hejola report for 08292013

Hejola report for 08292013.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, texas. Hello again, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Higher education higher issues were discussed at local barrio college.
Increase of arrests this past summer....
And now some good news.
Yesterday the local vocational school announced que they were going to expand their vocational courses to include such classes but not limited to the following :
Course 254 : Half the truth is often a great lie.
Course 351: What happened today, liar.
Course 585: how lie to your parent with a smile.
The barrio administrator hopes que by taking this classes will improve your situation in life.
In other news, constable was tell us que his monthly report on crime for the month of august was higher than previous years. He also indicated que it could have been all those want be tejanos’ and some real tejanos’ cause problems at those few Tejano gay bars. The constable told us que he had no major problems with them bars, but some barrio members causing trouble is the reason we had a crime increase.

And finally, today several high income parents complaint que the cost of education was too dam high. And that their $100,000, annual income and family of 4 with one in college, was not going to cover anything due to the fact que they only got loans. But it really wasn’t that bad, on the other side of the room were the low income families with less than $30,000 annual income and family of 4 with one in college who were also offer loans and so free funds were very excited to see their children having the opportunity go to college. Don’t you just love our country!!! The barrio college administrator said que the poorer the family the more they were willing to invest in their students compared to the families with a lesser educational need and larger recourses, were not up to the fact que they were going to folk out some money to help pay for college.
Ok raza have a great educated day and always remember it’s not how much you know , it who you know…

hejola report for 08292013

Informe de Hejola para 08292013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hola, soy Bill Diaz con premio de hoy noticia barrio:

Educación superiores temas fueron discutidos en la Universidad local barrio.

El aumento de detenciones este verano pasado.

Y ahora una buena noticia.

Ayer la escuela vocacional local anunció que iban a ampliar sus cursos vocacionales para incluir dichas clases pero no limitado a lo siguiente:

Curso 254: Mitad de la verdad suele ser una gran mentira.

Curso 351: Lo que pasó hoy, mentiroso.

Curso 585: ¿cómo mentir a sus padres con una sonrisa.

El administrador del barrio espera que tomando esta clases mejorará su situación en la vida.

En otras noticias, constable fue nos dicen que su publicación mensual Informe sobre crimen para el mes de agosto fue superior a años anteriores. También indicó que podría haber sido todos que esos quieren ser tejanos' y unos tejanos' reales causa problemas en los pocos bares gay Tejano. El policía nos dijo que tenía mayores problemas con los bares, pero algunos miembros del barrio causando problemas es la razón por la que teníamos un crimen aumenta.

Y finalmente, hoy varios altos ingresos padres denuncia que el costo de la educación fue también presa alta. Y que sus $100.000, ingresos anuales y familia de 4 con uno en la Universidad, no iba a cubrir algo debido al hecho que sólo tienen préstamos. Pero realmente no fue que mal, al otro lado de la habitación eran las familias de bajos ingresos con menos de $30.000 anuales ingresos y familia de 4 con uno en la Universidad también ofrecen préstamos y fondos tan libres estaban muy emocionados al ver a sus hijos tener la oportunidad de ir a la Universidad. ¿No te encanta nuestro país!!! El administrador del barrio universitario dijo que los más pobre la familia más estaban dispuestos a invertir en sus alumnos en comparación a las familias con una menor necesidad educativa y grandes recursos, no eran aptos para el hecho que iban a la gente un poco de dinero para ayudar a pagar la Universidad.

Bueno raza tenga un buen día educado y siempre recuerda que no es lo que sabes, lo que ya sabes...

Hejola report for 08262013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello raza como estan I am Fidel Vermicelli, today I am going to give an update on status of next year’s coming elections. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Vato loco runs for second term as barrio representative.

Two other folks announce their interest in running for office.

And finally some good news.

We talk about this all the time and it’s about mix marriages? As you all know that this happens all the time especial our brown sisters marring amigo men. And our brown sister marring you who? This is of course the case applies to chingos de raza women, but the true value of this report is about these men, who are non Hispanics. One case comes to mind that is Russell Rufuss Redneck, married la prima Juant Diaz Martinez Gonzales Anderson Redneck (please note the last two marriages were Anglos). Russell once he moved into the hood, he created “ let me put the finger on you committee” and LaBobe Cornel another non Hispanic married our third cousin, Daisy Cantu Gomez Anderson (once married to the other prima), came into the hood and also created “ we non Jive Committee”. Please note this men are proud barrio members now, devoted fathers, devoted residents in thinking they can make things better, yea. So what is the point, that’s another story.

 

As we all know and some might not, our man with the plan, esta vato loco, a true hero in our part of the world. If you might recall he had been trying to get elected since we started covering his political career back in 1998.  Yesterday he kicked off his reelection campaign buy have the traditional bar b que and free beer and of course the embrace of love ones and babies. He stands firm on all his promise he made when he first got elected. And plans to hold on to his ideas and what he believes. Now the real question does anyone remember what he promised?

In other political news, two more barrio members will challenge the incumbents for city leadership positions. Maria Shine, age 78 and Juan Pistolias, age 85 have both filed for these positions. We had a chance to speak to both of them but were denied to see them when we went over due to the fact that they were taking a nap. Now folks this was at 1:00pm. Now the real issue is we sure hope that if they win, let’s hope that the meetings aren’t held at that time of day.

Ok raza there you have for today, the moral of this report was if you do plan on running for office, beside the check it will give me, if I win, run for a reason, run to make a differences, run to make changes, and run not to question those in office but run without showing ones ass.

hejola report for 08192013

Hejola report for 08192013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx.

Now that woman from nowhere land here is la china cano de china Nuevo leon.

Hola raza here we are again. And let’s quickly start con a brief report from those two on their 80 days around the world tour, david duran y vernoica la lesbian.

здравствулте! снова. мы теперь входим в северную часть Украины и своего холода вверх здесь. я буду duran Давида и vernoica на нашем путешествии мира внутри 80 дней сегодня мы остановили на большом названном городке сериями Luts'k. factorys. мы обработанные очень хорошими. я буду duran Давида и back to фарфор.

Ok thanks guy from the land of Ukraine. Anyhow folks lets go to our headline news for today.

Three women arrested for shoplifting at mall,

Increase of cockroaches alert,

And finally plans on still on for sept 16.

 

Our founding fathers and mothers have informed us que plans are still on for this year’s sept.16 parade and party time at our Westinghouse barrio mall. The parade route will only include the other side of the tracks. Our barrio committee on keeping things fair and let me put the finger on you group will address the problem of why the parade cannot come into our hood since the majority of la raza leave on this side of the tracks.

 

In other news a barrio alert went out this weekend que a army of reserve cockroaches had been seen coming into the hood from across the tracks says our cockroach specialist Jose Martinez Jones. Si raza be very aware que they are headed your way. So if you have noticed an increase in your normal cockroach population, they are part of that invasion. What to do you say, that will be covered on our next report. But for now keep on killing them and stepping on them as you go through life.

And finally three barrio women were arrested yesterday for selling balloons without a street vendor permit across the tracks. La sister Munoz, rosa one and rosa two and rosa three were taking into the police station across the tracks. While be questioned they were asked when and where they got these balloons from. Since the women did not have proof that they had purchase this balloons sometime last years,. They will have to wait for court in jail. Many barrio members are mad due to the fact que estas women were good girls and have never ever done anything wrong. Well almost anything wrong.

 

Well raza there you  to have it for today.

hejola report for 08152013

Barrio hejola report for 08152013
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Once again I am bill diaz con todays barrio hejola report. But can we talk. Now now lets don’t go crazy and spend more than what we have too. Now, have you beensaving for xmas yet? Now for our award winning headline news:

Barrio scout lost in the hood,
Illegal aliens in the increase on our side of the tracks.
And garage sale permits go up.

Friday afternoon the city fathers and mothers published the new 2030 rates for thinks you can do from your home. One of the increases was garage sale permits vs. front yard sales. The debate was which was which. The garage sale permits when from $5.oo a day to $10.00 A day vs. a front yard sales from $2.oo a day to $3.00. one of the city spoke person told us que people on this side of town didn’t have front yards and if they did, we didn’t want them stepping on their front yard grass, if any. A petition will be passed around the hood to see if we can lower these rates.

In other news, los vato locos volunteer fire fighthers along con el constable and a few crack head volunteers have been searching the hood for a barrio scout who got lost this weekend on their monthly barrio camping trip. The barrio scout leader, Mingo “lets go camping” carter, told us que the boys were have so much fun que they didn’t realize que one of them was missing until around 9:oo. Pm. A ten block areas has been blocked off and are searching ever tree and in the area. The parents of this scout have not been told. But we do plan to as soon as we realize que we can’tfind him. But if you do see esta kid, please let us know at 623 west elle. A real small reward has been offered. Really a real small reward.

And finally as expected the constable tells us que an increase of legal and illegal aliens have hit the hood. Just in the past few weeks el constable has had to either arrest or take home a few drunk immigrants. Chinga some of estos can’t hold their alcohol and in some case cause trouble here in some of las cantinas. Its very important to teach them how to drink that cheap beer.


Ok there you have raza for todays hejola report from our command post, Have a great tejano day

hejola report for 08142013

Barrio hejola report for 08142013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan, I am bill diaz con todays award winning hejola report.  But first of all whats up with all this rain, it just tell me we might just get that big one this year. And now for that award winning headline news.

 

Fire smoke alarms drive back in the hood,

Three barrio members get honored.

And another barrio study looking for you.

 

El primo’s son matthew Molina a graduate student at our local college has asked us to ask you barrio members if anyone was interested in a new study of obesity he is conducting and being ugly. An was looking for large people he can test on and a hand full of ugly people, hoping to get a larger test groups results so his study can mean something. So if you are a large person wanting to make a large impact and a ugly person to make no impack and one of the larger test groups please write to us a cchwnn@netscape.net.

 

Three barrio members were honored last night at the local bingo house on the heroic effort they did in saving the lives of several old folks. Los tress reyes  brothers, harpoon, chucon, y chingo we all honor on how the bravely they entered a burning home and save the older couple from burning, oh besides them ripping off a few things, the constable decided not to file charges against them. Dang it must be good to be a crack hea!!!.

 

And finally, its back and our loco volunteer firefighters will be out in the street this weekend looking for spare changes in order to purchase smoke alarms for every barrio home. They had almost reached their goal last year but that one party really messed it up in which the ate about 20 packs of instant popcorn.

 

Oh  if you hadn’t realize that our locos had decided several years ago that instant jiffy popcorn packages were being used as smoke alarms. You see we fiqure que if the popping don’t wake your ass up the smell would. So if you see those vatos at the corner of your barrio street, hey go ahead an drop a few coins and save a life.

 

Well there you have it folks I am bill diaz an have a great day.

howdy hejola report for 08132013

Howdy hejola report for 08132013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Howdy partner how things around your neck of the woods is,

I am country pancho with today’s this here award winning howdy barrio headline news.

Constable respond to neighbors heard screaming.

50 cats, 12 raccoons, and 58 rabbit’s found at Westside residents.

And finally la commadre arrested for nudity.

It seems que el barrio or better known as Westside, ran into a bit of a large amount of women  protesting yesterday evening at the only all nude strip tavern. It seems que las commadres didn’t realize que la commanda Amanda delazona was the main stripper and the owner. However charges might be dropped says el constable cadena due to the fact que in the public interest this tavern is registered as an adult art gallery, where by law the indecent exposure law does allow nude models that so happen also dance. The barrio judge will hear arguments in ten day when the trial set for sept 2033.

The barrio human society or better known as let me save you little critter ass, were called to  A resident at the corner of wells and third where they found inside the home, 50 cats, 12 raccoons’,And 58 rabbits’. El senor y la senorita Juan y Juana la Cuban are being charged con chingos de Counts of having animals in their home without a permit. In addition los Cubans tell us que all These animals were being raised for the barrio zoo located at the Westinghouse barrio mal. But once el senor Ruiz the director of the barrio zoo, told this report que who in the hell were la familia Cuban, and why would they want any more cats, raccoons, and rabbits when we already have more than enough. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way all the animals were turned loose around the corner of third and wells.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon, el constable cadena y su barrio delta force666 responded to several calls Made by neighbors who hear blood curdling screams. Once they, el constable y su staff got there,They found el barrio theatre group was rehearsing their one act play, “la LLorona”. Once the constable realized what was going on, they notice que it wasn’t really an emergency, they called off all the cops that had surrounded the place.

Well raza there you have it, you all come back now…..

hejola report for 08072013

Hejolia report for 08072013
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Como estan, I am Jonathon barrios con today’s barrio headline news:
Morra’s funeral home employee ticketed for using reagular station wagon to transport corpses.
barrio gringo farmer byron d. secrests holds cops at bay for several hours.
and finally a barrio man run over by train.
Yesterday afternoo, humberto Guitierrez, confessed to el constable cadena at a DUI check point que the station wagon he was driving was mainly used for transporting corpses for his second employer who owns a mortuarys services. But did admit que he uses the station wagon mainly on his first job, that’s to deliver tacos from “ el primos quick taco stand/ we deliver”.
It seems que esta barrio farmer senior byron d. secrests can actually say taking my livestock market is a dangerous business. Yesterday afternoon will el farmer secrests was driving his livestock trailer inside el barrio main drag, a cow flew off the darn trailer, into the street causing several collisions and then fled away from el constable cadena who was trying to tell him que he had lost a cow.
Instead el senior secrests drove his truck and the rest of his livestock back to his barrio farm and ran inside his home. El constable was force to bring in a new barrio unit called 666 barrio security force, which helped his surround the home for several hours. Patiently the cops waited and decided to raid the home and found out que el senior secrests had escaped con a secret doorway. El constable is asking for barrio members to help him locate el senior secrests. Oh by the way only that one cow was injuired, the rest were released at the el seniors secrests corral.

And finally if things couldn’t get worse for Angel Reed, who was one of the 30 some folks that got arrested this weekend, got run over as he listened through earphones to some tejano polkas while walking on the barrio train rail services as he was being released. He was lucky that the train was only moving at 45 mph, says el train conductor Adan Mansillas. Mr reed was rushed to el barrio st.pauls medical center at the mall, but later transported to a real hospital on the east side of those darn rail road tracks. Mr mansillas told el constable que he could only remember only the aftermath. Chinga, god help me, he also mention que maybe el polka god above was smiling on him and didn’t want him to die. Mr mansillas suffered broken rids, both punctured lungs, and muchas mass injuries.

Ok raza there you have it for today, remember your business is our business and my business is none of your business.

hejola report for 08072013

Hejolia report for 08072013.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Como estan,  I am Jonathon barrios con today’s barrio headline news:

Morra’s funeral home employee ticketed for using reagular station wagon to transport corpses.

barrio gringo farmer byron d. secrests holds cops at bay for several hours.

 and finally a barrio man run over by train.

Yesterday afternoo, humberto Guitierrez, confessed to el constable cadena at a DUI check point que the station wagon he was driving was mainly used for transporting corpses for his second employer who owns a mortuarys services. But did admit que he uses the station wagon mainly on his first job, that’s to deliver tacos from “ el primos quick taco stand/ we deliver”.

It seems que esta barrio farmer senior  byron d. secrests can actually say taking my livestock market is a dangerous business. Yesterday afternoon will el farmer secrests was driving his livestock trailer inside el barrio main drag, a cow flew off the darn trailer, into the street causing several collisions and then fled away from el constable cadena who was trying to tell him que he had lost a cow.

Instead el senior secrests drove his truck and the rest of his livestock back to his barrio farm and ran inside his home. El constable was force to bring in a new barrio unit called 666 barrio security force, which helped his surround the home for several hours. Patiently the cops waited and decided to raid the home and found out que el senior secrests had escaped con a secret doorway. El constable is asking for barrio members to help him locate el senior secrests. Oh by the way only that one cow was injuired, the rest were released at the el seniors secrests corral.

 

And finally if things couldn’t get worse for Angel Reed, who was one of the 30 some folks that got arrested this weekend, got run over as he listened through earphones to some tejano polkas while walking on the barrio train rail services as he was being released. He was lucky that the train was only moving at 45 mph, says el train conductor Adan Mansillas. Mr reed was rushed to el barrio st.pauls medical center at the mall, but later transported to a real hospital on the east side of those darn rail road tracks. Mr mansillas told el constable que he could only remember only the aftermath. Chinga, god help me, he also mention que maybe el polka god above was smiling on him and didn’t want him to die. Mr mansillas suffered  broken rids, both punctured lungs, and muchas mass injuries.

 

Ok raza there you have it for today, remember your business is our business and my business is none of your business.