50 cents per lick. But, warned the owner, "the cow won't lick people who won't put in their money."  By the way the family Trevino is offering a reward for a missing cow, if you have any information on it please contac us. City officials have moved in and shut the Trevino operation down earlier today. Say que they didn’t have a permit for lick cow inside the city limits. It is also apparent que this folks had not hear about the city law prohibiting farm animal inside the city limits. Folks were given one year to clean their act.

Yesterday afternoon it was reported que several shoots had been fired. By the time we got there constable cadena had arrested the Ice cream truck driver Juantio Leal, 35. His was arrested came after he ended an altercation with a 22-year-old woman customer who wanted a refund on a nutty bubby. Leal told the customer que no refunds once you open the pack. The customer started call Mr. Leal lots of ugly named say a kid waiting in line and saw Mr. Leal allegedly pulling out his handgun and firing two shots at the woman's feet (one shot of which ricocheted and hit her collarbone). He will be charged and no refund was given to the customer.

 All this week the police from across the tracks have been hunting for basketball referee after the man ended a confrontation with a coach, after the referee had called a foul on one of this players. The referee who has had encounters us with this coach pulling out a gun and shoots the coach in the stomach. The conditions of the coach were unknown, nor the where about of the referee. Constable cadena is asking for our assistance and want you to call us if you have seen a man wearing a white shirt con black stripe and wearing black pants, and black shoes and goes by the name of “hey ref”….

Ok raza got to go, from our command post, have a nice day..

04162015/19

Hejola report for 04162015./2019

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Once again on the road again con La china Cano de china Nuevo Leon.

Hello my friends Como estan todos. Now lets visit with that duo that are circling the world in 80 days David Duran y veronica la lesbian who are in Paris France visiting our staff persons there. Are you there David?

bonjour mes amis je suis David avec mon Veronica d'ami ici à notre BUREAU À PARIS avec nos nouvelles Francisco correspondant Delgado De Gaulle. oui David et ronnie un accueil chaleureux à vous à Paris France. nous rapporterons toute cette semaine de franc jusqu'à ce que nous passions ainsi nous tenons prêt et nous aurons plusieurs rapports pour vous tous de Paris.

Ok guy’s thanks a million.  Now for the barrio headline news:

White power sent to our office and constable is investigating,

Several barrio members honored this weekend,

And finally fight breaks out at monthly barrio clowns meeting.

Our barrio has an organization named barrio clowns inc. well at this monthly meeting a fight broke out between several clowns and the law dogs were called in to break the fight up. It seems que lula the queen clown was accused of using some of the tricks that giga la willa clown has being using this past few years. Well for some reason or another they bumped heads this weekend at the meeting and it seems que their anger had been building up for some time. By this time constable cadena got there the fight had already been broken up. No charges will be filed but both clowns were asked to make sure they didn’t use each other’s tricks in the future.

At our weekly barrio hood meeting several vatos local volunteers firefighters were honored this week for saving several crack heads a few months ago. It seems que esto crack heads fell asleep and nearly burned down the hold apartment complex. But with the great efforts of several of los vatos locos, they managed to enter the blazing apartment building and saved three crack heads. Oh by the way the police wanted to question the vatos who were being honored on what happen to the stuff that was reported missing by the crack heads.

And finally el constable cadena was called in con the rest of the law dogs from across the street to inspect a very funny looking envelope that was send to us by someone to the only gay bar in town two tons of fun. We just didn’t know what to do with this white stuff found inside this envelope say Maria shine our director of fun and games . The police from across the street took the stuff with them to their lab across the tracks and will let us know what it was in a few months.

Ok raza there you have it for today. I am la china cano, oh by the way school has started up again and we do encourage everyone to drive more carefully and keep your eyes open for those kids crossing the street at our local school zones.

hejola report for 04102019

Hejola report for 04102019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio leader Tomas Trumps said que what is wrong with Dick and Jane and what do you think about Jack and Jill(huh):

Today a press conference el barrio leader tried to convince 10 dogs, 5 cats, 3 donkeys named after him, and a number of morons that the book we all read in elementary school Dick and Jane had it all wrong and that Jack and Jill were immigrants! Trumpas than asked the very large crowd, when it said, watch Jane jump, dick jumped to and so did sally, does anyone ever talk about sally, she is real pretty and very smart! Why wouldn’t sally want to jump like Jane and Dick? Some members of the crowd yelled out how about Jack and Jill! Oh them, heck lock them up?

Taxes are up and so is your laundry detergent:

El barrio consumer report told us que not only are taxes going up as fast as our gasoline is but the price of Laundry detergent has sky rocketed to where it’s cheaper to wash clothing with dish soap and comet. Its very simple just buy a big plastic bottle of dish soap that is about 85 % cheaper and in some cases works better, heck the report also claimed that dish soap is also good for your bathing!

And finally Humpty Dumpty didn’t have a great fall:

Again as he walked away from his press hearing he stopped and added that you know that Humpty Dumpty didn’t really fall from that great wall you the wall that greater than greater fell due to a fart he threw as he tried to jump over. It was such a great fart that it knock him down from that wall,You see all the folks don’t think that a wall can hold folks back but It can. How do you think Humpty Dumpty feels right now?

Ok there you have it have a great day. Dang.

04142009/04092019

Hejolia report for 04142009.04092019.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am bill diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news:

Three comadres arrested for fighting at barrio Easter Sunday wedding.

Two compadres arrested for breaking cascarones and damages.

and finally this year recycle can event was successful.

This year’s los barrio youth were able to collect chingo de recycle cans for its annual recycle can hunt. Mary Morgan Gonzales, ex wife to Manny Morgan, now married to La prima cousin, Henry Gonzales, this year’s recycle can chairperson, told us que it was a very successful one, and not only that the whole barrio was able to throw cans almost everywhere and anyplace. It was a blast and we are looking forward to next year.

When things seem to be going smooth all hell broke loose, that was the case of la familia martinez this passed easter. los dos compadres had warned everybody there que el first one que breaks un cascaron en their heads were going to hear about. well no shit , el compadre Pedro didn’t take the treat serious, so he took it on his own to take the challegence del otro primo, y ponle con los chingagos. Both men were arrested and released late last night. 


And finally it seemed que las tres comadres, which all have been married at least several times got into a fight for the bouquet when the newly bride did its traditional toss. Once the fight stopped all three women were arrested and charged con damaged done to the hall, wedding cake, some table decorations, several bride maids outfits were torn and other stuff that has not been accounted for. 

Well there you have it.