westinghouse barrio mall news letter for 03292018.

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for03292018.
Cchwnn. 

Kingsville,tx. Hello I am Gloria Guerra con this week’s barrio mall newsletter. Well first of all let’s go con el general fideo vermicelli con last week’s dog show report. 

General: si Gloria thank you and did we have a wild weekend. This past week it was not announced 
pero we had our annual “ here boy” dog show and con our special speak Pedro the dog love, better 
known here in our hood as “the barrio dog mutter”. Well things start off on the right foot but somehow 
got off to the left foot. It seems que pedro must have had too much to drink the night before, because 
he wasn’t as good has he has before. In his effort to show folks how to control a pit bull attack, 
seemed to go wrong. Pedro the dog love better known here in our hood as “the barrio dog mutter” 
suffered a seriously bitten and was taken or walked right over to our st. pauls medical center here in the 
mall. His conditions are not known at this time. Hey Gloria we did learn something for esta vato, 
chinga, and that was “ here boy” doesn’t work all the time. Now back to Gloria. 


Well thanks general and I will try to remember that, chinga here boy. Oh well, in other news lets go to 
our sports complex center con Frankie tuxedo zungia. 

Frankie: si Gloria we don’t have the results of this year’s Taqucha baseball championship due to the 
fact que the scores couldn’t be confirmed due to the fact que el comparde Bill cortez was the offical 
on duty, got drunk and pissed off and took the scorebook records with him. At the present time we 
have not seen or heard from esta pincha way. Now we are pending the results or the entry fee back, 
chinga, oh where oh where can our compadre be. Now back to Gloria. 

Ok Frankie and good luck, and now a few words from our gal blanca blanch blanco. 

Bbb : si Gloria now que maria la vandia is back in town it seems que el creator Daniel has established 
an office for her and her barrio news network, we wish this bitch had never come back…oops,, I meant 
glad this bitch is back and now back to Gloria. 

Well bbb I don’t know if maria is a bitch or not, that’s up to our creator Daniel. 

But for now we will leave it alone. I am Gloria from the mall, have a great tejano day, and we will not 
be on line again till next month around the mid week. Again have a great Easter and watch out for the kids.

tejano manifesto 03282018

Tejano manifesto: 03292017....

Misconception of Tejano music.(written in 2012)..

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Santa Cecilia la que te canta. I am here to try and focus on the misconceptions many have or not know about la onda tejana music. What is about la onda industry que many of tejanos in general are standing on the sideline assumed they understand how it works? Do many tejanos think it’s easy from the outside looking in? or are we blinded by listening and reading and watch other tejanos that actually think they understand the ins and outs enough to pursue the discussion further than others have gone before?

I am sure. That I am  the first to say que our creator has some ideas of what others tell him what they know and think they know about la onda. But We here do understand and we here also might be those that we address as a person who is on the sideline thinking they know the facts and the reasons and solutions to this phenomenon. But sadly we understand que we are wrong in many ways. Really we are, and here is how we came to this conclusion:

It’s a fact that we never leave our home after 8pm regardless what day it is.

 It’s a fact que our creator doesn’t watch tv and even if he wanted, he couldn’t because we don’t have cable, my god how many times can a  person watch RANGO DVD IN A WEEK? Answer chingos.

Its fact que he can’t down load music nevertheless listen to it on the line because we don’t have internet at home.

It’s  fact que his radio can only get a few if any at all radio program, in which the majority of the stations that he does listen are Christian station, in which we pray god forgives!

It’s a fact que all the people que we interview and talk to too on line, we have never met, probably never will.

 It’s a fact que he hasn’t gone to a public dance since last year where his fund raiser turned out to be a disaster, and ruin his career in trying to keep his father and mother scholarship above water.  Which we still owe money to some of the performers.

So it’s easy to say by reading this paper que he don’t know chit about anything nevertheless la onda and how it works.  But we do know que he know that many have benefited, taken advantage, profit, assisted, helped, do good to,  from la onda.

And it’s easy to say que he does know que fundraiser, charity performances, and other organization have collected monies at the cost de la onda. I am sure he knows que those organization, and some other provisions are needed in making many things happen in hood with the help from la onda. 

Now the tolerant attitude and the willingness to judge la onda is really unfair. But the impartial love that many have for la onda will always prevail.  So its easy to say the misconception of  la onda Tejano really lies on the believes that la onda will die one day, which I am sure it won’t as long as we have all of the above and all yet more to come, for the sake of salvaging la onda in its own little ways and those that benefiting from it.

But than what do we know , we are just make believe.

hejola report for 03262018

Hejola report for 03262018,

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello folk I am David Polar Bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news.

El primo falls to his death.

Barrio woman shots herself.

And now some darn good news.

The leaders from both sides of the tracks have agreed to reduce sales taxes but have decided to make up the lost revenue by having more yard sells  and garage sells operated by the city.

La commadre Tina Marie Garcia was so scared that someone in the hood was going to attack her based on what she heard and saw on the news  that she went out and bought a hand gun to protect herself from you know who. Well while driving home with her boyfriend, she was waving the gun around and her boyfriend told her that she needed to put the gun down before she shot someone, but she didn’t listen, so it caused him to grab for it and a shot fatally struck her in the head and killed her. Charges are pending.

Yesterday afternoon el primo Juan Munoz fell 75 feet to his death after he told his friends that he could climb the only barrio water tower in less than two minutes. He died less than 30 seconds.  It seems unbelievable to see him climbing that tower so fast que he stopped to look back and lost his balances. No charges will be filed against Munoz.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 03232018

Barrio stock market report for 03232018.
Cchwnn. 
Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am urbano yosabatodo con this week’s barrio stock market report. Things cost so much que we don’t even watch t.v. anymore. Now lets get to that award winning stock market report

>Los taquitos up from last week, ended the week at $1.45 each coffee is extra.

>Los tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive up on that steady pass this week, ended the week at $6.00 a dozen. 

>Las tortillas, remain pretty stable for now but predicted to go up on price, tortillas $1.50 a pack of twelve. Think corn tortillas?

< la barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at bit higher, $8.00 a lb. llama barbeque at $2.50 lbs. it’s the solution.

Las empanadas are on a roll now , and their prices are sky high, las empanadas took an increase ending the week at $.69 each. Pesse hejola.

And that cheap beer, as a matter of fact went down a bit to a low time low last week but took that hike this week up to of $4.95 a six pack.

Barrio want ads:
#893543: old electric chair, SOLD.

#89767: children toys and some clothing for sale by the pound. SOLD.

#98076: adult toys and a bunch big girl’s kinky clothing, sold by the pound. 

#23546: bicycles for sale. Some are missing parts other you decide.

#98763; still looking for move in maid, will provide French outfit and has to some work around the house wearing it. PLEASE make appointment.

#7658: old tejano records, some 45,78, and a bunch 331/3 lp. Make offer.

Barrio realtors:
That lot on the corner of 8th and wells street is still for sale but has changed address to the corner of 3th and wells street, just get on wells and keep driving on it till it ends there take a left and go three block and turn left, until you hit wells again and then turn right and keep going about 7 blocks and the turn left and you might see it from there, if not turn around and go back 6 blocks and turn right and head west but if you don’t know which way is west, than head south. 

Ok raza there you have it for today, keep it Tejano

hejola report for 03222018

Hejola report for 03222018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello I am Jonathon barrio, bill Diaz took the week off, and now for today’s headline news:

Out of control vato crashes into barrio family home con su bicycle.

El primo gets busted across the track con su personal problems.

And finally Augustine Lacrosse wins lawsuit.

Last week we learned que convicted trash and toilet paper guy Augustine Lacrosse was awarded $5,000, lawsuit against the other side of the city jail officials. Its seems que Mr. lacrosse, who is serving time for toilet papering the city and county courthouse and the whole 700 block of west Richard, fell out of the back of a van transporting prisoners to a work side somewhere in the county, breaking bones in his face and knocking out his only tooth he had left. Mr. Lacrosse told us que he was real happy and couldn’t wait to get out and fix his teeth con the money he got and some lettuce.

Yesterday afternoon el primo david Ruiz a convicted male prostitute, was finally picked up by eastside police on several arrest warrants for indecent exposure against him/her in our side of the tracks as a male. And another warrants for el primo him/her in the other side of the tracks as a female. El primo was asked what was wrong with him, and he told us que nothing, only that he had been smoking lettuce.

 And finally, this morning it was reported que el chuco Morales drove his bicycle of out of control crashing into la familia Cava’s bedroom. There were no serious injuries but the bicycle was total and the damage was less than $10.00. No charges will be filed against el chuco but the constable tells us que etsa vato will be walking for a while. Oh by the way some lettuce was found on him.

Well raza there you have it for todays hejola headline news. I am Jonathon barrios, and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 03202018

Hejola special Easter report for 03212018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La Lesbian con our special Easter report for 03212018..

Recycle Easter hunt huge success.

Gay Tejano bar ready for Easter.

And finally some darn good Easter news.

We all have good days and some better days, but this year we will try to make it a happy Easter to all our followers and we are hoping que Jack the Giant Rabbits come by this year and brings you what you want for Easter. Now with that in mind how much should a person really spend on Easter? Since its just one of many reasons to spend that hard earned money, you tell me.

Late last night Arnold Moore Perez the owner of the newly open Tejano gay bar announced que anyone dress like a fairy, bunny, and even a playboy bunny, and a playgirl bunny would drink for free for about ten minutes after that all drinks will be half prices. In addition anyone dress like a Tejano bunny would drink free, and that meant even if they weren’t Tejano want to be.

And finally, This year’s el barrio community center had its annual Recycle Easter Can Hunt was a great success, says el barrio person in charge of the center. We have over 150 children under the age 20 and had over 300 persons older than 21 showed up for this year’s hunt. We don’t have the name of this year’s winner on who collected the most cans but I am sure there were chingos.

Ok raza have a great Tejano gay day and for those gringitos refusing to admit que they want to be Tejano and not mexican, stay drunk and stay home and don’t say nothing for awhile.

hejola report for 03202018/

Hejolia report for 03202018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.  Hello raza como estan, I el general fideo vermicelli, Bill is on assignment, but are you ready for our award winning barrio headline news:

Ten chickens and five turkeys terrorize birthday party.

 Having live chickens and turkeys at an adult birthday party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of them  that afternoon.  No injuries to the real folks. 

Three women arrested at spring break barrio party for throwing a box of tampons at security guard. 
And finally la comadre me puso el dedo, says Frankie Luz.

El  barrio security force 666, arrested three barrio women at this past weekend spring fling held at el chicano park. It seems que Nora, Norma, y Noelia Martinez got a bit too wasted and we asked to leave the park, as they were leaving the park one of the drunk women threw an unopened box of tampons at one of the barrio security force 666 members, as they drove out of the park. All three women were arrested for P.I., DWI, FEAS, and TRYING TO HARM A PEACE OFFICERS. CHARGES WILL filled.

barrio officers find weed;

It seems que one of el compadres commadres called the cops on him, thinking she hear someone breaking into his home, who lives next door to her. Once el ojo barrio security force 666 answer the call, they promptly went over to el compadres home and found the back door open. Once inside the security force found  chingos de marijuana growing in backyard and inside of his home. No charges have been filed yet but depending on how good the weed is, or worth, or something.

There you have it and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 03122018

Hejola report fo 03122018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning headlines; todays words is “Yellow brick road”.

Barrio leader loves Wiz of Oz!

It must have been some relapse by our barrio leader when he told a room full of 5 persons that he loves watching the Wiz of Oz at least ten times a week. In doing so he wants to match that by painting the main dang here in the hood Yellow with the words paint on saying “follow the yellow brick road”. The barrio treasure told us it would cost at least several thousands of dollars in doing that, in which the barrio was already in the red for 2019! Tomas Trumps told the group it makes me feel better in making the hood yellow and happy. (Please note that the hood is already happy due to the fact that the city hasn’t removed the 1958 Christmas decorations up to now and are turned on all year round!

Ten small persons file law suit against barrio leader for calling those names (munchkins)?

Yesterday a group of short persons filed a law suit against our barrio leader Tomas Trumpas for calling them a bunch of low life Munchkins while speaking at a rally against the new law that just passed requiring all public toilets to be shorter so as short persons can have their feet on the ground while in bathroom stalls. Trumps repeatedly referred to them short persons as Munchkins and told them that if these munchkins want to go to the john… stay home? Look they should watch the movie The Wiz of Oz, and while they followed the yellow brick road did you notice that not one person ever went to the bathroom in that movie and I wonder why now?

And finally barrio resident prepare for barrio war!

I told you so says la commadre Maria Gomez after she was told that this spring break and Easter would bring those unwanted barrio relatives back into the hood. El constable told us que in the past few years he has had to hire a ton of extra security to make sure chit don’t hit the fan when those unwanted relatives start drinking and partying. The last few years at least 100 relatives have been arrested from different families that bring out the pass and have caused lots of damage to the hood and personal properties. Trumpas was heard saying he hopes that the yellow brick road will be painted before than so the hood can be happy again. (Please note that the hood is already happy due to the fact that the city hasn’t removed the 1958 Christmas decorations up to now and are turned on all year round!

Ok raza stay warm and happy!

barrio stock market report for 03092018

Barrio stock market special edition: “el future de la barbaco de cabeza 2018”.

03142013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Once again I am urbano yosabatodo. I am here today covering this very important seminar being held here at the Westinghouse barrio mall second level, and at the cona Lozano cash and carry sport complex convention center. “el future de la barbaco de cabeza 2018” convention is being held and we have over 200 barrio people that have something to do con the production of barbacoa.  Assisting me today is my new assistant my younger brother Franciso Pancho yosabatodo.

Si urbano thank you for hiring me brother and I won’t let you down. Well raza we have a great turn out today on this very important barrio issue : la barbaco de cabeza. It seems que todo esto started con the esta farmer named mr rubio y su idea de raising llama in the hood to replace beef. That is what this seminar is all about today.

The organizer of this convention is mr. j.p. weeks owner of weeks cattle and sheep inc. located on the edge of eastside and Westside. So one could say que mr. weeks farm is on both sides of the tracks. Mr. weeks is the largest provider of beef here in the hood and has the biggest dinner in town specializing en barbacoa de cabeza. The number of folks attendance was great and it included from small taco stand owners to large restaurants that rely on mr weeks beer.

Some of the issues that were dealt with are the following:

A.   mad cow disease: el dr. chon chingo chon specializing in gringo dieases told the audience que esta cosa de mad cow was a gringo thing and wouldn’t effect la raza due to the fact que muchos over cook the meat anyhow. In addition he said que there was no proof que esta mad cow was no where never our hood.  Neverless in town.

B.   The increase of sales and production : Manuel Gonzales a tamale broker spoke on the potential la barbacoa market still had in the hood. He also pointed out que many tamale makers were using more beer than deer meat now a days, making beef the number one meat in the hood, he told us que not even pork could compare its sales to beef.

C.   Livestock and slaughter house in the hood : el senior henry Garcia owner of the largest slaughter house in the hood names Garica’s slaughter house told us que the number of livestock that is produce is higher than even. He pointed out to us que his company has done its very best to make sure que none of his cattle has made contact con esa pincha cow dieases.  In being able to protect the rest of the herd, he has hired several gringos that can spot a mad cow.

D.   The future of beef in the hood: el senor H.P. morgan soliz told the large crowd que it made no differences if the llama meat was to come into the hood it wont effect the price nor the percentage of beef being sold now in the hood.

E.    Increase of barrio taco stands: Pete Cruz Mata president of el barrio welcome wagon told the crowd que in the last two years a total of 35 percentage of the taco stands had closed their down. For what reason, he pointed out que poor management skill and lack of training in keep good sales records. This could really hurt a business.

F.   Protection of livestock in the hood : el ojo barrio private eye gave his new security concept on how one can protect their livestock. Base on el constable report for the fiscal 2016/2017, it shows que 110 folks had being arrested for stealing or trespassing onto barrio farmland. And that about 25 head of cattle had being stolen or missing in this same period compared to the number of llamas that had been either shot or poisoned . so as you can see says el ojo barrio private eye que it is very important that every single barrio farmer to hire or establish their own guards. In addtion he offered a 20 percent discount on his next classes on how to be a barrio private eye y your own security.

So at the end of the day several goals were established and hope to implement this plan within the next three years. Copy of their plan will not be made public until this group decides when and how much will it cost. I am fransico yosabatodo and now back to my older brother urbano.

Thanks frank, well there you have it folks, the future of la barbacoa de cabeza is really on your hands. I am urbano. Remember if you can’t eat it don’t buy it..

hejola report for 03012018

Hejola report for 03012018.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio increase of elder’s having sex.

 

Naked man report seen in barrio alley, during the mid-night hours.

 

And finally some good news.

 

We always like to report the good news about the hood, today we  would like to announce the engagement of the daughter de la familia Garica, Mary Lou Garcia, age 66 is going to marry el senor Walter M. Mendoza, age 32, a barrio insurance agent. The family Garcia are so glad que Mary lou finally found someone that is willing to share her life with, Or the rest of her life with, the marriage is schedule to take place sometime in 2033.

 

El constable is asking for your help, in busting or finding out who is that naked man that has been seen running around in barrio alleys. We heard and we have seen pictures but have been unable to catch this dude. If you have any information or news about this person, please contact our office, oh a small reward is been offered.

 

 

 

And finally, Yesterday a barrio study done by who knows who, reported que barrio seniors, age averaging from 65 to 89 years of age are on an increase of having sex in public. El constable told us que 2013 has started out with a big bang compared to 2012. Last year we only had about 10 such cases now we have around 325 cases and we are not even in the first quarter of the year. El constable will meet with local senior citizen organizations to discuss this matter.

 

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.