hejola report for 04012017

Hejola report for 04012017.

Cchwnn

Kingsville,tx, sorry but our stock market report will not be brought to you today, I am Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Several senior citizens were gun down con water guns.

Two arrested for making their own homemade fireworks.

And finally, la commadre has twins at the age of 67.

La commadre Maria Maria Maria, give birth to another set of twins this week. La commadre has 10 sets of twins already, along con with her 8 other children and 10 more from her previous marriage. After interviewing her she told this reporter que thank god she didn’t throw all her baby clothing away. Her husband, run down Manuel Soto told us que now he has completed his softball team, soccer team, beach volley ball  team, and a bunch of other sport he always wanted.

Yesterday afternoon along con the constable and his barrio task force 666, and law dogs from across the tracks arrested los Garcia Brothers for having a large number of gun powder and so highly risky explosives. When asked what they expected to do with this dangerous stuff, they said que they were going to make their own fourthof july firework stand. Both were arrested and charged con some serious shit and recovered all that stuff before they blow the hood.

Yesterday afternoon marked one of the darkest days in the hood when 17 barrio senior citizens were gun down but a group of brown necks, rednecks, yellow necks by water them down as the marched towards the free meal center. Yes says el constable que this old folks were all watered down and some fell on the ground and others fell onto the city street and were avoiding to get hit by passing cars. Several young men and women were surrounded up for questioning but no charges have been filed.

Ok redneck, yellow neck, green teeth , have a great day.

hejola report for 03292017

hejola report for 03292017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX hello raza como estan, I am Bill Diaz, sitting here smelling  burned popcorn. But for now let us get to our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio bank drive thru held up but failed.

Ten one handed men rounded up.

And finally a few one legged men turned themselves in.

After a few confused press releases, el constable rounded up a few one legged men instead of one arm men who was accused of holding up the barrio drive thru bank. After it was exampled that it was a man that left his arm behind, all the one legged men were released for the expectation of one man who the constable informed him that he had found his plastic leg he had lost a few years ago, but no one had ever claimed it.

Today el constable and the fed guys rounded up at least ten men with one hand in the hood. After investigating each one handed person, none match the description that the bank teller descried during the hold up or the hand left behind.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon around 5 p.m. several men drove thru the only barrio bank drive thru and forced them thru the small window and held the place up. The report actually states the man hand went through the small window pointing a gun and demands all the money. The cashier decided to take the matter into their own hands and she shut the small window on the man’s hand. As he tried to leave he pulled his hand out and left it behind. The constable is looking for a man that has just lost his hand. If you know of anyone that has lost his hand recently please contact us.

That Is it raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 03282017

hejolia report / paris del helles for 03282017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Once again raza I am Bill Diaz, con Today is a very special day for us. Starting today we will include PARIS DEL HELLES DAILY from our news correspondent Francisco Delgado De Gaulle.

Well it’s that time again, now for the headline news for today:

Vato staggering along third and wells, local residents call constables office.

Homeless family asked to move, no camping allowed inside the city barrio limits.

La commadre de la commadre hit by truck.

And finally from our French correspondent Francisco Delgado del Gaulle, with the story que a man alleged that a storeowner threatened him with a weapon.

Last night los vatos locos volunteer firefighters were called on an 811 call. Its seems que la commadre Old Susana, call 811 after her commadre GIGI got hit by a passing truck while she stood in the middle of the street. Before the vatos could get there it seems que la commadre managed to get up and she got her self-checked into the hospital. But before constable cadena could get there to the hospital , it seems que la commadre had already checked herself out of the hospital. The constable report stated que the truck was not damage.

Earlier this morning a barrio resident living somewhere along third and wells call the constable cadena office wanting to report que a vato had just passed her home and he seemed to be staggering. Once the constable got there it seems que he had already spoken to this dude twice this evening. Constable cadena stated que he had already determined que esta vato was not intoxicated, pero loco.

And a police unit from across the tracks, stopped an inspected a car that was parked in a no parking zone somewhere along third and wells. It seems que this people were napping in their car on third and wells street. Well somehow this car somehow qualified as a campers the police report indicated. And since this side of town had already pass a new municipal code, outlawing no camping in the hood. The people were asked to move on or be towed off and taken to jail.

Now from Paris France here is Francisco Delgado del Gaulle, (for translation visit bing translations)

Bonjour le raza de mille, hier à notre magasin faisant le coin, police de Paris se sont appelés pour interroger le propriétaire du magasin qui a allégué tiré un pistolet sur un client. Le que par propriétaire du magasin que le client n’a pas voulu laisser un client féminin seul. Après lui avoir demandé plusieurs fois, j’ai dû tirer le pistolet hors de ai dit le propriétaire du magasin, et dis ce client de partir. La police ne classera pas des frais contre le propriétaire du magasin, mais a été donnée une amende pour ne pas avoir une tenir compte d’elle. De nouveau à vous Bill!

Thank you Francisco. Well there you have it for today, I am bill diaz, and have a great day.

westside warrior news network for 003272017

Westside warrior news network for 003272017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. What is happening hot lips, its lewis mojo lewis, with today’s barrio award winning headline news.

Soul brother I’ll be back arrested.

Leader of vato’s loco volunteer firefighter asked to move.

And finally barrio robber gets run over.

Byron Secrest Ruiz, 42, decided to run from his car, rather than be apprehended at the corner of third and wells when he ran a red blinking light. El constable, once a high school miler, 30 years ago today, chased him on foot. As the constable wandering around looking for Ruiz, Wally Ramon, a barrio milkman delivery man, walked by and got inside his delivery truck and drove off and ran over the body of Ruiz, who was level to the ground underneath the delivery truck. Mr. ruiz was rushed to the St. paul’s medical center and than across the tracks to a real hospital. Charges are pending.

It seems que el loco Arthur Flores, chief of the vato’s loco volunteer firefighters was asked to move himself and his wife and his seven dogs from the el barrio community center, where the volunteer are located or it was going to shut down the upstairs rooms where he had taken his residence. The chairman of el barrio community center told this reporter que we didn’t mind it for awhile, but it’s been years now and he said he would move out in a few days, seven years ago. There is a different between sleeping in the center and living in the center. Charges are pending.

In other news, It seems that little Joe Barrera just couldn’t take no for answer. That seemed to be the case when he tried to rob El Centro fruit stand Monday morning when the only employee, Pedro whatshisname, told little joe que they didn’t have any money till later in the day. Well no shit little Joe decided to come back around 5:p.m. when el constable was waiting for him. He was arrested for attempted robbery and about $20,000 of monopoly money was discovered.

Well there you have it raza, we are on spring break at our back yard.

hejola report for 03242017

Hejola report for 03242017.

Cchwnn

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Two old man get fired.

Tejano get together launch public service announcement.

And finally some good news.

As you might already know that “the rain in Spain doesn’t really stay in the plains”, a one act play written and produced by our own barrio author, Julio Moreno Gonzales Garza Garica, a recent barrio community college graduate.  Ben, is his nickname told us que he is very excited about this one act play que he was able to write and produce in 5 minutes. I love this idea and really hope que many of the barrio  resident come and watch the grand opening, the date has not been posted yet due to a few problems with finding a location to show it, he says.

Let me put the finger on you committee a wel lknown Tejano group were very proud of the new public announcement that their group will help people do their income tax this year. Even if the dateline has pasted says the leader, Russell Rufus Redneck, we still have lots of seniors in the hood that can be added to your barrio income tax. If interested please read the fine print on the announcement.

Yesterday several old guys were fired from the Westinghouse barrio mall for going overboard with their welcome wagon service. You see the mall hires senior to help around the mall and well know just having old people around was a cool idea until yesterday when a few old guys took their job a bit too serious. The problem was when they tried to help a few young women in selecting a bathing suit for this coming summer. The odd part was when both men showed the women the g-stings/tong, they were both wearing. These caused a big uproar, and were reported to the mall management and we forced to leave the mall area. No word if they will be rehired.   Chinga you can even bee cool.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 03212017

Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter for 3212017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas.  Hello I am Gloria Guerra con our newsletter that we are force to share space with you know who. But putting that all aside let’s get to our mall correspondent General Fideo vermicelli.

Well Gloria things are not going to smooth, it seems que a last year, during the annual clown fest, and a mall customer was hit in the head by a flying sex object and causing extensive head and shoulder injuries. It seems Baudelia Hawkins, tells this report que the mall should have had better security knowing que those clowns are out of control, and she is seeking more than $40,000 in medical bills, and barrio emotional stress and punitive damages. And by the way she gets real upset when she sees a clown. Gloria we will be going to court in the real near future.

(Ok thanks General. Now let’s go to our gal Blanca Blanch Blanco).

Si Gloria, we don’t think that this law suit will hold any ground. But talking about our mall, a group of locos better known as the only barrio poltergeist group “poltergeist de la Tierra de aztlan” will gather this weekend for their first group meeting. The mall has allowed them to stay overnight when the mall is close to see if the mall is haunted or any weird poltergeist activities going on while the mall is close. Back to you Gloria boohoos.

(Ok raza there you have it now back to the command post).

 

Now let’s go to our “ocean front properties mall”, just west from the corner of third and wells.

Hi there I am mall manager Hilma Dalia Hawkins, from Hawkins’s barrio properties. We are very pleased to provide you, el barrio shopper with the best darn customer services to make your spending money much easier and enjoyable. We consider ourselves the best mall in the hood or better known this side of tracks, just west from the corner of third and wells attracting customers from all over the county. And we do promise to be friendly, convenient, and promise to maintain our properties both inside and outside and keep the mall area clean and inviting. We have hired real security personnel and do promise to maintain a safe and secure environment. Have a great day and don’t forget if you can’t eat it don’t buy it.

Ok Raza so now we have a barrio mall and a west-side mall just west from the corner of third and wells, again Raza come on down and don’t forget we don’t accept major credit cards nor real cash, monopoly, and always remember “ your business is our business and my business is none of your business”.

hejola report for 03152017

Hejola report for03152017.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio man texting notes to woman with same name but wrong person gets his butt kicked.
Tomas Trumpas taxes show he is broker than broke....
And finally spring break party busted with old folks naked.
Ok let’s see if we can get this right. A spring break party was being held at a private nursery home where all the residents had agreed to walk around in there most outrages swim wear with no questions asked? Well it wasn’t what they were wearing that got them busted but what they were not wearing was the cause of the complaint. How can you have folks from the ages of 67 to 98 years old walk around wearing nothing? Come on man? One was arrested but at least 10 of them fell down as they made a run to their private room and couldn’t move anywhere when el constable got there. You says el constable the most discouraging thing about all this is watching elder folks lay out in the hall way naked. Dang!

How can you vote for a man that said he was the smartest man in the hood and had made thousands of dollars by doing what he does best, nothing! That is right says a barrio resident that found Trumpas taxes in trash can close to his home. The taxes show that Trumpas hasn’t worked in years and has had no income either. So what does that mean for all of us? That trumpas is a bad example of a tax payer that doesn’t pay taxes as he says he does. Pincha liar pants on fire!
It’s not every day that Juan Juan Juarez gets to talk with women he don’t know but in this case he though he knew la commadre Nancy Gracie while he text a lot of stuff that he wouldn’t want anyone to know about. Well it seemed that there are several Nancy Gracie’s in the hood that got Juan butt kicked when he realized que he was texting the wrong woman. The husband of this Nancy found out by reading some of the stuff he text her made him so mad que he found out who he was and went over and kicked his butt and torn his apartment apart looking for the items he mention in his text to his Nancy. Once he found the things he had read he took them an kicked his butt with every single sex toy he had to teach this bum a lesson. No charges will be filed but the constable took the sex toys with him as evidences.
Ok raza have a great day and keep your clothing on there are women and children watching you!

hejola report for 03142017 pt 2

Hejola report for 03142017.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news;

 Old news isn’t new news for some Latinos or whatever.

 Fight breaks out between two anti barrio groups.

 And finally some good news.

 Yesterday a group of good tejanos donated 2 tons of recycle cans for this year’s easter recycle can hunt. The barrio members in charge told ...us que it was a blessing in the sky. And they wanted to thank all the beer drinkers that attended last weekend beer fest for its donation. Que viva la raza y la tortilla de mesa.

 Yesterday two of the best anti latino, anti migrant, anti seasonal farmworkers, anti hotel workers, anti yard workers, and some anti restaurant workers and anti conjuntos, got into a hug fight over how many tamales can a family make at home now that easter is just around the corner. Let me put the finger on you and barrio Americans for better tamales members were arrested and many weren’t, that because they take cheap shots at those that have no beef with them. One barrio member told us que many already forgot our roots and forgot where our forefathers came from. Oh well. Pincha tamale eater!

At the last city hall meeting members of so call group of Latinos mad at other Latinos agreed to protest an upcoming festival that will not feature their favor musical groups. One of the Latinos leaders said que they were tired of all the illegal and their music, cultural, languages, and food they brought with them. Furthermore he believed que we should not even have that festival and they also agreed to who ask them brought you here? The city leaders decided not to talk about this matter till 2033.

 

 Ok raza have a great day and you too all the haters in la onda

hejola report for 03142017

Hejola report for 03142017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again mi Raza I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Trumpas liar liar pants on fire.

Barrio recycles vato buying used Micro waves to install instant cameras for your family pictures.

And finally barrio being asked to be more American.

Yesterday several odd members of the hood were very mad at the whole world, especially due to the fact que they weren’t being real Americans. You see says Henry Pott a gringo resident of the hood said that he was so disappointed with his barrio que they weren’t been as American as they can be! Look to be a real American you folks need to eat more Spam and bread! And stay away from them tortilla and beans. It’s make you folks fat and ugly. He said you can always tell who’s on food stamps around here (oh by the way Henry weight 450).

Wow you want to buy a great bargain will lets come on over to Beto’s used stuff and let him fix your micro wave and turn it into an instant camera for your enjoyment. Yes Raza,the new trend in the hood and promises you the best pictures ever taken by pressing the button that says smile! It’s a very simple process you either buy one of his micro waves or chit bring your own and will be converted into that wonderful camera you wanted all your freaking life at a very small cost of $350. Oh by the way no monopoly money is being accepted!

Well he did it again mi Raza Trumpas promised que he would donated his cheque to the poor and not so poor told this report que to hell con the poor and not so poor and was going to keep his payroll check and not donated like he promised. Look he said them folks and my check won’t do anyone any good anyhow. The annual salary the barrio leader earns is less than $20.oo a month. Sorry suckers...

Ok raza like the old man in shoe once said you aren’t chit if you ain’t got chit.

la china cano barril family advisor,03132017.

la china cano barrio family advisor 03132017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello I am china cano de china nuevo leon que onda raza, Chinga its been along ass time since you have heard from me. Anyhow lets share some email I got on our topic for this issue:

Dear china.

I am a young college girl and very smart and sometime feel stupid. I really don’t know how to control my feelings. Could it be that I am getting old? a coed needs guidance.

La china cano de china Nuevo leon:

Look girl life is a trip. Yea trip, stop and think of the cost you are sacrificing. Be real and keep focus on your dream and goal. Si my daughters there will be bumps in the road to come. Keep strong and wish.

 

Ok here is another one I have to answer:

Dearest china,

I know you know me china. I know that you sometimes don’t make sense. But yet what is sense, china? I really need your help. Look what is a woman need while in college, for sure love and all the attention I can without having to go bar hoping, believe it’s cool, but lets it takes lots of money.

Here is the question mi china, should I invest my time in a young guy whose mind is between his legs. Or a middle age student rebounding from some relationship or just a man that set on his ways, being creative and funny, makes me laugh. And has money? Please china tell me what to do…? In love..

Dear love ,

Hejola I just want you to understand that those are the questions that many go through life. The word man only represents all man regardless of what gender. I think one that might have her mind set on the American dream of home, children and a career are good goals but are they real?

Ask yourself why do I sit here late at night wondering what life is all about, it’s very very simple. Don’t stand along, be strong inside and go by what your heart tells you. A young love sometimes can be great but not share much in logic, remember seeking an education is knowledge. Now I will leave it up to you, think age don’t make a differences let me get that degree.. first and love later..

I am la china cano de china nuveo leon an hear womens problems, I have over 30 years of knowledge of being in love and dealing con esto.

I am la china an buck stops here.

hejola report for 03102017

Hejola report for 03102017.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Seven arrested at Tejano anti gay rally.

Fight breaks out at the young baseball.

Rain dancer goes naked!

And finally so darn good news.

Well when the rain came we all went away when the rain came.

It finally rained this week and made a few residents go a bit crazy by going and standing on their front yard half naked and chatting some weird words. But the time el constable showed up them folks were drenched and almost naked. The constable was force to come out of his 1979 ford whatever cop car to ask them what was going on. Before the constable could finish his statement, he was knocked down and rolling in the mud with this bunch of locos. Charges are pending once el constable is released from the medical center and all the mud is removed from inside his head.. hejola.

Why do parents believe that their child is the only child that can’t hit a rubber ball from a tee? That was the case this past weekend when la family Garcia youngest child 3 years old threw the bat after he swung at a plastic ball sitting on a tee at least 25 times. The umpire in charge, sergeant B, a well known umpire who is known for giving children a few swings at the tee was attacked by coaches, a manger, three women, and one grandmother on his way out of the field. He was taken to st. Paul’s medical center for treatment and to see if he could get that darn tee out of his a …… charges are pending.

Yesterday el constable had no choice but to arrest several Tejano that didn’t believe there were any gay conjuntos or gay conjunto bars in the hood (please note there are). The group decided to picket the oldest Tejano gay bar in the hood “two tons of fun”. At the owners requested he demanded that all those haters needed to get off his property, but when they refused el constable came around and sprayed all the protesters con cold water and some didn’t still wanted to leave. So the constable was force to arrest at least 7 haters, three ducks, two chickens, and a handful of dogs and cats. Charges are pending to determine who the animals belonged to.

 

 

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 03102017

Hejola report for 03102017

 

 

Cchwnn.

 

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza how are we doing, I am Veronica la Lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

 

 

Barrio prepare for taqucaha day.

 

 

Ten tejanos gays arrested at bar.

 

 

And now some good news.

 

 

Today a handful of tejanos went out and gather around 2 tons of recycle cans for this year’s barrio recycle can hunt which replaced easter bunny eggs. Do you have few cans you want to donate?

 

 

Late last night ten Tejano gays persons were arrested for not using the right bathroom. It seems que el barrio had already gotten a letter from the city que the only Tejano gay bar needed to have at least three bathrooms: men, women and whatever. The owners of the Tejano gay bar said que he didn’t know about this matter and said que he had plans on fixing it. Two tons of fun bar was shut down after this incident. But plans to reopen sooner than later.

 

 

Yesterday the organizers of the third annual Taqucha day is schedule for this weekend. Here all the owners of taquchas will be given an opportunity to give ideas on how to preserve taquchas. It’s time that we took a stand con los taquchas and the way they have been treated. The leader of so call taquchas told us que he wasn’t real sure of what direction they were headed. But once we get enough taqucaha owners we will go from there.

 

 

And by the way see you all at fanfare.