hejola report for 5312018

Hejola afternoon report  for  05302018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas, hello raza how are doing this nice afternoon , I am Maria La vandia con this afternoon award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio gun control under sieges or something like that....

Barrio man wins law suit con disable toilets.

And now some darn good news.

Voter’s this year will be required to write their id’s on top of their fore head if they are planning on vote, reason is so barrio leaders can tell the differences between your butt and your face. Dang.

Yesterday we got word que the law suit filed by el compadre Daniel Perez had been giving approval and that certain restaurant and public places have to comply within a year. The law suit stated que handicap toilets were too high for handicap never the less regular people. You see he point out that you would have to be at least 6 foot tall in order to sit on handicap toilet and have your feet on the ground. By winning the lawsuit it is going to demand que all toilets sits not too be talker than two feet tall so short people could have contact with solid ground when they used them. All right raza.

And finally if you can’t read what is written than you can’t read, that was the main issues yesterday when a group called TON, leader Maria Anderson Molina (325) and Susana Green Munoz (256) and their smaller sister April Jackson Tellez (245) were arrested at the corner of third and wells along con some of their ton friends, after they were told que their protest permit was for next weekend and not this weekend. They were going to protest barrio leaders or anyone telling them when and when not they can carry their guns in public. But the constable pointed out that their permit was for a protest on new barrio ban on Tongs not guns schedule for May 2033.

Now have a great Tejano afternoon.

hejola report for05292018

Hejola report for 05292018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am David Duran, bill is on vacation, con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio mall climbs tree in standoff for the days.

Barrio sancho clause permits up this year.

And finally, barrio turkey farm avoids the hood.

The last few years somehow and some where the barrio turkey farm use to drive its turkey truck through the hood in order to get them turkeys to market. But in those two years at least 350 turkeys have managed to escape their slaughter and made a run for it. This year, the constable and county and city and state officials have promise the turkey farm owner que all them turkeys will make it to market con the police escort it will provide. El constable told us que those animal advocates won’t disrupt this year thanksgiving like years before, I promise and cross my heart to die. Yea right.  

It seem that the economic is on an upswing compared to last year says el senor carlos Valdez the barrio city tax collector. He told us que sancho clause permits were up at least by 25 compared to last year. What that means says carlos is que we are going to have more barrio persons walking around the hood dress like santa clause taking xmas pictures, yea the ones you want to remember twenty years from now.  Yet, carlos did warn us to warn you que not all sancho clause have permits in hood , so you need to be very cautious with which sancho you go to.

El constable cadena y su barrio task force surround Pancho Lopez this pasted Saturday morning, who was wanted for stealing and much other stuff made a run for it and climbed the oldest tree in hood. After several days of trying to persuade him to come down, he finally surrendered yesterday. By the way el senor Mario Munoz the owner of the tree is thinking of suing the county and the constable’s office for damages done to his front lawn and the oldest tree, where several old branches were cut and haul off without his permission.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day, and remember que we don’t do shit half ass

hejola report for 05242018

Hejola report for 05242018

Cchwnn.

Once again here is alcardio samudio. Como estan todos mi raza today? We are doing great here in Kingsville, Texas the Mecca de conjunto music. Now for todays headline barrio news:

Maria la vandia being sued by cchwnn.

Rain forces homeless to move barrio community center.

And finally new barrio mall has an announcement on grand opening.

Yesterday afternoon we reported que a new barrio mall was going to open on sept 16. Well its official the owners of El Centro barrio trade center will officially open as announced. The new owners are Mrs. Maria Elena Salinas, Mrs. E. Jackson, and el senior Manuel Ruelas.  This new group is called los barrio investor associates. The Centro officials are asking our cyberspace friends if anyone is interested in opening a store or shop just to let us now for more details.

In other news, at our barrio community center opened its doors last night to at least 12 homeless folks that were forced to leave el barrio conjunto enchanted land camping site. Barrio officials tell us que they were forced to move due to the fact que the camping site was in violation of camping ground rules. Los vato locos volunteer firefighter, we are in charge of the center tell us que they will allow this homeless folks to stay there for a week. Pero they better not make mucho pero says one of los locos.

And finally our creator has gone and done it. He is going to take maria la vandia a former employee and barrio report to court. It seems que maria has gone to work for a new barrio weekly news services. Our creator tells us que maria is still under contract and has not ended her term here con cchwnn.  A court date is set for august sometime 2033.  Daniel our creator is really pissed and hope que he can write himself out of this one.

Well there you have it raza. Stay dry Houston and we will pray for all the sick people in the world. From our command post here at 623 west elle, I am alcardio samudio.

Posted by daniel at 8:05 AM No com

hejola report for 05212018

Hejola report for 05212018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

El compadre goes loco!

El compadre Juan Luna lost his chit yesterday afternoon. It seems que he invited his whole family of 8 to lunch at el patio restaurant and made sure that they all sat next to the street outside area. Well he told the family that he left his phone in his car and left the area. Well before you Mr. Luna got in his car and drove it into the area that his family member were sitting. Killing at least 6 off them. El constable tells us que we are in hard times and this is one is a perfect example off our the pressure many are living under, charges will be filed against him.

Barrio bash gets busted:

This weekend barrio bash was shut down after lots of police and constable raided the bash. The bust busted at least 25 persons, 7 dogs, 84 cats and who knows how many chickens. The are still no reports on why it was busted and who fingered them. More detail later but for now all the folks are still locked up.

And finally barrio taxi shut down:

Los Rose’s taxi services what shut down after the city had determine que the dogs that were pull the taxi wagon were not meeting the city animal standards. How can you expect a bunch of dogs to pull a wagon that only eat once a week to remain healthy says a barrio health department worker. Charges will be filed against the owners for animal abuse and charging too much for the taxi services.

Ok raza have a great day.

hejola report for 05182018

Hejola report for 05182018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx Como estan and I am Jonathon barrio your new host, bill Diaz is on assignment. 

Now for our hejola headline news:

Westinghouse barrio mall continues its leadership in la onda tejana.

Cchwnn has been declared the new Chicano movement.

And finally a brief report from our man David Duran on his second journey.

Now a few words for our vato on his second trip around the world, here is his documented report from Rome, Italy where he has been there for at least a month. Are you there David:

David: “ciao come siamo che facciamo, sono duran di david che segnala da Roma, Italia. è così posto historial uno dovrebbe vivere qui un tempo di vita per visitare tutti i relativi luoghi e la storia che ha casted circa noi la gente è grande e saremo qui un mese per vedere quanto possiamo imparare circa questo posto bello”.

Now a few words from our friend at the Westinghouse barrio mall Gloria Guerra.

Si  thank you Jonathon barrio. This week we will have la commadre boxing matches, at our taqucha barrio sports complexes the start of our barrio taqucha conjunto soccer season start Saturday and el barrio conjunto enchanted land theme park will have its summer series of conjunto award winners concerts. All this will be announced sooner or later, la voz del Westinghouse barrio mall newsletter and now back to Jonathon.

Thanks Gloria a great job out there at the mall pushing for la onda tejana. Now a political stand from our creator Daniel here is general fideo vermicelli.

Si our leader Daniel is a very bold man. He just got barred from a so-called Chicano site. Our posting their lead us to believe que muchos Chicanos is self-destructives. Such sites censor its memberships. It’s sad que not all agree with our posting on different site. We understand that and we encourage to just skip our chit.  Now, when we get barred from a website, where we have posted for at least 60 days and not one hit. Well we know that no one is interested. The only one it seems that is reading our news is the owner of this so-called Chicano site. He and he alone disagreed with one of our news coverage. He decides to call us up on it and calls us a bunch of drunks and tired of babysitting us. When in reality we are the only ones visiting that web site.

We declared que la onda Chicana will live forever. We declared que we trust and have always respected the owners ship of website that make themselves public when the start a message board. We declared que we alone will determine our future. We declared que we will love all our brothers and sister that are determined to make and keep la onda alive in wherever mention we use.

From our command post here in Kingsville tex. I am Jonathon barrios.

Your business is our business and my business is none of your business.

hejola report for 05182018

Hejola report for 05182018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, Texas. Hello once again I am Bill diaz con today’s award winning headline newssssssssssss;

Barrio man shot while pretending to be helping:

Yesterday late evening Mario Omar was arrested and shot at least 7 times with his own pellet gun after he tried to show sponsor to local law dogs during a drug bust. The only problem was that Mario didn’t realize it was his own home being raided! So as he tried to go inside his own home someone tripped him up and garbed his pellet gun and shot him at least 7 times. Drug charges and other charges will be filed against.

Shooting at the corner of third and wells:

Fireworks were part of the shooting that happen last night at that corner. Around three IN THE morning el constable asked to go to that corned because there was a lot of shooting go on there! Once he got there a few people were standing around shooting off fireworks left from last year. Charges will be filed against these persons.

And finally barrio man shot :

A barrio man was shot when he acted like he had some kind of weapon at least a few hundred times with a bb gun that another person used to stop him from showing his weapon. When the dust settled Ben Soliz was stopped cold on his tracks as he prepared to shoot off his own gun, by an elderly woman walking her dog. I knew I had to bring this bb gun one , knowing I would use.it one day!

Ok raza don’t wish for what you don’t need!

hejola report for 05162018.

Hejola report for 05162018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,Texas. Hello again I am David Duran better known as the barrio polar bear con today’s award winning barrio headline news;

Barrio donut eating winner arrested:

It seems que Juan sweet tooth Jones was this year’s donut eating  champion after eating over 27 donuts in less than 60 seconds. Keep in mind that this year’s donuts were donated by a whole bunch of donut shop in the hood. Well it’s just so happens that when ole Juan went on stage to get his prize one of the donut shop owners recognized him as the one that had robbed then last week.  He was arrested and was not allowed to keep the prize.

Big dogs eat little cats;

Yesterday afternoon the owners of several big dogs were arrested for allowing their dogs to eat some 12 kittens that were living next door. The owners of the dogs though it was funny watch them dogs eat those little kittens. The dogs were arrested and the owners were fined. No word on how long them dogs will be locked up!

And finally barrio prepared for father’s day!

Barrio law dogs are preparing for this year’s father’s day festivals! It seems like every year someone in the hood finds out who their real father is and all hell breaks loose. This year el constable Cadena encourage folks not to be giving folks any surprise or information about their real parents and try to doing on an off day like labor day or 4 of July.

Ok raza what is in your wallet!

hejola report for 05142018

Hejola report for 05142018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello como estan, I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Family Gomez took all the cookies, more for us?

Reunion of semi-pro baseball team.

And finally few tejanos pissed off.

Today was nothing different from other days, when we have single tejano’s and their supporters, not athletic supporter but individuals that drink from the cup pissed off when they were asked why  their  group was wanting to hold a secret gathering to determine the future of la onda tejana; which they felt they represented. Many in the hood told us que estos ways, hadn’t done nothing only benefit from their own ideology ideas and their needs only.  A special barrio meeting will be held to discuss this matter in 2033, make sure to attend this session, that’s if you are still alive.

This weekend will mark the 35^th anniversary that Los Amigos semi- pro baseball team last played.  This weekend these old goats will join together and will play against a team much older than they are. The team that has agreed to show up for this challenge has yet not mention, how many team members they will have to face Los Amigos. The team captain for  the challengers Benny Perez, age 87, say que he is really sure que his team will be there and has assure us que someone is going to get there butt whipped.   Good luck guys and make sure you bring your diaper and your will with you.    

  Yesterday la familia Gomez were arrested when they determine que they were only interested in their needs and not the rest of the hood. Its really sad, says el comparde Juan Perez, one of the families que didn’t get any cookies,  que esta familia, Gomez, took all the cookies from the cookie jar and didn’t leave any for the rest of us. This type of selfness is what cause us not have faith in bull shitter, wearing Tejano clothing.

Ok raza and to all los gringitos that have learn the game, have a great Tejano day way…

hejola report for 5102018

Hejola report for 05/102018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again my name is Bill Diaz con today’s award winning headline news:

Charges filed for flipping the finger at constable:

Alex Colin was charged and later released because he flipped the finger at constable cadena while eating breakfast at Juan’s taco stand. I was eating my taco when this pendejo drove by real slow and yelled at me and when I turned to see who it was, bang he just flipped me the finger says el constable cadena. I then dropped the taco and chased this vato down. Once he stopped the Mr. Colin, and arrested him , I notice that Colin Had his finger broken and was casted flipping his mid finger, so l released Mr. Colin. 

Bird lovers charged with feeding their cats:

The residents at the corner of third and wells felt there was something going on when they noticed that in the last few days fewer birds had been showing up to eat at their backyard bird feeders. Once the constable got there and sat around for a few hours watching some of the birds, both the owners and the constable noticed what the problem was. It seems that the residents had place the bird feeders too close to the ground and never thought that their 20 cats would be interested in eating them birds. Charges will be filed against the residents for harming poor little birds.

And finally, theory vs. reality conference held this past weekend.
The real discuss was how real can reality be when you are so broke and have no means of paying your bills vs. the fact that you had no money in the first place, then why buy stuff. That was the main topic this weekend conference on theory vs. reality. Many showed up thinking it was going to be easy to tell folks their problems and see how one could find the means to correction it. But many realized that their problems weren’t shit compared to other folk’s problems. There will be a follow up conferences in two years. 
Ok there you have it for today.

hejola report for 05082018

 hejola report for 05082018

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello again mi raza como estan, I am bill diaz con today’s award winning hejolia report.  But first of all what’s up with all this rain, it just tell me we might just get that big one this year. And now for that award winning headline news.

Fire smoke alarms drive back in the hood,

Three barrio members get honored.

And another barrio study looking for you.

El primo’s son Matthew Molina a graduate student, ranked 123 in his class of 123, at our local college has asked us to ask you barrio members if anyone was interested in a new study of obesity he is conducting. An was looking for several  large people he can test on and hoping to get a larger test groups results so his study can mean something. So if you are a large person wanting to make a large impact and one of the larger test groups please write to us a cchwnn@netscape.net. At large.

Three barrio members were honored last night at the local bingo house on the heroic effort they did in saving the lives of several old folks. Los tress reyes  brothers, harpoon, chango, y chingo we all honor on how they bravely the entered a burning home and save the older couple from burning, oh besides them ripping off a few things, the constable decided not to file charges against them. Dang it must be good to be a crack hea!!!.

And finally, its back and our loco volunteer firefighters will be out in the street again, this weekend looking for spare changes in order to purchase smoke alarms for every barrio home. They had almost reached their goal last year but that one party really messed it up in which they ate about 20 packs of instant popcorn, ear marked for fire home alarm.

Oh  if you hadn’t realize that our locos had decided several years ago that instant popcorn packages were being used as smoke alarms. You see, they  fiqure que if the popping don’t wake your butt  up,  the smell would. So if you see those vatos at the corner of your barrio street, hey go ahead and drop a few coins and save a life.

Well there you have it folks I am bill diaz an have a great day.

barrio stock market report for 05072018

Barrio  stock market report for 05072018.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, tx. Hello guys, I am Urbano Yosabatodo, how are we doing. For those who say that the worse is yet to come, well it’s already out and we all just have to be more wishful than watchful. Usually, news like this is a reason one buys and sells barrio stocks. This sector is notoriously cyclical because high prices compared to previous years, has lead us to believe that farmers have to increase their production of corn, soy beans, hogs or chicken in the future.

The only problem with this is that the increased production becomes over production, which of course crushing prices and profits for all farmers and their stocks. I am sure we still do, but did you know that our government at one time paid farmers not to plant and avoid overproduction that would have forced farmers to cut back on production. So in turn we the consumers have to pay more, while in time the farmer’s production cuts turn into shortage that drives up farm good prices and of course farm profits.  And then, the cycle starts again.

So you see we will never win this game of prices and goods. All we have to do is just be prepared to pay more or less. We usually don’t ask too many questions at the story. Folks in the hood are so use to paying for stuff we need regardless if it’s more or less. Regardless of recession, depression, or oppression, it makes no difference  we just pay for it.

But for now let’s get to that award winning barrio stock market report:

Los taquitos stable from last week, ended the week at $1.75 each, coffee is extra. But could go up.

Los tamales are on a steady increase, which we noticed a few weeks ago, but took a dive up down this week,  ended the week at $7.00 a dozen.

Las tortillas, are beyond prediction, but for sure the price is going up. Las tortillas $1.75 a pack. Think corn tortillas? Yea.

La barbacoa de caberas remained stable, ended the week at bit higher compared to last week, $9.00 a lb. llama barbeque at $2.50 lbs. it’s the solution.

Las empanadas are on a roll now , and their prices are sky high, las empanadas took an increase ending the week at $.89 each. Pesse hejola.

Cheap beer is cheaper somewhere else. A 16 oz. is steady at $5.99 real good. But we predict to remain stable for the rest of the quarter year.

Barrio realtors:

#4598- for sale easter chickens and ducks, some still have color on them. Make bit for the flock.

#9876- used tires for sale all sizes, must make appointment to determine what size. 

Ok folks there you have it have a great Tejano day.

hejola report for 05042018

Hejolia report for 05042018
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, texas. Hello I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
Vato beat up with his plastic leg.
Man and woman arrested for dressing like a man and a woman.
And finally some good news.

This year the youth all stars were informed that the district had decided to use umpires for the all stars that hadn’t call all year, the district dire...ctor told the group of coaches and parents, let just have fun and to never mind the baseball rules.

Two persons were arrested at the only Tejano gay bar “two tons of fun” last night when they went in the wrong bathroom, the owners of the bar have had this problem before and thought that they had corrected this matter, but it seems that they hadn’t. Well one thing was the man was dress like a woman and the woman he was with was dressed like a man. So some how they got it mixed up and well went into the wrong rest room and got arrested. Charges will be filled.

Yesterday el constable was asked to come to the corner of third and wells where a man with only one leg had gotten beat up. When the constable got there he found Jesse Ventura knocked out and lying in the middle of the street next to his plastic leg. The constable told us que this is the same man that had lost his leg before and found it when he fell in a ditch a few months ago. Once the man came around he told the constable que it was the same three men who stole his leg before that beat him up with this darn leg. If you know anything about this butt kicking let us know.
Have a great day.

hejola report for 05012018.

Hejola report for 05012018
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Once again I am bill Diaz con today barrio headline news. Well it’s like every year mothers brings the best of everyone. Yea. Now for barrio headline news:
Barrio 811 emergency calls place on hold.

22 arrested yesterday CINCO DE MAYO fest.
Two ways to love your mother.

Well base on a mothers day survey we took there are only two way.
Base on the results of our mothers day survey, it seems there are only two ways to really love your mother, either by visiting here for several hours or giving her ten bucks an stay for ten minutes, that was the results of this study. Oh yea after we interviews ten barrio members, we determined que this two finds were very important to many.

Well if you though that CINCO DE MAYO FEST, WAS A DAY of rest will your freaking wrong. Out of the 22 arrests made yesterday 15 were mothers who took it on their own to start shit all over. From fighting at a backyard barbeque to breaking window at the local bar, that is what el constable cadena told us yesterday. Oh yea it was a better year this year compared to other years where mothers for some reason or another took their frustrations out. 

And finally, It seems that if you would have had an emergency and called the barrio emergency call hotline this passed mother’s day, you would have put on hold due to all el pedo going on in the hood. It seems que so much shit was going on que all lines were busy for at least 3 hours, starting around 6pm to around 1159 pm, based on la commadre who is in charge of this services. She told us que it seemed que someone opened the flood gates.
Well there you have it for today, counting down towards tejano roots, this could be our year.