hejola report for03312016

Hejola report for 03312016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am bill Diaz con our special break up date con Maria la vandia.

Si bill it’s been awhile but I am back, Maria la vandia, just back from way out west and visited with some friends there but that’s another story. But for today, our barrio spring back headlines news:

Three barrio men busted for making out con a mesquite tree.

Two barrio spring breakers mistaking constable car for taxicab.

Tres are arrested for stealing a barbecue grill.

And now some darn good news.

Well our creator almost retired yesterday but after thinking about he’s back.

Yes, can you believe this three vatos were drunk and had run out of money on their way to the south padre island, and stopped in the hood to see what they could cook up. Well they sure did, while scoping out the hood estos ways saw el barbecue grill de Paul’s barbecue cooking its traditional chicken. They decided to steal the pit. So one of the vatos jumped out of the car and rolled the stolen pit about ten feet when the chain that secured the pit, stretched as far as it could go, ring an alarm hooked up to the pit. Before they knew it, there were eight men and two women checking out the noise when these people surrounded the three men, while el constable got there to arrest them.

Two drunks seemed to have drunk a bit too much yesterday evening at the HI-Ho motel just inside the barrio. When leaving the HI-HO MOTEL bar, they seemed to have forgotten that they were staying overnight right here at the motel, but instead jumped inside the constable Cadena’s squad car parked in front of the motel. The constable was as surprise as the two drunks were. None of the men were arrested but instead two other men were, that was the reason el constable was here in the first place.

The reason el constable had come over to hi-ho motel in the first place was someone had reported that three barrio men were making out con a mesquite tree. When the constable got there he parked his car right in front of the bar and managed only to arrest two of the reported sex perverts. Its real sad says the constable que group men can’t tell the differences between real women and a tree. The two men were arrested and taken to the cop shop across the tracks and might have to visit the local lalaland for observation.

So Raza, as you can see, spring break can make you do thing que tomorrow you won’t remember, because you won’t! I am Maria la vandia con my report.

hejola afternoon report for 03292016

Hejola afternoon report for 03292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Johnnie el quemon con today’s award winning headline news:

Barrio residents arrested with county wide raids.

Raza don’t want a woman president, chinga.

Two men and ten dogs, 5 cats, and 18 chickens not allowed to vote early?

And now some good darn news.

Barrio lotto owns have agreed in theory to re-start the barrio 8 ball lotto again as soon as they determine how much should the lotto be? The last time the 250 lotto winner had to divide the $5.00 it was offering among the 250 winner. Dang.

We all know that in the hood everybody votes, ok now that we know this why did el compadre Ramon Garcia not allowed to vote along con sue friend, ten dogs, 5 cats, and his 18 chickens? The poll director Leo Green told us que there is a limit to how many folks in home can vote and Mr. Garcia was way over the limit. Mr. Garcia thinking about suing someone about this. He hasn’t decided who to start off with?

When we started 2016, we felt que we had accomplished a chit load of things that weren’t issues anymore. Now it turns out que many Raza both men and women don’t want a woman president. Que chingas wrong with this? How can us the most educated minority in the hood talk this way, WAY! HAVE we not learned what your mother told you when you were a young man or women growing up? Don’t cry like a little baby, only gringritos cry , you are Raza, move ahead and step up and don’t be so darn foolish……listen to the only one that we listened too, dear mother. Ok, she also made some mistakes like talking to other men and spending the rent money on bingo and drank a lot but that didn’t give us the right question her advice. Grow up and be a man and let la commadre be in charge. If we don’t agree run her ass of in 4 years…

Yesterday all of the persons living at the end of third and wells were rounded up and taken to jail with a countless number of charges ranging from violent to men, women and children, domestic violence and homicide to pet, cousins, and farm animals, and cheating husband and wife’s, passing out bad checks, misusing drugs, stealing from your parents, and friends and throwing eggs and water balloons at older folks, and so on. So for some reason you don’t see me or any of my staff for a while we might have gotten picked up or waiting to get picked up. OJO…

Ok raza keep your eyes and ears open for those insurgents?

hejola report for03292016

Hejola special Easter report for 03292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La Lesbian con our special Easter report for 03292013.

Recycle Easter hunt huge success.

Gay Tejano bar ready for Easter and after Easter.

And finally some darn good Easter news.

We all have good days and some better days, but this year we will try to make it a happy Easter to all our followers and we are hoping que Jack the Giant Rabbits come by this year and brought you what you wanted for Easter. Now with that in mind how much should a person really spend on Easter? Since its just one of many reasons to spend that hard earned money, you tell me?

Late last night Arnold Moore Perez the owner of the newly open Tejano gay bar announced que anyone dress like a fairy, bunny, and even a playboy bunny, and a playgirl bunny would drink for free for about ten minutes after that all drinks will be half prices. In addition anyone dress like a Tejano bunny would drink free, and that meant even if they weren’t Tejano want to be.

And finally, this year’s el barrio community center had its annual Recycle Easter Can Hunt was a great success, says el barrio person in charge of the center. We have over 150 children under the age 20 and had over 300 persons older than 21 showed up for this year’s hunt. We don’t have the name of this year’s winner on who collected the most cans but I am sure there were chingos.

Ok raza have a great Tejano gay day and for those gringitos refusing to admit que they want to be Tejano and not mexican, stay drunk and stay home and don’t say nothing for awhile.

hejola report for 03282016.

Hejola report for 03282016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again raza I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio Easter brings in higher crime rate.

Breakdown of arrest for Easter.

Two tons of fun bar bans barrio man dress as a playboy bunny.

And some darn good news.

Besides all this issues I am sure many had a great Easter with family and friends and there is nothing wrong with that.

You see there is nothing wrong in dressing up at home and so on, but to go out in public dress in that homemade playboy bunny outfit without underwear is really not call for. That was the case con La Girl a barrio gay man must have been drunk or stone when he decided to go out in that homemade playboy outfit. Charges will be filed but at the moment he is being taken to lala land across the tracks for observation.

 He is a breakdown of the arrests for this past Easter:

-Three men and two chickens were arrested at the Chicano park for fighting after an Easter Hunt gone wrong.                                                                                                                                                                                             --La Comadre Laura Ann Munoz and her two sisters and ten cats were rounded up after a report that they had stolen all the Easter Eggs for the local church.                                                                                                                  -Four men and two horse and a few sheep were reportedly arrested after they tried to steal a lot recycle cans that were schedule to be used at this past Sunday recycle Easter Hunt. It seems that they had been there earlier and had come back for another load of cans. What gave then in was that they were using an old wagon to haul those cans away.          Oh the animals will also be fined.                                                       --El compadre Junior Junior Lopez was arrested along with his three daughter after they started a freaking fight at the corner of third and wells after they were accused of stealing several stuff rabbits that were for sale by those street venders. It seemed that Junior didn’t like the comments made about them and when el constable got there and searched their car it was true.                            

El constable just finished his public address at the barrio adult center telling barrio officials that this Easter brought in year. Easter is a time where all family gathers and share the love for Christ. But this year it brought more than just plan love but a ton of arrested. He said that compared to last year where  only arrested  around 5 to 6 persons and some pets, but this year he had over 50 phone complaints and arrested more than 25 persons and that included some pet, so love was not in the air and if it was it was behind bars.

Ok raza have a great week

barrio stock market for 03252016

barrio stock market report for 03232012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Tx. Now back from vacation here is Urbano Yosabatodo. Como estan todos mi amigos. Hejolia did we get emails from at least one person asking to what happen to our report last week. Well raza like everything else, I was on vacation. I took a few days off and went to the lower valley de tejas. But now I am back and ready for some action Jackson. So now con el barrio stock market report:

Las tortillas: Las tortillas remained stable this past few weeks. It seems que more and more raza are making their own tortillas now a days. Leaving that raza tortilla smell in your whole  home. Which we feel is alright, that’s if you are raza. For some reason or another everybody wants a clean smelling home, hejolia well it’s going to be hard, that’s if you making your own tortillas. Tortillas ended the week at $1.10 a dozen.

Los taquitos:  well folks we were surprise this morning when we ate at la commadres grill. It seems que we didn’t have to pay for our meal this morning due to que la commadre wanted us to mention her name on our report. Well raza we do encourage every single one of you that can read and understand this report que your local barrio restaurant owners need your business. So stop eating at those major chain restaurants and bring your business closer to home. Taquitos going at $1.45 each and in some cases two for one in larger cities.

Los tamales: los tamales took a drop on price this week. Since the weather is warming up a bit, many barrio consumers find it hard to eat those tamales on very warm days. Now is the time to buy and freeze says Manuel Gonzales a tamale broker. Los tamales going at $5.00 a dozen, buy raza, buy.

Las empanadas: for many las empanadas comes in at least three favors, but our sources say que there might be a very very very very small change que the price will go down this week sometime. Barrio consumer groups tell us que they have being asking around and since we do report on las empanadas many dealers are willing to lower the price just for us to get off their case. Las empanadas at stable at .89 cent each with no sign of them going down.

Baracoa de caveza: los city commissioners for both sides of the tracks voted yesterday to study the possibilities off banning the selling of beef heads within the city limits. It’s just too much to monitor now with that mad cow disease going around said city commissioner Ernest roughneck. “Them boys need to use some other part of that cow for their barbeque.” says Mr. roughneck. A private group called let me put the finger on you will do the study. The results should be done in ten years. La Baracoa was still at $5.50 a lb.

Cheap beer: barrio store owners pulled a fast one this past weekend in which the majority agreed to raise the price on cheap beer but the quality of the beer, remains the same, ended the week at $2.99 a six pack. Barrio consumers are being made aware of this increase. One beer drinker said que now the beer is going up, what could be next?

Barrio want  ads:

Item #524126: youth clothing for sale all sizes.

Item #85623: women underwear for sale, all sizes.

Barrio realtors report:

Back yard properties are for sale.  Make offer.

Ok raza there we have it and have a great tejano day

hejola report for 03242016

Hejola report  for 03242016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Characters arrested; Superman, Easter Bunny, Speedy Gonzales and Sancho Clause.

Easter Bunny no show causes a small riot.

Barrio man runs into street light pole naked.

Dang what is wrong con el compadre?

And finally some darn good news.

El barrio has done its very best to meet its expectations con this year’s Easter recycle can hunt. We thanks all you people that litter tin cans and those that donated some for making this year’s hunt possible this coming Sunday, Que Viva.

After been released for lala land from across the track and instructed not to be drinking el compadre well known for not following instructions was right back to where he was at before he got put into that lalaland, drinking and walking around naked. So when the constable finally spotted he, el compadre made a run for it and at one point turned to see how far he had left el constable on this chased ran right into a telephone pole he didn’t see coming. He was knocked out and for some reason got a fullest extent of you know what as possible, that’s when someone called Los vato’s loco volunteer firefighter for help. Once they got there they all refused to help do to the erection he had. Dang.

Late last night around 3 a.m. el constable Cadena was called on a 918 call that something weird was going on at the corner of third and wells. When the constable got there it seemed that this group of people had blocked the street to watch a footrace between Supermen vs. Easter Bunny vs. Speedy Gonzales vs. Sancho Clause. The race would have been the length of two blocks and winner take all. But the end result was all three hero’s got arrested and taking to local lalala land for observation, oh by the way Sancho Clause was released with no charges due to the fact he had already been to local lalala land for observation several weeks ago.

Well as children and parents lined up to take pictures con this year’s Easter Bunny took an unexpected turn when the sponsors of this event tried to explain to the families que el Easter Bunny was not going to make it due to his sled got bogged down somewhere along the way and told them that there weren’t going to be no refunds on the cost of the picture. But the sponsors tried to trick them by have the only thing they could come up with was have Sancho Clause show up instead.  That is when the crowd started throwing Easter eggs and candy at the sponsors who had to call the cops. Several folks were arrested that included little kids and their pets. Charges will be filed, oh by the way Sancho got a bit lucky he was able to gather a chit load of candy to eat and eggs, oh yea.

Ok raza there you have and have a great day.

hejola report for 03232016.

 

Hejola report for 3/23/2016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello my friends I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio man arrested dressed like the Lone Range.

Reward for a dog name Lassie.

Ten barrio members missing after spring break.

And now some darn good news.

At the end of each day I tell myself I only got a few more days before retirement.

Today we were told that ten barrio members all from the nursery home “heaven” were reported missing after they took a bus ride to the beach for its 10 hour spring break. The leader of this group, old man in the shoe said that he wasn’t sure if this old goats were really missing or just didn’t come back on the bus after watching a lot of half-naked women there. But all and all relatives for these folks have been informed and a large group of three persons have volunteered to go back to the beach on the same bus ride to look for them. If you are at the beach and see a bunch of old folks that don’t seem to fit in, just give us a call. No reward is being offered but a free meal will be given at the nursing home for any information.

I am sure somewhere down the road you had heard about a dog name Lassie, will we here in the hood we have our own version of Lassie. Chihuahua named Lassie was stolen late last night and the owner Mr. Bobby McGee is offering a reward for its return. So if you see this Chihuahua, going by the name of Lassie please give us a call at 361 558 2263.

Yesterday afternoon el constable Cadena had to chase and following a man known as the Lone Ranger after he spotted him riding his cow Silver. After the two block chase, the Lone Ranger was arrested for riding his cow without a permit and on the wrong side of the road. Charges have been filed and Silver will be staying con el constable while the lone ranger does his 24 days in jail.

Ok Raza have a great day.

westside warrior news network for 03192009.

 

Westside warrior news network for 03192009.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. What is happening hot lips, its lewis mojo lewis, with today’s barrio award winning headline news.

Soul brother I’ll be back arrested.

Leader of vato’s loco volunteer firefighter asked to move.

And finally barrio robber gets run over.

Byron Secrest Ruiz, 42, decided to run from his car, rather than be apprehended at the corner of third and wells when he ran a red blinking light. El constable, once a high school miler, 30 years ago today, chased him on foot. As the constable wandering around looking for Ruiz, Wally Ramon, a barrio milkman delivery man, walked by and got inside his delivery truck and drove off and ran over the body of Ruiz, who was level to the ground underneath the delivery truck. Mr. ruiz was rushed to the St. paul’s medical center and than across the tracks to a real hospital. Charges are pending.

It seems que el loco Arthur Flores, chief of the vato’s loco volunteer firefighters was asked to move himself and his wife and his seven dogs from the el barrio community center, where the volunteer are located or it was going to shut down the upstairs rooms where he had taken his residence. The chairman of el barrio community center told this reporter que we didn’t mind it for a while, but it’s been years now and he said he would move out in a few days, seven years ago. There is a different between sleeping in the center and living in the center. Charges are pending.

In other news, It seems that little Joe Barrera just couldn’t take no for answer. That seemed to be the case when he tried to rob El Centro fruit stand Monday morning when the only employee, Pedro whatshisname, told little joe que they didn’t have any money till later in the day. Well no shit little Joe decided to come back around 5:p.m. when el constable was waiting for him. He was arrested for attempted robbery.

Well there you have it raza.

hejola report for 03222016

 

Hejola report for 03222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again Raza I am Johnnie el Quemon con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio goat dies in explosion.

Ernesto Gomez barrio drunk wins award.

Ex-convict back in town.

And now some or more or less good news.

Barrio leaders are preparing for the worse this Easter so have hired two extra part-time want to be cops to help our barrio constable Cadena. He (Cadena) was not very happy about the new part-time staff that was assigned to him. He told me that he didn’t need any more staff since he already had the barrio 666 task force staff. But he did say that it was a political move. Huh. Any way you see it, it’s the best thing that has happened lately. So Easter goers beware of them……

El constable Cadena thought got some real bad news in a letter this weekend from a person(George of the jungle Jimenez) he send to prison some years ago that he was coming back looking for him. So yesterday after noon this person was seen arriving in the hood by bus. As he was getting off he was seen caring a shotgun in its traveling bag and was arrested on the spot by barrio security forces 666. But by the end of the day it turned out that this George had return back to the hood to thank the constable for saving his life by arresting him back then and wanted to thank him with a shotgun. No charges will be filed.

After several days of isolation Henry the barrio goat died when it exploded after it was taken out of the barrio city limited and away from causing any injuries to barrio folks. You see what you don’t know is that Henry here had eaten at least 10 shot gun shells and 22 bullets and wasn’t looking to good. So after they took the goat out of the city limits some smart person decided to start a fire close to where it had been secured to keep it warm. Well one witness says that the goat might have farted too darn close to the fire that causes the explosion. No charges will be filed.  A memory service will be held as soon as they find all the body parts.

You see not too many barrio leaders understand that some persons have some good qualities that one can’t see by just looking at them. That is the case con el senior Mario Moreno better known as the barrio farmer and drunk. Well it seems that there was a singing contest held and for some freaking reason Mario was walking his daily route when he hear about the contest and decided to stop by an sing along. Well it turned out that one of the judges overheard Mario singing along and decided to cast him on the upcoming musical that the local barrio theatre club is putting on. The judge told us que he had never heard a beautiful voice until he hear Mario; he has a big singing future ahead of him.

Ok raza have a great day and all eyes on me…..

hejola report for 03172016

Hejolia report for 03172016. Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Top of the morning to you my good Catholics , how are we doing today, I am country pancho with today’s st. patrick’s day barrio award winning headline news.

Mysterious white power at the corner of third and wells investigated.

Barrio punks steal wooden low rider statue drive through signal.

And finally, crack head busted for having a hidden camera.

One of a few crack heads that has a job was arrested yesterday afternoon at the corner of wells and third street where he works at, accused of secretly installing a hidden video mini camera at the tip of his shoes. El constable tells us que Carlos the crack head would approach his women customers , especially those that were wearing dresses and try to video their underneath clothing, with his hidden camera. Yolanda Rodriques, made the charges of carlos having a secret video once she overheard some other crack heads whistling at her, and her green underwear. How in the hell did they know that? Once she determined que it was esta pincha carlos, she contacted el constable. El constable has collected all the videos que carlos had at his home and will review them for further charges.

La commadre’s shop and go gas station, called the constable late last night when some freaking barrio punks stole her wooden low-rider statue which stood in front of her store now for several years. La commander Lisa Mendoza, told us que it was her pride and joy and now some freaking punk has it in their front room or something. El constable is driving around the hood to see if any signs of it. If you have any information concerning this status please call el constable.

Yesterday afternoon, the whole Westside of third and wells had to be evacuated when a pound of some white power was found at the corner of the street. Once the constable cadena got there and de vato loco’s volunteer firefighters department they used their own sensor equipment (NOSE) to identify the substance as some kind of barrio flour or was it? We are not sure but los loco’s were able to pick up most of it and took it as evidences down to the barrio community headquarters where additional tests were to be conducted. They gave no explanation for the incident. We have called the firehouse several times already and no answer to this question. The constable tells us that there is no reason to continue the investigation.

Ok raza there you have it, have a great day. And have a great wild irish rosa day.

hejola report for 03162016

 

 

hejola report for 03162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.

Hello again, y como estan todos. Well I am bill Diaz  did you know youth baseball can be bad for our health and also very dangerous. Now let’s get down to our barrio headline news:

Several arrested at youth t-ball game.

Two coaches strap it on at another t-ball game,

And domestic problems hamper youth t-ball games.

It seems que el commpadre just can’t get over la commander dating another vato. Yesterday afternoon at our barrio youth t-ball game el compadre hector Cantu, attacked el primo George g cantu after he saw his ex wife to be con esta george. Somehow and from somewhere el commpadre must have found a tee-ball stand and he hit el primo hector over the head with it , and with the same swing he managed to knock out la commadre also. Before he, el commpadre knew it, there was at least seven parents on our commadre who suffered several blows to his head and some cuts and bruises on his legs and hits from all the folks wanting to kick his butt. Before you know they had el commpadre pinned down on the third base line waiting to for the cops to arrive. After it was over, el commpadre was rushed to el hospital where he was being observed after the pre medics claimed que he also suffered a heart attack. El constable cadena will not file charges against el compadre claiming que he already is suffered enough. Oh by the way la commadre was taken to our st. paul’s medical center for observation.

At the same time at another field its seems que you can’t put two coaches together and coach one team. Well that’s the case  two vatos trying to save money on the entry fee. Joe Perez y martin Cruz agreed to put both of their seasonal teams together to make one team for this special tournament. Well for some reason or another at the bottom of the third inning out of nowhere the umpire had to call time and the cops due to the fact  que Mr. Perez y Mr. Cruz were strapping it on inside the dugout. Before things got under control at least 15 parents had to jump in and stop the fight inside the dugout. By the time el constable cadena could answer the call, the fight had already been broken up and some of the parents had left the field with their children. The two coaches were picked up this morning and were arrested for fighting at a public park. Oh by the way both coaches have been removed and banned for coaching again tball for at least five long years.

And finally, two parents were arrested after one parent was yelling at another parent from the bleachers. Before you knew it, the both were strapping it on underneath the bleachers. While several parents were screaming and yelling at them to stop. Before anyone knew there were people throwing rocks and stuff at both parents. Again el constable cadena did not make it on time to stop this fight. Both parents were restrained until el constable got there and were arrested.

Ok raza baseball the American dream for many of us.

hejoloa report for 03152016

Hejola report for 03152016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

77 feet.

Barrio Tejano local 999 turn barrio creek green.

2 men arrested for mowing down barrio shamrock garden.

And now some darn good news.

To all barrio members that think St. Patrick’s Day is about them, they could be right. St. Patrick’s Day, the one day a year, where everyone is a little bit Irish. In fact, almost 12 percent of Americans claim Irish ancestry and over 80 million people worldwide claim ancestral connection.

It is a very sad day for the children at our barrio local catholic school garden when it was discovered that two men from across the tracks were arrested for driving their pick truck into the schools shamrock garden and destroying the plants that been planted. The Humble shamrock a three-leaved plant was going to be used as a teaching tool to explain the Holy Trinity (father, son, and Holy Spirit). Oh well, maybe next year. Charges will be filed against Tim O’Reilly and Manuel O’Reilly Gonzales.

This year the barrio Tejano local 999 will dye the only creek in the county Kelly green for this year’s St. Patrick’s Day. The creek runs through the hood and it should last for about five hours. Please note that barrio leaders plan on flooding the creek so it can have enough energy to make it flow for a long while.

And finally, the barrio St. Patrick’s Day parade committee have decided to make this year’s parade only 76 feet making it the shortest parade on this date.

Ok raza and remember keep a bit Irish!

hejola report for 03142016

 

Hejola report for 03142016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am Jonathan Barrio with today’s spring break headline news:

Barrio family Spring break starts with a bang.

Ten arrested after ten arrested.

Church tent goers surprise when the tent was gone.

And now some darn good news.

Ok, so we got lots of complaints about us making some much of a big deal over a little deal. Dang how much do you want for $5 bucks.

Wow people really have no respect for anything nowadays.  El brother Matt D> Gomez, a local self -proclaimed minster of his tent church called “under this tent we pray” we very surprise this morning when someone or somebody stolen his tent and had no clue of who stolen it or why? El brother tells que it must have been them insurgents going through spring break. A large reward is being offer if found, amen.

You see it could have been real easy if everyone would have gone home after ten or more folks were arrested at the corner of third and wells firework display. Well it really was an unauthorized event and the crowd gather and didn’t want to leave after the constable told them the show was over. So the constable took it on his own, and arrested ten more folks for stealing some of the fireworks didn’t go off and were just laying around. The constable told us we just can’t have that here in the hood with its not even a holiday!

Many in the hood don’t owe guns but they sure owe a lot of fireworks that went off on a blast this weekend at the corner of third and wells. It seems que la commadre was going with her children on a spring break road trip across town when all of a sudden the packages on top of their car went off like a bomb and kept shooting fireworks for about ten minutes until they all went off. El constable Cadena tells us que it must have been a cigarette butt thrown out the window must have landed on top of their baggage’s and step the whole thing off. Charges are pending but their car has a new look to it, looks more like a convertible!

Ok raza drive safe and remember oh Johnnie Law if looking for you.

hejola report for 03112016

 

Hejola report for 03112016, Amen.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning holy barrio news:

Religious leaders try to arrest barrio residents. Amen.

Barrios applaud by lack of proper medical care. Amen.

Christian fundamentalist, flock East side looking like spring break fest. Amen.

And now some darn good news.

We just want to let you know that god has come to us but in a very odd way. Amen.

Wow if you are a religious person you might want to take note that since the word got out that  we over here are going to be saved this weekend has brought more Christian fundamentalists to that side of town waiting to join the crusade has made it look like spring break has come early! Our own barrio religious leader told us que the scary part of this whole ordeal is que these typical Christian fundamentalists use religion to feel self-righteous and employs double standards in their thinking and judgment cause of inspiration for terrorism and are damaging America by helping “promote vengeance seeking.  The constable has placed all his staff on full alert for the next few days hoping que all this will go away, I mean far away. Amen.

Jesus save us all, was the outcry from a barrio leader at a barrio meeting held yesterday to discuss the legal protection for those families that use faith-healer and avoid any type of prosecution if their beliefs result in someone dying from lack of proper medical care. One leader told this group what in the world is wrong with you all, don’t you all know que eggs can only cure el ojo and that’s it! And holy water can’t be drunk to cure cancer. After a long discussion back and forth the barrio leaders determine que they will file charges if someone does die. Amen.

As we all know that this coming weekend a bunch of church representatives will try to save our barrio from evil, started a bit earlier that plan. It seems that Juan Ochoa a barrio more or less religious person set up his temporary resident’s right at the edge of the railroad tracks that divide our town in order to keep everybody on alert that “religious leaders are coming”, was attacked earlier this afternoon. The religious leader told us que they were going to take care of this man in their own godly way when they spotted his temporary residents along the railroad tracks. And we will do something about this spy waiting for us. The constable tells que Mr. Ochoa was able to escape his captive when he saw them trying to sneak up on him dress in sombreros and serapes.  None of the religious folks got arrested due to the fact that they never crossed over this way. Amen.

Ok raza have a great day and someone is watching over you. Amen.

hejola report for 03102016, amen.

Hejola report for 03102016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news, Amen:

Barrio church leader beat up by power of the holy spirit.

Religious representatives storm barrio.

The barrio last stand.

And finally some darn good news, amen.

Well as we all know now that the elections have come and gone everything is back to normal where barrio folks are talking to each other and making friends again with all the ones we blocked from our barrio book due to different views. God bless our country and America. Amen.

When you think things are already too crazy, he comes along a gringito named Earl the pearl Fuentes, a man with vision, has proposed a no-go area for anyone who’s white. He told us que we should limit the number of white folks marrying blacks and Hispanics to about so many per year and would not allow them to come here to our side of the tracks unless they have some kind of mark on their arms or a permit, so this way we could tell who’s who and who belong over here. He plans on presenting his idea to barrio leaders sometime in 2033. Oh by the way that is about the right time he will be released from the lala farm on that side of the tracks. Amen.

El senor Juan Diosmiyo was rushed to the st. paul medical center after he tried to prove to his church members touring our barrio the power of the holy spirit when jumped out of church van and charged several  barrio members standing at the corner of third and wells.  We were told by his church members who sat and watched him go into some kind of trance and started to speak in tongues, yelling and screaming as he charged them. But thing didn’t go well after that, that is when barrio members started to defend themselves from this so call mad man! Several church members panicked and ran to help the prophet after he had been beaten up, kicked and slapped around. El constable will not file charges against these barrio members but is going to ask the church from across the tracks not to do any more tours in the hood.Amen.

For some reason or another it seems that the word got out that a church representative got beat up by barrio residents has launched an all-out  campaign by at least 75 religious representatives to heal all the evil found over here on our side of the tracks. The campaign will start this weekend where they plan on walking through ever barrio street and home to save our souls with prayers and a whole lot of Amens. Barrio leaders are planning a counter rally asking them to leave us alone and if we need any healing it will be done by barrio church leaders and not them from across the tracks. Chinga, Amen.

Ok raza have a great day and have a great Amen.

hejola specail pre Easter report for 03092016.

Hejola special Easter report for 03092016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Veronica La Lesbian con our pre-special Easter report for 03092016.

Recycle Easter hunt could be a huge success.

Another  Gay Tejano bar ready for Easter.

And finally some darn good Easter news.

We all have good days and some better days, but this year we will try to make it a happy Easter to all our followers and we are hoping que Jack the Giant Rabbits come by this year and brings you what you want for Easter. Now with that in mind how much should a person really spend on Easter? Since its just one of many reasons to spend that hard earned money, you tell me?

Late last night Arnold Moore Perez the owner of the newly open Tejano gay named “Ride Them”  bar announced que anyone dress like a fairy, bunny, and even a playboy bunny, and a playgirl bunny would drink for free for about ten minutes after that all drinks will be half prices. In addition anyone dress like a Tejano bunny would drink free, and that meant even if they weren’t Tejano want to be. But don’t worry be happy,!

And finally, This year’s el barrio community center has big plans for  its annual Recycle Easter Can Hunt,I in which we all can make it a great success, says el barrio person in charge of the center. We will have over 150 children under the age 20 and plan on having  over 300 persons older than 21 showed up for this year’s hunt. We are just hoping que we can get that many recycle can collected in time.

Ok raza have a great Tejano gay day and for those gringitos refusing to admit que they want to be Tejano and not mexican, stay drunk and stay home and don’t say nothing for a while.

hejola report for 03082016

Hejola report for 03082016.

Cchwnn

 
Kingsville,tx. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Esta Vato loco makes major impact in the hood.

Barrio robber loses 3 fingers and one eye on attempted robbery.

And finally barrio preparing for a violent weekend.

It seems that every year when the annual clown fest comes around a ton of security forces have to be hired to make sure them clowns don’t over do it. I am sure you remember que this past few years chingos de trouble have happened when you get a bunch of wacky-os dress like clowns and drinking can bring a ton of funny and trouble. We are prepared says el ojo barrio private and his security forces 666.

 
Ben easy going Salinas, a very classy guy was arrested yesterday for trying to steal an electric saw from a work area. The problem was que Ben did not notice que it was rigged to work when you plug it in and had no on or off button. The constable told us que when he tried to used it he plug it in, and it came on and shopped three fingers off and one of those darn finger flew and knocked his left eye out. I don’t think we are going to file charges after all, But are worried que we can’t find one of his fingers. We were told que a bunch of dogs and cats were watching him. We will be monitoring those dogs and cats.

Yesterday afternoon, esta vato loco the newly elected dog catcher for the county city and hood, announced que they, the county city and hood were going to lift the ban on farm animal business in the hood. Yes, Esta Vato Loco told the city and county commissioners who all agreed que he was going to be accepting applications for business that feature farm animals. One of the new business permit was el senor Juan Gomez con “goats and chickens your family yard services”.

Los Gomez has been in business for at least twenty years for doing lawns, flower beds, and big ass fields. He specializes on making sure your lawn look better than ever. The way he does it he will take at least 25 goats and 15 white chickens, which are trained not to leave the premises of the area they are working for. Believe me you leave this chickens and goats in your lawn for a few days, and it’ like magic.

Ok raza keep it tejano and be safe and not sorry.

hejola report for 03072016

Hejolia report for 03072016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hi there, I am bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Primo wakes up on the way to morgue.

Barrio vato attacks wrong handicap person.

And finally barrio airways bust barrio family con pets.

But now some darn good news.

Yesterday we were told that tomorrow will come and your part of it.

Elie y la seniora Martinez were asked to get off the only barrio airway plane this Saturday when they were trying to sneak ten cats and three dogs on board the 5 passenger plane. They almost had it says captain Mingo, the only license pilot and owner of barrio airways. Si esta gente were trying to be pretty tricky an almost got away with until la seniora seemed to be talking to one off her seven carryon luggage and bags. No charges will be filed but captain Mingo told us que if they are willing to pay extra it’s very possible that they can fly again con barrio airways.

In other news, Joh Ruiz lost his left arm and right leg in a freak accident about 10 years ago when he got drunk and fell asleep on the rail road tracks and the morning 4:00am train ran over him. Since then he has master some self- defense training. But esta vato from the barrio really thought he had a chance of to rip him off late Saturday night when Joh left the only topless bar in the hood. As he hopped down the street esta vato surprised him, that’s when Joh went into action. He turned around and laid some heavy chingos at esta vato head and did a drop kick with his only leg. Esta vato was found knocked out in the middle of the alley around third and wells after Joh informed el constable. No charges will be filed against Joh but esta vato is going to jail, says el constable cadena.

Chinga, if things weren’t bad enough for el primo, better known as el primo, lost his job, lost his wife, lost his home, lost his car, lost his family, lost his cable , lost his t.v., lost his accordion, and all his pets left him. So el primo, based on what the el constables report tried to kill him by smoking ten joints, drinking two cases of beer, three bottles of wine and a wild night con you know who. Well it seems que you know who called el constable to report que el primo was not responding to anything late Saturday night, I mean anything and everything says you know who. Well el constable called los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters who have a little experience dealing con these matters. When los loco’s got there they determined que he might be dead. So they called the real 918, and requested to pick up the body. On his way over to the morgue el primo woke up and walked out of the 1979 ford whatever. No charges will be filed but he is going to be billed for the ride half way there.

There you have it raza, lots of things going on and it seems que things never end.

hejola report for 03042016

Hejola report for 03042016.

Cchwnn.

Westinghouse barrio mall:

Hello I am Gloria Guerra con our newsletter that we are force to share space with you know who. But putting that all aside let’s get to our mall correspondent General Fideo vermicelli.

Well Gloria things are not going to smooth, it seems que a last year, during the annual clown fest, and a mall customer was hit in the head by a flying dildo and causing extensive head and shoulder injuries. It seems Baudelia Hawkins, tells this report que the mall should have had better security knowing que those clowns are out of control, and she is seeking more that $40,000 in medical bills, and barrio emotional stress and punitive damages. And by the way she gets real upset when she sees clowns. Gloria we will be going to court in the real near future.

Ok thanks General. Now let’s go to our gal Maria la vandia.

Si Gloria, we don’t think that this law suit will hold any ground. But talking about our mall, a group of locos better known as the only barrio poltergeist group “poltergeist de la Tierra de aztlan” will gather this weekend for their first group meeting. The mall has allowed them to stay over night when the mall is close to see if the mall is haunted or any weird poltergeic activities going on while the mall is close. Back to you Gloria boohoos.

Ok raza there you have it now back to the command post.

Now let’s go to our “ocean front properties mall”, Hi there I am mall manager Hilma Dalia Hawkins, from Hawkins’s barrio properties. We are very pleased to provide you el barrio shopper with the best darn customer services to make your spending money much easier and enjoyable. We consider ourselves the best mall in the hood or better known this side of tracks, attracting customers from all over the county. And we do promise to be friendly, convenient, and promise to maintain our properties both inside and outside and keep the mall area clean and inviting. We have hired real security personnel and do promise to maintain a safe and secure environment. Have a great day.

hejola report for 03022016

Hejola report for 03022016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Main barrio street close for repairs.

First barrio symphony schedule to perform.

And finally go up on everything.

We were just informed que the cost of everything was going to go up now and maybe forever, says our barrio representative Juan Pistolas, Si raza keep a tight look at your wallet porque its going to be more empty than it has ever been.

The first ever barrio symphony has published its spring schedule that will include several performances at the Westinghouse barrio mall and some across the tracks. There will no cost to attend this performance but you will be required to bring your own beer and weed.

Barrio members were informed this morning que major repairs were schedule all this week. Barrio engineer Tomas Sanchez told us que it was going to take about three or more days to paint the cross walks on our main street. Some businesses have complained que closing the main street to paint the cross walks when the city can paint one side of the street at a time, instead of closing down the whole street. City leaders will look into this matter at their next meeting schedule for 2033.

Ok raza have a great day.