hejola afternoon report for12162015

Hejola afternoon report for 12162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am david Polar bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

It’s a miracle in the hood.

Crack head busted con su pet pig.

Two commadres arrested for fighting in public.

And now some darn good news.

You know our creator is going on vacation tomorrow we might not have access to a place to do our hejola report till Jan. 4 . So if you don’t hear from us don’t think the worse about us, just call us at 361 558 2263, and hope we answer. Have a great holidays, and if santa gave you all too much here is my address so we can make good to others; 623 west elle, #2, Kingsville, Texas. 78363. Every year we try to make things happy for so few that this year we can’t even make us happy. Bye

 

La commadre tancha y la commadre Nancy Garcia were both arrested at the corner of wells and Third Street yesterday afternoon when one of las commadre claimed que la commadre loved to gossip and people believe her. I don’t mind says one of las commadre que la commadre likes to gossip pero not about me and I confronted her about it. La commadre slapped la commadre a few times until la commadre got out of the car and started to fight la commadre. It took several folks to separate them two, and they held both women until el constable cadena came an arrested both of them for believing what they heard through the grapevine even if they have  no evidence to the contrary. El constable tells us que gossip most of the time is more powerful than truth.

It just seemed odd que esta loco was riding his bike without any tires late last night says el constable Cadena ,pero what was more odd es que he had his pet pig riding in back of the bike sitting inside a kids bike carrier. Once the constable tried to stop esta loco to ask him how much for the pig ,the loco took off on his bike, of course not being able to out run the the constable squad car, esta loco finally fell down and gave up two blocks down the street. Once the constable came up to him, the crack head told the constable que he threw his shit away. The constable went back and picked up the stuff and arrested the crack head, oh by the way how much for the pig, the constable asked.

Ok happy days are here again, it was going to be a sad day next week when the parents of la Chica named Blanca due to the fact que the parents didn’t have the funds to send her to some cheerleading camp, but this morning we were informed que a miracle on Third street had happened. You see they found around 15 chickens and 10 turkeys stuck or trapped inside their backyard. After a few hours of waiting to see who claims them no one showed up. Now the proud parents are having chicken plates and turkey legs and turkey plates for sale this weekend to see if they can pay that entry fee to the camp. My god that is a miracle, god bless America.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 12162015

Hejola report for 12162015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas hello again I am David Polar Bear Duran con our award winning barrio headline news but for now can we talk.

Look cold weather is just around the corner and if you haven’t found someone to sleep with or big enough to sleep on the side of that un- weatherized window, you got a long winter ahead of yourself. Now for our headline news:

Pigeons put the finger on a compadre.

Mother arrested after restraining her child for a family picture.

Hecklers arrested at official cock fight.

And finally some good news.

Have you ever been accused of saying something that someone heard you say or said that you said, well that seems to be the case here in the hood, look don’t believe everything people say it’s Christmas a time to love and forgive and just around the corner a time to start again. Its Christmas time give it a break.

I don’t know if you know but we know que cock fighting has a long history in the hood. Even as a kid ( 1950 and 60’s) my grandfather always took us to them historical events where one had to die and one had to win and hope they lived to fight again, until that the last one we went too, was raided by the local law dogs and we ran for our lives into the woods back to our grandfather car. Well those times seemed to be back for a very short moment when it was unofficially announced que the cock fights were back and in living color. Oh we forgot, about that heckler who was run off from the secret location for trying to free them roosters and yelling unfair to animals and how inhumanly  conditions were.

Things didn’t go well at the mall like it was supposed to be says la familia Hernandez spoke person. All we wanted was a family picture with Sancho Clause but turned to be a night mare. You see this family has had trouble controlling its children at home never the less at the mall. Well when their time came up to snap that shot con Sancho half of the children were running around the mall and a few were actually dragged and restrained for that family shot. Well it just so happen que the county Child Abuse workers were at the mall doing their give an away Christmas gifts to some needy family noticed this disturbing thing going on que they called the cops and constable Cadena an reported child abuse going on. All the adults were arrested and the children under the age of 40 were taking into care and some went shopping con the case workers.

El compadre always had this love for pigeons who he called “pincha rats with wings” took a different twist yesterday when el constable noticed que the large number of pigeons hanging out at el compadres backyard and back house roof. So he took it on his own to investigate and discovered why this was happening, it seemed que, he el compadre was growing marijuana plants. No arrested were made but el compadre was taken in for questioning. So now el constable is telling us que look at the bright side anytime you see a lot of birds in one location, it doesn’t mean it’s a movie come to life, but could be an illegal drug operation. Dang and here we thought that them pigeons were friendly birds, but turns out que they are snitches.

Ok like them or not, snitches need a life too. Have a great Tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 12152015

 

Barrio stock market  report for 12152015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello once again I am urbano yosabatodo con the almost end of the year barrio stock market report. Si mi raza it’s been a long year for our barrio spenders. But since many here and some other there do get public assistances what do we have to worry about! Now for our report:

La Baracoa de cabeza:

When we started to cover la barbacoa de cabeza several years ago, we were certain que we would solve this issue con the mad cow disease. It is a proof que la raza would not be affected by this mad cow stuff, you remember when we wrote about this several times,So what happens? Our own barrio farmers decided not to take chances instead, invest in some llamas! Hoping que llama meat will be the meat of the future here in the hood. La Baracoa de cabeza ended this week at $6.25 a lbs. and ease on the fat.

Las empanadas:

We can tell you right now que when we starting 2006 war on empanadas makers we knew than que we could make a differences.. We here and you there love this breaded stuff and for them to have very little filling like they use to be is really uncalled for. So empanada brokers beware if you guys don’t start to fill them up, look out next year. Las empanadas ended the week at $.59 cent each.

 

Los tamales:

Wow man let’s not go through this again but we must remind you que if you would have bought them a few months ago we would have this high cost on them now. Or shall I say you would have to pay that much for them now. Los tamales ended the week at a high of $9.50 a dozen. Almost $3 dollar higher than a month ago. Dang and we just saw a special on beef and pork heads.

Los taquitos:                                                                                                                                                                                     

 I know I know that I am a small frame person for those that know me. But there is a restaurant here in our hood que makes the biggest taquitos I have ever seen. I hate that place. It makes me feel like I am a starving person. I just can’t eat there and leave food behind. Los taquitos ended the week at $1.59 cent each and coffee is extra.

Las tortillas:                                                                                                                                                                                       

What better smell there is than a good old tortilla burning on that burner? It just leaves that unique odor in your home. Man I can still smell my grandmothers kitchen when I was a kid sitting there watching her make those circular delicious tortillas. Man o man those were the days my friend I knew them well. Oh well las tortillas closed the week at $1.50 cent to $1.25 a dozen. Boy oh boy do we miss those days.

And finally my favor market cheap beer:

As I near my retirement, the age of kicking back and laying low one has to wonder why pay so much? I love that cheap beer, its taste and that heavy feeling still in my wallet. Cheap beer remains stable at $4.65 a six-pack. Even for the holidays.

 Ok now for the barrio want ads:

After tons of email denouncing us for the mistreatment of our finest senior citizens, it is safe and great to say que there is no more seniors available for the holidays nor for the claiming on your income tax for 2015. It seems que some dude dress like sancho clause came by our Cruz roja center and took the remaining seniors. We are so happy now and for all those who hate us, for using seniors as part of our want ads... wow what can we say.

 But we still have some ads:

Ad#002584 used sancho clause suit for sale.

Ad# 00254 stuff reindeer and sledge need minor and some major repairs.

Ad#25640 man and woman willing to exchange their 32 year old son for used car or bike, no exchanges once deal is done.

And finally our realtors report. Did you know que that stuff sancho clause and that majic whatever cystal ball con a snowman inside sitting on your front lawn? Yea that’s the one. Well where do you think its going to be in a few days? Raza raza raza don’t buy so much, try a little harder and save that stuff for next year. Hejola we act like we have lots of money? Or do we?

And finally raza we got a real Christmas card from some people in east l.a. thanking us for our daily news and how we make their day. So thank you. So if you do have any extra Christmas cards or gift cards mail them to 623 west elle #1, Kingsville, texas, 78363. We do need these funds to be able to help those in need in our hood.

hejola report for 12152015.

Hejola report for 12152015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello  I am Alcardio Samudio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Christmas decorations cause fire at the corner of west third and Wells Street, several injured.

More turkeys found in hood and are looking for good home till after Christmas says el ojo barrio private eye.

And finally elderly persons wanting someone to claim them this coming income tax year.

And maybe some darn good news.

It seems that barrio leaders are going to give barrio city and county employee’s an increase on their wages for 2016. Great says the oldest working member of the hood (89) now I can really buy those teeth I’ve been wanting since 1968.

 

A total of twenty-two elderly folks signed up for this year come and claim me on your income tax for 2015 or take an elder person to live with you only for the holidays. Si folks these people are waiting for someone to come by our center and take them over to your home for the holidays and you can use them as exemptions for next year’s income tax or that relative that you always wanted around, but don’t have any.

Just as a footnote: El senior Juanito Utley de La Raza income service and home care barrio style, serving almost every Chicano elderly in the hood, says que this is a great service que estos viejitos are doing to help you, si you, the barrio consumer can save money on your 2015 income taxes an avoid paying the government any taxes you might owe this coming year, or replaces that relative you can’t stand for very long. For more information concerning this matter or pictures of los viejitos up for holiday adoptions just call that’s all.

 

In other news, several turkeys are still showing up in the hood says el constable Cadena. We last reported que at least more than 50 turkeys had escape from that truck that somehow turned over a few days ago. Now let’s go to el ojo barrio private eye to see his update on this matter.

Si al. we have found an additional ten more turkey’s yesterday afternoon that were hind behind a fast food drive-inn. I am not sure what those turkeys were doing there but we did manageto catch three of them. These three turkeys look a lot alike the ones that got away a few days ago says el constable Cadena. But we will take them over to our barrio center and are asking for few good families to see if they want to take care of this three turkeys until  after Christmas. After that they can eat them. By the way this does not include any elderly person comes with this birds. Sorry it’s either the turkey or an elderly person, can’t have both. Back to alcardio.

And finally los vatos loco volunteer firefighters were called to an eight bucket alarm fire last night around 10:45 pm. It took the los vato awhile to get there because they were watching reruns of Dancing con La Comadre and didn’t want to miss the show. By the time they got there the street light pole burned down and fell on top of a park car that caught fire and them explored and spread its fames at least a half a block that set at least three homes on fire.

By the time the real fire fighters got there from across the tracks, they were able to manage to save a few homes on that block of west third  and wells street. Los vatos locos were given credit for saving a dog house and a bird house that was hanging on one off the trees that caught fire.

Three dogs, two cats, and a caged bird were not seriously burned. A few new volunteers were treated for smoke inhaling. We will keep our crew of volunteers down to eight says the main vato loco. We just can’t ask those old folks staying at the center to push that cherry painted 1978 ford whatever with the word volunteer painted on the door any faster. Furthermore, he said que they need to fix that started on that 1978 ford whatever.

Ok raza who said there’s a war on Christmas? Nobody. The only war we got in the hood is them bill collectors trying to ruin our Christmas!

hejola report for 12142015

Hejola report for 12142015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello once again I am bill diaz con double your barrio news for today y tomorrow. The reason for this is que our creator is going to an office party and might not be able to make any more sense. So let’s get right to the award winning barrio headline news:

>Barrio man found asleep on railroad tracks.

>Barrio couple sleeps inside el cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex.

>New way to pay at the store by using your finger print.

>Older barrio couple caught burgler and force him to clean their home.

Barrio dr. arrested for writing on bathroom walls.

And finally, el barrio research has published their findings of what goes on in the hood and what is important to you con maria la vandia.

It seems que maria la vandia never lets us down con su chingadies, she has just finished a research paper on what goes on in the hood and what is important to us. Here is a small example of what the research has found:

1.She found out que a barrio man many have as up 72 birthdays in his life time, at the age of 63.

2.She also discovered que many barrio members didn’t know que some months had 31 days and others have up to 28 days in a month.

3.she also found out que its illegal in the hood for a vato to marry his widon’s sister in law. So as you can see this research has lots of new discoveries that we didn’t know que you didn’t know, but since we all know now, there will be no further need to learn anymore.

Yesterday afternoon el senor want to be dr. philp garica was arrested at the barrio mall restroom while he was writing on the bathroom wall his ten ways to get laid in the hood. Gloria Guerra mall manager tells us que charges will be filed against esta way, Gloria told us que she was sick and tired of having to paint the john ever other week. Its seemed que esta dr garica had been writing his theories inside bathrooms all over the hood, for several months, charges will be filed.

La familia ben y beth luna were surprise the other morning when burglar woke them up asking where they had the money. Well while beth tried to get her purse, ben slapped the shit of the burglar and making him drop his gun. At the point ben got his gun and both beth and him held the burglar hostage and watched him clean their home while the held him at gun point. When the constable made it to the lunas home, the burglar was having a snack , while waiting to be picked up. Charges will be filed for both parties, one for burglary and the lunas for hold a person at gunpoint.

Los dos cholos super market both are college engineers have designed a new to let children buy beer for their folks. They have designed a new way to charge you at the store by storing your grown finger print at the stores computer and this would allow your children under the age of 21 to buy beer for you. We still don’t know what’s the big deal con this new fade.

It seems que el barrio loco was admitted to el barrio st. pauls medical center with a condom glued to his thing. It seems que esta loco just found out what sex was about an thought that if he were to glue a condom to his thing he could save money. He will release from the center sometime next week. By the way esta loco had it glued for two months now.

When el constable cadena got to the sports complex several complex employees had la comadre y el compadre ben Gomez surrounded after they were found both of them asleep inside one of the bathrooms. Once the constable questioned the couple, it seems que they got so drunk que the both fell asleep in the john. No charges will be filed but will be charged for staying overnight.

El barrio rail way reported yesterday que they drove over a vato asleep on the tracks. It seemed que panchito Gomez was so drunk que he fell asleep in between the rail road tracks. The el barrio 501 rails told us que he saw esta guy asleep and when he stopped the train to check on him he was still asleep. I quess now you can say que not even a train can wake him up. Oh by the way he lost his left arm and his right leg.

Well there you have it folks hope to see you all sooner .

hejola report for 12142015

 

 

Hejola report for 12142015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio gringitos prepare for something.

Gringitos try and take over the hood but shows their asses.

And finally some darn good news.

You know we use the term gringitos literally, but it’s alright due to the fact que the gringitos are amoung us and always will, but it’s all right once they realize que they had it all wrong, thing will look a lot brighter for them.

It seems that there are several Tejanos, Latinos, Mexicans, Chicanos and whatever you want to call yourself still believe all the chit they hear on TV  and still believe que we should do something about things that their not sure about any more. These were some of the comments made at a barrio meeting held last night. It was real sad that the only ones that believe we had a bunch of freeloaders in the hood were the ones that were the freeloaders. You know that there is something real wrong when you get our own to believe that and are willing to show their asses to others in public.

Yesterday our own redneck, Russell Ruff Redneck, yes the one that married la prima, Martha Gonzales Martinez Munoz, showed how worried he is that he build a moat around his property and didn’t have a building permit. So once the city and barrio city inspectors when over and saw the damages he did to his property and the folks living next door decided to bring in their own equipment and covered it up just like that. Mr. Redneck will be fined and have to pay for all the damage he did. Mr. Redneck told us que it was un-American and que he was going to do something about it. La prima told us que we really shouldn’t be listening to her husband; he hadn’t taken his medication in a few days.

Ok raza and for those gringitos that think they are more American that you and me “ god bless la raza” , and let me  hear an AMEN.

hejola afternoon report for 12112015

 

Hejola afternoon report for 12112015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again raza I am Jonathon Barrio con today’s award winning barrio headline news, but first let me thank the 4 folks that donated $4.00 on our Christmas drive to keep our office open. We really want especial shout out to Chicano tv AZ was willing to go an borrow money to help us out. Thank you Miss. You are a true American.  Now for that dang report:

Two men and ten cats busted at the corner of third and wells.

Barrio pollution increase con cold weather.

And finally some dang good news.

Well the vato loco’s volunteer firefighters have agreed with the city and the county que they won’t be drinking, smoking, cussing, stealing, robbing, lying, back stabling, punching, hitting, kicking, biting, and talking chit to an body during these holidays, and also promise to keep their eyes open and ears clean just in case your Christmas tree catches on fire or that nice candle falls and burns your home down. They also pledge que they will be in full alert.Good luck loco’s. please note que vato loco’s volunteers are folks that do drugs and are up all night. (The barrio leaders had determine several years ago why hire real people to stay up when we got chingos of them already staying up all night. All we have to do is ask them to come over and party here and don’t touch anything just answer the red freaking phone).

It seems that this time of the year folks want to get rid of their unwanted pets and that seems to be on an increase these past few weeks. A few barrio members and members of the barrio welcome wagon have notice that now that these people are watching and caring for all those poor cats that Tina v. left behind. But yesterday was no different than other days due to the fact that county animal control is also camping out at that same corner trying to bust this illegal thing. And that’s what happen yesterday when two men from who know where tried to dump ten cats and drove off but were busted down the street.  The animal control caught at least ten of the hundreds of cats they brought with them. Charges will be filed against these persons. But do note que the search is still on for Tina V. the cat woman.

Yesterday our own barrio weather man San Juan Norterno told this report que the pollution level here in the hood has gone sky high since the cold weather came in. The amount of pollution is up at least 35 percent at this time compared to last month. One of the main reasons says San Juan is due to the large number of people using fire places to keep warm and burning wood outside to stay warm. Barrio Environmentalist, Juan Delgado, tell us que Burning firewood can either be damaging to the environment or it can be helpful. It all comes down to your choices as a consumer and the way you burn your wood and the source you choose to get it from. Ok raza there you have it you decided. Oh by the way 65 percent of the home fires are caused by folks not know what the hell they are doing.

Ok raza have a great day and remember drink and drive the county needs the bucks.

hejola report for 12102015

Hejola report for 12102015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again mi raza how are we doing?  I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Increase on Christmas sales on the raise.                                                                                                                  Barrio leaders plan on moving Christmas to February.                                                                                          And finally some good news.

The barrio welcome wagon is still holding the corner of third and wells hostage from the state, county and local animal control folks still trying to invade Tina V Gonzales home, who by the way was declared died by last seen alive in another county. Tina has in her back yard over 200 people on a daily bases watching over her 15 cats or more. But we want to let you know that the number of cats has increased to 252. It seems that the community has decided to keep on bring straw cats to her home for a safe haven. Dang. Pray for us on this one.

 After a few hours of discuss this matter barrio leaders plan on presenting an idea to move or at least move some of the Christmas activities to February, there were some valid reasons to move it says one of the barrio leaders. Look if we move some of the Christmas activities to February there is a sure chance of increase Christmas sales there too. Another reason was that a large portion of the hood gets their IRS tax returns around that time and we should take advantage of that and the extra money people have to invest back into the hood. Hmm great idea, what do you think? Humbug!

 Yesterday el barrio welcome wagon told us que this year’s sales are a bit higher than last years at the same period. It seems que barrio members have gotten a bit smarter than years before, they put stuff on lay a way when they are cheaper and get them out just in time for Christmas, good job raza.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola afternoon report for 12092015

 

Hejola afternoon report for 12092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am General Fideo Vermicelli

Our creator overwhelmed with donation or loaned money of $4.00.

Compadre steals money for us to stay alive.

Barrio leaders tell us que it is very expensive to be poor.

And now some kind of good news.

Yes we are a satire news service that does not require any kind of payment to read or see our news. But in recent days we have fumbled our on cost and are in edge of night. We thank those that still believe in free enterprise at some cost but we will prevail on this matter.

Barrio leaders just found out que the only bank in the hood might have to move few more blocks closer to the railroad tracks that divide the city. Since we leave on the west side of our great town, banks have not taken noted of that. The only leading institution in our hood is the high rate payday loans and the prominence of check-cashing stores. Those are our banks and we need some relief. Look loans at 89 percent interest rates are the only thing we have going here and it’s going to be the same in the future. What can be done? Barrio members all know que work hard, stay honest and care for fellow man is still the heart of our barrio but being poor has always been the biggest down fall for many hard working raza. It makes no differences folks if we work hard, the cost of living will never meet the real cost of staying alive.

It seems que everything was going his way until he didn’t have the money to pay certain bills. El compadre Martin Moore Cantu was arrested yesterday evening which seemed kind of funny due to the fact that he only took $40 from the store he had robbery. Once el constable arrested him, they asked him why only $40.00, he said he wanted to help us out. My god, god blesses el compadre and we plan to bail him out somehow.  

Our creator told us que he was very happy que some folks actually trust us with so far $4.00 that we will pay back on Monday to keep us going. Thank you folks and we won’t let you down.

Again thank you raza and we promise to make it good.

hejola report for 12092015

Public notices: our publication is in serious need of $40.00 in next 24 hours in order to make payment off our internet services. I know we should not be asking for funds during this time but if we can manage to get the $40.00 we can repay it back in 5 days. ( for real).

 

Hejola report for 12092015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio prepare for more terrorist and problems.

Ten men and women and some farm animals arrested.

Rent animals for Christmas Nativity closed down.

And now some maybe good news.

Look don’t be surprise if someone goes an steal your Christmas décor, but let’s hope que if they do, they put them to good use!

There was so much going on with folks trying to save those animals at the Rent a Pet for a day que they had to shut down for a while until el constable could run off a chit load of animal right activists from their city lots somewhere near third and Wells Street. One of the leaders told us que animals should have the same rights as people do, look if they are allowed to vote here why not have the right not to participant in this traditional programs. Hey maybe they don’t want to do this anymore? No one was arrested but were asked to more or else.

Yesterday at the annual Barrio and Hood Christmas parade ten men and women and some of their farm animals were arrested while attending to free some of the chickens, pigs, ducks, real reindeer, sheep, lambs and little squirrels, camels, donkeys and some horses, cows, and pet birds used on the floats. The constable told us que he wasn’t real sure why this folks believe that there is something wrong on having these animals during Christmas. Charges will be filed. One protester told que they were told us to go somewhere else, well we did.

Now that we have pasted one holiday, we are preparing for a few more in the next few weeks. That is why our constable Cadena has again giving out warnings to all the barrio members about relatives coming to visit like it or not. He has mention before que the holidays always bring those relatives that we hate so much but have no choice but to accept them with open hearts and warm loving. So again if you think you need the extra protection during the next few weeks let him know so he can assign a special home security officer?

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 12072015

Hejola afternoon report for 12072015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville>Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

 Drunk vato shot and for what?

Drive up and down mainstreet might be a new thing.

Barrio lotto new numbers.

And now somewhat good news.

Yesterday afternoon was more or less a good day for many folks in hood when they found out que if you hadn’t paid your bills by the 16 of this month the downtown barrio Christmas displays might be shut down. Barrio leaders feel que if you don’t pay you can’t play, what the hell that means who knows.  

As we reported this morning que barrio 8 ball was back in town, we just got word that the amount to be given has gone from $10.50 to $12.42. some barrio members are already lined up at the local stores for this exciting event. Oh a historical remark. One of the major issue with this 8ball is que the last time we had 350 winners and only had $14.50 to give away. Chinga. Good luck raza.

Now that barrio resident, have been informed que the first of the year 2016, there will be no cable, or internet services anywhere around till the year 2017. So barrio members have organized a group called up and down , will show cast and bring back the idea of driving up and down main street like we did many many many years ago. One of its members tells us, since gas is cheaper I don’t see why anyone would want to stay home.  It’s going to be great getting to see old friend again.

El constable and his officers are getting lots of chit about the shooting  a barrio resident that has no hands. It seems that there is no proof or evidence that this happen but we got word that a man was taken to St.Pauls Medical center at the mall con some gun shots to the head, and body. El constable didn’t return our call but we did get some idea what happen. It seems que Manule Gonzales a barrio resident that lost his both hands a few years ago was accused of trying to steal some food from that man who rides his bicycle around the hood selling stuff.  While attempting to steal an orange, banana and a pineapple all at the same time. He was asked to put the stuff down when the constable got there but since he had his mouth full he couldn’t answer his request, so he was shot a few times and once he fell to the ground all the stuff in his mouth fell out and it is reported that he said, que onda, I paid for this con my stamps. A full investigation will be done on this matter.

Or raza you better not cry and you better not lie.

hejola report for 12072015

 

Hejola report for 12072015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am David Duran with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

trickle-down economics part of everyday in the hood.

Barrio man arrested for fighting con sancho clause at the mall parking lot.

And finally some darn good news.

Yesterday barrio member were informed that the barrio lotto will be running for this christmas holiday. The lotto had been suspended for awhile due to the fact that there were no funds to lotto off. So this week you will be able to purchase your lotto ticket just in time for Christmas. This years lotto winnings might just reach $10.50, good luck raza.

What is the big deal with this trickle-down economics now a days? Did you know that this has always been a part of living in the hood and we can give you several examples. Why is it that in large families all the younger members of that family wear hand me down clothing, trickle-down economics. Why is it that we never throw stuff away, because we might need to have it later, trickle-down economics. Garage sales, front yard sales, back yard sales, moving sales, yard sales, and whatever you want to call them, are considered trickle-down economics. All and all we know what trickle- down economics really means.            

Yesterday el compadre martin chapa Gomez was arrested along con Pedro Morales aka sancho clause after both men got into an intense boxing match at the mall parking lot. Lots of punches were thrown and most of them not landing. But the excitement was enough for someone to call el constable that came over and arrested both strugglers. Charges are pending, after the constable will determine what caused all this action Jackson.

Ok there you have and have a safe day and holidays.

sancho clause a barrio xmas story 2013.

 

Sancho clause a barrio xmas story 2013.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,tx. It was the night before xmas, y sancho clause was drunk like usually. As he tried to round up los little deer, well, tried to start  his john deer riding mow. It was his annual thing, where all the children, well all the adult women he dates in the hood waited for this cold night, well it really was a humid one, but as he managed to climb on his riding mow he moved as fast as he could go, well let’s say he moved as fast as the mower could go.

As he rode down that county road as fast as he could go, el constable cadena was on the lookout for him. There were several reasons why, it seems que at this time ever year, esta pincha sancho clause had the bad habit of drinking and driving.

So Sancho clause main goal was to go an visited todas las movides que he has had before or the on the ones that let him stay awhile. Many times before many of los husbands de estas women or las movides would complaint que he was making too much noise and que the songs he was singing weren’t even xmas songs,.

Well this xmas was going to be a little different, you see el sancho clause this year set up a booth at the corner of third and wells and was charging to taking sancho clause pictures with him. Business was real good until xmas eve. It seems que sancho forgot to put on his sancho clause outfit pants on, and instead was not wearing anything but his chonas better known in the hood as his speedos . Several good families and their children stopped to take a holiday picture con esta clause. Pero realized que esta vato was drunk and wearing only his underwear or his famous speedos. Several families did call el constable cadena, to come and check esta way out. Sancho clause was arrested and will not be home for xmas again this year.

The moral of this story is que when you are having a good time con either your wife or girlfriend or even la commadre and in some cases el compadre, stay home, and if you drink don’t drive and if you drive don’t drink. Have a safe Christmas. This announcement was paid for by the committee on let me put the finger on you committee.

hejola report for 12042015

Hejola report for 12042015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello again I am Jonathon Barrio’s con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Let stop the killings.

Monkey found in the hood dead.

And now some darn good news.

We want to thank all the three folks that send us a gift card and a big thanks to those women that brought us a ton of women clothing to give away, all them girls of the night are sure going to look great now. Thank you lord, now I can get some of my men’s clothing back. But we still a long way to go, if you feel like helping us in being a better person, send us a gift card so we can help them girls. If you feel that you want  to :623 west elle, Kingsville, texas.78363. again only you and I can make things happen, now if you can’t send money nor clothing, well keep us in your prayers.

Sometime during the lunch hour in hood (2:00pm) el constable was called to the corner of third and wells where it was reported que an odd looking dog or the famous Chupacabra was run over. Once the constable got there several folks were taking picture of this animal that seemed to be run over at least 50 times and was a flat as a pancake. Once the constable looked at it, he used his experiences and determine que it was a monkey that had been missing from that monkey retreat a few miles down the road.  At that point he was forced to remove the pancake from the center of the street and took it over to the monkey retreat for the reward.

Yesterday el constable Cadena gave out a barrio warning, que if you plan on killing those new Roaches you just discovered, please use caution. Of course he, the constable didn’t tell us que warnings or cautions to use but he did point out que if you do plan on killing them do not leave any of what you are using near pet’s drinking water or food.  He pointed this out very clearly due to the fact que la commadre Nelda Gomez just killed one cat but poisoned at least 33 cats, 10 dogs, 11 squirrels and 1 monkey that seemed to have gotten run over after he ate some of that poison. If you have any further questions contact us and you know where.

Ok raza pray for all the families that lost relatives or love ones this year 2015!

westside warrior news 12022009. shot from the past

CCHWNN: WESTSIDE WARRIOR NEWS 12022009 the beginning.
Kingsville, tx. hello once again raza i come from behind the smokey room and foggy eyes to let you know que we have been under extreme pressure from our minority groups que we don’t have a black staff person or black news back in 2006. This pressure has forced me to create a black staff person from our hood. The new staff person is LEWIS MOJO LEWIS, will have the ” west side warrior report” on things that have been happening here on the same side of the tracks, but in the dark side of town.… and starting today we will provide a special edition on the west side warrior news, and now I leave you from our side of the tracks, I am daniel lopez, creator.
Mr. Lewis Mojo Lewis has a college degree in speech and in history and is a specialist in Ebonics, who wrote the book ” ebonics, why not you”. Now here he is : I am Lewis Mojo Lewis with the “west side warrior news”;
Bbarrio Prostitutes Lobby protection against discrimination, and un fair taxation.
Ebonics the official barrio language.
And finally Bo Jack’s Slavor expands .
It was reported today que over 30 Prostitutes Lobbied our barrio founders and constable cadena for more protection against discrimination, and asking the westside fathers and mothers to lift the laws that forces prostitutes to pay a tax on their sexual activites. The group insists on having a tax free income on Šex and other things they do for money. The west side founders took a stand behind them saying, “that they will meet with each and every one of you, to discuss this matter”.
A small crew or number of black westside residents , informed “the westside warriors news” que they were thinking of asking the westside founding fathers and mothers to see if they could make Ebonics the barrio offcial language. This would make all stores and shops to post their information in ebonics.
a raza was not to happy with this move since la raza had been trying to get some of the public signs in spanish. Now con this request should make our next barrio city hall meeting very interesting.
And finally mr. Bo Jack’s Slavor owner of “Slavor B-B- Q” has just signed a contract to open his second location at the westinghouse barrio mall. This will be his number two restaurants will feature his entire classic menu…. we are very excited to be here at the Westinghouse barrio mall. So come on down and enjoy our fine meals on wheels.
ok blood there we have it the first report from ” west side warrior news” and you all have a great day.

hejola report for12022015

Hejolia report for 12022015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello mi raza como estan I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio redneck tries to offending , but back fires.

10 dogs and 7 cats are wanted for an awful act. 

And now for some darn good news for the hood.

The barrio leaders have announced que there will be a free for all fights this coming Saturday for those wanting to kick so butt. It’s something that they want to try out before the real frustration starts, one of the barrio leaders told us, it’s like pre game review, so instead of fighting and getting mad around Christmas eve or Christmas day come on down this weekend an get it off your chest. He tells us he can’t wait till new years’ day!

It seems that every year there are incidents that involve dogs, cats, and a holiday dinner. Well last night for some reason the entire Perez family went outside to see how beautiful the Christmas lights looked at night time and left the back door a bit open. That was more than enough for the dogs and cats next door to start dinner early. By the time the family came back inside the house the freeloaders had already started with desert. The constable was called over and told them que he would put an all-out warning in the hood for a lookout for them dogs and cats with a smile on their face.

Yesterday the leader of let me put the finger on you Ruff Redneck Russell thought he had the upper hand when tried to offend a group of internationals folks from all over by racing pigs at his farm. The ideas says Ruff, is que I was trying to see if I could offend them and them might just sell the land a bit cheaper they bought next to mine. But instead the new residents, Omar Patel, asked Mr. Ruff, when the races would start.

Ok raza there you have it and have a great day. Oh yea.

hejola afternoon report for 12012015

Hejola afternoon report for 12012015.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, Texas. Hello I am Veronica la Lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Barrio woman shoots herself while playing draw with her bedroom mirror.
Guns and drunken women just don’t mix.
And now some darn worried news.
We seem to see more and more raza brag about their weapons and how pretty they are and even gives them a baby name. dang aint that the chits..
Last night at the two tons of fun bar, the only Tejano gay bar had to shut its door down for a few hours while they cleaned up the mess que three drunken women and two gay vato’s got into a heated discussion about who had the largest gun with them. At some point one of the participants took his pants down and showed them his real gun. At that time everybody pulled their guns out and started shooting them off inside the bar. No one was really shot or injured but they shot up the place. The constable told us que estos ways were going to pay for all the damages and spend some good quality time in jail.
Have you ever wonder how much practice it took for Quick Draw McGraw to learn how to do the things he does with his guns. Well it seems que la commadre Tanga Drones didn’t have an Idea, so she dressed up as a cowboy at home and started to practice drawing her gun from her home made hostler bra. Well one those times she kind of pulled too hard on the gun and it went off and blows off her left breast. The doctor told us que she will be alright but won’t be doing any drawing any time soon.
Ok the only thing I can say about guns and bb guns, You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas! HO! HO! HO!

hejola report for 12012015

Hejola report for 12012015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello raza I am Johnnie el quemon con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio members not going to church as often.

Barrio residents on high alert for terrorist during the holidays.

Christmas stuff stolen from several front yards.

The increase of stolen stuff has hit the highest level since back in 1984. El constable told us que this year’s favor stolen ideas are the following:

1.   The Christmas lights,the ones you can’t afford.

2.   Potted tresses the ones you can’t afford.

3.   Path lights and yard stakes, the ones you can’t afford.

4.   Christmas inflatables, yes the ones you can’t afford.

5.   And of course the oversized décor, for sure the ones you can’t afford.

So the constable tells us que there are several ways to prevent folks from stealing your chit, he pointed out that you might want to but el Constable Cadena human life size poster of him, standing in your front lawn.

Well it’s that time again to bring family members back to the hood to visit for the holidays, el constable cadena told us que he is prepared to provide security services to those family members knowing que chit is going hit the fan as soon as those beloved family members spend time with your family. So let’s stop the terror and hire a watch man for your home for the holidays.

A study done by some vato told us que it seems que less barrio resident are attending church compared to 20 years ago. In his study he indicated several reasons why and here are a few:

1.   Pass the basket more than three times per mass.

2.   Ministers ask us to pay up for air conditioner for his office.

3.   Services are too long.

4.   They play too much rock and roll now.

5.   Not enough singing.

6.   Smells like candles are burning.

7.   Talks about politics.

8.   Have too many committees meeting to go to.

9.   Can’t afford 10 percent of my wages to the church.

Anyhow the author told us que there were more but could not publish them.

Ok raza what ever you do don’t talk about my mama.

hejola afternoon report for 11302015

Hejola afternoon report for 1130215.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello I am Johnnie el quemon con this afternoon hejola report. But first off all have you noticed that middle age women ranging from 33 to 55 have no idea of having fun anymore. Look its ok to take your clothing off in front of your friends and do the thing you do behind doors. We all know you do that and this, so why not show off your skills!  Look regardless if you think I’m too fat or just getting old, you been a big woman for the longest time, what’s the differences now?

Barrio not spared for black Friday fights over limited pig heads.

Tamale man busted for fake tamales.

Community center closes for several hours are a few threats.

This past Friday nite was an unusual one at the barrio community center had agreed to rent out the center to a hate group called “Let me put the finger on you”. The director of the center told us que they had to shut down the center till about 10 p.m. and allowed the group to finish its meeting and dinner planned. The center director told us que we have had several threats called in at the center but in most cases the calls stop around 10 pm all the time. The director told us que most of the calls came from across the city where barrio senior citizens live and hate the noise and traffic. And most of the time all the calls end around that time due to the fact that the center picks up all the cell phone up so old folks can get some rest.

It’s the season to share and eat our favor food and in this case Tamales, well since the real tamale man had stop selling tamales due to his wife passing away someone is always there to take your place. Well el senor Ben J. Lucas was arrested for selling (check this out) tamales with nothing in them but that masa.  Ben told the constable that he didn’t lie about them tamales been made out of Masa alone. But at least ten customers walked over to Ben’s tamale corner and threw them masa made tamales claiming que there were support to be made out of beef and pork. Finally as he tried to make a run for it several of the tamale lovers chased him and caught up to him and trashed him with his masa tamales. By the time el constable could catch up with the mod it was too late to salvage any of the evidence but el constable was able to take a picture of the mess they made at the corner of third and wells. Charges will be filed against chingos de persons include Ben.

Wow when you think things are going well, all hell breaks loose. That was the case at the Barrio meat market where they had announced a one day one special on beer and pig heads. Of course like anything else there are always limited amounts. It seem que la commadre Gloria Benavides and la commadre Brenda Gomez broke out into full size fight when both ladies tried to take the only frozen pig head left on sale. At one point one of las commadres hit the other commadre over the head con a frozen beef head to see if la commadre would let go the pig head to no prevail.  After the dust had settled at least seven folks were arrested over that darn pig head. One of the witness said dang I had never seen anyone some involved in trying to get that last pig head. Charges will filed against all them pig head lovers.  

Ok raza we love and give park avenue.

hejola report for 11302015

Hejola report for 11302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrios stop the hungrier.

Several shots fired at wild turkeys.

Sancho Clause is coming to the hood.

And now some darn good news.

We el constable tell us que this cold weather is real good for those that have bad habits. It seems that when it gets cold lots of the night people (those looking for love) kind of stay home and away from major intersections, plus go to bed early.

This coming weekend the Westinghouse barrio mall will have el Sancho Clause coming in for a smooth landing on his home made barrio plane que esta way made. We are hoping que El Sancho Clause can land that homemade plane at our barrio parking lot without and incidents, Says Gloria Guerra, Mall Manager.

You see for those gun lovers that think someone is going to take their weapons was correct this past weekend when el constable was force to arrest ten barrio members including some residents from across the tracks from discharging their weapons in the hood. More that twelve bullet holes were found at the store at the corner of third and wells when several of the yahoos tried to shoot a wild turkey walking around the hood. Some many shots and no kill was the end results include arresting them gun lovers that pointed out que it wasn’t their fault for some many shots fired. El constable tells us que charges will be filed against all them folks.

Barrio leaders have taken the lead on making sure que no one goes to bed hungry. That was the call made yesterday at a rally for stop the hunger in the hood. One barrio leader reminded folks “look folks can’t live eating cats and dogs all their lives” and not only that your pet could be their last super. That was the slogans yesterday when it was determined que more than 50 percent go to bed hungry ever night.

Have a great day and 25 days for Christmas.