hejola afternoon report for 06302015

 

Hejola afternoon report  for  06302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello raza how are doing this nice afternoon , I am Maria La vandia con this afternoon award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio gun control under sieges or something like that....

Barrio man wins law suit con disable toilets.

And now some darn good news.

Voter’s this year will be required to write their id’s on top of their fore head if they are planning on vote, reason is so barrio leaders can tell the differences between your butt and your face. Dang.

 

Yesterday we got word que the law suit filed by el compadre Daniel Perez had been giving approval and that certain restaurant and public places have to comply within a year. The law suit stated que handicap toilets were too high for handicap never the less regular people. You see he point out that you would have to be at least 6 foot tall in order to sit on handicap toilet and have your feet on the ground. By winning the lawsuit it is going to demand que all toilets sits not too be talker than two feet tall so short people could have contact with solid ground when they used them. All right raza.

And finally if you can’t read what is written than you can’t read, that was the main issues yesterday when a group called TON, leader Maria Anderson Molina (325) and Susana Green Munoz (256) and their smaller sister April Jackson Tellez (245) were arrested at the corner of third and wells along con some of their ton friends, after they were told que their protest permit was for next weekend and not this weekend. They were going to protest barrio leaders or anyone telling them when and when not they can carry their guns in public. But the constable pointed out that their permit was for a protest on new barrio ban on Tongs not guns schedule for May 2033.

Now have a great Tejano afternoon.

Hejola report for 06302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio sex education teacher in big trouble.

Maria Shine Gamez arrested inside constable car.

And two vatos arrested at only barrio Chinese restaurant.

It was just a class project say Francis Lopez a sex education teacher for el barrio school  after she gave her students an assignment for extra- credits. The project was to rummage through their parents’ bedroom looking for sex toys and bring a selfie holding one. Some parents contacted the school about this odd project but the school Administrator told the parents it was not a part of the course requirement but was not sure how many students actually presented the show and tell project in class.

Maria Shine Gamez was arrested late last night and charged her with breaking into one of el constable unmarked cruisers. It seems that she was discovered by el constable around  4:00am after she had locked herself inside and could not figure out how to unlock the door worked.

And finally, Sonny junior and Sonny the third were both sentences to 5 months after they both pleaded guilty when they were caught inside the only Chinese restaurant “eat my Tong” walk-in freezer attempting to steal all the egg rolls. El constable tells us that there was no doubt que estos ways would have frozen to death if not for being spotted by one of the workers of the restaurant.

Ok raza make sure that you go and eat my tong and have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 06292015

 

 

 

 Hejola report for 06292015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am David polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline  news.

Now you wonder what award have we won you ask? Well it’s the one that we gave to our self now for our headline news:

Barrio home care company busted.

Barrio elder gets stuck under her wheelchair.

And finally some darn good news.

When you think things are just right seem to turn sour most of the time. That is why we recommend not to take things too easy, because if thing seemed to be too easy them things are going to turn sour and bitter. Oh well.

 

La senora maria ruiz somehow fell down and brought her wheelchair down with her, when she reached over to get her pill bottle, managed to tip over her wheel chair and fell on top of her. After several days of not answering her phone, her relatives came over to see if she was alright and found her pinned down. El constable tells us que she will be alright. No charges will be filed against the wheel chair.

Barrio pat’s home care company shut its doors down yesterday afternoon when we found out that it was an escort services for old folks. It seen que pat the owner had hired a bunch of x stripers and hired them to care for old men and women. Well after some of the kin folks of some of the old folks realized que they were coming up short con su monthly money allowances. They filed a complaint at the court house across the tracks. Charges are pending during this investigation, which is schedule to end by 2033.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola afternoon report for06262015

 

 

Hejola afternoon report for 06262015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello raza, and now for our afternoon barrio headline news:

Barrio hypocrites show no mercy.

Gay rally for same marriage bring out the worse on false want to be Christians.

And finally a gay relative we all have one.

The barrio closet is so full of faults vatos and women que many don’t come out due to false believe. So if you are the one behind that closet esa, let it all out and joint the real world and not behind so false ideas that you have not learn but still trying to convince yourself que you’re not!

It was just two days ago que el compadre Juan Saenz seasonal Christian told a bunch of drunken men que his ex-wife was this and that and you could call this and that, and now the same vato is trying to tell us que and that about marriage. So how can a real Christian stand there and tell us about life and marriage when he or them have not stood up to those values, you see raza how we are, only when the shoe fits they feel compel to let us know, but deep inside we know you  are just a come along go along.  

Today it’s seemed those barrio members that consider themselves as holy as a quarter were asked to live a rally in support of gay Tejanos. Look say “la Mary” a man dress like a woman, you hypocrisy that are here now many of you I know, I have been with you before and now you come here acting as if the world was coming to an end. Well it sure is, your world and by the way those three men walking with the poster that god this and god that. I don’t think your god has the time to come here and stand in this heat to hear and see how hypocrisy you are. No charges will be filed against You Hypocrites.

Have a great day and god bless our country and America.. if you don’t like, let me help you move, I am more than sure we can have some kind of raffle to get the bucks need to move you out of here.

hejola report for 06262015

Hejola report for 06262015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am Maria La Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La charanga makes a big come back.

And two vato’s get arrested for stealing watermelons.

And finally some good news.

Yesterday we were told that several Tejano organizations have agreed to acknowledge gay Tejano artists. This is great news for the only Tejano bar “ two tons of Fun”. Easy Bunny, the manager of this bar tells us now there they can bring in real Tejano music into their bar. Its great move we think. Now we can all see our compadres y commadres getting down con few good polkas.. oh yea. Keep it gay vato.

 

Sometime during the afternoon a few days ago, el constable cadena reported to us que while on patrol he noticed a truck full of watermelons was parked at a local corner taco stand. While the owner of the truck was eating inside the small taco stand, he noticed que several barrio hood members were stealing a few of his prize watermelons without paying for them. When the constable circled back to confront this two vato’s, they hauled ass on foot con chingos de watermelons.. The constable once a high school miler took off on foot to capture them boys. After a few miles of jogging around the hood, el constable was able to run them down y con las watermelons. El constable will keep all five watermelons for evidence; a court date has been set for august 18, 2033.

 

In other news, the only Tejano gay bar, Two Tons of Fun, had its first annual “let’s do la Charanga” dance contest. The winner of this year’s contest was la commadre Dona Makememadorelse, was declared the winner of this year’s dance contest, when she out charanga ten men and women. This year’s award was a beautiful traditional Mexican outfit, made for both her and he and he and her and she and him and so on. Con graduations Makememadeorelse.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 06252015

Hejola report for 06252015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Compadre tells la commadre que his too hot.

Ten male Tejanos arrested.

And finally, too talk yet too short.

 

The day would come when el shorty Martinez, the tallest man in the hood at 5’2” tall would be called to join the barrio day arm forces recruitment day. It turns out that he was the tallest of his whole family, so they all escorted him proudly to the center where they were taking names and address. The only problem is when they got there; there was a line on the wall that had a sign right above it that read: YOU MUST BE THIS TALL OR TALLER,    neither of his family members measured up to the requirements required, and were very disappoint that shorty wasn’t allowed to apply. The main recruited told the whole family to go home and start a new career somewhere else.

Yesterday el comparde Leon, passed out and took his last breathe in front of all some commadre as he mowed his lawn. He told one of las commadres que he was feeling hot, and she told him que she was going to tell his wife that she thought he was coming on to him. But didn’t realize que he was hot and just passed out and died. No charges will be filed.

After a long investigation, barrio officials arrested ten male Tejano residents for wearing Tejano boots con shorts. Yes you heard right con shorts. For some reason or another many Tejano men  think que they look cute by wearing shorts con boots. Come on esa, only tejanas do that. Charges will be filed. Con shorts compadre, chinga chinga.

Ok raza have a great day and keep it Tejano.

hejola report for 06242015

Hejola report for 06242015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

First grade teacher visits former student.

Trickle down economic is part of everyday thing in the hood.

And now some darn good news.

Well the vato loco’s volunteer firefighters have agreed with the city and the county que they won’t be drinking, smoking, cussing, stealing, robbing, lying, back stabling, punching, hitting, kicking, biting, and talking chit to any body for the rest of the year, and also promise to keep their eyes open and ears clean just in case there is a fire and they have to call someone. Good luck loco’s.

What is the big deal with this trickle-down economics now a days? Did you know that this has always been a part of living in the hood and we can give you several examples. Why is it that in large families all the younger members of that family wear hand me down clothing, trickle-down economics. Why is it that we never throw stuff away, because we might need to have it later, trickle-down economics. Garage sales, front yard sales, back yard sales, moving sales, yard sales, and whatever you want to call them, are considered trickle-down economics. All and all we know what trickle- down economics really means.

 

It seems que Don Pedro Ramirez just turned 85 years old was real surprise to see his first grade teacher at the party. Maria Gonzales now 103 years old was very excited to see que Don Pedro grew up a very handsome young man and did something with his life. It’s been more than 70^th years since I had last seen him, and he sure has changed a bit. But I am so glad que he made it out of first grade, says Mrs. Gonzales.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola afternoon barrio report for 06232015

Hejola afternoon barrio report for 06232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello raza how are, how about them cowboys? Now for our afternoon report:

Vato beat up with his plastic leg again.

Barrio falls into fiscal cliff for 2033

And increase of taquchas for this year.

Barrio members are preparing themselves for the worse this coming summer. After barrio and city and county and state leaders failed to act on a budget resolution has force barrio members to dig deep into their savings. In addition some barrio members are eating their reserves food saved for harder times. Some barrio members are hurting real bad and might be forces to eat their pets, family members and stop drinking and smoking and other odd things barrio members do when hard times hit the hood. Hope thing get better by the end of 2033.

Yesterday el constable was asked to come to the corner of third and wells where a man with only one leg had gotten beat up. When the constable got there he found Jesse Ventura knocked out and lying in the middle of the street next to his plastic leg. The constable told us que this is the same man that had lost his leg before and found it when he fell in a ditch a few months ago. Once the man came around he told the constable que it was the same three men who stole his leg before that beat him up with this darn leg. If you know anything about this let us know.

 

The barrio animal control folks have informed us que the number of taquchas has increased for the same time last year. El senor Juan Munoz told us que at this time last year we had only caught 150 taquchas compared to the 375 taquchas  caught already. Mr. Munoz say que its going to be a long hot summer.

Ok raza if you see that taqucha on the street, run its butt over, good day.

hejola report for 06232015

Hejola report for 06232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio members still locked up from new year’s party bust, still not claimed.

Gay tejano’s rally goes wrong.

And finally some good news.

 

Well the good news is that the city will allow, again that the 1959 xmas decorations will be left up till the end of the year, due to the fact que all this xmas lights have decrease the  crime rate in the hood. We see qreat thing happening with this xmas lights have done for our hood. And not only that but has made the hood more of a jolly place to live.

After the long three block march, held yesterday, 20 or so gay tejanos were rushed to st.paul’s medical center located at the Westinghouse barrio mall after they were over heated by being out in the sun that long. One of the workers at the medical center told us que eso ways need to get in better shape if they plan on marching up and down certain streets for certain causes, during the summer time. He also suggested que they shouldn’t be wearing all that Tejano stuff on especial in the middle of the day, it’s just darn to hot.

el constable cadena tells us que he still has 28 barrio members locked: 12 Hispanics, 9 gringos, 5 African Americans, and the balance he was not really sure what they were! Or where from?  You might remember que these were the folks that we arrested at that New Year’s Eve party bust. El constable tells us que only 3 persons have been claimed since Sunday. He also mention que was worried que if these folks don’t get claimed soon, he might have to claim them on his income tax this year 2015. He told us que he was lucky que he busted them on the 31st. of December and not on the 1st. of Jan. 2015, (just for the record neither the county nor the city reimburse el constable for providing for detainees, waiting to be released or transferred.) el constable by law is allowed to establish a providers fee per detainee and is allowed by law to set a basic fee per detainee on a daily bases while been locked up.

Ok raza have a gay ole time and keep it Tejano.

barrio stock market report for 06192015

Barrio stock market report for 06192015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Hello folks I am Urbano Yosabatodo, con today’s award winning barrio stock market.

How much do we have now? How much will we have tomorrow? How much do I really care? How much should I care about tomorrow? These are the questions we plan on answering this weekend at the barrio stock market seminar to be held at the Westinghouse barrio mall. But for now let’s get to that report:

Los Tamales, well the taco man wife pasted away and he also plans on moving on, but we did learn que the tamales ended the week at $6.50 a dozen.

Los taquitos, well you know many small restaurants need to compete against those bigger restaurants and I guess by selling tacos at a cheaper rate might just keep them in business, taquitos ended the week at $1.25, the coffee is extra.

Las empanadas, well this items seem to be getting fatter by the day, ended the week at $.69 cents each.

La Baracoa de cabeza, well it’s getting harder to get that beef or pork head nowadays, but we can say que llama meat is on the raises. It ended the week at $ 6.50 a lb.

Las tortillas, well it seems that some companies have solved the problem with them sticking to each other, but that’s not the case anymore, ended the week at $1.20 a small pack.

And off course we found cheaper beer than the cheapest we had seen. Cheap beer ended the week at 30 small beers at $12.50 for them. Huh.

Barrio want ads:
Item 2309, used women underwear and other stuff, one size might fit everyone, make offer.
Item 3902, used shoes from size 3 to 15, some good and some worn out, you make offer.
Item 9032, bicycles for men and bigger women, several bicycles flat on the bottom, make offer.
Item 0932, still looking for young woman to move in no younger than 45 years old, weekly salary.

Barrio reality state: the corner of wells and third street for sale.
Have a great Tejano day, and what’s up with those Tejano gays anyhow?

hejola afternoon barrio report for 06192015

HEJOLA after noon REPORT FOR 06192015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,t x. Si mi razz como estan todos. I am Jonathon barrios con todays barrio headline news:

Car air freshener cause major accident.

Barrio mother eating disorder.

Barrio man found death and might have been murder.

La commadre Princess Maria Gomez had a horrific accident late last night at wells and third street. The constable tells us que la commadre was able to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when el constable got to the scene of the accident. Based on el constables accident report the car looked like an accordion that was stomped by a few llamas. The constable asked princess is she was okay?and wondered how in the world did this happen, as the constable looked over the wrecked car. La commadre princess told el constable que a tree poped up in front of her, so she swerved to right and then another tree and then she swerve to the left and there was another tree and this way an that way, so the constable cut her off and told her que there weren’t any trees for at least seven blocks. The constable then realize what had happen and mentioned to ms Gomez, that wasn’t a tree it was your air freshner swinging back and forth. Pesse hejola.

in other news, Yesterday afternoon la commadre blanca flich found her inner peace by going to a barrio therapist. She told the first aid workers at the medical center que she was trying to finish what she started in order to find her inner peace, based on her therapist. In finding her inner peace, she finished 3 giant bags of potato chips, two pecan pies, a gallon of bacadi lemon, and a large easter bag of chocolate kiss candies. After everything she started she finished, he boyfriend rushed to the medical center for observation by were not aware que the medical center which is located in the mall had been shut down. By the time they got there she had already passed some gas and felt better. No charges will be filed.

And finally a few days ago, el constable cadena an some members of el ojo junior barrio private barrio security force666 were called to investigate a barrio man found murdered in his backyard tree house. The constable once at the scene found eddie valadez face down in his tree house bathtub. The bath tub had been filled with draft beer and peanuts, and popcorn and a flashlight was sticking out his left ear. el constable is asking barrio members for any information leading to an arrest for this crime. El constable suspects a drunk killer.

Ok raza there you have it for today and have a sober weekend.

hejola afternoon specail report the death of Mr. Turkey, 06182015.

Hejola afternoon special report the death of Mr. Turkey.06182015

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Today is a very sad day for many of here in the hood. After hearing about the death of our former mall mascot Mr. Turkey. It seems that he had made some many enemies que it was just a matter of time that it would catch up with him. So in his honor here are a few stories about him:

Mall mascot beat up at clown fest.

Mr. turkey mall mascot ran over.

And the end of an era for Mr. turkey fired.

 

Mr. Turkey mall’s mascot aka Junior Wally Wally Munoz was fired after he showed up drunk at a children reunion program this past Wednesday, and on another date he was reported seen going in a women bathroom during women’s day back earlier this year. But what broke the camel’s back was he was seen at his usually spot at the mall draining his vein in a paper cup will tending to his usually unexceptionable behavior. So he/she was fired and now we are looking for the new Mr. Turkey, so if you think you got the wings to do your thing wearing a Turkey outfit, come on down. Interview start on Saturday at around 2a.m., and whatever you do don’t show up with alcohol breathe or drunk.

 

We told him not to leave says la Mrs. Martinez once she noticed que Mr. Turkey the Malls mascot, was drunk as a skunk. But como he knows everything he left the party and as he crossed the street a big truck ran him over. At this point we are not sure on his conditions but we do know que the mascot outfit don’t look too good. We will keep you abreast and should have and update soon.

It seems que the mall mascot just can’t get along con those clowns. It seems que no one told the mall mascot que the mall management had given permission for the local clown unions to come and hang out at the mall this weekend. Well this seems to have not gotten down to good con el mall mascot mr. turkey. It seems que one to this clowns took mr turkeys spot or his regular hang out and mr turkey didn’t like that. When mr turkey confronted one of the clowns, the clown slapped him on the butt. That’s when mr turkey picked up that clown and threw him down the stairs here at the mall. Well when the rest of the clowns heard the call for help from one of their fellow clowns, that’s when the shit started. By the time the cops and the constable stopped the riot, el mr turkey got his butt kicked. No arrested were made and when asked which clown was the one that hit him, mr turkey said they all look alike.

Again let us pray for the folks that lives were taken and hope que their family finds comforted and peace.

2016 BARRIO COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES ARE BACK IN TOWN.

CCHWN.

WESTINGHOUSE BARRIO MALL AREA; Now with that guy that never says no to a free beer here is david duran.
Heaveno raza I am david duran. Today our news cast takes us back westinghouse barrio mall where WE will interview Mr. Pete Diaz, our new barrio boxing commissioner. Here to discuss the up-coming Commadre Boxing Matches schedule for this coming Friday sept 25, right here at our center stage of our mall. Now here i.
Como esta MR. Diaz, doing great mr Duran.
As the new boxing commissioner I am proud to say que we have been working really hard this past five months establishing the needed boxing clubs here in town and the surround areas. The 5 or more boxing clubs here on our side of the tracks and one just opened at the other side of the tracks have been certified as boxing clubs and will the pool for our upcoming matches. We are hoping que we will have enough action Jackson to continue this great tradition, Commadre Boxing Matches ever Friday nights at the barrio mall .
Yes this years our COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES series will have a final match sometime in november to end this year’s boxing season. And one finally point david is that we have established the first “ WORLD COMMADRE BOXING CHAMPION TITLE. So we do have lots of boxing still to come.
Well thank you mr. Diaz and there you have it raza for today . La COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES are coming back to town and be looking for your commadres name on the boxing card. From the westinghouse barrio mall I am david duran.

hejola report for 06182015

 

Hejola report for 06182015.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am Jonathon Barrio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Five barrio members honor for saving chickens.

Dance contest turns into a full brawl.

Barrio leader arrested at the corner of third and wells.

 

Yesterday the same old people with the same old group “let me put the finger on you committee” attended to disrupt repairs to the corner of third and wells. It seemed that this group wanted a sign put that stated no standing on the corner after midnight, but instead the barrio leader put a sign that read “no law against standing in the corner”. Three members of this barrio redneck group were arrested and hauled off to jail across the tracks, when they tried to remove the sign. The leader of this group russel ruff redneck told us que they were tired of watch good men and women spend their valuable time standing on this corner.  El constable told us que he will have several of his barrio 666 task forces watch over this new sign

 

It started as a contest for the best polka dancing couple and ended up as a free for all outside the dance hall when a few contestants bumped into each other during the contest. El constable is not sure how or why but it seems que looked like when one made a dance turn con su partner, it seems  que it knocked down several of the other dancers. Chinga, that’s when chit hit the fan. The arrested dancers and a few on lookers were arrested but the bottom line was no winner was declared.

Now some good news, five men and women were honor late last night at our barrio community cruz rojo center on their brave efforts on saving a bunch of chickens on the express way from getting run over. Si, says el constable cadena que estos folks were on the express trying to round up estos pollos and nearly got run over. At that time they were arrested for being on the express way but charges were later dropped. Good job raza.

Ok raza have a great day, look both ways when crossing the street and don’t let your children play in the rain.

hejola afternoon report for 06172015

 

Hejola afternoon report for 06172015.

Cchwnn

Kingsville. Texas. Hello I am David Duran con todays afternoon award winning barrio headline news:

Constable will file no charges on twenty people saved from rail road tracks.

censorship comes to the hood.

Happy ending to a sad story.

A few weeks ago we had reported que a stray dog had taken over the corner of third and wells street. This little guy was so brave que his tail was always between his legs, but yet was very brave little guy. Well that ended this past weekend when someone somehow ran him over.

Yesterday barrio members living on this side of the tracks, heard que the city had hired a barrio member from across the tracks to censor chit found inside public bathrooms. One of his main dues is to make sure what kind of toilet paper is being use and making sure that there is always enough of it and also to monitor chit written in bathroom walls. He told this report que we are going to get to the bottom of who is writing chit on these walls and sometime to do con if you want a quickie call some chit number. It sad to say, he said que barrio folks have to take a chit to get inspired. Orally.

Yesterday several folks that had plan on attending a debating between two men and a woman at the other side of the tracks, where given a scare of their lives when their car stalled in the middle of the tracks and  were unable to move it while the railroad train approached. Many barrio folks and some other folks from across the tracks managed to pull all twenty people out of the car before the train rammed their 1979 two door ford what ever . No one was injured but all twenty managed to get to the debate on time.

Ok raza whatever chit you are doing, keep that chit at home

hejola report for 06172015

Hejola report for 06172015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again, I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Summer program shut down for a few hours.

Ten more new lots added to summer pitch cotton program.

And ten new sponsors sign up.

El barrio young summer program where your kids can work during the summer pitching cotton was shut down for a few hours due to the heat index and warning. El Pancho Martinez director of half bail will travel told us que it was just too hot to have them kids in the backyard pitching cotton. No one was seriously injured during this warning time.

Ten more new lots have been added to this summer cotton program where you as a land owner can get subsidized for letting the city plant cotton in your backyard. It’s a summer activity that allows children to gain some respect towards adults and their peers, and not only has that but kept the kids busy during the summer.

And finally, ten new sponsors signed up today in helping the summer “let’s pitch cotton program” a success. It’s a program where the whole community can participant and keep our kids out of trouble. The new sponsors will provide water and free treats for the children and their sponsor will give everyone a ride to different fun locations.

Ok raza get that cotton pitching clothes on and your butt up and do some good for a change. Remember folks if you ain’t pitching cotton is summer you ain’t got a cotton pitching thing to complaint about.

hejola afternoon report for 0616205

Hejola afternoon report for 06162015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, texas. Hello again I am David Duran con our award winning barrio headline news:
Two riots two different views.
Fourteen men and ten women arrested at two tons of fun.
And finally some darn good news.
The barrio leaders have not agreed to determine whether to raise tax or fees for garage sales, yard sales or front yard sales. The permitt is now at $10 per hour and are thinking of decreasing this rate to $20 a day. Now the leaders will have to determine if they are going to lose revenue or just go as it is?
What should have been a gay happy evening at the only Tejano gay barrio turned to be the best brawl in the history of the bar it turned out that the fourteen men got their butts kicked by the out weighted ten gay women who happen to be part of the traveling professional barrio wrestling commadre team. La cookie, the new manager of the ton two of fun told us que it was really unfair for those poor guys that didn’t have a fighting chances. All fourteen men and all the barrio wrestling team were arrested after el constable with the assistance of about twenty officers dressed in riot gear finally managed to take control of this ordeal. Charges are going to be filed against all them folks.
Two riots happened late last night, one of them was on our side of the tracks and the other riot was at the other side of the tracks. But you won’t have known that if you would have listen to our local xof new station from who knows where. One of the reporters for XOF  Jell-O Meow told us that the kids on her side of the tracks were celebrating their last days of school but destroying several cop cars, breaking windows, throw rocks and bottles at the local cops that were just watching those young folks having so good old American fun. But that same reporter was assigned to cover the other celebration held on our side of the tracks that she described as thugs, bad kids with no respect to the law by standing on the corner of third and wells yelling victory chats while a constable cadena sat in his car eating dinner. No damages were reported on this side and but the reporter reported that these are mad and  bad kids with bad parents and they should know better.  The total destruction was around $50,000 dollars in damages for their side of the tracks and $10.55 cents what the total damage on our side of the tracks. The reporter finally admitted what a waste of city and county funds used to clean up the mess at our side of the tracks where volunteers helped clean up our side. The XOF reporter told us que some of them folks over on our side should have been shot on the spot.
Dang I think the whole world sees things in two ways, your way or my and the highway./

hejola report for 06162015

 

Hejola report for 06162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Illegal aliens in the increase on our side of the tracks.

Barrio announces new personal improvement classes for summer 2033.

Barrio alert for band of cockroaches on the move this coming summer.  

A barrio alert went out this weekend que a army of reserve cockroaches had been seen coming into the hood from across the tracks says our cockroach specialist Jose Martinez Jones. Si raza be very aware que they are headed your way. So if you have noticed an increase in your normal cockroach population, they are part of that invasion. What to do you say, that will be covered on our next report. But for now keep on killing them and stepping on them as you go through life.

Yesterday the local vocational school announced que they were going to expand their vocational courses to include such classes but not limited to the following :
Course 254 : Half the truth is often a great lie.
Course 351: What happened today, liar.

Course 585: how lie to your parent with a smile.

The barrio administrator hopes que by taking these classes will improve your situation in life.

And finally as expected the constable tells us que an increase of legal and illegal aliens have hit the hood. Just in the past few weeks el constable has had to either arrest or take home a few drunk immigrants. Chinga some of estos can’t hold their alcohol and in some case cause trouble here in some of las cantinas. It’s very important to teach them how to drink that cheap beer.

Ok raza have a great day.

barrio survey for 2015 La commadre underwear?

Barrio survey 2015, la commadre underwear!
Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Tx. Hello again Maria La Vandia here with more results from our barrio study survey done this pasted year. The real question is have you ever worn la commadres underwear”?

I had the chance to survey at least 100 vatos in the hood at a party we had concerning this matter… our findings were very interesting….

Let see, on the question “hey vato, have you ever worn la commadre’s underwear”?

85% of los vatos reported que they had thought about trying on la comadres underwear on, but didn’t.

32% of los vatos talked about it con su comadre and she understood their feelings, but did she really understand?

18% of los vatos we interviewed did say que they had worn la comadres underwear in front of her and maybe other stuff too, and then they wish they hadn’t.

Wow after they had a few more drinks esto vatos really really laid it out and did they talk and share a lot more than expected.

And finally the real disturbing results was que 8% of los vatos had worn women’s underwear in front of other women and not la comadre….wow que loco…….gee what in the world is going on…

First of all, some final points on this topic “hey vato have you ever worn la commadre’s”? It is not hard to realize que men are a lot like women and women are a lot of men… could it be que it’s a new trend for both sexes…….

Now the bottom line is que mucho de our hood don’t want to hear or read stuff like this and we can see why…..pincha gente don’t want to realize que there is lots of things going on beyond la 23rd street to the end of wells street…..
Hey there is more to come.

hejola report for 06152015

Hejola report for 06152015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Blanca Blancha Blanco con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre “bird woman” arrested for murder.

 Several injured in a ten bicycle pile up.

And finally, birds of a feather flock together.

Yesterday this statement was so true que a group of bird lovers who know la commadre, “bird woman” protested outside the holding cell after she was arrested for murder after more than 1000 dead bird found on her property. The group continuously chanted “ birds of a feather flock together, birds of a feather flock together”. After a few hours of chanting this statement el constable told the group que they were all going to be under arrest if they didn’t chance the chant. So the group regrouped and came up con a new slogan “Men of my age flock together; we are birds of a feather, as the old proverb says.” No charges will be filed against the protested finally left after a few hours.

It sounded like a great idea, so the Westinghouse barrio mall decided to hold its fifth annual bicycle ride through the hood. In the past any type of an event that included some parts of the hood was kind of risky says one of the organizers. But yet we took the chance again, and well what can we say. Somewhere along the route, a small dog chasing a big cat down the street and ran in front of the bicycle pack causing the leader of the pack to sway from hitting the dog or the cat and running into a parking meter that caused him to fall back onto the road where at least 15 bicycle riders ran him over and caused a ten bicycle pile up. Several were injured and charges will be against that little dog and that big cat. Both are plan to be in court sometime in 2033.

 

And finally yesterday around noon el constable y su security force 666 went over to la commadre maria, better known as the bird lady from el barrio and arrested her after the county discover over 100 birds die on her property. After a very careful examination by the county coroner, they discovered que at least 50 % of the birds had die from constipation, 25 % had lock jaw, and 15 percent just die. The main reason was the food the birds were eating. After the cops investigated they determine la commadre had been feeding them birds peanut butter thinking que it would make the more health. Charges will be filled.

Ok raza what every you do, don’t feed the animals.

barrio stock market report for 06122015

Barrio stock market report for 06122015.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello once again I am urbano yosabatodo, con this week’s barrio stock market y realtors reports along con barrio want ads.

 

What is the news thing in the hood you ask? Well it’s not new but it’s been around for a long time and that’s playing poker at home. If you noticed our constable has had a large number of arrests due to the increase of illegal poker gambling. Do you play poker? How much do you spend on a daily or weekly base? Is it a habit, or and addictions? Who can really answer those questions, shoot you can, can you?

 

 

Now for the barrio stock market report:

 

 

Los tamales:

 

El tamale market has come to a big haul lately. Our tamale guy has not come around now for at least two months.  We had to go hire another tamale consultant to deal with this market. Our new contact that does not want us to use his or her name tells us que los tamales will remain stable for the rest of this quarter. Los tamale ended the week at the years lowest, $6.50 a dozen. Hey raza buy buy buy.

 

 

 

Los taquitos:

It seems que it will never end. The competition among taco stands took a big fall this month. Within the last few weeks there has been at least three more taco stand that has shut its doors. The evidences still lead us to believe que things are not going well in the hood.  Jobs are down but have shown some increase con todo that is going on at the Westinghouse barrio mall. Los taquitos ended the week at $1.25 each. A small increase from last month.

 

 

 

 

 

Las empanadas:

 

 “More filling” was the theme of  las empanada convention that is planned to be held at the mall come next weekend. The empanada convention will key on making sure que they are still made the traditional way and have more filling. The local community gardens are also hosting this convention in the hopes que muchos de las empanadas maker will use local produce. In addition las empanada makers from all over south texas will be attending and hope que we can we do not revise the la empanada war of 2006. Las empanada ended the week at $.69 cent each a drop from las week.

 

 

 

Las tortillas:

 

 A few issues ago we wrote and told you all que lots of raza are making their home made tortillas again. One can safely get a better tortillas if you make your own, and a higher return on them. Look you only make what you need and not get stuck con all those extra tortillas que you might just not eat when you purchase that pack of 18 or more tortillas. Las tortillas ended the week at $1.35 a pack of who knows how many.

 

 

 

La barbaco de cabeza:

 

 

 

This past few weeks the producers of chicken, beef, and pork have seen their sales and profits hit hard by an overabundance of llama farms stem up in the hood.  The meat market place has had its fears that llama meat will be the new market making beef barbacoa in it makes it less demanding. La barbacoa de cabeza ended the week at $4.25 a lb.

 

 

 

Alcohol consummation report:

 

Here is a new twist in drinking or consuming alcohol in el barrio. Personal responsibility: It is up to each individual barrio member, not our local or state or even federal  government, to make responsible decisions about your drunk ass life. Personal responsibility raza iis the key to a more decent and just barrio and a just society. State, federal, and local  employees, too, must be accountable for their actions, just like barrio members that don’t have jobs. And that also includes bar and tavern owners. Cheap beer ended the week at $3.67  a six pack.

 

BARRIO REALTORS REPORT:

The Westinghouse barrio mall y the el barrio cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex have redefine the word real estate. This folks have taken good back yards and have built the mall, sports complex, the barrio conjunto enchanted land and now the opening of a new flea market right next to the mall. Oh yes raza if you own land anywhere around this area, man sell for top dollar.

 

 BARRIO WANT AIDS:

 

Tx45242; a family has cats and dogs for sale. Not sure what kind but make nice pets.

Tx48752: three bikes for sale. Lots of extra parts for sale. Or can buy the whole lot. Make offer.

Tx49857: wanted a young woman to live con elder family and do house work daily and has weekends off. Salary.

Tx85472: used college books for sale. Not sure what subject but are big books and must be important. Make offer.

Tx87452: will to trade anything in my home for a loving wife. Please send pictures of wife’s car and home and paycheck.

Ok raza there you have it for this week’s barrio stock market. Make sure an visit our website for more details on our sports and concert series for this summer.