hejola report for 11302016

Hejola report for 11302106.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, Texas, hello I am Bill Diaz with the number one barrio news network, which I am very proud to be member of this team. Now for our award winning barrio news:

 Constable ends riot at t-ball game.

 Pansasos and pandemonium at the tee ball game.

 And some real good news.

 Now that the tamale season is just around the corner, lots of animal advocates ar...e a bit worried along with the barrio animal control que lots of pets have been showing up missing on that Barrio Woof Woof missing pets on our barrio face book. The constable has instructed his staff and los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters to keep an eye open for anything or anyone that don’t look normal.

 Today el constable gave out the names and address of those folks who started a riot and were arrested at a tee ball game. The constable pointed out that this type of action and parents acting like little kids just don’t cut it. We have arrest warrants out for some of these parents, and believe me I am going to bust them.

 And finally, Base on the report it all started when an unknown man verbally insulted and accused a kid of wearing stolen tee ball gear. Juana Chavez mother of child along with her muffin top confronted the suspect and the lonja grabbing began, pushing and punches were exchanged among the parents until constable cadena had to arrest several of the parents, three tee baller’s and several cats and dogs were all haul to jail. Charges are pending. Oh by the way, Juana and her lonjas are okay. Suspect still at large says el constable.Ok folks thanks again and hope to hear from me real soon, I am Mmmaria Malone, good day.

Oh by the way how about them cowboys!!!

hejola report for 11232016

Hejola report for 11232017

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill Diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:

Senior citizen basketball final score was close.

More riots are expected this weekend.

And finally so darn good news.

Since gas prices are lower and our great president really has not do with we encourage all of you don’t drink and drive because john law will lock your silly butt up.  And for those that can’t afford a turkey, buy a chicken that will do, just burned it a bit to give it that dark look. Have a great one and peace and love my friend.

As we all know que this weekend will bring in lots of relatives que we either don’t like or really care foror voted for el senor Trumpas, pero como it’s a holiday I think we can survive. That’s the warning que el constable cadena has given everyone in the hood “look don’t be starting chit con los primos ok no butts or if’s, if we find out that someone is starting chit you all going to jail”!

And finally Yesterday a very low profile championship winter league basketball game was held at the only barrio senior citizens center. The game was between Los Viejitos de la calle vs. Los vatos mas Viejitos del barrio. Please note that the age group for this game was 80 years and over. The final score after one hour of well let’s say walking back and forth was Los Viejitos del barrio  scored 7 points vs. the actually winner Los vatos mas Viejitos scored 9 points. The team Capitan Angel Flores age 91 say “chinga it was hell of a game”.  The loser Capitan Luis Gaytan age 87 say it was kind of an unfair game for us, due to the fact que they had more 90 year olds than we did. You know he said que experiences count while you on that court.

 

 

Ok raza don’t forget we love, we care, and send money but if you cant which we know you can , peace and love my friends!

hejolia report for 11222016.

Hejolia report for 11222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello world how are we today, I am Jonathon Barrio with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Thomas Trumpas makes a run for it.

Constable cadena investigation dog chasing incident.

 And now some dam good barrio news.

Well we all knew this was coming and it finally got here. The barrio leaders have informed us que the number of Sancho clause permit will be very limited this year due to the election of el senor Trumpas. The barrio leaders are asking you that if you are one of those persons that like to dress up as santa clause you better have a Sancho clause permit or you going to lose that outfit.

Yesterday for some odd reason Trumpas our newly elected barrio representative was seen running for his life after a few dogs recognized him from a campaign poster. As soon as he made it to his car he decide to take the law into his own hands an began chasing them dogs in his car. No word on how many dogs he ran over, Yet!

El constable Cadena was asked to investigate when it was reported that at least 17 dogs and some small cats and  a few taquchas were seen killed or ran over  down on the corner of third and wells street. The report filed by el constable stated that somehow or someone ran over this poor little animals and the barrio residents wanted justice for this crime, if you know anything about this matter please contact el constable.

Ok raza have a great day and tomorrow will come.

hejola report for 11182016

Hejola report for 11182016.

Cchwnn

Kingsville,texas. hello again I am David polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio women spending money trying to look like Ivanka Trumpas.

El senor Trumpas elected barrio representative.

Beer joints spring up in the hood after elections base on promises made!

It seems that ten new beer joints have just opened up in the hood after the general election held a few weeks ago. One of the new owners told us que he is very excited about opening a bar on this side of the tracks! We asked him why over here and he told us que now that all gay bars are going to be closed down base on what the new elected barrio representative Trumpas promised to shut down any queer bars and gay barrios and Tejanos bars where the majority of them folks hang out. The new owner told us que they expect to get their customers.

After the counting of writing in ballots a new face will be present at our next barrio leadership meeting a new man with a new plan will; named Thomas Trumpas was all of a sudden named the winner of this year’s election. One of his main goals he told us was to make sure he brought new jobs and guarantee que he can do that. As of now he has managed to get ten new persons jobs already, oh by the way the ten new jobs and the persons hired were all family members, oh yea only in America!

Yesterday el DR. Letmefixyouup, a well know Plastic Surgery, recently released from prison for trying to make women look like Olge Brisky back in the 1970’s has told us que he is back in business and is overwhelm with the number of chicana’s trying to look or come close to looking like Ivanka Trumpas. He told us que it doesn’t cost very much but there are several things you might want to consider if you do plan on making that move que have to be at least six foot tall and weigh less than 300 pounds. Oh by the way he does take food stamps and appointment must be made for that one day operation, dang.

Ok raza have a fun weekend and make sure you lock that door.

hejola report for 11172016

Hejola report for 11172016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again raza I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio delivery agent fired for stealing.

Henry the gardener arrested.

And now so darn good news.

We got some many complaints about the pot hoe’s in the hood story, that the creator has announced que if we hurt anyone feelings we are sorry and for all those pot hoe’s, good luck.

El senor Henry Gomez a known gardener and award winner was arrested yesterday at the corner of third and wells street. He was pulled over when his 1974 ford whatever ford looking suspicious. It turned out that the back seat was loaded with potted plants, in fact, potted pot plants. The backseat was so crowded that the leaves and branches of some plants were sticking out of the car’s windows. The constable took him in and kept the plants for evidence.

El senor Mark Martinez was fired and charged with stealing a package from the only barrio delivery agent. It seems that Martinez inadvertently came upon one package that he thought was drugs. So he took it on his own to go and trade it for a pound cat food. It turned out that it wasn’t drugs but the remains of a man who was cremated.

Ok raza save your penny’s Christmas is just around the corner, and layaway aint too far.

hejola report 11162016. tina v. gonzales (102013)

Hejola report for 11162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again, I am David Duran, have you ever noticed how time flies when you have money vs. when you don’t have money it moves really really slow? But for now here is our award winning barrio headline news:

A follow up story about a barrio hero Tina V. Gonzales.

And how did Tina V. get into this mess?

Where do we start when you have persons loving their pets so much que they are willing to go to jail for them.. well that is the case con Tina V. Gonzales. It all started like this:

It started sometime in October 2013;

Details about Tina V .

Part1.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky ass alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

Part2.

As you might remember that we reported que la commadre had over 250 cats in her backyard and fought off all five animal control workers, well this morning they came back with a new strategy. They decided since they couldn’t roundup la commadre’s cat in her back yard, they decided to wait outside her yard and waited for them cats to wonder off her property. At this time the city has reported que over 50 cats have already been arrested and waiting for more arrests. We will keep you informed on this matter.

Part 3.

This morning 5 barrio animal control unit workers went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales again with a new plan. This time la commadre T was not very happy with the idea that they capture some 50 of her cats outside her perimeter, had her own plan. The report says when the barrio animal control unit arrived this morning around 5 a.m. and noticed at least 50 more of them cats outsider the demilitarized zone that la commadre had marked in her back yard. Well at least three of the animal control unit workers tried to chase down some of them cats found them self well within the DMZ zone. Where all of

a sudden la commadre appeared from a hidden bunker she had built for such an occasion behind the three animal control workers, managed to capture all the workers by knocking them down with a 10 foot 2x4 and taking them into her second fenced area next to her home. The other two workers made a run for it in an effort not to get caught but managed to contact the constable Cadena. No word on the status of this sage and standoff.

Part 4.

The constable in charge of this drama being held at this moment told us que he was very glad to see that the three hostage were doing great and seem to be in good health. He also stated that la commadre had bar b q some food for the three men and bought some beer also. All and all the situation seems to be reaching an end soon, and hoping que la commadre T will release the workers with no one getting hurt  soon.

Part 5. Community support for Tina V.

Today at least 35 people have gather at the corner of third and wells protesting the way the barrio animal control unit has handled the cat situation here. It seems that many of the protestors are telling us que there is really no need to be bringing in the local law dogs from across the streets and their swat team to end this terrible siege, in which the constable is considering if la commadre Tina doesn’t release the three hostage she captured a few hours ago.

Part 6. Special agent’s side step barrio constable and raid cat owner home.

It look like the constable had everything under control with the sage on the corner of third and wells, where la commadre Tina V. Gonzales had taken three animal control unit workers hostages.

Until 1 Am this morning, a handful of state and local police swat team raided the home of la commadre, and recued all three animal control workers. No report on how they did it or the status of la commadre Tina V. Gonzales. More details later.

Some details have been provided and told us que  mall sources tell us that la Commadre Tina V. Gonzales had been accepted to the health center here in the mall under heavy security. We do have word now that la commadre had been taser several times by the police force when she tried to wrestle down several of the swat team from across the tracks. During all this la commadre was reported of suffering a cardiac arrest and was rushed here to get treated immediately after the so call brawl. More details later.

The swag continues ……

 Well there you have it and lets pray for Tina.

We will continue the swag tomorrow! Please note this happen in Oct 2013.

hejola report 11142016.

Hejola report for 11142016.

 Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville, Texas. Como estan, I am Bill Diaz con todays award winning barrio headline news.

 Now for our award winning headline news:

 Barrio justice of the peace removed from barrio park bench,

 Barrio resident takes matters into his own hands for his pain,

 And finally, a barrio member busted for marijuana says it was a hate crime.

Yesterday afternoon an appeals court from across the tracks temporary admonished our side of the track justice of the peace Honorary Judge Christina Ocha Morgan, age 36, for her behavior last month, when she left a jury deliberating a case for seven hours, where charges were pending on Ernesto Morales murder charges. But instead, she left the court in order to attend a bingo game at our local k.c.. hall. The complaint filed also states que she refused to leave the bingo house when notified that the jury had reached a verdict. Her actions cost the county at least a few hundred dollars when the jury was forced to return the next day.

In other news, it was reported to us by el constable cadena que Jovel Munoz age 45, was treated at our St. Pauls Medical center last week after shooting himself in his right knee. When asked why he did it, he replied que he had to do something to end the pain on that same knee he had injured five years ago.

And finally, Brother Pete Cruz a special courier transporter was arrested and thrown in jail for the result of being caught con 250 pounds of marijuana in a regular traffic stop done by our own constable cadena. According to el constable report, cruz told el constable que he was a courier for religious monastery and was transporting religious instruments, in which uses marijuana as a sacrament. Mr. cruz is pending a court date.

 

 Well raza, have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 11112016

Hejola report for 11112016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill Diaz back from a small vacation. Let’s not spend too much time on this but let’s get to the barrio headline news:

Commadre cause accident while on barrio cell phone.

Barrio family pushes their car around town.

And finally local barrio college band don’t make to out of town game.

It sounded like a great idea to send our volunteer college band to our first out of town barrio football game. Well the barrio rented out several barrio buses to transport our band and the very few fans the team has, to and out of town game. Well the band and its fans made it ten miles out of town when two of the three buses broke down. It seems que some of the band members, including some fans, had to walk back into town. By the way our team lost the game.  Fans and band members are looking to get their money back.

It seems que it’s good to have a lots of family members. La familia ruiz has ten members in its family. Yesterday afternoon we got a call, really a few weeks ago concerning that someone had seen a barrio family pushing their van around the hood. Well I didn’t believe it till I saw, there they were seven of them pushing their van into the mall area.  Well the constable was forced to pull them over and ask them a few questions. AFTER the interview, the father was given a ticket for driving without a license, no insurance, no automobile license plate, nor a registration nor an inspection sticker and finally for illegal tow and pushing a motorized vehicle . The father told us que he shouldn’t be required to have all that since his family is pushing the van on the side of the road. He also stated que he has saved at least $1000.00 a month on gas insurances and other cost that go along with owning a car. But for now, his family is pushing the van to their home until they can come up con a better idea to get around.

And finally,Yesterday afternoon right in front of our office we heard a big boom. When we went outside to investigate we saw que la commadre Belinda Rodriquez had just smashed into the back of jim woods a construction worker pick up.  It seems que when she smashed into the back of the pickup she was on the phone.  El constable arrested her con wreck less driving. But the way it’s the tenth time she has been busted for driving on the phone.

Ok raza are you getting ready for that Thanksgiving Day? Just for the record we went to the bingo but didn’t win any of the games but we did win a free turkey..no que no.

barrio survey 2016.

Barrio survey 2016.

Cchwnn.

11102016.

Kingsville, Tx. Hello again Maria La Vandia here with more results from our barrio study survey done this year. The real question is why do you have la commadres underwear on”?

 

I had the chance to survey at least 100 vatos in the hood at a party we had concerning this matter… our findings were very interesting….

 

Let see, on the question “hey vato why do you have la comadres underwear on”?

1.       85% of los vatos reported que they had thought about trying on la commadres underwear on, but didn’t.

 

2.       32% of los vatos talked about it con su commadre and she understood their feelings, but did she really understand?

 

3.       18% of los vatos we interviewed did say que they had worn la commadres underwear in front of her and maybe other stuff too, and then they wish they hadn’t.

 

Wow after they had a few more drinks esto vatos really really laid it out and did they talk and share a lot more than expected.

And finally the real disturbing results was que 8% of los vatos had worn women’s underwear in front of other women and not la commadre….wow que loco…….gee what in the world is going on…

First of all some final points on this topic “hey vato why do you have la comadres underwear on”? It’s not hard to realize que men are a lot like women and women are a lot of men… could it be que it’s a new trend for both sexes…….

Now the bottom line is que mucho de our hood don’t want to hear or read stuff like this and we can see why…..pincha gente don’t want to realize que there is lots of things going on beyond la 23rd street to the end of wells street…..

Hey there is more to come.

hejola report for 11092016

Hejolia report for 11092016.

Early thanksgiving report.

Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, TX. Hello my friends I am Bill Diaz the main vato here at cchwnn, now that our creator (Daniel) goes into his 65 thanksgiving we want to give thanks to all our friends that have supported our news and a few thanks to those who don’t. It really does matter in some cases that we provide you with the most important news about the hood. With that in mind, let’s wish the rich or poor, dumb or smart, tall or short, heavy or light weight, single or married, gay or straight, happy or sad, clueless or smart ass, democratic or racist, legal or illegal, walking or running the best of thanksgiving, and remember when there is food there should be food for everyone, god bless you.. Now enough of that tear jerking comments and now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women.

Turkey Barrio Company ships its last load of turkeys.

And finally some good turkey news.

Well this year the barrio community center will have its annual turkey dinner at the center but with a few new ideas, well not really new but at lease it sounds news. Ever persons, that comes to eat have to bring the following: folks, spoons, plate, bread, drink, napkins and some darn good matters.

Well after a ruff five years of shipping turkeys nationwide and only a few loads making their distention have decided it was cheaper to close down the company instead of paying high price security escort to guarantee delivering of its fine turkeys. Mr. Moore, the owner said enough is enough, we gone and going to move somewhere else where we don’t have to fight these “keep turkeys alive groups”. My god this folks are worse that the tea party.

El partner Juan Anderson Martinez was arrested last night after he was asked to leave the only gay Tejano bar Two tons of fun, when started a fight with a man dress like a woman. The constables report says that El partner was screaming and yelling “Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women’ and started grabbing everybody until he grabbed Sonny a man 6’ 5” and weights 300 lbs who really didn’t appreciate being touched never the less grabbed, turned around and grabbed El Partner from the neck and threw his little body frame out the freaking door. El Partner who is about 5”2” tall and weighing in at around 130 lbs wet, was stunned and kind of still talking about Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women, when the constable got to the bar. EL was arrested and will spend the holidays behind bars with others who wish about Alcohol and whiskey and wild wild women.

Well raza thanks again and have a happy thanksgiving and watch that waist line, I am Bill Diaz, good day.

HEJOLA REPORT FOR 11082016.

Hejola report for 11082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again big tejano spenders? How is your wallet today? I am Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio grandmother arrested for gambling life savings.

Another barrio women arrested, blames the devil.

And finally, barrio man caught inside home using bathroom.

Yesterday afternoon, el vato Henry GIGA Garcia called el constable que he had a man trapped inside his bathroom. When el constable showed up, they found Mill Ochoa, locked inside the family bathroom. Once the constable opened the door to release Mill, he had chit on his pants and hands and shoes and all over the bathroom. It seems que Mill had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t wait so he climbed inside the Garcia bathroom to dump some of his chit. Charges will be filed. No chit.

Commadre Gloria Stevenson Munoz Lopez Garcia, was arrested yesterday at the barrio penny store where she was accused of stealing $.50 cent worth of gum found in her purse as she left the store. The constable asked her why she ripped the stuff of and she replied que the Devil made her do it. Charges were filed and will go to court.

Yesterday afternoon el constable was forced to arrest la senora Maria Shine, age 95, for gambling her life savings on la loteria bingo game at her home. She had her weekly loteria partners come over once a week for about 30 years. In those 30 years she lost an average of $50 per week. Her relatives were real pissed off at her thinking que she was going to leave that money to them when she died, hoping que real soon. Oh by the way the relative had to return all the goods they bought with the so call hope to get the money soon. Charges will be appealed. By the way we do think que the charges will be dropped, hello.

Ok, have a great tejano day>

hejola report for 11072016.

Hejola report for 11072016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello raza David Duran here con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

ESTA VATO LOCO wins election, but with controversy.

Lots of party goers strap it on.

And finally, a record number of voters show up in trucks and trailers to vote.

The barrio city clerk told us que this election brought out the most voters ever since in the hood, now that the new voting law allowed you to bring some of your pets to vote, as long as they were registered voters. The clerk told us que the number of voters was larger than last year but those numbers really represented lots of farm animals being declaring as pets. But the clerk did tell us que at least no one had a taqucha register voter this year!

As we mention yesterday que both of these candidates were holding their victory parties right across the street somewhere down by third and wells street. The constable was send to this location several times during the evening to break up several fights and people just plain yelling at each other. El constable had to shut down both parties around 4 a.m. in the morning.

At the end of the night ESTA VATO LOCO was declared the winner and the next barrio city representative with a small edge win over Russell Rufus redneck. But that wasn’t the major story here. We have been informed que Redneck was going to challenge the election results something today con the idea que too many chickens, ducks, turkeys, and cats, and dogs voted illegal. In addition he also claims que ESTA VATO LOCO isn’t really his name.  The complaint will be submitted to our local justice of the peace for his review within a few hours.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day y que viva good ole u.s.a.

hejola report for 11022016

Hejola report for 11022016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again raza, I am Veronica la lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Gay Tejano bar sets standards.

Tejanos file suit against gay Tejano bar.

And finally some real good news.

Yesterday it was announced the Tejano days will be held this year at the Westinghouse bar mall. The lineup includes the history of tejano’s in the hood, schedule of events to be announce soon, attractions highlights will be provide also. So save your money and come on down to this year’s Tejano days coming soon.

Two want to be tejanos, who by the way work at an office and never in their life’s have been a Tejano filed a law suit against two tons of fun over the ability to identify who is male or female at that bar. You know you get tired of asking a woman to dance and turn out to be another man. How in the world can you slow dance with that, says one of the want to be Tejano who filed the law suit. The law suit will be discussed at the next court date set for August 12, 2033.

And finally Yesterday the only Tejano gay bar in the nation “two tons of fun” announced that they will be enforcing new bathroom and makeup standards for its remodel bar. Le Plu, the new manager told us que they were going to make the bar more attractive to tejanos and not so much for you know who? So we are going to require that all gay men and women must register at the door and be given an arm bracelet to make sure we know if they are men or women. Furthermore they will require so much makeup on a person to make sure we know what sex they really are.

So let’s keep it going raza.

hejola report for 11012016

Hejola report for 11012016.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s barrio headline news:

Barrio man has to spell in front of his dog.

El compadre to face owners of piggy bank he stole.

And finally, a proposed wall for Westside.

It seems que la gente in our side, that’s Westside have proposed to build a wall of some kind to make sure que no one that doesn’t belongs there goes there. Of course some of the residents are not very happy about this nor that. But they all seem to agree que there has to be some freaking way to monitor the folks coming and going. This matter will be review by the city fathers and mothers from east side (2009).

It seems que our pets might be just as smart as we are and that’s the case del compadre y la comadre Javier and maria delapaz. It seems que this two folks can’t say anything in front of their dog due to fact que he went to training school. So now it’s easier just to spell words in front of him. La familia delapaz say que now they have more privacy.

And finally, el compadre Jimenez will face la familia lopez tomorrow. It seem s que el compadre was charged with stealing la familia lopez children piggy bank, which leaded  police to el compadre Jimenez was the i.o.u. note he left besides the piggy bank. El constable is not sure what other charges will be filed but he does know que the little piggy bank was not damaged.

Well folks as you can see its always happening here in the hood, keep it tejano and see you all Really really soon