hejola report for 08282019

Hejola report for 08282019.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio landlord’s alert;

We all know it’s been a really hot summer around here so among those suffering is Juan Pistols a retired person living in a small room at the corner of third and wells. It seems that Juan had been complaining for several weeks to the owners about the broken air conditioning at his small room. So say that might have been the reason why he shot the sweet, kind and caring landlord three times killing her. The landlady had agreed to install the new air conditioning but told him that it couldn’t be done until late October.

Drug bust heats up;

John and Rick Moreno felt the heat this pasted weekend when they accidentally got locked in a storage container full of cocaine at a local storage unit. El constable tells us that temperatures reached a record high that day of 110 degrees Fahrenheit, almost roosting both men, who had entered the storage unit to remove drugs according to el constable. As the mercury rose, they desperately called a police emergency number 918 and when police finally found them two hours later, they gratefully gave themselves up. Storage workers were videoed pouring water over the pair to try to lower their body temperatures.

Vanishing in pure air;

 Roman Acuna, 55, vanished in pure air last week sometime according his son Jr. after going for a nighttime walk like he does every night for the last ten years. The constable told us que he went into an area that most barrio have a deadly reputations sometimes called "Morgue trail”. The constable department have been searching for more than three days before and learned that Roman, had been charged somedays ago was facing 24 charges of rape across the tracks, which made them suspicious about the story. "When that came up, we start to wonder if this is a hoax," said el constable. Finally, late last night the constable office announced it had caught up with Acuna at the corner of third and wells apartment housing, and was now being held at a jail house across the tracks. Now the constable is not filing charges against junior, for filing a false report.

Ok raza be happy.

hejola report for 08262019

Hejola report for 02262019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Commadre con her deadly weapon arrested;

Sonora Oak Bueno, 36, was arrested on August 11 and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she threw a coconut at a man who was sitting on the porch of the VIP  Two Tons of Fun Club, the only Tejano gay bar here in the hood. The man had started filming Bueno, which upset her, leading her to yell at him and call him names. After the constable reported that Bueno admitted to throwing the coconut but noted "it did not hit him." El constable explained to Bueno that since she was outside of the club, she could have no expectation of privacy.

Homer takes the law into his own hands;

Homer Simon Ortega has no to time to bother with long lines and bureaucracy at the barrio driver’s license office! This pasted weekend was pulled over for a routine check as he rode his black motorcycle. Homer was happy to produce his license, carried in the customary cover. But when officers examined it, they realized it was homemade. "He behaved very calmly as he took out the license," a traffic police officer said. "But I was shocked when I saw what was inside." Homer had simply written all the pertinent information found on a standard driver's license on a piece of lined notebook paper, then glued a photo of himself to the paper. When pressed for an explanation, Homer said he was too lazy to study for the license exam and didn't want to spend the money on driving classes. He thought a handwritten license would be better than nothing at all. "I didn't expect the traffic police to be so serious," Homer said.

El barrio double or nothing;

El vato loco, barrio justice of the peace, handed down an unusual judgement in a paternity case that involved identical twin potential fathers. La commadre Sally Garza, filed a paternity suit against Twin A, Mario, who accused twin B, Mario ll of being the actual father. After a barrio DNA test showed an equal probability for the two men to be the father. So Vato loco ordered them both to pay maintenance for the child. As a result, As a result, she will receive twice as much as she would with only one father. "One of them is acting in bad faith in order to hide the fact that he is the father," the judge wrote. "Such vile behavior cannot be tolerated by the law.”

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 08232019

Hejola report for 08232019.

Ccwhnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Hey commadre you need to stop;

Betty Ely, 45, refused to stop at the corner of wells and third after a local police tried to pull her over for driving on the side walk and on the wrong side of the street. The constable tells us que when she paused at a red light, the officer showed her his badge, to which she replied,” I don’t think so” and drove away. Betty was eventually apprehended and charged with aggravated fleeing from the law enforcement officer and reckless driving and endangering several folks walking on the side walk.

Hey want get high;

Sonny Gomez, 35, will be likely spend seven to ten years in prison after going on a drug-fueled rampage in his former boss’s home this pasted week. Sony pleaded no contest yesterday to charges broke into the home to claim his fair share of fish the two persons caught together. Sony told the constable que he was on concoction ayahuasca when he used a machete to break the glass front door of the home. He threatened the boss and his wife, saying he “was going to kill him and chop him up for bait,” but instead he attacked the house, hitting a television, breaking windows, a sliding glass door, kitchen cabinets, the stove, and a microwave and a canoe paddle, among other items, amounting to about $3556 in damages. The barrio task force 666 member asked Gomez what was the whole incident about, he said that his boss owe me a few gold fish. By the way Gomez was on probation also for allegedly threatening two people with scissors.

Sex toys make a big come back;

El compadre y la commadre Ben and Benita Cases, known in the barrio as the swingers in the hood. Well it seemed that the couple’s home was broken into the last couple of years and have had items just disappear from their home. So of the items been reported stolen were about $500 worth of sex toys. After the constable did some investigation and reviewed the homes security cameras in the house, caught Nancy Saenz entering the home, staying for about 40 seconds, then leaving, according to el constable report. Nancy was arrested with second-degree burglary after searching her residence and did find a number of toys the victims said belonged to them. El constable was unclear whether the Cases family and Saenz were acquainted.

Have a great weekend.

hejola report for 08222019

Hejola report for 08222019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Hey dude;

Last night el constable Cadena was responding to a report of a car crash at the corner of third and wells. When he got there he found one of the drivers, had gotten out of his car and removed all his clothes before started to walk across the street. As el constable tried to arrest him Sam Diaz, he hit the constable with a rubber ducky in the head. With the help of several homeless people and a lot of pepper spray they were able to subdue Diaz and was charged with assault on a county government official. Just to let you know that the constable was not too badly injured con el changaso to the head with that rubber ducky, but Diaz was taken across the tracks to lalaland hospital for observation.

Bomb threat what;

When the barrio Westinghouse barrio mall received a bomb threat this pasted Saturday, it didn’t take long for the mall manager to empty the mall area. When the task force 666 and los vato loco’s volunteer fighters along con el constable searched the mall ground area didn’t find nothing that was because the threatening phone call actually came from across the tracks. Marcos Garcia was arrested for making the threat and was reported that he called the wrong mall where he had just been fired from western eastside mall, and not the Westinghouse barrio mall.

Fake pet isn’t real;

Yesterday el barrio constable got a call from a vato that had been watching a cat that hadn’t moved in several days. So el constable called in Henry Garcia barrio dog catcher to see if they could catch the cat and give it a blood test to see what was wrong with it. When Garcia approached the cat it didn’t make a move nor any attempt to escape. After getting a real close look it seen that it was a fake cat stuffed by a taxidermist. The constable told us que it was clearly been placed as a prank, in additional to that it seems that someone had been moving it around the neighborhood. The department decided to discard the cat "to avoid any further calls."

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 08212019

Hejola report for 08212019.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio bingo games overwhelm;

It seems that if you are going to get married make sure you have reserved the location way ahead of time, this these to be the case when several brides and bridesmaids showed ready to celebrate a bachelorette party at the barrio bingo house. The problem was the no one told the owners of the barrio bingo house about the party arrangements. La Prima Maria said we came here to listen some good music and have fun and not to listen to a guy yelling out numbers. After a few tense moments thing were arranged and the bingo was going to start at a later time so this want to wives can get some of their future frustrations out of their system!

Vacation pictures right here at home:

El barrio Viva la Tour vacation agency has a service that can save you chingos do money. They offer a fake vacation trip to any iconic destination! Crazy Lou Chavez owner tell us that his fake vacations package offers your photograph superimpose you in a photo from the most popular vacation spot, such as barrio flea market, 2 tons of fun Tejano gay bar, Westinghouse barrio mall, barrio trail on a bicycle, swimming at the Frio River, and so on, for you to post on your barrio social media, and a ton of postcards also. All this for a low price of $99.99 so you can have a legit vacation or justified time taken off from work, you know what I mean. He told us why not!!! Oh by the way there is no refunds for your dignity!

No dummies allowed;

The brand new Barrio drive in El Rancho theater has a real strict rule on how many people you need to bring to the drive inn without been charged double; the theater drive inn has a $10 per car load, or 5 bucks a person. This opening weekend it refused to let 22 cars and 10 trucks that didn’t meet the minimum requirement of person into the area. In some cases a few number of people had several mannequins, dogs, pigs, ducks, and even a donkey dressed like real folks.  The owner said that don’t let this be you next time, because we aren’t going to let you in to nowhere!

Barrio man in big trouble;

We all know that our relatives are not the best roommates to have living with you. Nick O’bma Ruiz was arraigned last week with two counts of abuse of a corpse and one count of criminal mischief after he snored his grandparent’s ash think his relatives were hold out on him. It seems that his mother was fed up with his drinking and marijuana use and asked him to leave. A few days later his mother found out that Nick had snort his parent’s remains that were stored in a shoe box in his room. When the constable confronted Nick, he said he didn’t know anything about any ashes and denied any involvement. Later that day Nick here, texted his mother and told her that he would snort her remains when she dies also.

Ok raza if you have your aid come in don’t spend it all in one place.

hejola report for 082019

Hejola report for 08012019.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,Texas. Hello sport fans I am Frankie tuxedo Zuniga con today’s award winning barrio headline news;
Barrio constable discover marijuana plants;
El constable somehow discovered dozens of cannabis plants growing in his office back yard garden yesterday while he took a walk. He is not very sure or unclear on how the plants, total of 57 plants got planted there or who planted them. He told us que it’s really not legal to cultivate cannabis in the hood but will keep an eye on them to see who the gardener real is.
Captain Mingo Airline’s shut down for a few hours;
This pasted Monday we were told que the only barrio airline Captain Mingo Airline was shut down for a few hours to rescue several first time flyers that somehow got stuck on the conveyor belt that carries luggage and not passengers on to the plane. After these few folks figured que it wasn’t an escalator tried to jump off and lost their balance and got jammed on the conveyor belt. After a few hours the barrio vato’s loco volunteer firefighters managed to get them freed. After a few hours of struggling and screaming and yelling all the passengers were allowed back on board and off they went into wild blue skies. The airline managed to keep its track record of always running late.
And finally barrio breaks world record;
El compadre Juan, a big man with a big dream, managed to accomplish one of his whole life goals was to set some kind of record, he didn’t care what record besides a police record, he just wanted a record for something he did. Well that day finally came this pasted Tuesday night at the Westinghouse barrio mall center stage where he was able to crush barrio world record for a standing jump. Now let’s look at a few thing here, el compadre Juan is 48 years old and weight in at around 450lbs. Please note that barrio world records for a standing jump are not based on age, but on how much you weight. He entered the contests at the 400lbs and over participant. He was allowed three attempts to see how high he can jump. At the of the day he was declared EL NUEVO CAMPEON DE SALTO PERMANENTE DIVISON 400 LBS O MAS. His jump just beat the old recorded by 2 inches. El compadre jump at height of 9inches. Congratulations compadre, only in American can we met our dreams and goals.
Ok Raza have a great day and keep your dreams alive.