barrio stock market report for 08282015

Barrio stock market for 08282015.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville, tx. Ola como estan I am Urbano yosabatodo con this week’s award winning barrio stock market report. Well if things weren’t bad already. Barrio stock market has been on brown alert for the past two weeks due to the fact que muchos de los stores in the hood like to raise the price on stuff right before the holidays. You see muchos de los stores in the hood don’t have too much overhead but do have chingos de bills that are not related to the business. Anyway tis a time to be jolly and holly and happy and now is the time to layaway for that xmas. So come on down raza and spend some darn good money here at the hood.

So let’s all hold hands and get in debt so we all can have some major reason why we should work all next year for.  Have a great tejano day, and now for that award winning barrio stock market report:

Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each coffee is extra.

Los tamales are on a steady increasing, which we noticed a few weeks ago, ended the week at $6.25 a dozen.

Las tortillas, also were up this week with an increase of at least 25 percent from last week, ended the week at $1.65 a pack of twelve.

La barbacoa de caberas remained stable this week after news que las llama farms were going to delay their product, ended the week at $6.50 a lb.

 

Barrio want ads:

45256 item:  ten used cowboy boots used by famous tejano singers. Which one not sure but might have used them. Make offer for the whole lot of boots.

 

 

 

65824 item: used playboy books and penthouse books some pages are stuck but can still see pictures, and read the articales make offer for all twenty books.

 

 

 

56235 item: six g stings used by famous women in our life , range from small to xxx large. Nice girls make offer.

 

 

 

3256 item: used car tires only flat in the bottom, might be good not sure make offer. Sizes 14.15, and 10.

 

 

 

54136 item: used house shoes and used silver ware still shine might need so cleaning but besides that spoons still work. Make offer.

 

BARRIO REALTOR REPORT:

 

 

Ok we just got some wind from a man that has lots of hot air for sale. He was not sure if the wind was coming down hill or uphill , but did say que we could purchases some of that hot air. This hot air lot is located at a corner place across the street from that barrio hang out school house. The constable cadena and his barrio force 666 are on hand just in case this man is sell a bunch of hot air.

 

 

Ok raza there you have it for today, I am urbano yosabatodo, and have a great tejano day

hejola report for 08262015

Hejola report for 08262015.

Kingsville,texas. Hello raza I am Jonathon barrio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio resident happy.

Barrio man tries to steal boat.

And finally some good news.

There was a time we loved to be loved. Nowadays we just glad someone cares.

La familia Green Villa were so happy que their dream came thought , that was they always wanted a sail boat and guess what they tell us que the lord met their dream. The found a sail boat around the corner of third and wells and decided to wait awhile to see if anyone claimed it and bingo  no one did, praise the lord.

Sometimes things are not just right, that was the case of esta vato trying to steal a small sail boat that was locked up behind el constable office. Esta vato thought that no one had seen him pull away with the trailer and the boat half way on it. About three blocks down the road the boat made its way off the trailer and onto the side walk. Now esta vato loco tried to put the boat back on the trailer, the constable who was on patrol  decided to lend him a hand. Once the constable got closer to the boat he noticed que it was his boat. He arrested the vato and took him in. when the constable came back for the boat it was gone. Chinga. El constable is asking for your help in locating that sail boat. If you have any idea who took or where the boat is, the constable promises to give you a ride on it.

Ok let’s ride, have a great day.

hejola report for08252015

Hejola report for 08252015,

Cchwnn.

Klingsville, Texas. Hello again I am DAVID DURAN, con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Vato arrested for peeping tom.                                                                Barrio sociologist get barrio grant to study homosexuality in the hood.                                       And finally city crack down on pig farms in the city limits.

Yesterday afternoon  the city fathers from across the tracks along con city officials y our own constable Cadena, visited and issued several barrio warrants for their arrest after failing to comply with the city law of having farm animals inside the city limits.


The owners of the pig farms inside the city limited wonder how in the world did the find out about the Swine; it seems que the Odor these swine’s left was a bit out of Control.


For the owners of this growing pig farms, its bad news, said one owner who he didn’t want us to use his name (Daniel Charles). He further said que the other side of the track folks had spent mucho money on developing electronic equipment that would measure the offensiveness of odors and would determine where it was coming from.

The reason we are so concern is that we have found que the folks living downwind from the hog farm have become “tense, depressed, angry, and confused.” Said one participating officer who assisted on the raid, “We’re dealing with complex issues that don’t just come down to ‘does it smell bad.’” We need to teach this folks down here que pigs belong outside the city in a farm and not inside the city limits.

Mario diaz was arrested after several barrio people had hear footsteps on their roots,well it just took one incidents in which constable cadena caught Mr. Diaz climbed on a roof last night of la commadre maria who is 93 years old. It seemed que mr diaz was using a fishing line and hook, lifted the blankets of sleeping women to look at their bodies. Charges will be filed along con no fishing permit also will be added to the complaint.

And finally, among the grants this year from the our city Academy of Sciences community, seem to have awarded Ms. Bettys smith Moore Sanchez a grant to study homosexuality in el barrio. Ms. Betty smith moore Sanchez said it was very important to know if homosexuality is a big thing here or not, her grant she was awarded $6,300. Plus addition allotment to her food stamps.

Wow, let’s hope they don’t come by my home,I am david duran.
“ your business is my business and my business is none of your business

hejola report for 08242015

Hejola report for 08242015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio study shows higher education will be too expensive in the future.

Barrio humming bird lover, force to stop loving humming birds.

And some darn good news.

We sometime fail to acknowledge relatives and in many case the good ones and the bad ones. But today we will give credit to all those relatives that we disagree with, can’t stand, better looking, or in some cases hate their guts and so on. Well today we wish the best of the world to all those that we have cause chaos in their world, talked bad about them, made fun of their ugly faces and body, and of course of their mental capacity. Today is your day and we hope que you have the greatest every day, even if it’s not good for them.

The little old lady in the hood was very sad que her big plans for this year’s hummer bird fest was cut short when the county came over and asked her about the 220 bird feeders she had lay out in two acres at the public park and her home. She was told that she needed to get a permit and didn’t have one so she was forced to bring down 218 feeders. She was very disappointed but did say que she was happy one way or another.

Yesterday a study done by some person who got paid too much to sit down and determine que barrio folks are more at risk of not going to college because it cost too dam much. Yesterday the figures were out and it was determine in theory que it would cost your child at the age of 53 to get a college education around $45 to $65,000 dollars just to get one undergraduate degree. Now what is a parent to do?

And finally, after hearing the above study results, a few barrio parents came over to our command post wanting us to example where in the heck did we come up con this information? Mrs. Jennifer Gomez, age 78, told us que mi hijito is going to college regardless of what it going to cost, he has the potential of being someone in the future and I will do whatever it takes. Oh by the way we didn’t mention que her son was 53 years old.

Ok folks keep your children in school and have you hug a Tejano today.

barrio stock market report for 08212015

 

Barrio stock market report for 08102012

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx . once again I am urbano yosabatodo, con this week’s barrio stock market. 

The bottom line folks things are more predicted to go up than down. Let’s just take a look at the price of corn this year. Base on our info we found out que the price has gone up a lot this year. And of course we know why? Well one reason is that large demand for ethanol fuel made from corn has pushed the grain to its highest price in a decade.  Which of course means that we can expect a reduction on wheat and soybean plantings in the coming year’s, likely resulting in higher flour and meat prices. Huh.

If  I were you, I would buy a big butt freezer so I can buy a whole calf and butch it up and store it for awhile. It’s the only way if you love me. And that price is about .85 cent a pound at the slaughter house. Chinga.

Enough with the bad news let’s get to our stock market report:

>Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each coffee is extra.

 

 

 

>Los  tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive this week, ended the week at $6.50 a dozen.

 

 

 

>Las tortillas, remain pretty stable for now but predicted to go up on price, tortillas $1.50 a pack of twelve. Think corn tortillas?

 

 

 

< la barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at bit lower, $6.00 a lb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that cheap beer, as a matter of fact went down a bit to a low time low of $3.50 a six pack.

 

 

 

 

 

Barrio want ads:

 

 

 

H4521: used shoes all sizes from 8 to 12 make offer. Must buy the whole lot.

 

 

 

H34563: back yard property for sale, includes the swing, pool, flower garden, and some vases. Make offer. Wife left me no need for the backyard anymore.

 

 

 

H4320: 10 rabbits, 5 chickens, 2 turkeys for sale, make offer. All are still in good conditions. Left over from this years and last years Easter presents.

 

 

 

H9087: womens clothing for sale, size 14 and bigger.

 

 

 

H6509: mens clothing for sale, size 16 and bigger.

 

 

 

H7890 3:  gay guys clothing for sale.chinga..

 

 

 

 

 

Barrio realtor report:

 

 

 

We just got wind of some hot air from over at third street. There are three lots for sale, make best offer and would trade for other land or cars or whatever you might have.

 

 

 

 

 

Well folks there you have for todays barrio stock market.

hejalo report for 082015

Hejalo report for 08202015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

barrio man tasers la commadre grandmother in a family dispute.

Commadre cause accident while on barrio cell phone.

And now some darn good news.

How old can a person been to be considered too old for college? Answer is never to old.

Yesterday afternoon right in front of our office we heard a big boom. When we went outside to investigate we saw que la commadre Belinda Rodriquez had just smashed into the back of jim woods a construction worker pick up.  It seems que when she smashed into the back of the pickup she was on the phone.  El constable arrested her con wreck less driving. But the way it’s the tenth time she has been busted for driving on the phone

And It seems que Luis chapa had enough con la comadres grandmother after she gave her opinion on a matter that was none of her business. So Luis used a stun gun on the grandmother to keep her freaking mouth shut.  The constable cadena arrested Luis and is investigating it as a domestic assault. Charges are pending. La grandmother was not injured, and didn’t require any medical attention.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 08172015

Hejola report for 08172015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello once again I am bill Diaz The reason for this is que our creator is going to have some teeth pulled and he won’t be able to talk nor write here in the next few days. So let’s get right to the award winning barrio headline news:
>Barrio man found asleep on railroad tracks.
>Barrio couple sleeps inside el Cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex.
>New way to pay at the store by using your finger print.
>Older barrio couple caught burglar and force him to clean their home.
Barrio Dr. arrested for writing on bathroom walls.

And finally, el barrio research has published their findings of what goes on in the hood and what is important to you con Maria la vandia.

It seems que Maria la vandia never lets us down con su chingadies; she has just finished a research paper on what goes on in the hood and what is important to us. Here is a small example of what the research has found:
1.She found out que a barrio man many have as up 72 birthdays in his life time.
2. She also discovered que many barrio members didn’t know que some months had 31 days and others have up to 28 days in a month.
3. She also found out que its illegal in the hood for a vato to marry his widow’s sister in law. So as you can see this research have lots of new discoveries that we didn’t know que you didn’t know, but since we all know now, there will be no further need to learn anymore.

Yesterday afternoon el senor want to be Dr. Phil Garcia was arrested at the barrio mall restroom while he was writing on the bathroom wall his ten ways to get laid in the hood. Gloria Guerra mall manager tells us que charges will be filed against esta way, glories told us que she was sick and tired of having to paint the john every other week. Its seemed que esta Dr. Garcia had been writing his theories inside bathrooms all over the hood, for several months, charges will be filed.

La familia ben y Beth Luna was surprise the other morning when burglar woke them up asking where they had the money. Well while Beth tried to get her purse, ben slapped the shit of the burglar and making him drop his gun. At the point ben got his gun and both Beth and him held the burglar hostage and watched him clean their home while the held him at gun point. When the constable made it to the Lunas home, the burglar was having a snack, while waiting to be picked up. Charges will be filed for parties, one for burglary and the Lunas for hold a person at gunpoint.

Los dos cholos super market both are college engineers have designed a new to let children buy beer for their folks. They have designed a new way to charge you at the store by storing your grown finger print at the stores computer and this would allow your children under the age of 21 to buy beer for you. We still don’t know what the big deal con this new fades is.

It seems que el barrio loco was admitted to el barrio St. Paul’s medical center with a condom glued to his thing. It seems que esta loco just found out what sex was about a thought that if he were to glue a condom to his thing he could save money. He will release from the center sometime next week. By the way esta loco had it glued for two months now.

When el constable Cadena got to the sports complex several complex employees had la compadre y el compadre ben Gomez surrounded after they were found both of them asleep inside one of the bathrooms. Once the constable questioned the couple, it seems que they got so drunk que the both fell asleep in the john. No charges will be filed but will be charged for staying overnight.

El barrio rail reported yesterday que they drove over a vato asleep on the tracks. It seemed que panchito Gomez was so drunk que he fell asleep in between the rail road tracks. The el barrio 501 rails told us que he saw esta guy asleep and when he stopped the train to check on him he was still asleep. I guess now you can say que not even a train can wake him up any how Gomez lost his left leg and right arm but looks like he will be ok.
Well there you have it folks hope to see you all sooner.

 

 

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter 08142016.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Once again I am Gloria Guerra con

 

Today’s mall newsletter. Well the owners and myself,

 

Having been thinking about re-opening our conjunto enchanted

 

Dance land this coming sept. more on that con our own politico

 

General Fideo vermicelli.

 

Bueno Gloria the idea is back, having had the first conjunto enchanted dance land was an experience before and re-opening the dance land and camping grounds could bring people back to the mall. As a matter of fact Gloria, re-opening the camping ground here at the mall is a great idea. Now not only can shopper spend all day at the mall, they can now camp out at the mall, fabulous idea.

 

Ok general we will stay in touch, now let’s go con our man in the street Frankie tuxedo zuniga con his report.

 

Well Gloria we are planning for the biggest fun run in el barrio this weekend. The fun run will be for a 10 k run in the hood, the route will cover major barrio areas and sites. It’s a great and safe route, so go and put your jogging shoes and dancing boots and hit the hood.

 

Ok Frankie great job.  Well and finally lets go con our own maria la vandia con a few words about la cumbia 666666666666!

 

Look ladies it’s not every day you love your man like you use too, is cumbia…. Why not go and put that little outfit he gave you some time ago and slip right into his tv reviewing area and make his day. I know it fits a bit tight but who cares. I know que el compadre will really appreciate it. And girls don’t argue this weekend con el compadre, just make his day, if possible, if not call cummbia 6666 for some bull chit.

Ok thanks maria for those loving words, well folks got to go and see you down at the mall.

hejola report for 08132015

Hejola report for 08132015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza how are we doing, I am David Polar bear Duran, con today awarding barrio headline news:

Barrio kids come back to school.

Barrio residents arrested for $10,000 counterfeit food stamps.

Ten barrio members arrested in the nude.

And finally some maybe good or bad news for weed lovers.

We all know that money is good and not good depending on who you ask. But esta vato, Augustine Ramirez, 27, was arrested at the corner of third and wells right after he left “tacos on the run stand” when one of its employees called the constable to report that a customer had paid for his meal with pot. Once the constable got there, the employee handed over an ounce of pot to the constable as evidence, against Mr. Ramirez. He was arrested and the constable took the pot so he could test it and see if it was really good weed or not. Oh by the way he the constable told us que whatever weed is left will be used as evidences.

 
We here and you there feel que along con el constable Cadena que our children are the future of tomorrow so we want everyone regardless if you have children or not to start slowing down around school zones, since school is back in session. Our constable tells us que many drive real fast and forget to slow down around school zones. Plus if you want to do a child a favor throw those tin cans out the window and drive slow.

Yesterday afternoon, ten barrio members and a few others were arrested on our second annual “let’s take our clothes off fun walk”. This event was not sponsor nor did they have permission to have held this event in the city limits or even anywhere in the county. It took about 30 minutes in rounding up all the participants. Charges are pending.

El constable cadena was called to a local Westside meat market, where it seemed que a brother named Clarence carter brown Ruiz was arrested , and the constable confiscated more than $10,000 worth of old food stamps, you know the ones once paper bills.
Mr carter brown Ruiz who just got out of prison didn’t realize that food stamps aren’t used anymore in Texas but the lone star card has taken its place. Mr. carter was taken back to prison and will not be allowed to pass go.

Ok raza have a great day and we see you later gator.

VEROICNA LA LESBIAN DANCING CON EL BARRIO COMPETICION 2015

Verocina la lesbian “dancing con el barrio competición 2015”.
08122015.
Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Westinghouse barrio mall center stage: hello my name is Gloria Guerra with our new barrio reality series “dancing con el barrio competicion”, hosted by our very own Verocina la lesbian.
Thank you Gloria I am your women’s nightmare Verocina la Lesbian con our barrio reality series dancing con el barrio competicion 2015. The main issue was selecting the barrio members to participant con this event. So the creator gave it lots of thinking and decided to ask barrio leaders, conjunto artist, business persons, and a whole lot of others wanting and willing to dance. After reviewing the person wanting here is our lineup for this seasons’ dancing con el barrio competicion 2015:
Five couples will be competing this season, and the couples names are:
1. El constable cadena dancing con Gloria Guerra mall manager.
2. Lil red conjunto artist dancing con Johnnie el quemon barrio economics.
3. Alcardio Samudio cchwnn correspondent dancing con Maria la bandia alley reporter and director of barrio news network.
4. Santa Cecilia on the road reporter dancing con El mojado Moreno martinez, del groupo los chellos del norte.
5. El ojo barrio private dancing con Alma Rein del conjunto las tres feyas del valle.
Please stay tune for the first round and all the updates dealing with this year’s dancing con el barrio competicion 2015.

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED CON DANCING CON LA COMMADRE SERIES.

hejola report for 08122015

 

 

Hejola report for 08122015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am bill diaz con our award winning barrio headline news. But before we go there, you know country and western music has played a major role in a lot of people’s lives just as conjunto music has. But for today we are going to use an old Spanish song written by Jose Alfredo Jimenez, and use it as a spin off for our barrio news. Today song is “el Rey”, which many Tejano artists have recorded. Now for our hejola report:

El Rey arrested.

This weekend El Rey contest will be held at the Westinghouse barrio mall.

And finally so darn good news.

Well as we all know that bill collectors will never stop calling you for either a late payment or just call you just heck of it. Now el barrio consumers group named “el rey”, have taken matters into their own hands and are advising barrio members not able to pay bills to tell them collectors, if I had the money I would have made the payment fool.

Gloria Guerra mall manager announced today que everything on schedule for this weekend crowning of “El Barrio El Rey” pageant. This year’s contestants will be men over the age of 75 or older. So if you haven’t signed up for that contest you old gizzard get on it. Oh by the way the first place award will be a free round trip to the corner of third and wells.

Yesterday afternoon El Rey was arrested again after being released from jail a few hours. The reason this time was que he didn’t quite understand why he was arrested the first time. The first time he was arrested was at the corner of third and wells where he sat there for about ten hours and didn’t see the street signed that read “no sitting on this corner”. After he was released he went right back to that corner and sat there until el Constable arrested he and asked him if he didn’t see the signed that said “no sitting on this corner” and El Rey answer, I though it said no spitting on this corner. He was released after a few hours in the can.

Ok raza have a great day and keep it Tejano.

hejola report for 07112015

Hello report for 07112015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Cats and dogs are still missing by the numbers.

Barrio home interior busted.

Barrio save ten little monkeys.

And now some darn good news.

The barrio wants to thank el ojo barrio private eye in solving the case of the missing cats and dogs reported a few weeks ago. El ojo doesn’t really want to tell us how he solved this mystery but has asked barrio residents que if you have had a missing pet within the last few days come on by to the barrio community center to see if we have it here. So come on down to the recover your pet asap.

La commadre Nancy Alaniz was arrested yesterday afternoon when she was displaying her brand new book named “ How to keep your mother in law in check”. One of the ways as explained in her book was to slap the chit of your mother in front lawn next time she got out of hand. Well that didn’t go very well with certain mother in laws that confronted Nancy at the mall. In one case Nancy actually slapped a so call mother in law to demonstrate que it don’t take long for your in law to snap and keep her in check. Charges will be filed against her.

El constable posted a 918 alert throughout the hood because there were at least 27 dogs and 32 cats missing within the last ten hours. The constable told us off the record que it could be those hillbillies that just moved into the hood, but there was no proof of them boys stealing, killing or even kidnapping them poor little pets. Oh by the way them boys opened up a Chinese restaurant, named “chon hill boy”.

Ten little monkeys were rescued yesterday from 27 dogs and 32 cats that were chasing them in the hood. El constable and about 20 brave volunteers were able to catch the majority of them monkeys and were able to fight off some of the homeless dogs. The city and barrio leaders will discuss this matter at the next city meeting schedule for March 2033.

Ok raza have a great