hejola report for08012018

Hejola report for 08012018.
Cchwnn. 
Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am david duran, bill is on vacation. Now our award winning barrio headline news: 

Chick taco fila under fire:
Yesterday several protestors were arrested at the corner off wells and third street. The reason was que the new barrio chick taco fila had a vato dressed in a pink chicken outfit giving out coupons for a discount on their new chick taco. The owner told us que hey, all we want is your money. Well the protestors weren’t very happy con that onda, so they took it on their own to punk the pink chicken. After a few blocks of chasing that poor pink chicken, it gave up and got beat up. The arrested protestors were all chatting “ we will over come”. 

Fire destroys homeless home:

If you haven’t driven by the corner of third and wells street lately you will notice an increase of homeless folks new homes. A barrio leader told us que they didn’t want to ruin things for them homeless but came up with a secret plan on home to run off those homeless away from that famous corner. Well that barrio leader put that plan into effect, when several homeless folks saw him start a fire inside his new cardboard box home for three acting as a homeless person. As the blaze increased, he made a run for it. While the homeless were watching him run away, they didn’t notice que their homeless homes were on fire. After the smoke had settled, all the homeless home burned to the ground. A warrant for his arrest has been issued. The homeless folks that became homeless after the fire burned their homeless homes, were relocated across the street to a new homeless home section. 

And finally, new water bills raise large concern in the hood. 
The city and county leaders from both sides are preparing for any violence that might occur this coming week due to the fact que a new water billing statement will be place in affect. The new billing statements will be send out by pigeon mail and any ever barrio resident should get it within a few days. The action to start mailing bills via pigeon mail only makes sense, says the owner of about 10 pigeons. He told us que the city and county would safe chingos of money using them birds.. 


Ok pigeon lovers have a great Tejano day.

barrio stock market report for 07272018

barrio stock market report for 07272018.

Barrio stock market report for 07272018.

.Cchwnn. Kingsville,tx . ola como estan I am Pancho Francisco lopez younger brother to urbano, who by the way got arrested yesterday evening . I really couldn’t understand what the hell he was talking about. I think he wanted us to bail him out. Anyhow let’s get to our stock report for today.

Oh by the way everything went up , We got word que the prices on everything, I mean everything went up on price, I mean everything.

Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each coffee is extra.

Los tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, ended the week at $8.25 a dozen,And expected to reach $8.50 by the end of the year. 

Las tortillas, also were up this week with an increase of at least 25 percent from last week, ended the week at $1.65 a pack of twelve.

La barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at $7.50 a lb.

Las empanadas are on a roll now , and their prices are sky high, las empanadas took an increase ending the week at $.78 each. Pesse hejola.

And that cheap beer getting cheap. Six pack ended the week at $4.67.

Barrio want ads:
Item #. 75846: used bicycle for sale. Some have no tires but still have rim. Make offer.
Item#56841: used women underwear for sale. All size, make offer for lot. Please note super g-stings. I bet size 43, easy.

Item #56243; let over easter rabbits and chickens for sale. Some in good health and other you decide. Make offer soon.

Item # 54216: use tires sale, have all size but need a few to get the ones we don’t have . have look around the hood. Do have or some special rim that we found at the corner of wells and third street.
Item #56584: used green bay packer shirts an caps for sale.
Ok raza there you have it for today. You better watch out and you better not cry because sancho clause is coming tonight.

hejola report for 07272018

PARIS DEL HELLES DAILY for 07272018.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. NOW FROM NOWHERELAND HERE IS LA CHINA CANO.
Hello again, I am la china cano in Kingsville, tx. Let us go now to Johnnie el quemon en Monterey mexico office.
hola soy quemon del EL del johnnie aquí en monteyrey. amamos monterey y su un gran lugar su nunca demasiado caliente pero sus siempre frescos aquí allí son porciones de ventiladores del tejano y porciones de lugares a visitar. soy quemon del EL del johnnie, tengo un gran día.
Thank you johnnie en Monterey mexico. Ok raza lets go to our headline news:

Three vatos get arrested at local gay barrio bar,

Let me put the finger on you committee pick new leader for fall 2018.,

And finally fall youth programs get geared up.

The hood youth center just announced their fall schedule of after school programs for barrio youths. Picking up tin cans will still be on the schedule for Thursdays afternoon says Maira Alexander program coordinator. Yes bring your child around 4pm and will take him home around 7pm. It’s good to teach children how to work and do good deeds, says Maira. In addition in teaching them how to pick up cans we will also have lots of paper routes that they can get to earn extra funds for the fall. On Mondays and Wednesday, we will teach them on how to play pool and poker. Yes raza bring your kids down and lets have some fun.

In other news let me put the finger on you committee has elected Chico Cisco Chon chairperson for the fall 2009 season. Mr chon was elected due to the fact que he was credited in busting 18 aliens, 3 drunks and 18 cats and dogs. Congradutlations mr chon.

And finally three vatos were arrested at our only gay bar in the hood. It seems que estos vatos thought they were at a regular tejano bar but didn’t realize it was a gay bar. Well the trouble started is when one of the vatos kissed a guy dressed like a woman. Hejola razor burn he yelled out. Well that’s where the pushing and fighting started and before you know it was a whole lot of vatos dressed like girls jumped on those three vatos and the cops came and they got arrested . charges will be filed against them by the owner of the bar.

Well folks there you have for today and have a great tejano day.

infrome de hejolia para 07172018

Informe de Hejolia para 07172018.
Cchwnn.
KINGSVILLE, Texas. Hola otra vez soy Bill Díaz con el galardonado de hoy barrio titular de noticias:
¡ el líder del barrio dijo que no dijo eso, sino que decía esto!
Una vez más, el líder del barrio Tomás trumpas tuvo que venir en público y decirnos que no quería decir eso ayer, sino que quería decir lo que yo dije. Mira trumpas le dijo a la prensa que no creen todo lo que digo delante de los demás porque en algún lugar en la línea no realmente significa! Pero en vez de eso quise decir esto.

Miembros del barrio huevo trumpas cuando sale de las conferencias de prensa:
Una tonelada de huevos fueron lanzados en trumpas hoy después de que él celebrara una reunión de prensa exampling algo él dijo. Los miembros de barrio estaban tan molestos con él que le arrojaron huevos mientras salía del centro comunitario de barrio. Mientras caminaba pasar la gente allí protestando algunos se las arreglan para tomar un tiro barato en trumpas y algunos se golpeó el contorno de blanco en la parte posterior de su chaqueta! Barrio memebers dijo a este reportero que estamos hartos y cansados que esta "manera" dice una cosa y luego algo más al día siguiente.. que pincha onda......no cargos han sido presentados.

Y, finalmente, trumpas conseguir incluso con los chupadores de huevo lanzando:
Cuando trumpas darse cuenta de que algunas personas lograron golpear la pintura dirigida en la parte posterior de su chaqueta, decidió aumentar el precio de los huevos que se traen a la capucha. El precio que va para los huevos baratos es cerca de $1,50 una docena, comienzo mañana él subirá el precio de huevos a $79,95 una docena. Me estoy asegurando de que ninguno de estos perdedores jamás tendrá otra oportunidad en mi blanco con su pincha huevos....

Así raza allí te atreves si lo haces y zurcir Si no...

hejola report for 07132018

Hejola report for 07132018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio  headline news:

ESTA VATO LOCO is declared winner regardless.

Good news and very little bad news.

And finally, a list of non authorized sancho clause permits.

The barrio has agreed to print out a list of authorized person to act and dress up like sancho clause this coming holiday. You might recall that the last few years several men and women have been ripping people off acting like santa clause in the hood. We need to make sure our holidays are a happy and merry one’s, so the constable is asking for your help in locating those unauthorized sancho clause. A small reward is being offered.

This past week el barrio got a handful of so darn good news. It seems that the city and county leaders have decided to lift the ban on yard sales, garage sales, front yard sales, front room sales, on line sales and back yard sales and reduce the fees between now and Christmas. One of the city leaders told this reporter que barrio residents need that extra cash flow for Christmas and thanksgiving. Now the bad news, the city will place a ban again on allowing farm animals to roam the hood without a health and owner collar.  We need to make sure que we don’t let cows, horses, and donkeys take over our streets.

Yesterday afternoon el barrio election commission decided to make sure all the I’s were dotted and all the t’s were crossed when they declared ESTA VATO LOCO the next barrio elected representative. Russell rufus Redneck the declared loser was not very happy with the announcement made at that meeting. How can you people be so blind and not notice what went wrong with this election and your decision to declare this man a winner, stated Mr. Redneck. Just for the record at least seven people on the election commission were blind.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day and have you layaway your Christmas stuff.?

hejola report for 08122018

Hejola report for 07122018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Fideo Vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Family unites;

Late last night barrio officials claim que they have reunited several children with their real parents after mistaking were removed from then at a barrio check point. Chuy (42) y Cho(45) Morales were united with their parents after spending a few hours in jail. It seems that their parents Cho (65) and Chuy (68) Morales were real happy that their boys are back with then, now the question is what happen to the groceries they had in their car?

Ten chickens arrested:

El constable had a hard time round-up the ten chickens he arrested this pasted week where he claims that they were jay walking and didn’t have any valid I. D with them. He now says that there was at least ten more that made a run for it. He told us que unless you have some kind of I>D> with you or not, you’re going back to the farm!

And finally preparing for this year’s hurricane season:

Juanita Norte no barrio weather man has given the hood a weather warning for this next week’s about a big hurricane this season and you must make sure you are prepared…and have food and stuff like that just in case one does hit….survival kits will be sold for a low price of $99.99 per kit. The kit includes but not limited to; 5 cases of beer, 2 cases of spam, 5 oranges, 3 potatoes, and 3 oz. of your favor weed, and I box of rolling papers... get them while they last… Barrio survival kit 2018...$99.99 the lowest prices in town.

Ok raza just picture me rolling…

hejola report for 07112018

Hejola report for 07112018.
Cchwnn
Once again mi raza como estan todos, I am bill Diaz con today’s hejola report. Well as we all expected it, el taconaso dance hall went off in a real big bang. It was a sellout crowd and eager for that cyber tejano music. All the groups showed up and did a great job, making us aware of why they are barrio music award winners. And now back to the today’s hejola report:

El compadre watches over his seven daughters,

La commadre scalps el primo in trying to style his hair,

And finally juanito Johnson gets 30 days in jail for his

action inside the courtroom.

El primito juanito Johnson got 30 extra days added to his nine-month community control sentences at a hearing Monday morning. It seems que juanito apparently didn’t like that so many of his lawyers motions were being denied by the justice of the peace, suddenly reached over and slapped and began strangling his lawyer, until court officers pulled him off.

In other news la commadre was also giving some type of community services sentence for partially scalping el primo. It seems que el primo was convinced by la commadre to try and style his hair con un pincha power drill, a technique he saw on TV. La commadre was sentenced due to the fact que she knew que it was a bad idea because she had previously screwed up her own hair trying it out. Pesse hejola.

And finally it was good to see el senior don goyetio Moreno y su seven daughters at our dance last night. Don goyetio is known for watching over his seven beautiful daughters at ever function the family attends. Don goyetio is kind of old fashion where any man wanting to dance con su daughters must ask him for permission there at the dance hall. Our records show que don goyetio has been doing this for over twenty-five years. His oldest daughter is 59 years of age and his youngest daughter is 37 years of age. There is really no plans in the future for anyone of this girls getting married. Ole well. 

Ok raza there you have it for today, I am bill diaz and have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 09092018

Hejola report for 07092018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio dr. accepting food stamps.

Yesterday afternoon el dr. Bob O. the only dr. in the hood has send an email to all the barrio members that if you don’t have cash he is willing to take some of your food stamps in form of food and steaks, just let him know when you plan on coming in.

Crowd attack barrio demonstrator;

Yesterday afternoon only one person showed up to a rally supporting el barrio leader Tomas Trumpas was, attacked by a bunch of chickens and cats and dogs for protesting that allows farm animals and pets to vote on election day. The protestor told que them chickens and cats and dogs came out of nowhere and was dragged onto the street where another bunch came out and continued their attack. The constable is looking for a bunch of chickens, dogs and cats for questioning.

And finally barrio home fire alert alarms met goals;

The pasted weekend the volunteer fire fighters held their put some money in my boot were very successful in raising money to buy every home a barrio fire alarm. It claims that with the $7. It raised should be enough to provide at least 7 fire alarms to 7 homes. You know barrio instant popcorn is getting money expensive. Instant popcorn is being used a fire alarm at your home; if you can smell it you need to get out your home, now for some reason you hear it popping time might be running out.

Ok raza have a great day.

HEJOLA REPORT FOR 07052018

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Hejola report for 07062018.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Como estan again I am bill diaz and we are back from that short long ass vacation que we spend too little too much. But we are back in full swing and now let’s get to that award winning headline news:

Barrio man fakes heart attack and arrested.

Several arrested after barrio Ex, deliver drugs.

And finally, barrio elder gets stuck under her wheelchair.

La senora maria ruiz somehow fell down and brought her wheelchair down with her, when she reached over to get her pill bottle, managed to tip over her wheel chair and fell on top of her. After several days of not answering her phone, her relatives came over to see if she was alright and found her pinned down. El constable tells us que she will be alright. No charges will be filed against the wheel chair. 

First of all, seemed que two vatos didn’t realize que you could get into lots of trouble by shipping drugs via barrioEX delivery service. Well known for its great barrio services, it seemed que barrio EX made a small mistake and delivered the 100 pounds of weed to the wrong address. Once el constable was called in, he and his barrio forces 666 posed as barrioEX employess intended to deliver the stuff, they arrested two vatos who’s names are being withheld..

It seems que el compadre NORMANcantu just don’t know when to stop his bull shit. It seems que el compadre was arrested at the Westinghouse barrio mall for faking his 33nd heart attack in ten days. In doing this he has avoid paying a shit load off restaurant bills and taxi fares. El constable cadena was going to let him go at his last attack but it seemed que los vatos loco volunteer firefighters recognized him from his last faked heart attack. El compadre is facing some serious charges. 
Well raza its good to be back and we are counting down towards tejano roots. It could be our year.

hejola report for 07022018

Hejola report for 07022018
Cchwnn.
Kingsville. Tx. Hello my name is Bill Diaz, barrio stock market report is on vacation but for now here is our award winning barrio headline news:

Large amount of ugly show up for program.

Fight breaks out inside mall area, Mr. Turkey mall mascot arrested. 

And finally, barrio college rates go up and down for the fall semester of 2018.

Barrio members that plan on going to our barrio college this coming fall semester for 2018, were informed que there are going to be some big changes in our curriculum and fees. The director of the college, Alberto Esinten told this reporter que college classes cost were going to be increased by 3000 percent compare to 1970 fees. Yea we kind of overlooked how much we were charging and our board decided this past week that we were going to have to raise them fee’s if we wanted to keep the one room college open for future. 

Yesterday was Barrio Ugly day, when all the ugly people known in the hood were asked to show up at the corner of third and wells for a group picture. At least 250 ugly men, women, dogs, cats, and some farm animals were given awards after a whole bunch were declared real ugly. I mean ugly says one of the judges whose name won’t be mention (henry). My god I don’t mind the the ugly people but the ugly cats, the ugly dogs and dang especially those ugly farm animals, they really took the award and the cake. Plans are on the back burner for next year. 

A fight broke out inside the mall area, when several men started beating up the mall mascot Mr. Turkey when he tried to hug one of the men’s wife. I just don’t know what went into his head says the mall manager, Gloria Guerra after she was questioned on the way Mr. Turkey had been acting earlier in the day. The constable cadena wasted no time in arresting Mr. Turkey who had been warned not to touch any of the customers in or outside the mall area. Ms. Guerra was asked if she would fire Mr. Turkey, her responds was he is my cousin.
Ok raza have a great 4 of July and watch out for those fingers if you are going to be firing firecrackers.