hejola report for 09302015

 

 

Hejola report for 09302015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas, hello again raza I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Increase of kidnaps barrio pets.

Several barrio members arrested at school protest.

And now some sad news.

El primo Carlos told us que he no longer could work for a system that has been created by workers that don’t follow the rules of the land and by that note he also told us que he was sad that things were going to get worse than better. Thanks primo for all the good years of working there.

It seems that when persons can’t answer certain questions and get the right answer it’s going to piss some folks off. Well that was the case at our local community college when the administrators realize que many of its workers didn’t give a dam about anything never the less its students concerns and issues. Now that more than 35 folks have picketed their office things are getting done but the problem is that the same folks that caused these problems are still there and promise to do things their way.

El constable Cadena told us que there has been a 50 percent increase of barrio pets being either lost, or stolen, but the rare thing about this whole matter is que someone or some people have been calling the owners of these little pets about paying a ransom for their return. El constable is a bit confused about this matter but is investigating the matter.

Ok raza have a great day and stay strong.

hejola report for 09292013.

Hejola special report for 09292013.

Happy birthday to our creator 64…dang.

 

Cchwnn.

 

Kingsville,tx. Hello again Bill diaz and dam glad to be back, have you ever felt that when you are gone for a while chit hits the fan? Now for our award special barrio news headlines.

 

Creator not sure about life.

 

Protest continues against CCHWNN but we have some facts.

 

And finally some good darn news.

 

Yesterday we were informed that the favors color of single women was green.

 

In other news, Gone into its first week, some barrio members have not given up on their protest against our news on writing about big women. The real issue here is why do we do this to great and wonder healthy women? Is there a reason? Is there a cause? Or is it that our creator is still pissed at the 400 lb. woman that gave him hernia that one cold winter evening indulges in kinky sex? NO way. Here are some facts;

 

What are the health effects of being overweight or obese?

 

Being overweight or obese can increase your risk of:

 

·    Heart disease

 

·    Stroke

 

·    Type 2 diabetes

 

·    High blood pressure

 

·    breathing problems

 

·    Arthritis

 

·    Gallbladder disease

 

·    Some kinds of cancer

 

Now I end this with our concerns.

 

Now a message from our creator, hello I am Daniel and again out from my darkest room from my home. Now that I have turned 62 or even 63, I tried to recap what I have and what had I done in my life up to now?  I was dawned by the fact that I never ever left 1970’s and I still wonder if I can catch up to 2013? I know old hippies never die, and I am sure that many would wonder why a chicano wanted to be a hippie in the first place.  Well it was pretty easy, raised in a family that stress being on time and I took it on my own to embraces life to the fullest, tried to promote peace, love and some happiness, and up to now sure as hell stuck up for what I believed in. regardless of what folks think that hippies are, I was beyond “the dirty dread-locked tie-dyed pothead with the dead shirt on”. HIPPIES ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!! Today I will ask myself , think about all the money one spend on foolish and not caring about such ideology... What a contradiction?

 

Ok raza have a great day. And happy birthday folks.

hejola report from the past 09292011.

Hello here is a posting from 2011 on this same day?????

Hejola birthday report for 09292011.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news. But for right now, our creator Daniel Lopez has just stepped into the golden years as one young woman at the age of 64 calls it. I am not sure our creator is ready to set into this illusion, but it has a certain sensation that is a bit artificial and could play trick with his poor little mind that is always living in a state of figment of his imagination. But for now let’s get to that darn report:
Six things that could happen on your birthday.
60 year old Birthday party gone wrong.
And finally, 60 year old arrested in his birthday suit.

Jimmy Gonzales Munoz was arrested late last night at the corner bar for walking around naked. It seems que ole Jimmy boy got so drunk at the bar que he thought he was home and started to take his clothes off as he walked towards the bar bathroom. By the time he came of the public bar he hadn’t realize que he had removed all his clothing. That’s when a bunch of customers inside the bar threw his hairy naked ass out the door and into the city where a group of Jehovah’s witness were waiting for the city bus. They notice the naked man, and then call the cops on him. While they were waiting for the law dogs, the Jehovahs’ covered him with some of their hand outs enough to cover his private parts. Munoz was arrested and taken to jail.

Yesterday las commadres y some compadres pitched in to hire a stripper or someone for el compadres 60’s year birthday party. Now please understand el compadres is a modest man, hard worker and has been faithful for as long as we known him to be. So la commadre Ester Hummer Suckyourtoes agreed to do this charming thing, where she would pop out of a giant box designed to look like a cake. Well when all the party goers got there and were all under the family car port, they tried to wheel in the giant cake, when all of sudden the dam thing tipped over and fell on top of the table were all the goodies were causing a chain reaction of destruction. The bottom line is the birthday cake flew in the air and landed on top of el compadre’s head, cause a small fire on top of his head from the 60 candles that were lid up. La commadre Suckyourtoes suffered a major head injury, requiring emergency care. It took them about one hour to pull her out of that giant box she was in. charges are pending. Oh by the way the party ended right after that without opening his only present, which was the giant box designed as a cake. Chinga

And finally, a local author, Ted Nopal told us que he had come up con six things that could happen on your birthday:
1. You get home from work and find a booger on your shirt that must have been there all day.
2. You spot a dead thing on the middle the road and you run over it again, resulting in a flat tire.
3. You are forced to use Microsoft Windows version 2001.
4. You pick up your laundry find out you pick up the wrong dyer.
5. You get a giant zit on your face after you swallowed some chewing tobacco.
6. You pay for sex with a check and then she asks you if you can cash it, before it bounces.

Ok raza have a great day. Daniel Lopez 64 ,2015

hejola report for 09292015

Hejolia report for 09292015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texax. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

La commadre Tina V. Gonzales escapes from barrio health center.

Welcome wagon support increase and are warned by police.

And now so darn good news.

Well it seems that the hood is standing together for one of their own.

The local law dogs have warned the hundreds of folks now helping the barrio welcome wagon in keeping the local animal control workers from removing any more of la commadres 300 and so cats from her property. The number of folks that have made a human chain has increased and now are surrounding the whole home. The cops have already warned them this morning that if they continue with this nonsense that many of them were going to get arrested for blocking public roads, sidewalks and alleys. And furthermore the law dogs said that they were going to get those cats regardless how many are protesting. The group was denied a parade permit for the corner of third and wells, but the group will not be discourage and continue with their effort to protect la commadre loving cats from the outrages animal control workers. 

We just got word que lo commadre Tina V. has either escaped or moved to another location by law enforcement officers. After the word was out que the la commadre Tina v. had escaped or mysterious disappeared from the health center,  persons concerning about her welfare increased to about a thousand or some folks have gone to the mall area and are trying to stop the insurgence of law dogs from finding la commadre. We here feel that the local authorizes had taken this situation way out of hand and are really striving lots of trouble in the hood for them says one of the leaders wanting justice for tina. And we hope that were every she is hiding or being secretly held is doing well.

 

The reported que la commadre had been taken to the Westinghouse barrio medical center after she had been taser and suffered a cardiac arrest, now mall officials tell us que la commadre had escaped or even better mysterious disappeared from the center earlier this morning by a group of 20 men and women cat lovers. The whole mall area is being surrounded by at least 350 police from different counties and cities searching for tina and the group that helped her escape. The group just overwhelm the 2 police officers who were watching her there at the health center says the mall manager.

Ok that’s it for now and let’s pray for tina and the 50 cats that have already been arrested.

barrio stock market report for 10252016

 

Barrio stock market report for 10252015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,texas, Hello big spenders como estan todos, I am urbano yosabatodo con this week’s  barrio stock market, lets’ go to our barrio  stock market report :

 

Los tamales: the tamale market has hit rock high this week. El tamale guy tells us que the price will kinda go up now que the weather is changing. Los tamales ended the week at $6.50 a dozen, hejola.

 

Los taquitos: los taquitos regardless what kind you like have remained stable enough to start buying them again. At one time or another the price was going up and up. But it seems que they have stabilize itself. Los taquitos ended the week at an all time low of$1.25 cent each. The coffee is extra.

 

Las empanadas: well as expected the barrio gardeners have all agreed to keep growing stuff during the winter months in order to keep las empanadas down in price. Las empanadas ended the week at $.59 cent each.

 

la barbacoa de cabeza remained stable this week after news que las llama farms were going to delay their product, ended the week at $6.50 a lb.

 

las tortillas: man o man it had been a while I have gone shopping and didn’t realize que las tortillas had gone up so high. Las tortillas de corn and flour up between $1.25 to 1.75 a dozen.

 

 

 

Cheap beer: you know it’s real sad when a person doesn’t have enough to buy a sofa drink but can afford a beer.  The point is that beer is cheaper than some sofa drinks, what is this world coming too. Cheap beer ended the week at $4.98 a six pack.

 

 

 

And now llama meat: well raza la familia rubio has announced the arrival of llama meat in the hood. It can be found at the cona Lozano cash and carry sports complex meat market. Llama meat going for $4.45 a lb.

 

 Barrio want ads:

Xd45266: men’s shoes for sale, all sizes make offer.

 

Sd8756: small kid’s bike for sale, could be used for smaller folks. Make offer.

 

Yt78546: air conditions for sale, some work and some don’t, can be used for parts.

 

Ty56236: old records: 78,45,331/3 lp. All kind, some tejano and some benny goodmen era. Make offer.

 

Barrio realtors report:

 

Well as you might know by now, that our creator thinks he know everything needed to know about anything that he knows. That is why he will have a book out soon “ soy tejano y que”. Why do I post it on here, because I can. Please remember que your business is my business and my business is none of your business.

hejola report for 09242015.

Hejola report for 09242015.

Cchwnn.

FREE,Ludacris in #JavelinaNation September 24!FREE, TONIGHT

Kingsville,Texas. Alright raza how are we doing and I am Gloria Guerre with today’s  award winning barrio headline news:

Swat teams from across the tracks raid Tina V, Gonzales home.

Barrio welcome wagon rally for Tina V. Gonzales after police raid her home.

Barrio health center tell us que Tina V. Gonzales suffered a cardiac arrest.

And now some important facts.

Look we don’t look for trouble or start trouble but when it comes knocking on your front door, what are we supposed to do? I guess we can use the old song lyrics from a Buck Owens song :

Woke up this morning happy as could be
Looked out my window and what did I see?
A comin' up my sidewalk just as plain as day
A well a here come trouble that I never thought I'd see
When you went away

Hello trouble, come on in, you talk about heartaches
Where'n the world ya been?
I ain't had the miseries since you been gone
Hello trouble, trouble, trouble, welcome home

The barrio welcome wagon has set up shop near the corner of third and wells to... seek donation on keeping the hundred or so cats alive while la commadre Tina V. Gonzales is covering from the brutal attack she suffered yesterday at the hands of them cops from across the tracks as not reported. In addition, several friends and family members have made a human chain around her property in order to stop the barrio and state and city and county animal control folks from removing any more of her cats from her property.

It look like the constable had everything under control with the sage on the corner of third and wells, where la commadre Tina V. Gonzales had taken three animal control unit workers hostages.  Until 1 Am this morning, a handful of state and local police swat team raided the home of la commadre, and recued all three animal control workers. No report on how they did it or the status of la commadre Gonzales. More details later.

Barrio health center St. Paul’s Medical health center sources tell us that la Commadre Tina V. Gonzales had been accepted to the health center here in the mall under heavy security. We do have word now that la commadre had been Taser several times by the police force when she tried to wrestle down several of the swat team from across the tracks. During all this la commadre was reported of suffering a cardiac arrest and with several other major injuries was rushed here to get treated immediately after the so call brawl. More details as they happen.
Well there you have it and lets pray for Tina and have a great Tejano day.

Free: Ludacris in #JavelinaNation September 24! Free…

hejola report for 09232015

Hejolia report for 09232015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. hello or heaveno? I am Bill Diaz con our exciting barrio headline news. Man o man are we having lots of issues today? Now for our news:

Barrio animal control had new plan for Tina V. and her cats, but spoiled.

Constable Cadena takes control of situation where three hostages are being held.

Barrio members show support for Tina V and her religious rights to love cats.

And finally some more or less good news.

Yesterday la commadre Tina V demonstrated que we still live in a country where we can raise cats and dogs and love them as much as we want with the love of god. So now it is our right to stand up to these laws that don’t allow us to own more than 100 cats at a time (yea right, thank god it’s just a make believe story). As long as Tina V holds her ground we here and you there will stand up for her and her cats.

This morning 5 barrio animal control unit workers went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales again with a new plan. This time la commadre T was not very happy with the idea that they capture some 50 of her cats outside her perimeter, so she had her own plan for them. The report says when the barrio animal control unit arrived this morning around 5 a.m. and noticed at least 50 more of them cats outsider the demilitarized zone that la commadre had marked in her back yard. Well at least three of the animal control unit workers tried to chase down some of them cats found them self well within the DMZ zone.

Where all of a sudden la commadre appeared from a hidden underground bunker she had built for such an occasion behind the three animal control workers, where she managed to capture all three workers by knocking them down with a 10 foot 2x4 and took them into her second fenced area next to her home. The other two workers made a run for it in an effort not to get caught but managed to contact the constable Cadena. No word on the status of this sage and standoff.

 

The constable has taken charge of this drama being held at this moment, told us que he was very glad to see that the three hostage were doing great and seem to be in good health. He also stated that la commadre had bar b q some food for the three men and bought some beer also. All and all the situation seems to be reaching an end soon, and hoping que la commadre T will release the workers with no one getting real hurt. Please note that el constable was able to communicate with Tina using flag signals.

 

And finally at least 35 people have gather at the corner of third and wells protesting the way the barrio animal control unit has handled the cat situation here. It seems that many of the protestors are telling us que there is really no need to bring in the local law dogs from across the tracks and their swat team to end this terrible siege, in which the constable is considering if la commadre Tina doesn’t release the three hostage she captured within a few days.

Ok raza we will keep you informed on this matter and keep it Tejano.

hejola afternoon breaking news: 09222015

Hejola afternoon BREAKING NEWS: 09222015.

CCHWNN.

Kingsville,Texas, hello everyone I am Bill Diaz on location at the corner of third and wells street. We have just witness the following development:

Fifty cats arrested outside Tina V. aka barrio cat women compound.

As you might remember that we reported que la commadre Tina V. had over 250 cats in her backyard and fought off all five animal control workers, well this afternoon, they came back with a new strategy. They decided since they couldn’t roundup la commadre’s cat in her back yard, they decided to wait outside her yard and waited for them cats to wonder off her property. At this time the city has reported que over 50 cats have already been arrested and waiting for more arrests. We will keep you informed on this matter.

hejola report for 09222015

 

Hejola report for 09222015.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello Raza how about them cowboys! I am David Polar Bear Duran con our award winning barrio headline news:

How not to pick up drunken chicks after 1:00 am.
Barrio cat woman beats up several city and county employees.                                                                   Barrio vato loco’s volunteer firefighters arrested with Marijuana plants.

How many times have we tried not to pick up any chicks at bars especially after the 1:30 a.m. well this is the case con Mike Chavarava. It seems que esta vato took la senorita Julia Childes Moreno home with him after he met her at the bar this past Saturday night at around 1:30 a.m. He didn’t realize que Julia is one of those drunks que likes to talk about the pass regardless if you were involved or not when she gets pretty wasted. Well this was the case que esta chick drank a few more beers at mikes home and felt que she was being taken advantage of her back in September of 2004. By her recalling that awful night lead her to fighting and screaming at esta poor vato mike. Well when the cops showed up con el constable Cadena, they realized que it was Julia causing some chit over here at mikes home. No charges were filed against anyone but did ask Julia if she wanted a ride home.

This morning the barrio animal control unit went over to la commadre Tina V. Gonzales and arrested her and then released her, when she went on a rampage on all of the animal control unit workers, who were trying to round up all 250 cats, she had in her back yard. After wrestling all 5 workers to the ground she was told to let them men go and they would drop the charges and leave her stinky butt alone. Before the animal control folks left they dropped a ticket in her mail box and made a run for it. Oh, by the way la commadre is 6’3” and weights 350 lbs. and is an ex professional barrio wrestler. One of the animal control workers told us que she caught all five workers off guard.

And finally, Yesterday afternoon los vatos locos volunteers firefighters were the first to arrive at a burning home on third and wells here on our side of the tracks. Once the real fire fighters from across the tracks got there they suspected that something was up because los vatos locos volunteer fire fighters were acting kind of nervous and were seen ferrying buckets of water to the fire themselves. Los locos were hoping que los neighbors wouldn’t call the real firefighters. Once el constable Cadena got there and the fire was turned off he found several marijuana plants growing in the basement of the home and inside los vatos 1978 red ford whatever trunk. No one from the home was arrested but three vatos locos were and taken in for questioning.
Ok Raza there you have it for today’s hejola report and Raza keep Tejano.

barrio stock markter for 09182015

 

 

 

 

Barrio stock market for 09182015.

 

Ccwhnn.

 

Kingsville, TX. Once again mi Raza como estan, I am urbano yosabatodo. Well I am more than sure que you heard del todo pedo going on here at our hood and the mall. But that is another story that we will address this weekend. But for now let’s talk about investments.

 

 

Again, Urbano yosabatodo, if the rest of you barrio investors don't mind, I would just like to address the powerful barrio members in the financial world for a few seconds. I know you're busy in counting all that money, and I don't mean to take up too much of your valuable barrio time, but some mother and a few commadres have just one small request. You see, I am here and you are there, but they want you to know if we can expand our trading report to twice a week. Well the answer is no freaking way.

 

 Now With the growing democratization of our barrio stock market, many of you barrio traders are clamoring for longer sessions.

Meanwhile, several other companies in the hood have tried to creating their own private stock exchanges that will allow this barrio trading their stocks 24 hours a day. As more and more barrio folks get wired to our barrio market, the demand for 24-hour trading is getting harder to ignore, unless you are doing drugs. With everyone from your grandmother, to your friends and even your paperboy involved in our barrio stock market it has become our most likely investment.

 

Los tamales:

The problem facing los tamales is que we having heard from our old tamale guy and are not too happy con the new guy. One of the major problems facing monetary barrio tamale makers is not our stock market but our stock market instability- in which may you barrio tamale makers are managing to take this task on making your own instead of focusing on financial stability and getting ready for the holidays. Los tamales ended the week at $5.75 a dozen, up a bit from last week.

 

Las tortillas:

The declining increase of Raza not making their own has increase the risk premium on all homemade tortillas or better known as the private credit sector. The difference in the two is that on is regulated by the government and the other is a creditworthy private market, with no government intervention. The real economy damage here will happen this coming winter if we don’t regulate the homemakers and the declining in the number of tortillas they are making. If we do not limit the amount of tortillas one makes at home it could squeeze higher prices of tortillas to its non maker tortillas, mostly likely to damage the "real" barrio economy. Furthermore.

 The world flour trade has dropped 25 percent in just the past six years as the global market dynamics have changed.  Our barrio does not see any expanding milling facilities and are relaying on more imported flour from new, private, quality-conscious mills from other counties. We feel que lots of small tortilla companies in the hood tend to buy small amount of flour and avoid the monolithic, government buyers that preferred large quantities for deferred shipment.  Las tortillas ended the week at an all high price of $1.25 a package.

Las empanadas :

The empanada convention did demonstrate que el barrio consumer, yes those locos that protested and caused all the riots and damage at our closed Westinghouse barrio mall, will stand up for their rights for more filled empanadas. The local barrio community gardens group will continue its efforts to provide those local empanada makers the vegetables and fruit need to make them things. Las empanadas ended the week at $ .59 cent each.

 

La barbacoa de cavesa:

Well it was made official today and will be announced sometime next week que the first batch of llama meat will be in our local barrio stores within two months. All the llamas farmers are real happy and are gearing up for this new beef market in the hood (a foot note please, la llama is primarily used in the Andes and in Peru as a pack animal or for meat. The word "jerky" that we use today to refer to beef jerky, is one of the few words in our language originating from the Quechua language. "Ch'arki" is the name of the llama meat which was salted and sun-dried. The taste is somewhere between beef and lamb, though closer to beef. Many describe it as a lighter sweeter beef).

La barbacoa de cavesa ended the week at $5.50 lb.

Cheap beer: well if things couldn’t get worse. El barrio has been hit up again con that home made stuff and has lots of raza in a buzz. It’s just a matter of time, cheap beer ended the week at $4.65 a six pack.

Barrio want ads:

 

Item 54682: two used women’s g- strings for sale. Not sure what size but look pretty big.

Item 65321: ten pounds of oregano for sale, looks like weed but not. Make offer. Please be warned que you could get stopped by the cops.

Item 548201: Easter chickens and ducks for sale. Still have a bit of color on them, make offer for all the stock.

Item 85694: used women clothing. Some kinky stuff but looks like all bras. Make offer.

 

Barrio realtors report. We just found out que the corner of third and Wells Street is for sale. Make offer.

 

Well there you have it and have a great day.