hejola report for 09292013

Hejola special report for 09292013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again Bill diaz and dam glad to be back, have you ever felt that when you are gone for a while chit hits the fan? Now for our award special barrio news headlines.

Creator not sure about life.

Protest continues against CCHWNN but we have some facts.

And finally some good darn news.

Yesterday we were informed that the favors color of single women was green.

In other news, Going into its first week, some barrio members have not given up on their protest against our news on writing about big women. The real issue here is why do we do this to great and wonder healthy women? Is there a reason? Is there a cause? Or is it that our creator is still pissed at the 400 lb woman that gave him hernia that one cold winter evening indulge in kinky sex? NO way. Here are some facts;

What are the health effects of being overweight or obese?

Being overweight or obese can increase your risk of:

·    Heart disease

·    Stroke

·    Type 2 diabetes

·    High blood pressure

·    Breathing problems

·    Arthritis

·    Gallbladder disease

·    Some kinds of cancer

Now I end this with our concerns..

Now a message from our creator, hello I am Daniel and again out from my darkest room from my home. Now that I have turned 62 or even 63, I tried to recap what have and what had I done in my life up to now?  I was dawned by the fact that I never ever left 1970’s and I still wonder if I can catch up to 2013? I know old hippies never die , and I am sure that many would wonder why a chicano wanted to be a hippie in the first place.  Well it was pretty easy, raised in a family that stress being on time and  I took it on my own to embraces life to the fullest, tried to promote peace, love and some happiness, and up to now sure as hell stuck up for what I believed in. regardless of what folks think that hippies are, I was beyond “the dirty dread-locked tie-dyed pothead with the dead shirt on”. HIPPIES ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!! Today I wll ask myself , think about all the money one spend on foolish and not caring about such ideology... What a contradiction?

Ok raza have a great day.

westinghouse barrio mall 09262013

Westinghouse barrio mall news letter 09262013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Tx. Hello again raza I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning news letter. Where should we start?

Let’s look at our headlines:

Women continue to protest CCHWNN.

Big women dancers are needed.

And finally  some good news.

Our creator Daniel has told us que we will continue our flight on keep women healthy and in good health, especially those tejanas que are on the road all the time and still wearing their 2001 stage out fits. Come on girls let’s grow up and look more like a real woman and not dressed in your little girls outfit. Most tejanos love to see their make believe tejana stars looking good and not in a Halloween outfit.

Yesterday the only Tejana gay bar, was looking for a few big good women wanting to earn some extra cash. The bar “two tons of fun” want you to come on down and apply for pole dancers, waitress, and hosts, but there is one condition, that’s you have to at least 250 lbs or more, the owner told us que we have been doing this for the last five years and now all of sudden all las tejanas are complainting.

And finally, as you might already know that the last few days our mall has been hopping con chingos de barrio music award female winners protesting us, on the continuous stories of big women, especially tejana singer. This week the group has increased its support and will feature several performances this weekend, to continue their fight against fat women? Now what’s wrong in helping big women know about their health?

This report is not written to knock anyone or make fun of anyone, its just a fact that tejana’s stars are human also and we are concern about them even if they are wearing an outfit three sizes too freaking small? Have great Tejano day,

hejola report for 09252213

Hejola report for 09252013.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am maria la bandia, con today’s award winning barrio headline news;
Boycott continues into second day at the mall.
Ten chickens, two ducks, seven turkeys, 18 sways, and 5 little rats arrested at boycott rally.
And finally some good news.
The owners of the only gay Tejano bar has told us que they will do all they can do within their ...power to keep the bar open and not let this new wave of Tejano females, be offended when we are trying to keep them healthy. And in doing so they will counter by having their own barrio award winner Lil Red and the four mariachi guys perform for free coming tomorrow all day at their bar parking lot. Alright. How about them cookies?

Today el constable Cadena, was force to remove ten chickens, two ducks, seven turkeys, 18 sways, and 5 little rats, when they refused, they were arrested and taken to the third floor of the mall, known as the barrio mall zoo, the constable told us que these animals had been reported missing or had left the zoo without proper authorization. The constable also told us que they were going to arrest the persons that were involved in releasing or not returning these animals.
Yesterday a list of make believe barrio award female winners took it on their own to try a boycott CHICANO CABLE HOT WIRED NEWS NETWORK, on the continuous stories of big women, especially tejana singers and to try an close down the only Tejano gay. The list of the new supporters that showed up today on their 92 hours of protest are, La Commadre Lucy, who is schedule to speak around 1pm today, will be followed by Tina Fuentes another winner and finally La Bonnie. They are here to make sure the bashing of big women and maybe the closing down of “two tons of fun bar” the only Tejano gay bar in the state. More details to come.
Ok raza, the fight moves on the issue of tejana’s and their health problems .

hejola report for 09232013

Hejola report for 09232013.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am David Duran the man con the plan. I am here today because Bill Diaz is on a vacation, again. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:
He isn’t crazy, he don’t get a check.
Barrio cops raid wrong home but still bust someone.
And finally so good news.
We wrote on the matter of our public officials asking for a raise. Wel...l it seems that some of the officials asking for a raise have either withdrew their request or just plan quit. It’s so easy for those elected officials to claim que the same official at the next county makes more than they do. Well we have an answer for them: move over there.
Yesterday el constable and his barrio 666 troopers were implementing what they learned at a workshop they went a few weeks ago but using new techniques on how to bust some good folks. Well it turned out that they must have been on a break when how to real know if you are going to bust someone, facts!!! Well I quess, they raided this home and it turned out that it was the wrong house, so instead of leaving looking like a bunch of fools they continued their bust by taking away 15 goats they had in the back yard, which the residents had hired to eat all the tall grass they had from all this rain. Charges will be filed.

This weekend was our first mental illness clinic and review. The idea behind this event was to inform folks about how many people think about other people being either mentally ill or just plan crazy. Well one of our own, barrio Dr Chuy Yosatodo, told the crowd que we in the hood should really stop tell people they are crazy or mentally ill! Unless you are aware he or she is getting a check. Unless they are getting a check they ain’t crazy, it’s a simple as that.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 09242013

Hejola report for 09242013.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Angry crowd of big Tejano females rally against cchwnn command post.
Two tons of fun bar given mandate.
And finally some good news.

Our barrio leaders have been informed que coming this 2014, CHICANO CABLE HOT WIRED NEWS NETWORK, will be celebrating its 10th year on line... and are planning a big deal. We are planning on give out Books, t-shirts, hugs, kissing and chit load of things to look forward. Our creature has asked to borrow a loan to do all this. Well thanks if his credit passes.
Yesterday at the only Tejano gay bar in the nation was told que they need to make sure que all the Tejano groups that they hired are part of the barrio union and are required to pay their union fees if they plan on continuing performing in the hood. The union also told us que they didn’t want any out of town conjuntos taking our local musicos jobs. “We are a union of Tejano musicians” and will do anything and everything to make sure those non union conjuntos pay up.
Yesterday after we posted an alarming report of our make believe tejana’s artist gaining weight, all our barrio music award female winners decided to picket our office for the rest of the week. One tejana artist told us que most Tejano men love big women con too small outfits. And another one, told us que it made her feel great and though she looked attractive. Ok, so we will keep you informed on any updates on this matter.
Ok raza have a great gay Tejano and keep on trucking.

barrio stock market report for 09202013

 

 

 

Barrio stock market for 09202013.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,tx. Once again mi raza como estan. Well I am more than sure que you heard del todo pedo going on here at our hood and the mall. But that is another story that we will address this weekend. But for now let’s talk about investments.

 

 I am urbano yosabatodo, If the rest of you barrio investors don't mind, I would just like to address the powerful barrio members in the financial world for a few seconds. I know you're busy in counting all that money, and  I don't mean to take up too much of your valuable barrio time, but some  mother and a few commadres  have just one small request. You see, I  am here and you are there, but they want you to know if we can expand our trading report to twice a week. Well the answer is no freaking way.

 

Now With the growing democratization of our barrio stock market, many of you barrio traders are clamoring for longer sessions.

Meanwhile, several other companies in the hood have tried to creating their own private stock exchanges that will allow this barrio trading their stocks 24 hours a day. As more and more barrio folks get wired to our barrio market, the demand for 24-hour trading is getting harder to ignore, unless you are doing drugs. With everyone from your grandmother, to your friends and even your paperboy involved in our barrio stock market it has become our most likely investment.

 

Los tamales:

The problem facing los tamales is que we having heard from our old tamale guy and are not too happy con the new guy. One of the major problems facing monetary barrio tamale makers is not our stock market but our stock market instability- in which may you barrio tamale makers are managing to take this task on making your own instead of focusing on financial stability and getting ready for the holidays. Los tamales ended the week at $5.75 a dozen, up a bit from last week.

 

Las tortillas:

The declining increase of raza not making their own has increase the risk premium on all home made tortillas or better known as the private credit sector. The difference in the two is that on is regulated by the government and the other is a creditworthy private markerts, with no government intervention. The real economy damage here will happen this coming winter if we don’t regulate the homemakers and the declining in the number of tortillas they are making. If we do not limit the amount of tortillas one makes at home it could squeeze higher prices of tortillas to its non maker tortillas, mostly likely to damage  the "real" barrio economy. Furthermore.

 The world flour trade has dropped 25 percent in just the past six years as the global market dynamics have changed.  Our barrio does not see any expanding milling facilities and are relaying on more imported flour from new, private, quality-conscious mills from other counties. We feel que lots of small tortilla companies in the hood tend to buy small amount of flour and avoid the monolithic, government buyers that preferred large quantities for deferred shipment.  Las tortillas ended the week at an all high price of $1.25 a package.

Las empanadas :

The empanada convention did demonstrate que el barrio consumer, yes those locos that protested and caused all the riots and damage at our closed Westinghouse barrio mall, will stand up for their rights for more filled empanadas. The local barrio community gardens group will continue its efforts to provide those local empanada makers the vegetables and fruit need to make them things. Las empanadas ended the week at $ .59 cent each.

 

La barbacoa de cavesa:

Well it was made official today and will be announced sometime next week que the first batch of llama meat will be in our local barrio stores within two months. All the llamas farmers are real happy and are gearing up for this new beef market in the hood ( a foot note please, la  llama is primarily used in the Andes and in Peru as a pack animal or for meat. The word "jerky" that we use today to refer to beef jerky, is one of the few words in our language originating from the Quechua language. "Ch'arki" is the name of the llama meat which was salted and sun-dried.The taste is somewhere between beef and lamb, though closer to beef. Many describe it as a lighter sweeter beef).

La barbacoa de cavesa ended the week at $5.50 lb.

Cheap beer: well if things couldn’t get worse. El barrio has been hit up again con that home made stuff and has lots of raza in a buzz. Its just a matter of time, cheap beer ended the week at $3.65 a six pack.

Barrio want ads:

 

Item 54682: two used womens g- strings for sale. Not sure what size but look pretty big.

Item 65321: ten pounds of oregano for sale, looks like weed but not.. make offer. Please be warned que you could get stopped by the cops.

Item 548201: Easter chickens and ducks for sale. Still have a bit of color on them, make offer for all the stock.

Item 85694: used women clothing. Some kinky stuff but looks like all bras. Make offer.

 

Barrio realtors report. We just found out que the corner of third and wells street is for sale. Make offer.

 

Well there you have it and have a great day.

hejola report for 09192013

Hejola report for 09192013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas, hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio opens new resort for those who can afford it on food stamps.

Two and one half men and a woman win barrio lotto.

And finally some good news.

We sometime fail to acknowledge relatives and in many case the good ones and the bad ones. But today we will give credit to all those relatives that we disagree with, can’t stand, better looking, hate their guts and so on. Well today we wish the best of the world to all those that we have cause chaos in their world, talked bad about them, made fun of their ugly faces and body, and of course of their mental capacity. Today is your day and we hope que you have the greatest every day, even if it’s not good for them.

After the intense waiting of who won this year’s barrio lotto, by the way the largest ever of a total $150.32. the winners were names were not announced but the lotto representatives total us que it was two men and one half men and one women. The representatives are still trying to determine how the plan on dividing the prize.

 

Yesterday the owners of Westinghouse barrio mall announced that they were going to add a fourth floor to the now three floor mall. The fourth floor says the manager Gloria Guerre will some kind of a resort for those whose income can afford it. It is not clear yet on how they plan on putting a ten room resort to the mall but since el barrio has always coming up con chingadares, well they might just pull it off.

Have a great day , enjoy it now, its tax free.

hejola report for 09162013

Hejola report for 09162013.

“happy sept 16 raaz”.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello raza how are we doing today? I am Bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:
Rain keeps drunk off the street.
Two ducks and two cats, and two dogs got arrested.
And finally some good news.
The little old lady in the hood was very sad que her big plans for this year’s hummer bird fest was cut short when the county came over and asked her about the 220 bird feeders she had lay out in two acres at the public park and her home. She was told that she needed to get a permit and didn’t have one so she was forced to bring down 218 feeders. She was very disappointed but did say que she was happy one way or another.

The owner of two ducks and two cats and two dogs were all arrested yesterday when the constable noticed they were stuck in some alley. The small car cut up into looking like a truck was stuck so far in the mud que the owner tied ropes and string to the two ducks and two cats and two dogs tried to pull his small car out. He the constable had to arrest then all due to not having a tow permit. More Charges are pending.

El constable reported to us today que this weekend was the lowest of drunken he has arrested in many years. He told us que this weekend he either arrested or took home a handful of drunken compared to a bus load like other weekends. He said it should rain more often.
Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 09172013

Hejola report for 09172013.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
College education to dam high for some in the hood.
Parents respond to this claim. Ridiculous!!!
And now some good news.
The city leaders from both sides of the tracks have agreed to see if they can get federal and state funds to build an higher education building near the tracks so residents of both sides of the tracks can think there is a higher education center in their hood, yea right. They didn’t say whether there were going to hold higher education classes, or just build the building?

Yesterday a study done by some person who got paid too much to sit down and determine que barrio folks are more at risk of not going to college because it cost too dam much. Yesterday the figures were out and it was determine in theory que it would cost your child at the age of 53 to get a college education around $45 to $65,000 dollars jut to get one undergraduate degree. Now what is a parent to do?
And finally, after hearing the above study results, a few barrio parents came over to our command post wanting us to example where in the heck did we come up con this information? Mrs. Jennifer Gomez, age 78, told us que mi hijito is going to college regardless of what it going to cost, he has the potential of being someone in the future and I will do whatever it takes. Oh by the way we didn’t mention que her son was 53 years old.
Ok folks keep your children in school and have you hug a Tejano today.

barrio stock market report for 09132013

Barrio stock market report for 09132013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again, before we go anywhere, its Friday the 13, and do you know where your x is? We report a few months ago que things were all going to go up in prices, well no chit. I heard that on one of those major TV. Program’s where an economics reported. Just to emphasize que we are on top on present day issues dealing con our money. Look many barely have funds unless you’re a drug dealer or a director of some sort. But the bottom lime is we need to monitor our expensive and layaway for Xmas now.  Yes you heard here,layaway for xmas. Esa….Now our barrio stock market report.

 

 

Los tamales:

 

Los tamales, if there is any way to beat el tamale market for this coming Xmas season we insist that you buy now. Most tamale brokers are selling their stock at a real low rate this month but preparing to launch an increase on price before you know it. If you can try to scoop up as much as you measurably can, all this will guarantee a whole lot of tamales for this Xmas season. Oh by the way the tamale guy came back. Los tamales ended the week at $5.50 a dozen a dollar down from last week.

 

Las tortillas:

 

With the increase of wheat and gain this market has suffered a bit this month. Since the start of this third quarter, las tortillas have gotten much better. In terms of not too many found stuck together like a year ago. Who says nobody reads our barrio stock market report? The tortilla war of 2005 really made differences with this market. Las tortillas ended the week at $1.25v a pack.

 

Las empanadas:

 

 June and July and Augusts really helped el barrio community garden group. After signing an agreement con local bakers, el barrio community gardens agreed to provide them with fresh fruit to be used to fill them empanadas a few months ago at a convention held at the old mall. Like we said all this rain has really had a good impact on our local el barrio community growers and their crops.  Las empanadas ended the week at $.69 each.

 

Los taquitos:

 

Los taquitos did real good this week. There were no signs of them going either way. But since the price of beans y tortillas y whatever you wanted to make put in them were pretty stable. Again one of the major factors is que muchos are making their own taquitos at home and taking el lunch to work.  Los taquitos ended the week at $1.35 each and coffee is extra in most cases. Oh by the way some folks use our corn for gasoline. Whatever.

 

 

La barbacoa de cabesa:

 

Well we see que the llama case was solved a few weeks ago and llama meat will be at your local barrio butchers sooner than what you think. Llama meat is a good investment for those that want less fat but more filing. Making all la barbacoa de cabessa making as much profit as possible, pesse hejola. La barbacoa de cabesa ended the  week at $7.50 a two dollar increase from last week.

 

 

Alcohol consummation report:

 

Well here is a new twist in drinking beer. There is a vato right now as I write trying to create the perfect recycle beer machine. He wants to see if he can recycle beer folks leave in either their can or bottle. You know that half a beer you didn’t finish last night. More on that down the road. Cheap beer ended the week at $3.95 a six pack.

 

 

Barrio want ads:

 

 

 

 #524612: women bras all sizes and shapes for cup to a massive 48 plus. Make offer on the whole lot.

 

#76786: shoes and boots for sale. Someone said que they could be the ones that nancy Sinatra wore, which I doubt. Make offer on twenty three pairs.

 

#877656: Easter chickens and ducks still available for sale. Some are in good health and some are not, you decided, make offer.

 

 

Barrio realtors report con Francisco lopez;

 Si brother las cosas couldn’t not be better in the barrio housing market. Our brothers and sisters tell us que not too many moved this month due to the start of this federal fiscal year. But all an all things look good. There are several lots for sale, that’s if you have a boat .

 

Ok raza there you have it for this week’s barrio stock market report. I am urbano yosabatodo. Have a great day, or even better a great tejano day.

hejola report for 09122013

Hejola report for 09122013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am Alcardio Samuido con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Tejano stars get older not prettier arrested.

Bus load of tejanos busted on their way to the mall.

And some good news.

We have a very special announcement to make about la onda tejana.  As we get older and many more Tejano get younger it seems that the once young tejanos are the old ones now and the younger ones have taken their place. But let’ not worried because as long as there is make up and wigs and new clothing we can all look great until all the stuff we put on comes off. I once fell in love with a woman that piled all her false stuff on the corner of the room and I told her I wasn’t sure if I loved her or all that stuff pile at the corner of the room.

The final Tejano dance for this past weekend came to a complete haul when a bus load of Tejano stars were arrested and taken down to the real jail house. El constable tells us que tejanos are getting more brave and willing to stick their noses into other people business. A group call los tejanos for our hood told us que this was not true and are going to see if we don’t write stuff about them Tejanos anymore. “ it not good to tell  la raza que somos locos”. We will see said Tejano Joe and Tejano Ben, and Tejano Juan and Tejano Bill and Tejano Juanito, and Tejano Guys, and how many tejanos are there?

 

Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for several Tejano female stars wanting to look young again. It seems that every time around this time of year las tejanas try their very best in looking young again. One expert told us que they just can’t get over the fact que the are getting old. Oh well. Charges are pending to see who is under all that make up!

Have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 09112013

Hejola report for 09112013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello I am General Fideo Vermicelli con today’s very special hejola report. First let’s take a moment for the persons that lost their lives on this date many years ago!!!!!!!

 

Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio increase on drunken bees, and other insects.

Naked barrio man riding wooden horse arrested.

And then some good news.

Well it takes lots of guts to do some of the things men and women do for pleasure. In some cases too much pain is not good for you and too much fun can also be harmful. Whichever you are into , keep it simple.

 

Yesterday a record of 918 calls were made to el barrio vato locos volunteers firefighters reporting bees and insect attacks. El barrio expert on insects told us que since winter is just around the corner, many queen bee’s aren’t doing their thing, if you are out and abound and around any areas that have bees, run for your life. Ok thanks for that great expert advise.

In other news, a barrio man was spotted trying to ride his parked and cemented wooden horse located at the old wooden horse shop at the corner of wells and third. El constable told us que he watched esta vato for about several hours and noticed que he was having too much fun riding that stationary horse. But once he noticed el vato got off his wooden horse to give it water, he notice the man was naked. He was arrested and taken to the local lalal hospital for lalala observation. Oh by the way the wooden horse was not harmed.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 09102013

Hejola report for 09102013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx hello raza I am David Duran, Bill is on assignment. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio in full alert for resident missing items.

Two men with arrested for stealing pussy from store.

And finally, so good news.

We were informed que Mary White Perez was not going to divorces her eight husband Johnny “hey dude” Mora. After attending several family counseling classes she decided to keep the Mr.Mora. Now that is so good news. Oh by the way Mr. Mora is 95 years old and Ms. Perez is 48 years old and goes by the name of home wrecker.

Yesterday la senora mary shine told us que el constable was at the right place at the right time this pasted weekend, When he found two men running outside her  pet shop “a home for sweet pussy” with two very expensive pussycats. El constable  was able to tackle one of them but the other one made a getaway but dropped the pussycats.  Charges will be filed against one of this vatos, but yet the constable is still looking for the other vato. If you have any information about this crime contact us and get some free pussy(cat).

 

Yesterday el constable cadena drove around town announcing que el senor Ben Casey Hernandez had lost his plastic right arm and his plastic left leg que he claims que he lost on the way home from the bingo Sunday. One foot note is que Mr. Hernandez has lost these two items before. It seems que esta vato says el constable que every time he goes to the bingo he loses his personal belongs.

Well raza there you have it and have a great Tejano day.