hejola report for 03012016

 

Hejola report for 03012016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again I am alcardio samudio, bill is on vacation. Wow the first of the month is not even  here and we are already broke. Will we ever have enough money to pay monthly bills? Now for our barrio headline news:

Barrio man arrested after making car payment.

Two more arrested for holding up barrio ice cream man.

And finally barrio man tries to kill himself.

El constable was summon to the resident of Palito Gomez, age 58, when he told his family que he didn’t have enough money to pay this month bills. So Palito did the only thing he could come with and that was tried to kill himself by hanging himself in the back room. The only problem was the water hoes he used was made out of plastic and since he weighed about 300 lbs, it stretched so much that he was standing up within seconds. At that moment his family discovered him past out on the floor con major plastic neck rope burns, that required 918 services. He was taken to the lalala farm across the tracks for observations.

If things could not be worse for la familia Cantu, when for the fifth time this month their barrio ice cream truck was held up by two unknown vatos. The driver tells us que the guys that held him up again were wearing wrestlers masks. El constable is looking any information pertaining to this incident. A large snow cone is being offered for any information.

And finally, El senor Martin Charles was arrested yesterday on charges of arm robbery and left the scene of a robbery. El senor Charles thought he was pretty cute when he made his payment on his car and came right back wearing a wrestlers mask pero con the same clothes. It didn’t take the constable long to find him down the street. Charges will be filed.

Any we thought we had it bad, I am Alcardio Samuido, good day.

barrio stock market report for 02262016

Barrio stock market report for 02262016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello I am Urbano yosabatodo con today’s barrio stock market report.  Now that award winning report:

Las empanadas remain stable at $.59 cent each.

Los taquitos up a bit $1.25 each coffee is extra.

Las tortillas for the week, corn up a bit $1.30 a dozen. Flour up a whole lot $1.65 a pack.

Los tamales end the week at the lowest this year $6.00 a dozen.

Cheap beer isn’t too cheap ended the week at $4.95 a six pack.

Barbeque de cabeza $7.50 a lb. Llama $3.50 a lb. remain stable.

 

Barrio want ads:

#94845:  women’s clothing for sale. All sizes and many exciting things. Make offer.

#93e89: glamour shots packets available make appoint con sancho clause.

#65989: many shoes available at barrio shoe world, call us.

 

Barrio realtors report:

At the corner of third and wells the street sign has been stolen and move to the corner of eight street, what used to be Morgan and third. So now morgan street can be found at the corner of eight street and tenth street, not sure if they understand que only the signs have been moved not the address.dan.  

hejola report for 02252016

 

 

Hejola report for 02252016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Txas. Hello raza, Maria La Bandia, I am back on probation but they can lock me up but they can’t hold me back con todays award winning barrio headline news. But before we can to that, Women take a good look at yourself; young, beautiful and sexy. How long do you think that will last con todo’s los tattoos que you have placed on your body? But than what do I know I’m just make believe! Now with our report;

Barrio repo agent spoils shoplifter.

La commadre severely injured con jealous.

Hunting season; not good for barrio wild life zoo.

And finally some darn good news.

As we said before we try not to get involved with any type of political issues nevertheless matters. But my god where has la raza got to? It seems that every day we find evidence that barrio members mostly with some education and illusions , like a ged/esl, have jump on the band wagon of hate and wanting to kick someone butt. Let us hope que they don’t take any of this stuff serious or believe everything they hear is true. I just hope that no one has 50 bullets smeared in Tabaco sauce and wanting to share it with mexicannnn.

This past month barrio hunters, Benny Garcia, and his partner  Benny Morales, shot and killed two wild turkeys and were later informed que they had inadvertently wandered into the area of the Barrio Wild life zoo, where they had shoot  two rare turkeys, and that, thanks to them the zoo turkey rare population was now down to three.

Jealous can actually kill you, well almost, that was the case con la commadre Brenda Munoz, age78, was severely injured when she was angrily chasing her estranged husband, Ben, age 89, who was with another woman. As she was chasing them she had a head-on accident with some other folks. Charges will be filed when she gets out of the Barrio health center, if she does, neither of those two were hurt nor the driver of the suv she chased into.

El Barrio Repo man is always on alert and that was the case late last night. It seemed that el compadre David Rosales, 48, was shoplifting electronic items from some stores inside the Westinghouse barrio mall, was arrested while on foot near the mall. El constable tells us que he found out que he had actually driven his car to the mall but that while he was inside shoplifting, El Barrio repo agent confiscated his car, who by the way had followed Rosales there.

We there you have it, you know being on probation is actually lots of fun, I get meet new folks that have the same issues I do. Hell yea.

hejola report for 02242016

 

Hejolia report for 02242016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas. hello raza, I am Johnnie el quemon con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

El compadre pleaded guilty.

Barrio sex Toy Company opens pay phone booth.

Several vato’s arrested for several crimes in the hood for month of Jan. 2016.

And now some darn bad news.

Again it’s very hard to explain our present day raza. We all know that we strive to know better and we all know que we strive to be fair and in some cases modest if possible. But for la raza to fall in that trap to think that they think or they wise they were part of a group that are in fact hate their own raza! Wow how can that be? That is worse than saying you have the most horrid husband but you know it but still love him. My god have we been victim of reality TV? Thinking this people are real? Thinking they represent me and the way I have always felt? Thinking que it’s just a novelia and it will go away in a few weeks? Well its not raza, I cant stress the fact que how can we fall into that trap? Answer: its real tv! Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Dang how stupid can barrio members be you ask? Well pretty stupid. First of all Damon Vasquez, age 25, was arrested a few weeks ago when he arrived at the Westinghouse barrio mall for a scheduled appointment with a barrio woman who he robbed the night before. According to el constable, Vasques had attempted to shake down the woman in her home, but was not happy with the small amount of money she had on hand. So they both agreed to meet and bring more money next day at the barrio mall. Well when he showed up she was able to recognize him and pointed him out to the undercover cops waiting for the exchange. He was arrested and taken to jail across the railroad tracks. Second we hear that Manuel Huges, age 56, arrested the same day was searched by jailhouse guards from across the tracks and found prescription drugs for almost everything a person could be sick from. After being questioned he told them que he thought they were in his back pack and professed not to know how they got into that plastic bag found in his left boot.

We all know who is who and who does what here in our hood. So why is it that the only Barrio sex toy company opened a pay phone booth at the corner of third and wells?  The booth offers patted seat, a place to connect a laptop, and of course Wi-Fi connection and a barrio privacy curtain. Now the top company “chuys toys” tell us that this idea will help people (in some cases mostly men, one could imagine) relieve stress on both their mind and body! El Chuy owner told us que about 10 men and 5 women and several dogs and cats used the booth the first week and reported no complaints.  So we here and you there wonder what this people were actually doing there. Chuy said I won’t tell its private! Oh by the way the cost is about $25 per half hour.

Yesterday at the justice of the peace hearing held by El Ojo Barrio private, found the oldest drug dealer el comparde Daniel Gomez, age 85, pleaded guilty in exchange for a lighter sentence (twenty years’ probation) where the Judge felt that he was trying to avoid from airing an embarrassing hidden camera video of the raid showing arresting officers from across the tracks stealing Mr. Gomez money and valuables”. Several officers were shown laughing and helping themselves ,where as a matter of fact a gold chain belonging to Gomez wound up for sales a few days later on Barrio want ads and part of the plea agreement, the judge agreed to give all of Gomez’ stuff back to him. No charges were filed against them law dogs. Gomez told us after the hearing he hopes to start a new life.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 02232016

Hejola report for 02232016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello raza I am Alcardio Samudio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio radicals take a stand against immigrants and migrants.

Esta vato loco runs for re-election.

Five dogs and ten cats shot at.

And finally some darn good news.

Well it seems that lots of raza have lost their way in the fog for believing those reality t.v. stars that want to be our future leaders. The only problem in believing them is like American soap operas they never end. Let’s clear the air and let go and turn that tube off for awhile.

La commadre Helen told us que some white man and a color man and some one that looked like el compadre were driving around late at night shoot dogs and cats. She also said que she was staying up real late at night to make sure her dogs and cats weren’t harm and was causing lots of health problems by stay up late. You know at my age I am in bed by 6pm and knowing that these men are driving around early in the morning I have to make sure we are all safe.  So as of now she is asking los vato loco’s volunteer’s fire fighter to drive around the hood in their 1978 for whatever to make sure they watch out and look out for that white man , and a color man and el pincha man that looks like el compadre.

He told another group of folks that the county and the city and our barrio were doing better than ever. He told the group que not many had left the hood for work due to the fact that all the new development had created more jobs that folks from across the tracks were looking for work over here. So he encouraged barrio member to re-elect him and that he would strive for us and not for them. And promise not to put too much pressure on the use of you know what and he encourage many to stay on the pill!

It’s a sad day when some barrio radicals don’t even know the differences between immigrants and migrants. That was the big issues yesterday when believe it or not some Raza members actually picketed a barrio member running for local office. The protester told the only vato willing to run that his ideas of allowing legal immigrants in the hood were a bad idea when we already had a ton of migrants here! The only vato told them “look if you don’t like my comments about this hard working folks that are both immigrants and migrants have a place to live and that’s right here in the hood, furthermore 90 percent of you out there come from family members that were either legal immigrants or migrants”. The meeting ended with no big problems for the exception of those few Raza que didn’t want to listen to all jumbo mambos.

Ok raza stay cool and be cool and don’t believe everything you see and here.

hejola report for 02222016

 

Hejola report for 0222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza how are we doing today? I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

New budget cuts proposed for 2030/2031 barrio budget by barrio group.

Tejano fans busted and arrested at local motel hotel.

Tejano Star Lil Red in the house.

And now some scary darn good news.

What in the world is wrong con la raza today, you asked? Have we gone crazy, or are we just plan stupid? Now for our barrio headline news:

It never fails says Gloria Guerra mall manager, every time we bring Lil Red and her four Mariachi dude there is always trouble that follows. It seems that at least 20 person got arrested while she was driven into the mall area. El constable and he barrio task force 666 sealed off the whole mall area until lil red left the mall after her very very short performaces. The mall is closed for now due to some damages done by her fans. More details as they arrive.

It seems that some fans just don’t know when to stop their careless ways of supporting their tejano stars. It seems that at least ten persons have been rounded up for the damages they did at the Barrio E-Lay motel/hotel holiday inn. It seems that these ten people had rented the bottom rooms from where the most famous make believe Tejano star Lil Red and her band were schedule to stay for the weekend.

But the managers of the resort confirmed que these ten persons had made a hole in the ceiling right above where she was too staying. But not knowing how the second floor furniture was arranged the second floor caved in on those crazy fans on the bottom floor. Once los vato’s loco volunteer firefighters arrived they were able to rescue all ten fans from the underneath the second floor stuff that fell thru the floor. All ten were arrested. By the way Lil Red was not in her room, nor her band members.

The proposal review committee for “La Raza a better way of life” submitted their recommends to the committee to review 2030 budget and a copy the 2031 budget committee on what areas of the city budget cuts can be made to make our barrio better. Overall the La Raza suggested at least 240 programs needed to be cut an additional 241 new programs were recommended to be added those fiscal year budgets. No word from those committees on La Raza Recommendations.

Ok raza let’s think before we say anything about you know who?

barrio stock market report for 02192016

Barrio stock market report for 02192016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Como estan I am urbano yosabatodo con esta stimulus barrio stock market report. Doesn’t It seems que the new trend is just plain stimulus? Yea that’s the ticket. Everywhere we go its stimulus this and stimulus that. Our society has taken the word stimulus and applied to almost everything possible. Shoot, even those sex enhancement pins have a little stimulus to them. But for now, let’s just try to stimuluate the economic and leave our sex life out of it.

Now for that award winning report:

In the world of buying and selling barrio stock is nothing new to many of us, switching to a new market doesn't mean that they are doing the research that we do. So we don’t expect you to change or change any of your barrio stock market habits. Just hang with us. Ok.

Los tamales, if there is any way to beat el tamale market for this coming xmas season we insist that you buy now. Most tamale brokers are selling their stock at a real low rate this month but preparing to launch an interest on price before you know it. If you can, scoop up as much as you measurably can, all this will guarantee a whole lot of tamales for this xmas season. Oh by the way the tamale guy never came back. Los tamales ended the week at $7.50 a dozen a dollar much higher from last week.

Las tortillas: With the increase of wheat and gain this market has suffered a bit this month. Since the start of this quarter las tortillas have gotten much better. In terms of not too many found stuck together like several year ago. Who says nobody reads our barrio stock market. The tortilla war of 2005 really makes  a differences with this market. Las tortillas ended the week at $1.55 a pack and some off brands cheaper!

Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each and  coffee is extra. But we found a place here in Kingsville got them going for 2 taquitos for $1.75, but closed down the second week.

la barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at $7.50 a lb.

Barrio want ads:

Item 0321545:  used women and men underwear lots of sizes from 12 to 18 in the women’s section and sizes from 36 to 48 waist  for the men section. All sales are final.

Item 030548: used car tires for sell. All sizes only flat on the bottom.

Items 035698: Easter chickens, turkeys and rabbits for sale, different colors and size. Some chickens are chicks from last year that weren;’t  sold . now full grown but still some color in them.

 

Items 038574:  jose punk lopez t shirts “ put me in jail if I fail” call or write about price and design. Please note que this not the joe lopez you think it is, it’s another vato con that same name, and in jail also. Pesse hejola..

Now for the barrio realtor report:

El primo Mendez tells us que the city is getting ready to knock down a bunch of crack houses, the owners tell us que they would like to know if anyone is interested in pick up the remains of this houses for free. Let us know no charge but there is a transportation tax in our hood.

Ok raza have a great weekend and make sure to go shopping at our malls. 

hejolia report for 02192016.

 

 

Hejolia report for 02192016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again my name is Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio rapper arrested.

Ten men and two chickens held overnight protest.

And finally, the big chicken excuse.

Once again the chicken farm owner and operated by Ben OveranKissme, of los chicken locos farm has made a claim que people in the hood would rather have live chickens in their back yard and not comply with the city rules and regulations pertaining to having farm animals living inside the city limits. Mr. Overankissme told this reporter que if this keep up, it just might run him out of business and the state of our barrio, now they want them chickens and other animals given a right to vote, my god!

In other news, For some reason or another, these ten men and two chickens took it on their own to camp out in front of barrio community center to protest the election results from this past Tuesday. Their complaint that was filed stated que out of the 200 persons that voted, 22 were die persons, and who know how many chickens voted , this whole election should not count nor their votes shouldn’t count. Furthermore they felt que the election of el barrio hero, ESTA VATO LOCO, should have never been allowed to be on the ballot on the first place.

 ESTA VATO LOCO  is a bad image for our youths, our community and our county. The reasons they don’t want him was because ESTA VATO LOCO a few years ago believe que marijuana should be the new currency and be used for the exchange of goods. The group leader told us que they will continue their protest until someone does something about this matter. The barrio leaders will look into this matter sometime in 2033.

And finally, Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for the only barrio rapper left. Mike Torres, aka Christmas rapper was arrested on a complaint que he stole some Christmas gifts that a certain family had hired him to wrap for them. You see Mike, is the only person in the hood that wraps Christmas gifts and other holiday presents if you hire him to do all these wrapping. Charges will be filed.

Ok raza got to go and have a great day.

hejola report for 02172016

Hejola report for 02172016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello I am Vernoica the Lesbian con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

God takes a break and barrio social media breakdown.

Antichrist makes a stop at the corner of third and wells.

And now some darn good news.

Now that the light has shine on his soul our creator has taken a step into the unknown, that’s the back room of his home that he has not visited in years.

Ten men arrested for stealing and blame everyone expect god.

Thanks to the lord that he was the only one not blamed by the ten vato’s that were arrested late last night when they were caught stealing Christmas lights. All the men swore that someone made them do it and that evil and good was involved in this whole matter. But the constable a known Christian told this report  them boys are going to hell!

Yesterday the travel carnival of Antichrist got a barrio permit to allow them to set up a carnival at the corner of third and wells. The antichrist himself Martha Lee Lopez told us que they were on a 40 day and 39 night tour of all the small barrio to let them know that there is life if god in not in it. He also explained that man and women speaking in behalf of god don’t know anything but a piece here and a piece there about him or something that they could relate on the internet. So he wants everyone to come by the visit his carnival throughout the weekend.

For some reason or another barrio social media shut down its access to the internet with the attempt to give god a break.  It seems that starting next week anyone looking for god on line will need a special permit to be allowed to him with a large fee of $105 Per minute. The creator and owner of the barrio internet were overwhelm with god this and god that and amen here and amen there, he decided to shut it down so folks could go to church and carry its daily business faith and reasoning there and you only have to give much less there.

Ok raza may your god watchita over you as you try to express bullshit false feeling about him to other that don’t really care if you care. May god bless my only soul and my family, my bills, my cats and dogs. I love god please provide more to those that need you more

hejola report for 02172016

Hejola cold weather report for 02172016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Helllllo its Billl Diaz con our special pincha hejola cold weather report for 02172016. Let go con our weather guy San Juan Nortenio, con the barrio weather reports:

San Juan here con our barrio award winning cold weather headline news:

Homie el taqucha didn’t see his or her shadow.

List of barrio things you shouldn’t do in cold weather.

And finally, barrio shelters are full.

Barrio residents have been told not to come by our barrio community center due to the fact que its already full. We recommend que you stay home or walk around the mall for a few hours and then go home. But whatever you do don’t bother us here. We just don’t have room for anymore persons, said the center director.

There are lots of pendejos (of course in a modest way) in the hood that think they know what to do in cold weather. Regardless if you do or don’t here is our list of somethings you shouldn’t do:

1. Avoid drinking caffeine or alcohol if you think you might have hypothermia or frostbite.

2. Be careful with candles. Do not use candles for lighting if the power goes out. Use flashlights only

3. Inspect fireplaces and wood stoves yearly. Use a sturdy fire screen with lit fires. Burn only wood. Never burn paper or pine boughs or old bills, or that sears catalog you still have around.

4. Then use food from the freezer. A full freezer will keep the temperature for about 48 hours (24 hours if it is half full) if the door remains closed.

5. Check smoke alarms. Make sure alarms are working properly and replace batteries as necessary. And for sure don’t be smoking weed under the smoke alarm, the cops might just come by and ask what’s going on.

6. Remove wet clothes immediately and help warm your core body temperature by wrapping yourself in a blanket con la commadre or drinking warm fluids like hot cider or soup.

Again raza, As temperatures drop, los vato’s locos volunteer firefighters urges residents to take steps to guard against hypothermia and other emergencies common during severely cold weather. This cold front will brings quiet dangers such as brutally cold temperatures, said el mero loca volunteer and everyone, especially senior citizens and children, should take precautions to guard against hypothermia and especially now with the heavy winds and extreme cold,

And finally,Bad news hit the hood today at the barrio traditional Taqucha fest, where Homie el taqucha, the Westinghouse barrio mall pet was suppose too come and look for it’s shadow, pero como it was so cold que esta taqucha didn’t even come out of its hole to see if there was any sun at all. El barrio forecast till Easter keep warn and keep cool. Chinga.

Ok raza I am san juan nortenio and I am bill diaz have a warm tejano day.

hejola report for 02162016

Hejola report for 02162016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Vato arrested con Maria La Vandia doll obsession.

Two barro vato’s wanted to rob liquor store, but one shot himself and the other one was stabbed.

Leader of vato’s loco volunteer firefighter asked to move.

And some darn good news.

La Raza seems never to let me down, and now we Raza complaining about stuff they heard on that wolf tv station. My god Raza let’s just face it, if the shoe fits please take it off your making a butt out of yourself. It seems that all of a sudden we think people are taking advantage of our system, look who’s talking!

El loco Arthur Flores, chief of the vato’s loco volunteer firefighters was asked to move himself and his wife and his seven dogs from the el barrio community center, where the volunteer are located or it was going to shut down the upstairs rooms where he had taken his residence. The chairman of el barrio community center told this reporter que we didn’t mind it for a while, but it’s been years now and he said he would move out in a few days, seven years ago. There is a different between sleeping in the center and living in the center. Charges are pending.

It seems que more and more raza are trying to move on up the chart of higher income by attempting more armed robberies. That was the case con Juan y Juan Jr. attempted to rob again Billy’s boys liquor store at the end of third and wells street. When the whole thing was over it seems que juan jr. shot himself on the foot when he dropped the gun after he was surround by law dogs and Juan was stabbed in the right leg by the owner of the store. Both were men were arrested and charges are pending.

Since Maria la vandia released her 2008 Maria la vandia Barrio dolls, a vato named David Junior, has collected all seven models of Maria’s dolls. But this weekend David was arrested at one of the barrio malls after a mall police man spotted an array of rated x magazines, in his front seat of his car. Once the police searched the car, they found women’s underwear, and the entitle collection of naked Maria la vandia dolls all lined un on the back seat of his car. Furthermore, when they went to search his the trunk they found a bunch of Polaroid photos of all Maria la Vandia dolls naked and their heads cut off. Charges are pending.

Ok gringitos and gringitas great job, and don’t forget where we came from, Raza?

2016 barrio commadre boxing matches series is back.2152016

2016 barrio commadre boxing matches series is back, 2152016.

2016 BARRIO COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES ARE BACK IN TOWN 0. CCHWN.

WESTINGHOUSE BARRIO MALL AREA; Now with that guy that never says no to a free beer here is David Duran.

Heaveno raza I am david duran. Today our news cast takes us back westinghouse barrio mall where WE will interview Mr. Pete Diaz, our new barrio boxing commissioner. Here to discuss the up-coming Commadre Boxing Matches schedule for this coming year, right here at our center stage of our mall.

Como esta MR. Diaz, doing great Mr. Duran.

As the new boxing commissioner I am proud to say que we have been working really hard this past five months establishing the needed boxing clubs here in town and the surround areas. The 5 or more boxing clubs here on our side of the tracks and one just opened at the other side of the tracks have been certified as boxing clubs and will the pool for our upcoming matches. We are hoping que we will have enough action Jackson to continue this great tradition, Commadre Boxing Matches ever Friday nights at the barrio mall  coming soon.

Yes this year’s our COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES series will have a final match sometime in November to end this year’s boxing season. And one finally point david is that we have established the first “ WORLD COMMADRE BOXING CHAMPION TITLE. So we do have lots of boxing still to come.

Well thank you mr. Diaz and there you have it raza for today . La COMMADRE BOXING MATCHES are coming back to town and be looking for your commadres name on the boxing card. From the westinghouse barrio mall I am david duran.

hejola report for 02152016

Hejola report for 02152016.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I amm Bill Diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

 

Barrio tax collector busted on sex charges.

 

Barrio 79 year old residents drowned.

 

And finally, barrio resident busted with 71 inch tv.

 

Henry Luna was arrested this morning around 3 am when he was spotted suspicion carring a 71 inch tv set on his bicycle handlebars. The officer on duty asked him where he got it from, and he replied que his girlfriend ran him off so he took his tv with him. Once the police contacted the man’s girlfriend she responded by saying Henry who? Charges will be filed against him for stealing.

 

 

 

In other news, This past weekend the constable found the body of a barrio 79 year old resident who had drowned a few months ago after he had heard enough of the world coming to an end. Martin Martin left a note inside his shirt telling us the reason why he had done this. But since the shirt had been in the water so long no one could read the message he gave. But did find evidence that he believe the world was coming to an end when the police visited him home and he had already packed his stuff maker good will.

 

 

 

Yesterday el constable cadena and some real cops from across the tracks arrested the ex- barrio tax collector for not collecting taxes but instead exchanged for sex and methamphetamine. He was taken to jail in his nasty g string and was not given a towel when he was escorted to the police car late last night. Some of the barrio residents claim que they had seen that g somewhere. Charges will be filed.

 

Ok raza have a great day.

barrio stock market report for 02122016

barrio stock market report for 02122016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello raza its me Urbano Yosabatodo, counting  the pennies for the weekend has been a regular thing here. But that’s our problem, but for now let’s get to our award winning barrio stock market:

 

Los tamales are on the increase and the holiday’s season is not even here yet. Now more and more BARRIO folks  are worried about what happens to the economy when it comes time to buy tamales during the holiday season. Will we have a shortage - like flu vaccine? Probably not, but high prices will pinch and for sure we will see tamales go up to $7.00 per dozen in some parts of texas. But for the nation the price of tamales will sore up to $10.00 a dozen in some parts of the usa.

 

Los taqutios- Staying current on existing laws and recent legislation that affect the accounting and advising industries is very important in the hood. Los two vatos accounting has open its door here in the hood. It has taken the liberty to monitor los taqutios market for now. This is just one of the insightful seminar topics Los two vatos accounting has to offer. Search by state to find upcoming accounting seminars scheduled to be held in your area. But for the mean time they say que los taquitos will remain stable for the rest of the fiscal year at $1.29 in some places and coffee is extra.

Empanadas-Our business value analysis includes an intensive examination of BARRIO STUFF, and the firm value, along con the  many valuation / appraisal services will use the cost, market, and income methods; discounted cash flow and/or a host of business ratios; and assessments of market position and niche, market share and presence, and even the contribution offered by the management team. With all this in mind las empanadas is the only barrio market that has shown a steady increase on the cost of each empanada, remain stable at 59 cent each, we will never ever see them again at four for a dollar.

 

Cheap beer, Cheap beer remains stable at $4.95 a six-pack. Regardless how a beer company designs the can it’s still good.

 

Las flour tortillas at a $1.29 a dozen. I am more than sure que there is lots of different companies that might be cheaper but since we are make believe we will not use any particular brands. Corn tortillas remain stable.

 

La barbacoa by the pound is starting out at $7.00 lbs and make sure to ask que not too much salt or manteque.  In other words easy on the grease.

 

Barrio want ads: all items on sale.

 

Ok raza there you have it, have a great day and remember “If you can’t eat it don’t buy it.

hejola afternoon report for 02112016

 

Hejola afternoon report for 02112016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello raza I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning barrio afternoon report:

Kotex vs Tampons protestors arrested.

Health issue is not an issue says a barrio leader.

Riot breaks out at the corner of third and wells.

And now some real alarming questions?

Why it is that la Raza has joined the republican call to make thing better when things were are as good as they get in the hood? One reason says our creator; pincha gringitos also want a piece of the rock and doing their best to not affiliate themselves as brown folks, because we are whiter that white”! Dang.

If things weren’t bad enough it seems that a herd of chickens and turkeys started a riot at the corner of third and wells protesting and burning their voting id cards. We are not going to vote this election year until we get our way and our way is the highway! We want to make things better than ever, so join us on over way to victory, one bystander yelled “yea to the slaughter house with them”!

Why are we worried about health issues when we haven’t had any issues in the past? Look say the barrio leader as long as las Raza have eggs we don’t need medical insurances puro que it’s just el ojo, which can be cured in a few hours.

 Protestors gather in front of el barrio constable office asking to be arrested due to their complaint that city and barrio leaders are forcing women to go back to using kotex and were going to follow suit that other cities are taxing tampon users. What in the world is going on says Chicana spoke person Maria La Bandia my god we are going backwards and not into the future. When she finished her speech she removed all her clothing and was arrested right there, several women tried to help here from getting put into the constable car but were overwhelmed by barrio security force 666. Several more protestors were arrested and taken to an unknown location.

Ok Raza lock your doors and hind, there coming to take us away, our guns and tampons pincha Obama.

hejola report for 2112016

Hejola report for 2/11/2016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza I am Urbano yosabatodo con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Weird woman chased from behind mall.

Ten chickens and five turkeys terrorize birthday party.

Increase of barrio fires on the rise this past weekend.

And now some good news.

How easy it is for many of us that hit it good forget about the hard times many of us go through, don’t get too discouraged. There is an old saying don’t burn all the bridges on the way up because in some cases you might need to cross them later. So don’t worry about tattoo, don’t worry about how folks spend their food stamps or monthly check, its none of your freaking business. Oh by the way don’t try to use the old it’s my taxes. Well we all pay taxes regardless what income level we are, raza!

Los vato’s locos volunteer firefighters were real busy this past weekend with an array of fires. It all started late Friday night when la familia de Carmen Gonzales called los loco’s to report a small fire in one of her bedrooms that he son started while trying to kill a cockroach. Early Saturday morning la familia de Hermimia Recio called 918 to report a fire she accidentally started trying to kill a swarm of killer bees, burring down her home to the ground. Than mid-day Saturday, la familia de Javier Escobar accidentally caused severe fire damage to their brand new Jonnie Walters home while trying to install a water heater. And finally Sunday morning Ben Torres from Torres used tires and rims called 918 reporting a big fire at his shop. How the fire started los vatos locos weren’t sure but they did manage to get there on time to see the whole dang place burn down. It was reported que one of los volunteers told someone there que “what could they do con only eight buckets”?

 

Having live chickens and turkeys at an adult birthday party wasn’t a good idea after all. La familia Gomez felt que having this extra activity for adults and children to chase around would look like lots of fun, until the chickens and the turkeys held their ground and started chasing the party goers around the back and front yard. Since the constable was not working this week, they, the party goers had to shoot all ten chickens and all five turkeys. The good thing was that they were able to cook most of this that afternoon. No injuries to the real folks.

Someone called el constable office regarding a woman in a black trench coat hanging out for hours behind the Westinghouse barrio mall was acting kind of weird. Once the constable and the mall security showed up the woman had left the area. But some folks who saw the woman said que she was only wearing that black trench coat con UN g-sting underneath.Dang commadre.

Dang have a great Tejano day, not you gringitos. You have a greater day,lol.

hejola afternoon report for 02102016

 

 

Hejola afternoon report for 02102016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Teas. Hello again I am Alcardio Samudio con this afternoon hejola report :

Vato busted for practicing medicine without a licenses.

Tejano dance ends early due to lend.

Aggravated assault charges filed.

It seems that folks just can’t watch tv in peace now a days. That seems to have been the case with Martha Hope, age 36 and her older husband Ben Hope, age 58, when he hit her over the head with a hammer as they were watching television. Mr. Hope told us que the argument started when his wife accused him of not knowing chit about gun smoke T.v. program.

Last night was the first tejano dance for the lent seasons. The purpose of these dances says one of the organizers is to give tejano dance goers and opportunity to see if they really gave something up for lent, such things as tejano dances, drinking, stop watching judge judy, cussing, cheating, eating, talking, lying, spending, farting, desserts, sending mad messages to people,   and so on. But that wasn’t the problem. When a few church goers decided to stop by the dance and see who was there. Some were so offended que the felt que they were being spy on and took it on their own to teach them a few lent a lesson or two. All ten people were arrested and we asked to sit in the corner for a few hours at the jail house.

After ten tons of complaints the federal, state, county and local law dogs came down hard on el comparde Luis Mata, mc, md, sp. Well, he was arrested yesterday afternoon for practicing medicine without a licenses. It seems that Mata had created a medicine or shall I say a miracle drug that would eliminate that turkey neck look (the skin that hangs under your neck). This medicine was nothing but a cream that folks use for hemorrhoids. Once a person applied it to their neck, they had to make sure they use it every day of the week. The only problem was once you ran out of it; the skin kind of came back and made a person look like an older turkey and the skin hanged a little bit longer, like around you’ll chest. Charges are pending.

Ok Raza never argue con yourself, some might just win.

hejola report for02102016

Hejola report for 02102016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Fight breaks out on ash wed.

Now is the time for those resolutions.

Barrio preparing for aliens this 2016.

And finally some good news.

Wow how crazy can things get nowadays? You right crazy!

We are peaceful hood and we are peaceful folks that believe everybody should have a fair chance here on our side of the tracks. That is why that new barrio group organizer “ New Start, why not here” told us que we are ready for Aliens and we are ready for them to be part of our community as long as they don’t start any chit.

As we have said before for several years that now it the time to make that annual resolution for next 40 days instead of the whole year. Look it’s easier than 360 days. So get in your mark, get set, and let’s do it! And for all you AMEN PEOPLE, LET HEAR AN AMEN!

Several folks were arrested as protesters tried to wipe ashes from folks’ foreheads as they exited their respective church. El constable tells us que it was awful thing to see when some many were protestors were present and made fools of themselves. But after a few hours things got under control and no further incidents happen.

Have a great day raza.

hejola afternoon report for 02082016

Hejola  afternoon report for 02082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio increase of elder’s having sex.

Naked man report seen in barrio alley, during the mid-night hours.

And finally some good news.

We always like to report the good news about the hood, today we  would like to announce the engagement of the daughter de la familia Garica, Mary Lou Garcia, age 66 is going to marry el senor Walter M. Mendoza, age 32, a barrio insurance agent. The family Garcia are so glad que Mary lou finally found someone that is willing to share her life with, Or the rest of her life with, the marriage is schedule to take place sometime in 2033.

El constable is asking for your help, in busting or finding out who is that naked man that has been seen running around in barrio alleys. We heard and we have seen pictures but have been unable to catch this dude. If you have any information or news about this person, please contact our office, oh a small reward is been offered.

And finally, Yesterday a barrio study done by who knows who, reported que barrio seniors, age averaging from 65 to 89 years of age are on an increase of having sex in public. El constable told us que 201 has started out with a big bang compared to 1987. In 1987 we only had about 10 such cases now we have around 325 cases and we are not even in the first quarter of the year. El constable will meet with local senior citizen organizations to discuss this matter and making sure they don’t drink the water.

Ok raza if you had fun last night, just name him or her Daniel and send us the picture around Nov.

hejola report for 02082016

Hejola report for 02082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas, hello I am David Polar Bear Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio elder man arrested for stealing 5 pair of dentures.

Real cowboy fans happy they won the big game.

Barrio stores sellout of everything, I mean everything.

And some good barrio news.

For the last 5 years or so we have kept tab on the number of children born 9 months after that great day. Besides the super bowl, the other day that we can think of is New Year’s Eve. So Raza mark your calendar and make a wish.

This kind of events are real good for the economic , now it wasn’t a holiday but it could have been, we weren’t required to give out gifts but we could have. It was just another Sunday but it wasn’t! It was the biggest day in hood, the super bowl, where many spend also all the allotment on food stamps, spend the very last of their monthly check and use whatever was left from their child support and so on. So the end result like always either our team won or lost it makes no differences here. Our concern is 9 months from now!

Please noticed I didn’t say Dallas, I just say cowboys, you see if you had any idea that cowboys do ride broncos. So with that in mind the cowboys did great and we are back in the saddle again. So go Cowboys!

You know many health insurances could help pay for a pair of dentures but when you don’t have that kind of insurances you might find yourself willing to do anything to be able to eat and chew your food again. Well that was the case con el compadre Mingo Hugo who was arrested after the super bowl game. It seems that ole Mingo was invited over the widow Maria Hernandez football party where more than 30 elder folks were invited.  It was kind of funny due to the fact that Ms. Hernandez had set up a place where the invited quests could surely let their dentures take a break from all the goodies that we available to eat.

Well Mingo had lost his dentures about a month ago and decided to just take a few of them dentures home. He had just walked out of the house, when one of the persons inside saw him pocket at least 5 pair of dentures and confronted him.  It was a pretty site when Mingo was knocked down on the ground and la commadre Nelda Perez  sat on him until el constable showed up two hours later and arrested ole Mingo(until game was over).

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.