barrio stock market report for 01292016

 

 

Barrio stock market report for 01292016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello I am Urbano yosabatodo con today’s barrio stock market report.  Now that award winning report:

Las empanadas remain stable at $.59 cent each.

Los taquitos up a bit $1.25 each coffee is extra.

Las tortillas for the week, corn up a bit $1.30 a dozen. Flour up a whole lot $1.65 a pack.

Los tamales end the week at the lowest this year $7.00 a dozen.

Cheap beer isn’t too cheap ended the week at $4.95 a six pack.

Barbeque de cabeza $7.50 a lb. Llama $2.50 a lb. remain stable.

Barrio want ads:

#94845:  women’s clothing for sale. All sizes and many exciting things. Make offer.

#93e89: glamour pictures packets available make appoint con sancho clause.

#65989: many shoes available at barrio shoe world, call us.

Barrio realtors report:

At the corner of third and wells the street sign has been stolen and move to the corner of eight street and Morgan Street. City has placed a temporary sign fourth and wells sign.

Ok Raza there you have it and have a great day. Again don’t believe everything you hear.

hejola afternoon report for 01282016

Hejola afternoon report for 01282016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hi again I am Jonathon barrios con today’s award winning headline news:

Barrio continues to list banned substances for 2016.

Barrio social worker released and arrested again.

Chicken farm hired hit men.

And now some darn good news.

Well since we are getting ready to ban almost anything and everything that gives you a buzz, we recommend that you start jogging. There are several reasons why, it’s good for you and if you run far enough it’s a proven fact you can get buzz… dang.

Social worker Ben Casey Bueno was fired Monday morning, again, when it was reported that he had confronted barrio leaders on the banned substances presented to the public this week. He presented a list of his concerns that we as barrio leaders need to worry about, such as people just getting and doing the old fashioned but still legal way. An increase of beating their husbands and wives while heavily intoxicated, bothering their neighbors, neglecting their children, drinking in bars, getting home somehow and for sure an increase of DUI. Furthermore, His point out that all this substance regardless of legal or illegal, they all create an altered mindset. He believes that they should recall the list and let society abusing its self if they can afford it. He concludes that you can arrest us, charge us, jail us, and set us free. But remember that those that want to catch a buzz will find a way. (Please note editor’s note: arrest his stupid butt).

El constable cadena, along con barrio leaders made the Westside resident’s a list of banned substances for 2016. The list contented the usual suspects such as, marijuana, cocaine, and heroin. In addition it also warned residents about the usages Oxycodone, Percocet and Viagra which are prescriptions medications, and you must have a prescription to use. In addition to that there were several synthetic products that people who want to use were also listed.  Furthermore it was noted that men should stop wearing women used clothing and women should stop were the pants around the house! The barrio leaders are accepting comments on this new list for 2016 as soon as they can understand what else is listed on this ban for the hood.

And finally, this weekend it was announced that the new owner of Los Pollos del barrio has hired armed men to guard their farm. In several years you might recall que many of the former chicken owe trucks had been hit by terrorist, where many of its prize chickens made a getaway. Mr. Pollo tells us que every guard will have two arms, two feet, and two guns.

Ok raza that is all for today, Now that in mind I need to go a smoke something.

hejola report for 01282016

 

Hejola report for 01282016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio 918 alert missing cats and dogs.

La Girls del hood group want more equal time.

Hood home interior busted.

And finally some darn good news.

We just got word that city and barrio leaders are establishing a way to shut down the internet around 2 a.m. every day except weekends. One leader told the group que way too many folks were missing work due to the fact that they were up all night using the net. Barrio leaders were not too happy about this matter due to the fact that only several few hundred folks have that kind of bucks to stay up all night.

El senor Henry Gomez was arrested as he acted out his own home interior program and had nothing to do with the real so call company. Gomez had been giving his barrio home interior displays in home that folks believe que he was on the up and up. But reality skunk in real quick when those families that had hosted his program were robbed when he went to their family bathroom. He managed to roam around folk home taking whatever he could hind in his pants. Charges will be filed against esta vato.

 

El constable posted a 918 alert throughout the hood because there were at least 27 dogs and 32 cats missing within the last ten hours.  The constable told us off the record que it could be those hillbillies that just moved into the hood, but there was no proof of them boys stealing, killing or even kidnapping them poor little pets. Oh by the way them boys opened up a Chinese restaurant, named “chon hill boy odd house meals”.

Yesterday the gang called “la girls Del hood”, an organization made up of divorces women rally for more equal time at bars. The groups wanted to let people know que even though we don’t have a job, and are not looking for one, we do have time to go bar hoping. Please note that in order to be a member a woman can’t have children or have children under the age of 32. You see, says one of the girls, that’s what this club is all about, we want women to have a good time without having to leave a bar too early because they have children at home. Another member told us que this thing about job hunting is not going to happen, we expect them jobs come looking for us. (Good luck).

Ok raza the word for today is good luck.

hejola report for 01282016

 

 

Hejola report for 01282016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am Maria la Bandia con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Elderly amigo women fill suit about barrio elderly man.

Barrio leaders want to bring back public spanking to those that break the law.

Public employees “Just pay up and shut up”!

And finally some darn good news.

 A ban of chopping trees on city and county properties has been lifted for a few days until it gets warm again. The number of trees that can be chopped down will depend on family size and income. Please note this only applies to folks that use an ax, and no power chain saws can be used. Please contact city and park and recreations for more details.

Martin Lopez was once a known player that loved older amigo women, so he made it a career of dating and hang out with a ton of them. But his luck ran out this pasted weekend when he was arrested for mail fraud and stealing personal items from at least 22 women in the hood. You know before the hood became the hood we had lots of widows living alone and you and I both know everybody needs somebody to love, yell and care for. It seemed that he was monitoring their mail and checking to see who was going to be collecting SS benefits and any additional benefits. The compliant also mention that he had stolen lots of their personal items such as underwear and stuff like that. He is schedule to go to trial sooner than later.

These were the words from a local public employee who told this reporter that if folks paid their bills on time and took care of their private business they wouldn’t have to put up with molesting calls from bill collectors. Furthermore she continued to tell me how things work and how many city and barrio residents really don’t care about how they lived and cared for their own. So she finally told me, look if you have nothing else to do go bother someone else and live us alone and let me do my job. Well we didn’t take this very lightly and after a few calls we made complaining about her attitude, so how or someone came over and shut down our water for late payment. Chinga…

Today Russell Rufus Redneck, once a barrio leader who by the way is married to la prima, told city and county officials that he could bet all he had if we were to bring back spanking in public for those breaking the law, regardless of how serious is the crime , crime would go down. But as he was giving his spill, he was arrested shortly after his presentation for failure to pay several traffic tickets. He is scheduled to be spanking sometime soon.  

Have a great Tejano day and don’t forget to move on and just let it go..

hejola afternoon report for 01262019

Hejola afternoon report for 01262016.

Cchwnn,

Kingsville, texas. hello raza I am Vernocia La Lesiban con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio leader Esta Vato Loco speaks at rally.

Election official close early due to bad weather.

Lotto barrio winners disappointed.

And now some darn good news.

The election is just around the corner, so now many of us are going to lose friends, family members and bill collectors for supporting or not supporting the right persons. We are just glad que our own ESTA VATO LOCO IS running this cycle. The only one I can trust.. amen.

James,36 and Abbey Gomez Garza Benson,28, an unemployed couple drawing housing and other government benefits, won a barrio lotto prize in December 2014 worth about $720,promptly spent it all (including "some" on "silly" stuff, Abbey admitted), and according to a January barrio underground report, are angry now that the barrio  government will not immediately re-institute their benefits. Abbey said, as lottery winners, she and Jamie "deserved to buy some nice stuff" and go on holiday, but that now, except for the large-screen 18 inch TV and barrio used  Lauren clothes, the winnings are gone. Said James, this past Christmas was just "the worst ever."

Wow can you believe que the city and barrio leaders decided to shut down all city offices for a few days until the snow up in New York is cleared and evaporated! Many here in the city and hood are wondering why close down when NYC is several thousand miles away? No one from the Mayor’s office returned our call but we did get a message from someone important telling us “it’s none of your business”.

 

Yesterday the only man that many in hood can trust is Esta Vato Loco who by the way has been one of those barrio persons that runs for any office that he can get elected and he finally did back a few years’ ago. Yesterday he was invited to speak at a barrio rally concerning barrio streets and repairs. He told a pack house of not more than ten persons, 20 cats, 13 cats and a hand full of donkeys, horses, and sheep, oh an a few goats that city leaders are not listening to barrio members concerns about street repairs. We cannot allow them to close down some many barrio main streets due to the lack of funds. He also mention that he does realize que some streets will cost more to repair than others but dang man how long can we have dirt streets over here. But when you go over the track to visit them folks over there, seems that all their streets are passed dirt by now calicaha roads, which is very impressive compared to dirt roads. He hopes to submit a proposal for new taxes to increase the revenue in order to make them repairs. His proposal is a 25 year plan.

Ok raza for all want bee Tejanos con su drug store boots and second hand cowboy hats, and garage sale belt hug some body for change.

hejola report for 01272016

Hejola report for 01272016.

 Cchwnn.

 Kingsville, TX. Hi, Bill Diaz here con our award winning barrio headline news:

 Barrio main drag shut down after barrio drag show awards riots.

 Hot shorts on a comeback.

 And finally income reminder.

Yesterday the senior citizen center reminded barrio members that are still filing their income tax for 2014 that the center still have several seniors not claimed this year were waiting just for you. Come on by a pick a senior and file.

Yesterday at the 13th annual barrio model show the return of hot shorts for big women made a big splash this year. It seems they thought of putting a swimming pool in the middle of the walkway would look cool. Well it did look cool that’s if you looked hot!! And that is what happen con la commadre Maria Zamora, was modeling a pair of hot pink shorts, with tall blue and white go go boots, with a large black belt with a giant buckle, tripped on the rug and fell into the small pool. It took los vato loco volunteer firefighters several minutes to get la commadre out of the small pool. La commadre was not injured but those hot shorts got wet and started to reduce in size. A large curtain was torn down to cover la commadre who looked as she was wearing a barrio tong. No charges will be filed.

And finally  a small riot was started after several gay Tejanos made up of aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, primos, primas, and a few characters were asked to leave the TWO TONS OF FUN TAVERN, a barrio gay bar after their favorite gay contestant didn’t win the main award. Some started throwing bottles and cupcakes at the giant 12 inch TV at the bar. That is when Big Joe mama, bar owner, asked them to leave the place. So the furious crowd packed their things and took their complaint outside the bar and blocked the main drag for several hours until the program had ended. No arrested were made but some dress like a movie start and who knows what were asked to leave or get arrested.

Ok got to go raza.

hejola report for 01262016

Hejola report for 01262016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning headline news:

Barrio man arrested for stealing.

Barrio hog farm found dead.

And finally, barrio woman arrested with a traffic sign embedded in her skull.

Chinga want to talk about some bad luck, last night el constable had to pulled over la senoria Maria Gonzales after she was seen driving erratically. Once she was stopped they noticed que a traffic sign was embedded in her skull after colliding with it a few blocks down the road.  The victim seemed to be intoxicated.

El constable reported to us this past weekend que el senor Marcos Garcia a barrio hog farmer remains were found Saturday morning on his property. The report said que base on the condition of his body that his hogs had gotten to him before he got to them. Charges will be filed against all ten hogs.

Last night Abel Gonzales a local bartender called el constable to report que someone had stolen his credit card from his car a few hours ago. Then called the constable back a few hours later to report que he was holding the person that had stolen his credit card at the bar. It seems que the robber was trying to use it at the bar he worked in.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 01252016

 

 

Hejola report for 01252016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza I am David Duran con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio prepare for alien invasion.

La commadre arrested for assault.

Community preparing for the worse.

And now some darn good news.

It always seems that to get someone’s attention now a days’ on public media, all you have to do is post how Tejano is dying. How many freaking times does it take to tell folks this false statement? Tejano is at its best and its keeps on growing every day. So for those that have nothing else to write about get a second job. Looking to make this kind of statements when you only get out to go to the store doesn’t say much does it?

Not many residents here know much about anything regardless if they see or hear the news on barrio cable tv. But yesterday many were given an alarm that many more bad thing were coming their way. So since it’s almost the end of the month many were not able to go the store and stock up on needed supplies such as but not limited to beer, beer and toilet paper. But a few know que we heard this before. But once the first of the month starts we will want for that warning again.

It wasn’t a pretty site nor was it a nice site to watch la commadre dragged down the street in her grandma underwear when she decided to take the law into her own hands. The incident happen around 2 a.m. when she hear her husband el Compadre Chuy Munoz trying to sneak in their home through the bathroom window. Once el compadre manage to get in the home, la commadre assault him with a broom and a mop and chased him outside for a few blocks until she realize que she was in her underwear. Once she decide to walk back to her home el comadre slapped her on the head a few times  from behind and she didn’t even see him coming and dragged her back in the house where he called the cops. Both were questioned and la commadre arrested.

Yesterday afternoon the largest crowd ever to gather at the Westinghouse barrio mall to welcome a new make believe Texano group E. T. y Invasión Extraterrestre. They were here promoting their new cd “ Invasi’on de La onda Tejana”. Their tour dates will be announced with a few days.

Ok all you ET fans, beam me up Scottie!

barrio stock market report for 01222016

 

Barrio stock market report for 01222016

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Como estan I am Urbano Yosabatodo con esta stimulus barrio stock market report. Doesn’t it seem que the new trend is just plain stimulus? Yea that’s the ticket. Everywhere we go its stimulus this and stimulus that. Our society has taken the word stimulus and applied to almost everything possible. Shoot, even those sex enhancement pins have a little stimulus to them. But for now, let’s just try to stimulate the economic and leave our sex life out of it.

Now for that award winning report:

In the world of buying and selling barrio stock is nothing new too many of us, switching to a new market don’t mean that they are doing the research that we do. So we don’t expect you to change or change any of your barrio stock market habits. Just hang with us. Ok.

Los tamales, if there is any way to beat el tamale market for this coming xmas season we insist that you buy now. Most tamale brokers are selling their stock at a real low rate this month but preparing to launch an interest on price before you know it. If you can, scoop up as much as you measurably can, all this will guarantee a whole lot of tamales for this xmas season. Oh by the way the tamale guy never came back. Los tamales ended the week at $7.50 a dozen a dollar way higher than ever.

Las tortillas: With the increase of wheat and gain this market has suffered a bit this month. Since the start of this quarter las tortillas have gotten much better. In terms of not too many found stuck together like several year ago. Who says nobody reads our barrio stock market. The tortilla war of 2005 really made differences with this market. Las tortillas ended the week at $1.55 a pack.

Los taquitos up ten cents from last week, ended the week at $1.35 each and coffee is extra. But we found a place here in Kingsville got them going for 2 taquitos for $1.75.

La barbecue de caberas remained stable, ended the week at $6.50 a lb.

Barrio want ads:

Item 0321545:  used women and men underwear lots of sizes from 12 to 18 in the women’s section and sizes from 36 to 48 waists for the men section. All sales are final.

Item 030548: used car tires for sell. All sizes only flat on the bottom.

Items 035698: Easter chickens, turkeys and rabbits for sale, different colors and size. Some chickens are chicks from last year that weren’t sold. Now full grown but still some color in them.

 

Items 038574:  Jose Lopez t shirts “put me in jail if I fail” call or write about price and design. Please note que this not the Joe Lopez you think it is, it’s another vato con that same name, and in jail also. Pesse hejola..

Now for the barrio realtor report:

El primo Juan  Pedro Jr.Mendez tells us que the city is getting ready to knock down a bunch of crack houses, the owners tell us que they would like to know if anyone is interested in pick up the remains of this houses for free.  He did say at no charge but there is a transportation tax in our hood.

Ok Raza has a great weekend and make sure to go shopping at our malls. 

hejola report for 01222016

 

Hejola report for 01222016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza how are we this beautiful Friday? I am Gloria Guerra con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio members moving on up!

Community college hiring barrio’s pets.

Corner Drug stores opens up again.

And now some darn good news.

Who needs medical care when someone gave you OJO? Well we have a new medical solution for that, STAY HOME!

Droguería de la esquina will be opening its door this coming weekend located at the corner of third and wells. The new owner Martin Lopez Gomez Martinez Henderson tells us que it will have the cheapest prices around and there should no major problems in getting your prescriptions done, and refilled and a bit more. So tell them you heard it here and you will get a 95 Percent discount on your first purchase and hope it’s not your last.

Now that school has started up at all levels, we were informed that our community college has several positions need to be filled asap. Now the odd thing about this, they wanting to hire your farm animal pets, yes you hear that right your farm animal pet has the chance of getting a job, career, and long term benefits. So let’s get that pet that doesn’t do anything all day but graze, and take it and submit its application asap. There is nothing wrong with a second income coming from a pet.

Yesterday ten families including all their pets were honored at the 11^th annual let’s fix someone’s home up committee. The committee was created to help families climb the latter of success and one way was by living in a nice home. So with this in mind ten lucky families received a chit load of stuff to clean their homes, wash their clothing and even a few hand push lawnmowers to maintain their front yards.  It’s going be a great day and we just can’t stop singing Moving on up?

Ok raza let’s get out today a look for that job we always wanted, and don’t feel sorry about yourself, look around you and see how many can’t do what you can do? Think about, it could be worse, get up, take bath, and comb your hair and let’s do it, now if you don’t how long can one be a couch tomata?

hejola report for 01202016

 

Hejola report for 012012016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio meltdown.

Several arrested for attempted car-jack.

And finally some darn good new.

Barrio business owners have announced that they will be accepting anything of value to pay your bills and trading anything of non value for thing that have expired dates on them, so go home and see what we have of value and no value in which you might just have a gold mine at home.. dang.

El constable cadena was called to the corner of third and wells where the owner of a 1987 ford told him that he had three car-jacker pinned against a wall with his car after they tried to steal it. But when el constable finally got there, all three men had been run over several times by the owner of the car. El constable told us que all three men were rushed to St. Paul’s Medical center for treatment. After they were released, they were arrested. Charges are pending for the owner of the car that ran the men over. Huh. Witness told us que they were surprise the driver of the car didn’t kill any of them.

Yesterday a ton of three folks staged a counter protest against the city and barrio leaders when they got word that their block was not on the list to be fixed this year. The three folks and of course some of its pets were walking back and forth in front of the city offices asking question on why not fix the whole dang barrio and wanted some answers. A spoke person told the ton of three folk’s que they will have to wait till the next meeting to discuss their concerns schedule for March 2033.

Ok raza there you have it and keep it Tejano.

hejola report for 01202016

Hejola report for 01202016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello again I am Bill Diaz with today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Gay Tejanos group illegal take over “two tons of fun” bar.

Street repairs committee change their minds.

Public assistance closing their doors.

The office of barrio public assistances announced that they will be shutting down their doors sometime this week and will only be accepting application or question thru its drive thru window instead. The director I. Hughes Gomez Ramos Moore, told us que we only have 32 staff persons and they also need to sit back in their offices and take breaks ever 20 min. he told us that, that’s the only way we can do things around here by closing the front door and not talking to folks makes our job easier.

 

It seemed that happy days were here again just fell flat on its butt due to the committee changing their mind about which and how many streets will be repaired and not shut down. You see the idea of fixing streets was the main issue when the city decided to just close down the streets that needed major repairs instead of repairing them. It had been announced that they had send a list of which streets were going to be fixed this year but now it seems that it’s going to have wait till the next funding cycle schedule to be review in 2033. So as of now many residents are preparing for the worse by buying horses, donkeys, mules and wagons just in case their cars can’t get around. In our view that shouldn’t be a problem due to the fact que farm animals are living among us already. Pesse hejola.

 

Wow man if things couldn’t get worse. Late last night a group of known gay Tejanos illegally took over the only gay Tejano bar in world “two tons of fun”. El constable cadena told us que he and his barrio task force 666 have surrounded the area. He told us que esta group are well armed with sex toys and a whole lot of other dangerous stuff. He told us que at this moment they are having some serious discussion on their demands. One of the protestors “la Girl” yelled out you all better leave us alone or else”and don’t forget to send us some food in the meantime makes sure its pizza and lots of chips. El constable told us that at this time he has his staff watching over the area along con watching the home of La Tina V. the known cat lover who also has over 10 barrio residents protecting her 50 or some cats from the city animal control. Dang.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 01192016

 

Hejola report for 01192016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello raza I am Alcardio Samudio con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio redneck arrested.

Raza protest “two tons of fun bar”.

Fight breaks out at tailgate party, again.

And now so darn good news.

Barrio leaders have all agreed to repair as many streets the city budget can afford without closing them instead. All right. Oh I did fail to mention that could be about maybe one block out of 52 blocks. Now the question is which block?

You know once in a while we can understand way Dallas Cow fans can be a bit upset them boys aren’t going nowhere again, but them Dallas fans don’t seem to understand you can’t go to a tailgate party for those teams moving up dress like a Dallas Cow fan. Well these bunch of fans that live in denial believe that it’s still their team but in different color uniform. Well after a few cases of beer and partying some of the other team fans got a bit fat up with how great the Dallas team was started a fight and kick a chit load of cow fans and ran them off from the location the party was being held. Thank the lord by the time the constable got there them boys fans had already left. But the constable was able to find lots of cow fans stuff left behind, he told me dang today is my lucking day.

It came out of nowhere when at least 7 persons showed up with protest signs and slogans at the two tons of fun bar, which by the way it’s the only Tejano gay bar in world, anyhow they seem to be complaining about letting dogs and cats and some farm animals inside the bar on Thursdays and Thursday only. One of the protester told us how in the world can you allow this to happen, I can understand letting them vote and stuff but go bar hopping, my god! Keep your pets at home or back yard where they belong. No arrest so far.

Many think that rednecks are a certain kind of folks that believe in what they believe and if you don’t believe what they believe than you are not one of them. But around here a redneck can be a white person who lives in a small town or in the country especially in the southern U.S., who typically has a working-class job, and who is seen by others as being uneducated and having opinions and attitudes that are offensive, well this weekend it ended this believe due to the fact that Juan Martinez was accused of being a barrio redneck when he went over to the folks BBQ party asking them to lower that Spanish chit music. After several of the party goers chased him back to this trailer, he tried returned back to the party with his gun, shotgun, and a few bottle rockets but he never made across the street due the fact que constable arrested him for all of the above.

Ok if you haven’t hug a Tejano today, please do.

hejola report 01152016

Hejola report for 01152016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Sage continues at Tina V. police raid cat home and ran for their lives.

Vato locos volunteer fire fighters hold monthly smoke alarm drive,

and finally el chuco garza arrested after he flagged constable down for ride.

But now some darn good news.

Oh yea you know you’re lucky when you go to the bingo but don’t win any prize but win the door prize oh yea. Well at least that’s a start. You are a real Winer.

 Starting this weekend los vatos loco volunteer firefights will have their monthly fire alarm drive. Estos vatos will be standing at the corner of third and well collecting money to buy instant popcorn packets to give to hood members as fire alarms. Our goal says one of los locos is to purchase at least three boxes this month. Our motto is “If the popping doesn’t wake you up, the popcorn smell will”. You see the volunteers determined que this popcorn does the job by waking folks up in case of a fire.

The local police raided the home of Tina V. with an army of 5 animal control workers, two regular police and 3 constable assistances were overwhelm with the 200 or more folks surround the premises and the 250 cats. The crowd surrounds the police force and forced them off the compound with water balloons, bottle rockets, firecrackers, and anything they could throw at them. At least ten protesters were injured and 15 cats were harmed and at least 22 of them cats when missing. No arrests were made by a spoke person told me that the police were able to capture some 20 or more cats. You could hear the police as they ran for their lives yelling we will be back.

At noon yesterday el chuco Garza a well know bum in the hood, was arrested by el constable cadena. It seems que garza was standing in the middle of the road and waving and flagged down cars, but did manage to stop el constable and asked for a ride to the house on the hill. El constable cadena’s report indicated que appeared unsteady on his feet and a bit nervous. El constable ask mr garza if he was on medication. But mr garza answer no I just smoked pot. It seems que el constable searched mr garza an found a few ounces of marijuana in his coat pockets and a roll of twenty dollar bills totally up to $400. dollars. Mr garza was arrested and if convicted, he could face lots of time in jail.

Ok raza have a great day and don’t forget on does not full in to excellent, one must strive.

hejola report for 01152016

Hejola report for 01152016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. hello raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Sage continues at Tina V. police raid cat home and ran for their lives.

Vato locos volunteer fire fighters hold monthly smoke alarm drive,

and finally el chuco garza arrested after he flagged constable down for ride.

But now some darn good news.

Oh yea you know you’re lucky when you go to the bingo but don’t win any prize but win the door prize oh yea. Well at least that’s a start. You are a real Winer.

 Starting this weekend los vatos loco volunteer firefights will have their monthly fire alarm drive. Estos vatos will be standing at the corner of third and well collecting money to buy instant popcorn packets to give to hood members as fire alarms. Our goal says one of los locos is to purchase at least three boxes this month. Our motto is “If the popping doesn’t wake you up, the popcorn smell will”. You see the volunteers determined que this popcorn does the job by waking folks up in case of a fire.

The local police raided the home of Tina V. with an army of 5 animal control workers, two regular police and 3 constable assistances were overwhelm with the 200 or more folks surround the premises and the 250 cats. The crowd surrounds the police force and forced them off the compound with water balloons, bottle rockets, firecrackers, and anything they could throw at them. At least ten protesters were injured and 15 cats were harmed and at least 22 of them cats when missing. No arrests were made by a spoke person told me that the police were able to capture some 20 or more cats. You could hear the police as they ran for their lives yelling we will be back.

At noon yesterday el chuco Garza a well know bum in the hood, was arrested by el constable cadena. It seems que garza was standing in the middle of the road and waving and flagged down cars, but did manage to stop el constable and asked for a ride to the house on the hill. El constable cadena’s report indicated que appeared unsteady on his feet and a bit nervous. El constable ask mr garza if he was on medication. But mr garza answer no I just smoked pot. It seems que el constable searched mr garza an found a few ounces of marijuana in his coat pockets and a roll of twenty dollar bills totally up to $400. dollars. Mr garza was arrested and if convicted, he could face lots of time in jail.

Ok raza have a great day and don’t forget on does not full in to excellent, one must strive.

hejola report for 01132016

Hejola  afternoon report for 01132016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello you all how we doing, this country pancho with you all barrio headline news:

Barrio family trade in car burns down before it got to the dealer.

200 chickens make a quick getaway.

and finally a fund raiser for Little patty watty, chicken barbque plates for sale this Wednesday.

It’s a miracle says la senora Roberta Quinoner, we just didn’t know how to get the money to send little patty watty to a cheerleading camp this weekend at the Westinghouse barrio mall. But the family tells us that with the grace of god, he sends us about 50 chickens, which the family plans of barbequing this coming Wednesday. If you are interested on purchasing a chicken barbeque plate for just for $10. Just call us at the cchwnn command post. It’s a miracle!

In some bizarre accident, La family Arispe, J.J. the owner of el barrio fowls farm crashed their delivery truck early Sunday morning around 2A.m. and about 200 chickens survived the crash an made a run for it. The owners called el constable cadena to report the accident. Up to this moment, none of the 200 or so chickens have been capture. A small reward is being offered for the return of some or all the escaped chickens, if you have any information pertaining to this matter please contact el constable.

In other news, It seems that some folks just don’t know how to smoke cigarette, this is the case de la familia Reed. It seems que el senor reed was traveling in his wife old 1978 ford whatever this past Sunday afternoon as she followed. They were headed towards the Westinghouse barrio mall used car lot to trade it in for a brand new used car. As he drove the 1978 ford whatever he threw a cigarette butt out the window, which flew back inside the back side window of their car, which started a fire in the back seat. El senior did not notice the smoke, but his wife did see the flames peeking out the back window. La senior reed tried to call him on his cell phone, which he left at home, to pull over. By the time he noticed the fire in the back sit, el senor hopped out of the car and he and his wife backed away to safety as that old 1978 ford whatever went up in flames.

By the time los vato’s locos volunteer firefighters got there it was too darn late. Once the smoke cleared and the family managed to get a tow truck to haul the burn down 1978 ford whatever to the dealer for a trade. The dealer gave them $15. for the car and they used it to put on a down payment for that new 1979 ford whichever, which the dealer told them it was once owned preacher. Well there you have it.

Ok raza have a great day … you too gringitos.

hejola report 01132016.

Hejola report for 01132016.

 Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello you all how we doing, this country pancho with you all barrio headline news:

 Barrio family trade in car burns down before it got to the dealer.

200 chickens make a quick getaway.

and finally a fund raiser for Little patty watty, chicken barbque plates for sale this Wednesday.

 It’s a miracle says la senora Roberta Quinoner, we just didn’t know how to get the money to send little patty watty to a cheerleading camp this weekend at the Westinghouse barrio mall. But the family tells us that with the grace of god, he sends us about 50 chickens, which the family plans of barbequing this coming Wednesday. If you are interested on purchasing a chicken barbeque plate for just for $10. Just call us at the cchwnn command post. It’s a miracle!

In some bizarre accident, La family Arispe, J.J. the owner of el barrio fowls farm crashed their delivery truck early Sunday morning around 2A.m. and about 200 chickens survived the crash an made a run for it. The owners called el constable cadena to report the accident. Up to this moment, none of the 200 or so chickens have been capture. A small reward is being offered for the return of some or all the escaped chickens, if you have any information pertaining to this matter please contact el constable.

In other news, It seems that some folks just don’t know how to smoke cigarette, this is the case de la familia Reed. It seems que el senor reed was traveling in his  wife  old 1978 ford whatever this past Sunday afternoon as she followed. They were headed towards the Westinghouse barrio mall used car lot to trade it in for a brand new used car. As he drove the 1978 ford whatever he threw a cigarette butt out the window, which flew back inside the back side window of their car, which started a fire in the back seat. El senior did not notice the smoke, but his wife did see the flames peeking out the back window. La senior reed tried to call him on his cell phone, which he left at home, to pull over. By the time he noticed the fire in the back sit, el senor hopped out of the car and he and his wife backed away to safety as that old 1978 ford whatever went up in flames.

 By the time los vato’s locos volunteer firefighters got there it was too darn late. Once the smoke cleared and the family managed to get a tow truck to haul the burn down 1978 ford whatever to the dealer for a trade. The dealer gave them $15. for the car and they used it to put on a down payment for that new 1979 ford whichever, which the dealer told them it was once owned preacher. Well there you have it.

Ok raza have a great day … you too gringitos.

hejola report for 01132016

Hejolia report for 01132016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Redskins and packers fans strap it on con Dallas cowboy fans at football cook out.

Shooting at the corner of third and wells leave several die.

And finally law suit file against el constable cadena.

Yesterday afternoon, la families Gamez filed a law suit against our own constable for chopping the 35th oldest tree in the hood, that was located on wells street. The law suit states that the constable trespassed into the Gamez back yard without permission and chopped their tree down in order to get to them boys shooting chickens. The law suit did not include the two boys because they had permission from the yard owners allowing them to climb that tree. If the constable is to be found guilty he could pay up several hundred dollars in fines and some time doing some community work.

It seems que someone always has to spoil things for others. That was the case Saturday night when a large number of chickens were shot dead and a few got away. The shooting was set off by several young Hispanic trying to see if they could hit a chicken coop that was located about three houses doing wells. These young men climbed a tree and just starting shooting. The constable was able to get those boys down from the tree by chopping it down. Charges are pending.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon for some odd reason a few dozen Dallas cowboys fans attacked a football cookout con chingos de Redskin fansand packers fans. After the constable and his barrio task force 666 broke it up a half dozen of cowboys were arrested and some were taken to ST. Paul’s medical center for observation. The bottom line was que the Bears and Pack outnumber them cowboys. How about them boyz.

There we have raza, stay home and stay warm.

hejola report for 01122016

 

Hejola report for 01122016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio man arrested for stealing city water.

Waist line vs your height.

And now some darn good news.

This year will bring happiness and fortunate to you all and if you believe this bull chit, you must be on drugs. Things don’t change if you don’t. So if you love living the way you do, go  ahead and keep it up  and if you can’t  keep it up than happy days are here again.

Several men and women arrested after Dallas football game.

Many folks in the hood were amazed by el primo Ruiz whose front yard was again selected as the yard of the month in the hood for 13 months in a row. But after looking at his beautiful green yard with those Rose bushes and flowers many wonder how much was that costing them to keep that yard going? Well after several calls to the city, barrio water inspectors went over and visited the family Ruiz and determined que he didn’t even have running water at his home, but did issue a citation for using an illegal water hook up. It seems que one of the Ruiz family member use to be a plumber and figured out how to tap into the barrio main water line that ran about 10 yards from their back yard. Charges will be filed and the water was turned off. Of by the way the barrio water inspectors will send the Ruiz family a billing statement for usage of water for the last 24 months. Hejola.

You know many folks believe que the Dallas cowboys worn their new uniforms this pasted Saturday when they got beat but the other team 40 to 0. But our sources tell us that’s how the fight started at the only barrio gay bar two tons of fun. When the dust settled several men and some women were arrested because they couldn’t believe it wasn’t the cowboys play that game with their new uniforms. Charges are pending and damages to the bar totaled at $5 bucks.

Yesterday it was determined by one off our own that many in the hood waist line was taller than their own height. The study reports que at least 30 percent of barrio resident waist line was talker than their own height, for example a normal waist line in the hood was around 40 to 46 and the average height in the hood was about 4 feet tall to about 5 foot 5 inches tall. But our own researchers tell us que it doesn’t add up says Maria La Bandia. How in the world can that be, my god most of the folks in our hood are about 5 foot tall and waist line 42 to 48, so come on. I think the old saying says don’t believe everything you read.

Have a great Tejano day and don’t worry be happy.

hejola report for 01112016

Hejola report for 01112016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio elections debate breaks into a fist fight.

More jobs and new homes promised by Mr. Gringito.

And finally voter registration on the raise.

 

The county tax assessor told us que there was a 10  to 30 percent increase of registered vote this year compared to the 50 percent increase last year at the same time. The only differences is that last year’s 90 percent of the applications were not acceptable due to the fact que the majority of the 90 percent of the voter cards had people names of persons that had died about 30 years ago or had their pets’ name on the application. Huh, no further investigation was done on this matter. El constable told us que it was not unusual to have died people vote once in while but the real worry was them farm animals and pets being allowed to vote.

Yesterday Gringito Moore, running for state representing of our county decided to take a chance and stopped by el barrio cruz roja community center to give his beef on what he planned on doing for us if he won. But after a few meeting promising chit to the 10 persons present, who by the way were there waiting for a free meal were honored to listen to this man talk. But Gringo didn’t finish his speech due to all the yelling and screaming in the next room where the Gomez brothers were debating for that barrio tax assertor job. Gringito told the group que they need to make sure they go out and vote these coming elections.

Yesterday los tres brother’s Gomez, all running for barrio tax assertor. John, John Boy, and Little Johnnie Gomez got into a fist fight when asked who was the smartest of all three hommies. Once the constable got there the fight was under control and all three were sitting behind a table and were debating on who started the fight. Once the constable listened to the debate going on, he decided to all three mules asses were in the wrong were arrested. Charges will be filed. Oh by the way based on the 3 people present at the debate declared Little Johnnie the winner of the fight not the debate.

Ok raza keep it tejano.

barrio stock market report for 01082016

BARRIO STOCK MARKET REPORT for 01082016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. ONCE again here is urbano, como estan todos mi big spenders? While other stock exchanges and dealers are free to trade con those listed stocks, in practice, brokerage firms route most of their orders to that other exchange. But for best execution at the best price here en el barrio, our barrio stock market has been rated number one by some big ass spenders here in the hood.

As the data throughout this section shows, the barrio stock market continually provides the best prices, the most liquidity, the lowest trading costs, the lowest volatility and excellent transaction speed and certainty in our hood, how about yours?

Let’s now go to our award winning barrio stock market report:

Los taquitos: La familia Gonzales owners of las tortillas del hood announced a jointly efforts to strengthen making of taquitos and will improve its research analysts and initial public offerings. These initiatives are in support of a new joint regulatory initiative among the still existing taco stands and those that make taquitos at home. El barrio Exchange Commission has address these critical areas before. Los taquitos were down this week at $1.10 each and coffee is extra.

Los tamales: this week it was announced by our own barrio tamale broker manuel Gonzales que we will be seeing some major changes inside el tamale world. With the decrease of corn leaves and a mild summer there should really be no major concerns concerning this matter. Los tamales ended the week at $7.50 a dozen a bit higher than a few weeks ago.

Las empanadas: El barrio community gardens will hold its annual barrio meeting at our community center this weekend to discuss this winter’s crops and how much of their products will be used this coming  new year. I’ts easy to say que they the makers of las empanadas are willing to use our product but are they willing to pay the price. Las empandas are more filling than before which was a great victory for los barrio consumers. Las empanadas ended the week at all high $.55 cents each.

La barbacoa de cabazea: Well since the creation of several llama farms and the increase of feeded hogs, many barrio farmers had dropped their concerns con esa mad hog and cow diseases muchos de los barrio members have really cut down on eating barbacoa de cabazea. La barbaco ended the week at an all time high of $6.50 a lbs.

Las tortillas: Wow man have you seen the price of this circular produce. My god tortillas have gone up so high on price que many are wondering if the modern chicana is going back to the old days of making their own tortillas at home (yea right). Las tortillas ended the week at all time high of $1.35 a dozen. Pesse hejola.

 

Cheap beer: Well since football season is almost at an end and los cowboys aren’t going anywhere muchos store owners tell us que they are selling beer likes its going out of style. Cheap beer ended the week at $4.56 a six pack. Please note cowboys fans don’t understand or want to believe que them boys will not be playing any more games this season, its over, caput, nada, let it go.

 

 

Well raza there you have it for today, I am urbano yosabatodo. Have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 01082016

Hejola report for 01082016.

(Chicano cable hot-wired news network est. 1998).

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas.  Hello Raza I am Maria La Bandia and a big shout out to all la Raza up in San Antonio Texas, oh yea. Anyhow here is our award winning barrio headline news, oh by the way why award winning? Well you see we created this award that we presented to ourselves for the last 6 years. Lol.

Now for our headline news:

Barrio population increased in 2015.

New Year’s Eve wasn’t very good for many in the hood.

And finally some dare good news.

Again Raza if you believe everything you see and hear and if you believe anything I write here and believe it to be real news, dang give me some.

El constable Cadena told us que he and his barrio 666 patrol arrested 35 persons during this New Years and here are some details:

10 men and women: dwi.

15 men and women and several pigs: pi.

2pigs and 5 cats and 10 dogs driving without a license.

3 chickens and 2 ducks curfew.

2 horses, 1 donkey and 3 women sexual assault.

5 men and 3 women fighting at a gay bar.

And 205 warnings for firing firecrackers in the city limits. Remember that no one is more guilt until it goes to court and proven.

Our barrio leaders tell us que they determined que el barrio had an increase of barrio residents of 22 percent compared to 1965. This is the largest increase we have had since then. But he did warn us que many of  these residents included in this increase were chicken, ducks, turkeys, dogs, cats, pet birds, and other smaller farm animals that are allowed to live inside the city limits with their owners. Furthermore they predict que their might be a decrease if some of them chickens, ducks and turkeys are eaten by the end of next year.

Ok make sure you hug a Tejano today.

hejola report for 01072016

Hejolia report for 01072016.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s barrio award winning headline news:

Part-time security force employee shoots himself.

La commadre tries to please el compadre topless.

And finally the only deaf barrio resident arrested for using the middle finger.

Charges are pending and jail time also for one of the few deaf persons in the hood. Tom Lucus McCain Trevino, was arrested yesterday afternoon at the corner of third and wells when some folks called el constable that there was someone at that corner showing off his middle finger to all the persons driving by. El constable arrested esta vato. But later released once they found out que he was deaf. He will go to court next week.

It seems que la commadre was so mad que she thought que el compadre, who came home late last night, was at the only barrio topless bar. So she figured que if el compadre wants to see so boobes, she surprised him when he walked inside the house topless. El compadre was real embarrass que all his other compadres had to witness this selfish act, that came home with him to drink a few beers. Charges are pending.

And finally, El ojo barrio private eye academic, will review its standards and rules that allows their want to be private eyes students to care a gun after one of them accidentally shot himself while taking a coffee break at the first floor of el Westinghouse barrio mall last night. We tried to contact el ojo barrio private eye, owner and director of the academic, but did not return our call. It seem que Little Johnnie Flores, ( 350lbs) a student at the academic shot himself with his gun in his pocket , when he tried to pay for his coffee at maria’s lunch stand in the mall. Charges are pending for caring a weapon at a public place.

Well folks there you have it, I am bill diaz.