hejola report for 10152012

 

Hejola report for 10152012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again I am bill diaz con our award winning barrio headline news:

City turns off residents’ water living on the corner of third and wells.

Ten ugly campaign posters damaged.

Barrio politics gets ugly.

You know when hard times hits the hood, when the city is forced to shut off a whole block of water to its residents due to the fact que they had paid their water bill. El constable was called to see what the problem was and once he got word que the whole block had failed to pay its bill he didn’t think it was worth his time to investigate. Until he realized que he was one of those residents. We asked him about this matter and he responded by saying que the check was in the mail.

El constable cadena was called out yesterday afternoon when a candidate told him que some one had poured hot chili pepper sauces on some of his campaign posters, and printed ugly words on them. The constable couldn’t quite tell us what those ugly words were because they didn’t know how to spell the words the candidate thought they said.

Yesterday was the first debate between esta vato loco y one of the few white folks living in the hood Russell Rufus redneck, who both are running for barrio city representative. The debate got a bit ugly when Russell accused esta vato loco for being stone at the debate, but esta vato loco held his ground when he told the crowd que “ Russell Rufus redneck was ugly and his mama says his ugly, he don’t need on a liable he was just ugly”. Well that didn’t go well with Russell so he rebuttal by says “you can kiss my grit”. At the end of the debate both men went their separate ways.

Ok raza have a great day.

Hejola report for 10102012.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville, TX. Hello again General fideo vermicelli con today’s award winning barrio headline news;
El barrio hit with a new British Colonialism.
Trickle-down economics might not be the answer, says es vato loco.
And now so good news.
We finally found out why our water bill was so freaking high. It seems que the folks living in front of our home who we share the bill with didn’t notice que their water heater had rusted the bottom out and running water ran freely for about several months. The bill this month was almost $900 dollars. The good news is que they, the city has not shut it down yet, but are willing to work with us on that bill, but wont until we show proof que we fixed the water heater, ching.. a
Yesterday at a local tavern some persons were discussing the issue of wages and labor force in the hood. At the end of the discussion this reporter felt que a new era for the working class. The idea of a New British Colonialism has been able to make its way into the hood by seeking to produce a low wage labor force here in the barrio, by defeating some barrio unions, and for sure not providing enough healthcare­, depleting worker rights at some taco stands, rolling back regulation­, minimizing or doing away with corporate tax obligation­...in other words defeating the middle class, which we find ourselves not even part off.
And finally, last night at a political rally, es vato loco who is running for barrio representive tried to explain to a handful of locos que we should not fall into this thing called"Trickle-down economics". He pointed out que "the trickle-down theory" is a terms used now a days, to describe the idea that tax breaks or other economic benefits provided by government to businesses and the wealthy will benefit poorer members of society by improving the economy as a whole. He also mention que a famous person Will Rogers once said trickle down economics meant "money was all appropriated for the top in hopes that it would trickle down to the needy, was the whole idea behind that statement. In addition, esta vato loco pointed out que the only thing we have to look up too is cheaper beer and hope to make it to the next pay check.
Ok raza have a great day

hejola report for 10092012

 

Hejola report for 10092012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, texas. Hello again I am bill diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:

Bath salt hits the hood.

Fake Barrio police officer demands free tacos.

And finally praying didn’t help.

Last night after leaving a gay Tejano bar two vato’s  named Joe Perez y Jose Perez were arrested for DWI. As they sat in the back seat of el constable car while he the constable searched their own car, both vato’s it was reported que were touching hands  and quietly begging the divine intervention that the guns in their car wouldn’t be found. Once the constable spotted the guns, he decided to strip search the two and revealed a baggie of suspected bath salt in one of Perez pockets. Both were arrested.

In other news ,Yesterday a record breaking arrested occurred right inside the Barrio church. It seems que el constable cadena was real busy arresting several barrio members that purchased the bath salt to get high. El constable told us que at least three church goers were high on that bath salt and interrupted church services.  In one occasion one of the barrio members on that bath salt was holding a knife in the air and wanted to talk to god. All three were arrested and taken to lalala land hospital for observation.

 And finally, El shorty Jimenez aka Deputy Dog was arrested by el constable and some real cops from the other side of the tracks when he was reported by some employees of a barrio taco stand told us que Deputy dog wanted some free tacos and a drink and a cup of coffee, and some donuts to go.  The workers call the constable cadena and when he showed up El Shorty was still parked inside the parking lot.  He was arrested and authorities found two fake police badges and a extra plastic handgun. He will be charged with impersonating a police officer and improper exhibition of a firearm and a bill for all the stuff he ate.

Ok raza you better watch out and you better not cry because sancho clause is coming to town.

hejola report for 10082012

Hejola report for 10082012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello again mi raza, question of the day can we save big bird? And now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Barrio man claims sex victory.

Yesterday el senor Mario Munoz was awarded the more sexist man in the hood.

Vato declared que he was the smartest man in the room, until some else walked in.

And again city leaders and county leaders denied softly DWI law.

It seems that a certain church in our city was denied again, a request to open a church on this side of the tracks because they felt que their priest might get caught driving within intoxicated. All we way says a church leader is for the city and county law dogs to give us a small break. The fear was que the church felt que their presit might have too much of a work load one day and might not making back to the other side of the tracks. The official told them to bring a tent and camp over if they felt too drunk to drive.

 

Ben torres was arrested for talking to himself during lunch at the local church hall way. He declared out loud, someone said que he was the smartest man in the room, until we all walked in on him. After a few minutes of trying to rethink his statement he was arrested for trespassing by el constable cadena.

It took some courage but he was able to win this year’s less sexist man in the hood for the seven year in a row. Mario Munoz, now around 85 had told many folks in the hood que he was the only man in hood not having sex. After some research we found why? que esta ven feyo.

Ok raza bye for now.

barrio stock market report for 10052012

Barrio stock market report for 10052012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville,tx. Hello raza I am urbano yosabatodo con today’s award winning barrio stock market report, but first we want all the children in the hood que we are going to try our very hardest to save BIG BIRD..my god how in the world can we make up so much loot by cutting this type of educational service.

 

Oh well now for that report

:ONCE again here is urbano, como estan todos mi big spenders? While other stock exchanges and dealers are free to trade con those listed stocks, in practice, brokerage firms route most of their orders to that other exchange. But for best execution at the best price here en el barrio, our barrio stock market has been rated number one by some big ass spenders here in the hood.

 

As the data throughout this section shows, the barrio stock market  continually provides the best prices, the most liquidity, the lowest trading costs, the lowest volatility and excellent transaction speed and certainty in our hood, how about yours?

 

 

 

Los taquitos:

 

La familia Gonzales owners of las tortillas del hood announced a  jointly  efforts to strengthen making of taquitos and will improve its research analysts and initial public offerings. These initiatives are in support of a new joint regulatory initiative among the still existing taco stands and those that make taquitos at home. El barrio Exchange Commission has  address these critical areas before. Los taquitos were down this week at $1.10 each and coffee is extra.

 

Los tamales:

 

This week it was announced by our own barrio tamale broker manuel Gonzales que we will be seeing some major changes inside el tamale world. With the decrease of corn leaves and a mild summer their should really be no major concerning concerning this matter. Los tamales ended the week at $5.00 a dozen a bit lower than a few weeks ago.

 

Las empanadas:

 

El barrio community gardens will hold its annual barrio meeting at our community center this weekend to discuss this winters cropies and how much our their products will be used this coming xmas and new years. Its easy to say que they the makers of las empanadas are willing to use our product but  are they willing to pay the price. Las empandas  are more filling than before which was a great victory for los barrio consumers. Las empanadas ended the week at all high $.75 cents each.

 

La barbacoa de cabazea:

 

Well since the creation of several llama farms and the increase of feral hogs, many barrio farmers had dropped their concerns con esa mad hog and cow diseases muchos de los barrio members have really cut down on eating barbacoa de cabazea.  La barbaco ended the week at an all time high of $6.50 a lbs.

 

Las tortillas:

 

Wow man have you seen the price of this circular produce. My god tortillas have gone up so high on price que many are wondering if the modern chicana is going back to the old days of making their own tortillas at home. Las tortillas ended the week at all time high of $1.35 a dozen. Pesse hejola.

 

Cheap beer:

 

Well since football season is back and los cowboys have been winning some games muchos store owners tell us que they are selling beer likes its going out of style. Cheap beer ended the week at $2.95 a six pack.

 

 

Well raza their you have it for today, I am urbano yosabatodo. Have a great tejano day.

hejola report for 10022012

Hejola report for 10022012.

Cchwnn.

Kingsville, TX. Hello again David Duran here Bill Diaz is on vacation. Now for our award winning barrio headline news:

Vato wins Popeye’s contest.

Barrio bingo winner detained after winning all seven bingo games in one night.

And finally, inside barrio hunting lease found illegal.

Yesterday la commadre Josefina Zamora Lopez was arrested for illegal hunting lease inside the hood. Now here is what she was doing, that was illegal. She has about 10 city lots inside the barrio that attracts chingos de white wing doves and other legal hunting birds such as turkeys, lots of quails, and some rare pheasants. Now the way they were bagging them was she wouldn’t allow hunter with real guns so she handout large butterfly nets. The paided hunters would lay out somewhere in her back lots and would use their giant nets to catch them birds. Later the hunters would tag them and la commadre would kill them and dress them birds clean for a small fee. Charges will be filed by the barrio department of wild animals in the hood.

El vato Juan Perez was declared the winner of this year’s Popeye’s contest. This is the third time we have held this contest says the contest organizer. It’s just fair to say que people con big eyes should be given some kind of award.  Please note that this contest is only for looks not if they can see well than others. El vato Perez was given a free eye test and dinner for two or three depending on how you look at it.

It seemed odd that a person can win one bingo game during the night, but to win all seven games in one night brought a red flag to the local bingo house authorities last night. Benny Nava, age 58, was taken in for questioning after it was reported to el constable and bingo officials from across the tracks que he had won all seven bingo games in one night: 100 dollar regular bingo, 300 dollar small frame bingo, 100 dollars regular bingo, 700 dollar black out bingo, 300 dollar four corner bingo, 400 letter L bingo, and finally, the 700 dollar letter X bingo. El constable told us que chinga its king of rare que someone has that kind of luck.

Ok raza have a great Tejano day.

Hejola report for 10012012

Cchwnn.

Kingsville. Tx. First of all I am bill Diaz an back from assignment, I want to wish Daniel Lopez a happy 61^th birthday. Keep it up dude, if you can. Now for our a award winning barrio headline news.

 

Increase of Canadian weed storms the barrio.

Barrio dude admits stealing women shoes.

And finally, y la commadre gives birth to a twenty pound girl.

La family canals  Gomez  were real excited yesterday afternoon when la commadre Pat Henderson Gomez gave birth to their baby girl Julie H. Gomez who weighed in at 20 lbs.  The folks at the st.paul’s medical center couldn’t believe it.  Oh yea says el medico Garza que esta girl is a big one.  La family Canals Gomez are looking for donation to help pay for this birth.

In other news el senor juan villa was arrested again for stealing women’s shoes. This is the fifth time we bust this guy in the last two years for stealing shoes. Mr. Villa is a volunteer worker at some schools and has access to lots of girl’s lockers. Besides that Mr. Villa was caught last year con chingos de women shoes, he had said he found, but really stole from several garage sales. His court date sometime 2033, and for now no bond issued for him, for his own safety.

And finally el constable cadena made the bust of the year when he pulled over a winter Texan for speeding. Once the constable was allowed check the vehicle, he found over 30 pounds of Canadian weed. Someone asked the constable how did he know it was Canadian weed, he remarked que he has seen a picture of it on some doper magazine. The two winter Texans George and Martha g. Robinson were taken to jail across the tracks. Charges are pending due to make sure it was Canadian weed. The constable tells us que he needs some time to make sure its from Canada.

 

Well folks there you have it for today and have a great tejano day.