hejola report for 09082011

Hejola report for 09082011.
Cchwnn.
Kingsville,tx. Hello again raza, I am Bill Diaz con today’s award winning barrio headline news:
An increase of rescues this past weekend for los vato’s locos.
Legal action against Ben Blanco.
And finally, barrio robbery gone wrong.
El gun shop at the corner of third and wells was being robbed by an unidentified barrio man ( chuy Garcia) when he tried to distract the clerk by laying a $40 on the counter to buy a box of bullets, then pulled a gun and demanding all the shop money. Well the shop clerk thwarted the robbery by pulling his own gun ( of course since it was a gun shop) and scaring the robber off, while leaving his $40 behind. The shop owner told us what a great tip. No charges will be filed.
El senor Manuel Diaz, lawyer for Ben Blanco, admitted to justice of the peace el ojo barrio private eye, que his client Blanco did things that were abhorrent, sick and creepy but didn’t make him a criminal. Blanco had been charged with two felonies for his counseling depressed barrio members on line con techniques and virtues of suicides. For example he recommended positioning for a noose to an ill barrio member who hanged himself a week later. Sentencing is still pending.

In other news: Los vato loco’s volunteer firefighters reporter to us that this weekend they got a large number of calls for rescues in the hood:
9: 00 am. Los volunteers answered a 918 call where they rescued a 87 year old woman after spending at least 5 days stuck in her special toilet. After several hours of pushing and pulling they managed to carry her with a portion of the toilet still stuck tightly to her body. She was taken to St. Pauls medical center for additional care.
1:00pm. Los vato loco’s were called to the corner of third and wells street where a senior man age 79 was rescued after he got his left testicle caught in a toilet seat at a public bathroom.
3:00pm. Los vatos loco’s answer a call from la commadre Joanna Banana after she reported que her pet cat was stuck on top of a telephone pole. Once the loco’s got there they managed to knock the cat down by throwing empty beer cans and rocks at it. The cat fell off the pole landing on top of a bare wired fence, cutting the cat in half. The loco’s tried to super glue the poor little cat together before la commadre came out to see how it was going. No charges will be filed. Oh by the way the cat did survived the fall, but died later for blood poisoning from the glue and internal bleeding.
All right raza have a great day.