hejolia report for 03302009

Hejolia report for 03302009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello raza como estan, I el general fideo vermicelli, Bill is on assignment, but are you ready for our award winning barrio headline news:
Ten chickens and five turkeys terrorize birthday party.
Three women arrested at spring break barrio party for throwing a box of tampons at security guard.
And finally la comadre me puso el dedo, says Frankie Luz.
It seems que one of el compadres comadres called the cops on him, thinking she hear someone breaking into his home, who lives next door to her. Once el ojo barrio security force 666 answer the call, they promptly went over to el compadres home and found the back door open. Once inside the security force found chingos de marijuana growing in backyard and inside of his home. No charges have been filed yet but depending on how good the weed is, or worth, or something.
El barrio security force 666, arrested three barrio women at this past weekend spring fling held at el chicano park. It seems que Nora, Norma, y Noelia Martinez got a bit too wasted and we asked to leave the park, as they were leaving the park one of the drunk women threw an unopened box of tampons at one of the barrio security force 666 members, as they drove out of the park. All three women were arrested for P.I., DWI, FEAS, and TRYING TO HARM A PEACE OFFICERS. CHARGES WILL BE FILED.
And finally, Having live chickens and turkeys at an adult birthday party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of this that afternoon. No injuries to the real folks.
There you have it and have a great tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 03272009

Barrio stock market report for 03272009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am urbano yosabatodo con this week’s barrio stock market report. Things cost so much que we don’t even watch t.v. anymore. Now lets get to that award winning stock market report.
>Los taquitos up from last week, ended the week at $1.45 each coffee is extra.
>Los tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive up on that steady pass this week, ended the week at $6.00 a dozen.
>Las tortillas, remain pretty stable for now but predicted to go up on price, tortillas $1.50 a pack of twelve. Think corn tortillas?
< la barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at bit lower, $6.00 a lb. llama barbeque at $2.50 lbs. it’s the solution.
Las empanadas are on a roll now , and their prices are sky high, las empanadas took an increase ending the week at $.89 each. Pesse hejola.
And that cheap beer, as a matter of fact went down a bit to a low time low last week but took that hike this week up to of $3.95 a six pack.
Barrio want ads:
#893543: old electric chair, SOLD.
#89767: children toys and some clothing for sale by the pound. SOLD.
#98076: adult toys and a bunch big girl’s kinky clothing, sold by the pound.
#23546: bicycles for sale. Some are missing parts other you decide.
#98763; still looking for move in maid, will provide French outfit and has to some work around the house wearing it. PLEASE make appointment.
#7658: old tejano records, some 45,78, and a bunch 331/3 lp. Make offer.
Barrio realtors:
That lot on the corner of 8th and wells street is still for sale but has changed address to the corner of 3th and wells street, just get on wells and keep driving on it till it ends there take a left and go three block and turn left, until you hit wells again and then turn right and keep going about 7 blocks and the turn left and you might see it from there, if not turn around and go back 6 blocks and turn right and head west but if you don’t know which way is west, than head south.
Ok raza there you have it for today, counting down towards the tejano roots in November, this could be our year.

raza around the world from kavala, greece 2009.

Raza around the world from Kavala, Greece 2009.
Cchwnn.
Raza σε όλο τον κόσμο από την Καβάλα, Ελλάδα 2009. Cchwnn. Καβάλα, Ελλάδα, γειά σου πάλι από την Καβάλα, Ελλάδα είμαι η Βερόνικα La Lesbian εδώ με το αντίστοιχό μου Δαβίδ Duran. Εδώ στην Καβάλα, είναι το κέντρο της ανατολικής Μακεδονίας. Μια πόλη θαλασσίως και είναι η πιό απαιτητική θέση που επισκέπτεται εδώ στην Ελλάδα για την ομορφιά της, την ηρεμία μέσα στη φύση, και τη συναρπαστική νυχτερινή ζωή. Θα είμαστε εδώ για μερικές ημέρες ένα σχέδιο που προχωρά. Η Καβάλα έχει μια ιστορία που πηγαίνει πίσω στο Homericera. Υπάρχουν τόνοι της αρχαιολογικών επίσκεψης αλλά και moderm της ζωής. Θα σας δούμε όλοι πραγματικοί σύντομα πίσω στο κράτος. Είμαι λεσβία Λα της Βερόνικα.

Kavala,Greece, hello again from Kavala, Greece I am Veronica La Lesbian here with my counterpart David Duran. Here in Kavala, is the center of east Macedonia. A town by the sea and is the most demanding place to visit here in Greece for its beauty, tranquility within nature, and exciting nightlife. We will be here for a few days an plan to move on. Kavala has a history that goes back to the Homericera. There are tons of archaeological sightseeing but also moderm life. We will see you all real soon back in the state. I am veronica la lesbian.

westside warrio news netwokr for 03262009

Westside warrior news network for 03262009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hi folks lewis mojo lewis here with our award winning barrio headline news. Man oh man do we have some good news for you today:
Barrio jail closed down.
Barrio leaders buy old electric chair.
And Topless jobs for jobless folks in the hood.
El compadre martin chapa saw how lots of folks are jobless and are willing to do almost anything for money. Well, since martin chapa is the owner of La Onda record shop, he decided to hire a few new employees, but since the job market is prompting a growing number of men and women in strip clubs, he decided to hired topless cashiers. Si If you think that you can turn things around in my record shop come on down and apply for a topless cashier. Martin tell us que he has flexible schedules and fast cash as tips. So come on down and see if you make that more.
In other news, It seems que barrio leaders from our side of the tracks came up with the idea of purchasing an old electric chair they saw on sale on barrio want ads. The barrio leaders decided to purchase the chair and place it inside the barrio community center and use it as a tourist attraction, alongside the oldest tree in the county. Si says, Eliseo Everett, we have a plan to bring more tourist into the hood, that usually don’t visit this side of the tracks. This chair can bring in lots of bucks.
And finally, a serious notes, It seems que there are many questions of why the barrio jail house was closed down and el constable cadena suspended for a week without pay? After this reporter did some investigating we found out that inside the small brick building across for the barrio community center, some inmates had the run of the place. In some cases the prisoners were having sex with their jailer girlfriends, bringing in recliners, taking drugs and chatting on cell phones supplied by friends and guards according to outside authorities. In some cases the doors to the cells didn’t even lock, but apparently no one tried to escape- perhaps because they had everything they needed inside the jailhouse. Further investigations will be done.
Gee sorry to hear about our constable but we are sure he will be alright. Anyhow counting down towards tejano roots, it wont be our year.

barrio mall newsletter and news blogs for 03252009

Barrio mall newsletter and news blogs for 03252009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Rosa Buentello con this weeks barrio mall news. First of all lets go con Gloria Guerra mall manager from Westinghouse barrio mall.
Si como estan todo/ mucho party con el shorty? Anyhow we are glad que our spring break is all most over but we do have chingos of things going on this weekend for our post spring break specials. And one of them is a three foot by three foot remote tv and stereo control, that’s right a remote you will never lose and is as big as your child. It can be used to as a small coffee table or for attacking any barrio burglars. Only, $29.95 each.
And finally, of all this weekend will be our first drop off your unwanted babies anonymously day, yes, you heard right, if you don’t like your kids here is your chance to abandoned here with no big deal, just make sure they are from the ages of 11 to 19 years of age, no younger please. This is a safe haven rule that the mall has adopted. If you don’t like them, bring them back for a refund. Please note only American citizens. In case you are wondering what we are going to do with your kid, it don’t matter, you don’t want them anyhow. Now back to rosa.
Now lets get back to our Ocean front properties mall manager and her report, Hilma Dalia Hawkins. Hello once again mi raza y como estan. We have lots of special things also for sale this weekend and lots of things going on.
For those ladies that think work sucks, come on down. Now ladies you want to get stone? Come on by to Larry’s wet cement coffee shop.
Do you know what happens when you plan to do other things? They don’t happen have shop. Where we have everything that could happen to someone but didn’t happen.
Do you like toilet paper, long and useful? Come and use Zap John Wayne toilet paper shop, its ruff, its tuff and it don’t take no shit from nobody.
Well as you can see we have lots to offer here at the ocean front mall.
Ok raza time to go, I am rosa and have a great tejano day.

hejolia report for 03242009

Howdy Hejolia report for 03242009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx.
Hello friends how are we doing? It sure was a long weekend and thank god we are back to work. But for now let’s get to our award winning headline news:
Two barro vato’s wanted to rob liquor store , but one shot himself and the other one was stabbed.
Ben torres arrested stealing and using stolen credit card.
And finally, vato arrested con Maria La Vandia doll obsession.

Since Maria la vandia released her 2008 Maria la vandia Barrio dolls, a vato named David Junior, has collected all seven models of Maria’s dolls. But this weekend David was arrested at one of the barrio malls after a mall police man spotted an array of rated x magazines, in his front seat of his car. Once the police searched the car, they found women’s underwear, and the entitle collection of naked Maria la vandia dolls all lined un on the back seat of his car. Furthermore, when they went to search his the trunk they found a bunch of Polaroid photos of all Maria la Vandia dolls naked and their heads cut off. Charges are pending.


How dumb can one person get? That is the case of Ben Torres who was arrested early Sunday morning after using a stolen barrio credit card in five different locations. First he used it at Go and stop store, he was asked to put his address , which he put his real address; than at the corner shop he adsentmindedly signed his own name on the credit ticket. And then at the westinghouse barrio mall, he used his real phone number on a credit card purchase he made at chuy’s sex toys for adults, and finally, he showed his real ID once he was asked at the Ocean front properties mall. Chingos de charges are pending.


And finally,It seems que more and more raza are trying to move on up the chart of higher income by attempting more armed robberies. That was the case con Juan y Juan Jr. attempted to rob again Billy’s boys liquor store at the end of third and wells street. When the whole thing was over it seems que juan jr. shot himself on the foot when he dropped the gun after he was surround by law dogs and Juan was stabbed in the right leg by the owner of the store. Both were men were arrested and charges are pending.

Ok raza there you have it have a great day.

hejolia report for 03232009

Barrio Hejolia report for 03232009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again big spenders como estan. Well since spring break is over, I guess we got to do our thing con our award winning barrio headline news:
Two barrio vatos try to extort money.
Increase of barrio fires on the rise this past weekend,
And finally, barrio volunteer firefighters get keys to all water hydrants.
After an increase of fires on our side of the tracks this past weekend, city officials from across the tracks will make copies of keys for all the water hydrants locks on our side of the tracks. Since los vatos locos didn’t have the key or that special tool they use, they were unable to do anything about the burning homes and shops but use their eight buckets to try the fires off, yea right. Of course the real fire department did show up but a bit too slow and arrived within twenty minutes to almost ever call they got. Westside community leaders will address this issue at next city council meeting schedule for November 2009.
Talking about los loco’s, Los vato’s locos volunteer firefighters were real busy this past weekend with an array of fires. It all started late Friday night when la familia de Carmen Gonzales called los locos to report a small fire in one of her bedrooms that he son started while trying to kill a cockroach. Early Saturday morning la familia de Hermimia Recio called 918 to report a fire she accidentally started trying to kill a swarm of killer bees, burring down her home to the ground. Than mid day Saturday, la familia de Javier Escobar accidentally caused severe fire damage to their brand new JOHn walters home while trying to install a water heater. And finally Sunday morning Ben Torres from Torres used tires and rims called 918 reporting a big fire at his shop. How the fire started los vatos locos weren’t sure but they did manage to get there on time to see the whole dang place burn down. It was reported que one of los volunteers told someone there que what could they do con only eight buckets.
It seems que los dos Rivera’s, Juan y Mingo were arrested late last night when they tried to collect extort money from the owner of a big fat cat they stolen a few days ago. Base on the constables report, los dos Rivera’s wanted $25 for them to return the cat unharmed.
Well there you have it raza.

barrio stock market report for 03202009

Barrio stock market report for 03202009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again there big spenders I am Urbano Yosabatodo. And now for our award winning stock market report:
Los tamales: the problem facing tamales is que we heard from our old tamale guy yesterday and he didn’t really look that good. He tells us que one of the major problems facing monetary barrio tamale makers is not our stock market but our stock market instability. Many of you barrio tamale makers are managing to take this task on making your own, instead of focusing on financial stability on those that depend on you buying their tamales. Tamales ended the week at $5.00 a dozen, down from last week.
Las tortillas, the declining increase of raza not making their own has increase the premium on homemade tortillas or better known as the private credit sector. Now you ask what is the difference in the two is that one is regulated by the government and the other is a credit worthy private makers, with no government intervention. The real economy damage here will happen this coming winter if we don’t regulate the homemakers and decline the number of tortillas they are making. If we do not limit the amount of tortillas we make at home, it could squeeze higher prices of tortillas for all of us non makers of tortillas. This could really damage the barrio economy. Tortillas ended the week at an all high price of $1.35 a package.
Empanadas incorporated , held its annual convention and were able to outdo all the demonstrators que protested and caused all the riots and damage at our Westinghouse barrio mall this passed weekend. Their concerns were that empanadas makers were not filling the inside of empanadas. In addition the local barrio community gardens groups will continue its efforts to provide those local empanada makers the vegetables and fruits need to make them. Las empanadas ended the week at $.89 each.
La barbacoa de cavesa, it was announced today que sometime next week the first batch of llama meat will be in our local barrio meat markets within two months. The few llama farmers in the barrio are real happy and are gearing up for this new beer market to hit the hood. Please note que llama is primarily used in the Andes and in Peru as a pack animal or for meat. The word "jerky" that we use today to refer to beef jerky, is one of the few words in our language originating from the Quechua language. "Ch'arki" is the name of the llama meat which was salted and sun-dried. The taste is somewhere between beef and lamb, though closer to beef. Many describe it as a lighter sweeter beef. La barbacoa de cavesa ended the week at $6.50 lb. a bit higher than last week.

Alcohol consummation report ( better known as cheap beer report).
The change of this market has caused lots of problems for us here at our command post. It seems que los que love to drink wrote us some nasty email telling us to stop reporting the drinking problems we have in the hood. Hey you have to realize que It’s becoming common knowledge that the true addictive substance of alcohol is not alcohol itself but the acetaldehyde (AH) produced when we metabolize it. If acetaldehyde is not efficiently broken down into acetate some of the excess drifts to the brain and combines with serotonin and / or dopamine to produce the infamous Tetrahydrolsoqulnoline (THIQ). THIQ is extremely addictive and in brain biochemistry actually fits the receptor sites that our natural pain killers (beta-endorphins) and “feel good” (serotonin) neurotransmitters are supposed to occupy. This causes a chain of very undesirable events. Our brain becomes incapable of receiving serotonin because our receptors sites are telling what little is there that they are full, very full with what it thinks is serotonin and beta-endorphin. The process is referred to as down-regulation. This condition is also why it takes more and more alcohol over time to get you “feeling right” once you’ve been at it a while. Because of the flood of THIQ in our brains our receptor sites begin to say “enough” and closes down beta-endorphin receptor sites. If you can understand all this then you need a drink. Cheap beer ended the week at $3.65 a six pack.

Los taquitos: Well folks the new group in town is preparing to handle this issue. We are real concern que lots of small taco stands have shut down this year than years before on our side of the tracks. But have increased across the tracks, where a few chicanos y tejanos, y blacks live. The let me put the finger committee will be addressing this issue sometime this weekend. Los taquitios ended the week at $1.10 each.
The barrio want ads> si bro we have a shit load de cosas to sell:
Item 5842: used women underwear. Still got some elastic in them, Sizes from 15 to 23. . Make an offer.

Item 5847: almost new jogging shoes and shorts. Not sure what size, make offer.

Item 6842: ten chickens and two ducks for sale. Leftover from this year’s Easter sell. Good health, make offer. Will dress them for you at a small cost.

Item 7412: old 78 vinyl records, some in good conditions others need some freaking work. We have at least 78 records, and a old fashion record player. Make offer and will deliver within a 500 mile area. Chinga, I mean within a 5 mile area.

And finally a small report on the barrio realtor.
Ocean front property sold and move, so stop calling about it. Ok thanks and have a nice barrio day.

westside warrior news network for 03192009.

Westside warrior news network for 03192009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. What is happening hot lips, its lewis mojo lewis, with todays barrio award winning headline news.
Soul brother I’ll be back arrested.
Leader of vato’s loco volunteer firefighter asked to move.
And finally barrio robber gets run over.
Byron Secrest Ruiz, 42, decided to run from his car, rather than be apprehended at the corner of third and wells when he ran a red blinking light. El constable, once a high school miler, 30 years ago today, chased him on foot. As the constable wandering around looking for Ruiz, Wally Ramon, a barrio milkman delivery man, walked by and got inside his delivery truck and drove off and ran over the body of Ruiz, who was level to the ground underneath the delivery truck. Mr. ruiz was rushed to the St. paul’s medical center and than across the tracks to a real hospital. Charges are pending.
It seems que el loco Arthur Flores, chief of the vato’s loco volunteer firefighters was asked to move himself and his wife and his seven dogs from the el barrio community center, where the volunteer are located or it was going to shut down the upstairs rooms where he had taken his residence. The chairman of el barrio community center told this reporter que we didn’t mind it for awhile, but it’s been years now and he said he would move out in a few days, seven years ago. There is a different between sleeping in the center and living in the center. Charges are pending.
In other news, It seems that little Joe Barrera just couldn’t take no for answer. That seemed to be the case when he tried to rob El Centro fruit stand Monday morning when the only employee, Pedro whatshisname, told little joe que they didn’t have any money till later in the day. Well no shit little Joe decided to come back around 5:p.m. when el constable was waiting for him. He was arrested for attempted robbery.
Well there you have it raza, we are on spring break and will be back next week. Counting down towards tejano roots. It wont be our year, it never is.

raza around the world from cascais, portugal, 2009

Raza around the world from Cascais, Portugal, 2009.
Cchwnn.
Raza em torno do mundo de Cascais, Portugal, 2009. Cchwnn. Cascais, Portugal, olá! outra vez meus amigos e como somos nós que fazemos. Lésbica do la do Veronica aqui de Cascais, Portugal, com seus praias encantadoras e ar jovem. Desde que nós chegamos aqui na semana passada, nós encontramos um grande recurso, e seu status é indisputado - muitos lojas e cafés abastecem pela maior parte às multidões do verão - ele permanece um porto de pesca ativo, com uma cidade velha atraente completamente do estreito, enrolando pistas. Muitos aqui como em toda parte nós estivemos, ainda pensamos que os vaqueiros e os indianos ainda existem em texas. Gee, nós apenas apreciamos este povos, especial o duran de David, que não foi visto pelo menos em 24 horas. Chamou-me alguns minutos há para deixar-me saber o que que era alright. Mas para agora eu sou aprecio as vistas e os povos. tenha um grande dia do tejano, mim são lésbica do la do Veronica, de Cascais, Portugal.


Cascais, Portugal, hello again my friends and how are we doing. Veronica la lesbian here from Cascais, Portugal, with its lovely beaches and youthful air. Since we arrived here last week, we found a great resort, and its status is undisputed – many shops and cafés cater largely to summertime crowds – it remains an active fishing port, with an appealing old town full of narrow, winding lanes. Many here like everywhere we have been, still think cowboys and Indians still exist in texas. Gee, we just enjoy this folks, especially David duran, who has not been seen in at least 24 hours. He did call me a few minutes ago to let me know que he was alright. But for now I am enjoy the views and the folks . have a great tejano day, I am veronica la lesbian, from Cascais, Portugal.

barrio mall newsletter and news blog for 03182009

Barrio mall newsletter and news blogs for 03182009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Maria la vandia con this weeks barrio mall newsletter and news blogs. First let’s get to our Ocean front properties mall manager and her report, Hilma Dalia Hawkins.
Si maria y como estan. We are very pleased to announce que our own barrio graduate, Eddie Little T Trevino has received his degree in dermatology and has open his office here at ocean front. He will be providing medical services to patients con acne, or cancer problems and will also served those patients con beauty-treatments, such as plastic surgery, and botox for barrio patients. He will have very luxurious waiting rooms and promises to be more personalized than those doctors across the tracks do. Payment plans are available and ways to pay your own way with minimal paperwork. Remember our motto “ if I do you, then you owe me”.
In addition maria, we have added a new dimension to our customers service here at ocean front. We will be having live performances artists doing their thing inside both men and women restrooms. In addition our performing artist will provide soap and towels for our customers using our bathrooms. It’s a great idea and a better way to get to know your tejano artist. Back to you Maria.
Ok hilma from ocean front properties mall. Now lets go con Gloria Guerra mall manager from Westinghouse barrio mall.
Well maria, it’s this way, our barrio zoo on the third floor of our mall will be shut down for a few days and months based on the broken down poor management and failure to pass international inspections and animal sickness and attrition and a deteriorating cages and among the other problems our mall has encounter. We want to let those tejano lovers wanting to visit our zoo instead of attending the Houston livestock show this next few weeks not to show up. Regardless what they say, I still believe in our mall and we will make sure that you can come an feed the animal here without having to bribe anyone. We plan on temporary moving the barrio zoo to our mall parking lot, but all visitors are being warned not to feed the crack heads that hang around the mall.
And in addition maria, we have opened a new nudist restaurant on the second floor. All employees including the bus boys and the kitchen cooks will all be in the nude. The owner of this restaurant, “Una onda sin calzones café” wants to appeal to those persons that hate to eat and wear clothing. We are hoping que this café will attract 25 diners per day. You can eat and drink naked, we also plan on having a barrio naked showcase where crazy chon y su adult toy store will display some of the toys it has for your enjoyment, once a month.
So as you can see we are very excited about this new addition and hope que you can come over and take your clothes off and have a drink on the house.

Ok raza there you have it from our command post I am maria la vandia counting down.

hejolia report for 03172009

Hejolia report for 03172009. Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Top of the morning to you my good Catholics , how are we doing today, I am country pancho with today’s st. patrick’s day barrio award winning headline news.
Mysterious white power at the corner of third and wells investigated.
Barrio punks steal wooden low rider statue drive through signal.
And finally, crack head busted for having a hidden camera.
One of a few crack heads that has a job was arrested yesterday afternoon at the corner of wells and third street where he works at, accsed of secretly installing a hidden video mini camera at the tip of his shoes. El constable tells us que Carlos the crack head would approach his women customers , especially those that were wearing dresses and try to video their underneath clothing, with his hidden camera. Yolanda Rodriques, made the charges of carlos having a secret video once she overheard some other crack heads whistling at her, and her green underwear. How in the hell did they know that? Once she determined que it was esta pincha carlos, she contacted el constable. El constable has collected all the videos que carlos had at his home and will review them for further charges.
La commadre’s shop and go gas station, called the constable late last night when some freaking barrio punks stole her wooden low-rider statue which stood in front of her store now for several years. La commander Lisa Mendoza, told us que it was her pride and joy and now some freaking punk has it in their front room or something. El constable is driving around the hood to see if any signs of it. If you have any information concerning this status please call el constable.
Yesterday afternoon, the whole Westside of third and wells had to be evacuated when a pound of some white power was found at the corner of the street. Once the constable cadena got there and de vato loco’s volunteer firefighters department they used their own sensor equipment (NOSE) to identify the substance as some kind of barrio flour or was it? We are not sure but los loco’s were able to pick up most of it and took it as evidences down to the barrio community headquarters where additional tests were to be conducted. They gave no explanation for the incident. We have called the firehouse several times already and no answer to this question. The constable tells us that there is no reason to continue the investigation.
Ok raza there you have it, have a great day.

diary of a barrio funeral a social gathering 2009

Diary of a barrio funeral; a social gathering, 2009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello como estan I am blanca blanck blanco con our diary of a barrio funeral; a social gathering. Planning a funeral is something most of us have to do at one point in our lives, do I really have to do, you ask? Well I would say yes, you really need to. Just keep in mind it’s a very emotional event, when you are arranging a funeral for a loved one who just died. I will try to keep it as simple as possible.

I would like to start from the end to the beginning.
First of all make sure they got the right plot. Makes sure a family member that knows or knew more or less where the plots are and who is to be buried in them and where. Family members can’t stop the funeral to measure the plot and see if it’s correct location. Believe me, we can always come back and move it.
Second, driving too and back from the grave site, make sure we bring back everyone single person we took there. And make sure if the big limo is already paid for that you us use it.
Third, which is very important here, try and make sure that all the pall bearers are under the age of 25 years old, or adults that don’t have any physiological issues. The worse thing is to see half of the adult men pall bearers leave the church during mass to use the bathroom.
Fourth, make sure that if the whole family is going to pay for the funeral and you don’t spend a dime, not to come back on you at a later date, that you didn’t do this and nor that or pitch in any money.
Fifth, make sure that you do have a power of attorney and not the moron of the family having it. It makes it so much easier on everybody.
Sixth, now you tell those bill collectors that you have been waiting for their call, she is died don’t call back.
Seventh, in picking a funeral home make sure you check with every relative that might have a friend that owes one. And make darn sure they don’t get any kick back on the referral.
Eighth, make plans on informing all your relatives if you can, if not find someone in your family that don’t have a job to make the calls. They aren’t doing anything anyhow. An if some donated the food make sure we cooked it and who got paid to do it.
Ninth, if a family member is watching over a serious ill family member and they don’t show up for three days, wanting explanations, just tell them where were you three days ago.
Tenth, don’t make fun of all the older relatives that are showing up for the funeral, they might be next.

And finally, if one of the family members is being irrational or ridiculous and insist on taking that ill relative home, call the cops.
I am sure there is much more but I just can’t remember. Thank you I am bbb.

hejolia report for 03162009

03162009
Cchwnn: hejolia report from the past.
Now from our 1978 ford whatever here is Alcardio Samudio.
Heveano raza, I am Alcardio Samudio, David is on assignment.
Well como estan an its spring break, and man did we see naked people at the beach. What is it con los tongs que the young women wear now days. I would like to see my commadre en one. She said she would love to wear one pero esta a little bit big.
Now con the headline news:
Vacationing gringo en hood ticketed for camping in the hood,
Construction worker and property surveyors find marijuana garden,
And yet weird woman chased from behind mall.
The residents of 411 west Richard called el constable cadena to come an check out a trailer parked next to their home. El constable cadena reports stated que every night this week, a gringo man in long shorts y long brown socks or a winter Texan drives up in front of a los Casanovas home at 411 west Richard Street, and unhooks a tanned tarp-topped trailer and comes back later to sleep in it. Well last night el constable was able to catch esta gringo and ticketed for camping in town, and was asked que please stay on the other side of the tracks.
Yesterday afternoon a call to 811 took el constable cadena to 300 block of west wells where a private surveyor and his helper found a marijuana garden. They both didn’t know whose it was but the property that was being survey was owned by martin h. Cantu who is serving five years in the county jail across the track. El constable cadena was not persuaded and took the two workers in for more questioning.
And finally, a call to el constable office regarding a woman in a black trench coat hanging out for hours behind the Westinghouse barrio mall was acting kind of weird. Once the constable and the mall security showed up the woman had left the area. But some folks who saw the woman said que she was only wearing that black trench coat con UN g-sting underneath.

Well folks that is it for today. Don’t for. Good day.

barrio news network newletter for 03042009

Barrio mall newsletters for 03042009.
Cchwnn.
Westinghouse barrio mall:
Hello I am Gloria Guerra con our newsletter that we are force to share space with you know who. But putting that all aside let’s get to our mall correspondent General Fideo vermicelli.
Well Gloria things are not going to smooth, it seems que a last year, during the annual clown fest, and a mall customer was hit in the head by a flying dildo and causing extensive head and shoulder injuries. It seems Baudelia Hawkins, tells this report que the mall should have had better security knowing que those clowns are out of control, and she is seeking more that $40,000 in medical bills, and barrio emotional stress and punitive damages. And by the way she gets real upset when she sees clowns. Gloria we will be going to court in the real near future.
Ok thanks General. Now let’s go to our gal Maria la vandia.
Si Gloria, we don’t think that this law suit will hold any ground. But talking about our mall, a group of locos better known as the only barrio poltergeist group “poltergeist de la Tierra de aztlan” will gather this weekend for their first group meeting. The mall has allowed them to stay over night when the mall is close to see if the mall is haunted or any weird poltergeic activities going on while the mall is close. Back to you Gloria boohoos.
Ok raza there you have it now back to the command post.
Now let’s go to our “ocean front properties mall”, Hi there I am mall manager Hilma Dalia Hawkins, from Hawkins’s barrio properties. We are very pleased to provide you el barrio shopper with the best darn customer services to make your spending money much easier and enjoyable. We consider ourselves the best mall in the hood or better known this side of tracks, attracting customers from all over the county. And we do promise to be friendly, convenient, and promise to maintain our properties both inside and outside and keep the mall area clean and inviting. We have hired real security personnel and do promise to maintain a safe and secure environment. Have a great day.

hejolia report for 03032009

Hejolia report for 03032009.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hi there, I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Primo wakes up on the way to morgue.
Barrio vato attacks wrong handicap person.
And finally barrio airways bust barrio family con pets.
El y la senior Martinez were asked to get off the only barrio airway plane this Saturday when they were trying to sneak ten cats and three dogs on board the 5 passenger plane. They almost had it says captain Mingo, the only license pilot and owner of barrio airways. Si esta gente were trying to be pretty tricky an almost got away with until la seniora seemed to be talking to one off her seven carryon luggage and bags. No charges will be filed but captain Mingo told us que if they are willing to pay extra it’s very possible that they can fly again con barrio airways.
In other news, Joh Ruiz lost his left arm and right leg in a freak accident about 10 years ago when he got drunk and fell asleep on the rail road tracks and the morning 4:00am train ran over him. Since then he has master some self defense training. But esta vato from the barrio really thought he had a chance of to rip him off late Saturday night when Joh left the only topless bar in the hood. As he hopped down the street esta vato surprised him, that’s when Joh went into action. He turned around and laid some heavy chingos at esta vato head and did a drop kick with his only leg. Esta vato was found knocked out in the middle of the alley around third and wells after Joh informed el constable. No charges will be filed against Joh but esta vato is going to jail, says el constable cadena.
Chinga, if things weren’t bad enough for el primo, better known as el primo, lost his job, lost his wife, lost his home, lost his car, lost his family, lost his cable , lost his t.v., lost his accordion, and all his pets left him. So el primo, based on what the el constables report tried to kill him by smoking ten joints, drinking two cases of beer, three bottles of wine and a wild night con you know who. Well it seems que you know who called el constable to report que el primo was not responding to anything late Saturday night, I mean anything and everything says you know who. Well el constable called los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters who have a little experience dealing con these matters. When los loco’s got there they determined que he might be dead. So they called the real 918, and requested to pick up the body. On his way over to the morgue el primo woke up and walked out of the 1979 ford whatever. No charges will be filed but he is going to be billed for the ride half way there.
There you have it raza, lots of things going on and it seems que things never end.